True Stroy (ladies please help)
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Newbie to SgForums, think I was involved with an ugly argument today which concludes to something that I would like to share with you.
Girlfriend,
What we will be like with them,
What will we like without them?
Please do not get me wrong I am a grown up adult nearing 30, I feel horrible today so thinking of penning it down.
True Story
This is my goal since I was 16, I admitted I was a ugly chap then gals saw me as a very good friend this broke my heart. During the whole of that time I indulge in food, so much that I weight a good 150kg.
Things were just not looking my way, I was called up for NS and all small hope of GFs are bashed. The day I was enlisted I saw many of my peers with GF sending them off, I was of course jealous course I admitted I was only fat but I still ok why I am deprived of a GF?
During the parents visiting day I was again very depressed because I long for a GF, this I made up my mind that I would change.
I train very hard during my NS and yes I drop to a good healthy level of 75kg (I stand at 1.92m), slim and tall with lots of lean meat. I was an appeal to most ladies during that time, had lots of flings then I met her.....
She was not very beautiful at first sight, she is innocent and I admitted my first intention is to cheat her.
Things begin and I was getting more and more fond of her, and then came back the part of fling. I lost her a total of 2 times for 3 years together, all of these 2 times is my fault which I cannot blame anyone.
I move to China in the hope of forgetting this horrible sin that I have created to start another new me then I met another mate of my life (that is 6 months after the mouring), yes she is a Chinese (someone told me never to trust a Chinese). I have been thinking a lot of things people tell me, telling me how blissful is marriage life, how nice it is to have children and how nice it is to renovate the house to your own liking.
I yearn for a good family since age of 25, I have been out in the field for more than 14 years. I have tried almost every guyÂ’s weirdest fantasy, but none can satisfy me anymore I yearn for a quiet life.
I realized I have to start something, most of my peers or pals have settled down got their flat (every time I went back to Singapore they would invite me to show off their trophy to me) and their children have grown.
I started planning for a marriage with my current GF of 2 years, I admit I spend every cent I earn and did not even save any money for the whole of my life. I started saving and within months I managed to save up SGD$10k (yes expiates do earn that kind of figure overseas), but I needed more time more time to prepare to built my master piece.
The figure the everything that I dream of is coming, then came the crush of my life. My GF of 2 years finally told me that she does not like my job, my job does require me to go for entertainment and traveling is part of my job but seriously I am no longer interested in commercial sex or anything to do with that kind of thing.
She does not like guys in Sales, I have explained that I am not educated and I need all these to survive and to crave out my career path.
What we will be like with them?
Of course telling my truth story has a part because these parts are something that I have gone through, just bear with me for a while.
If you are not career minded, then having a family is not a problem because they will not hinder your ways to get successful. I am a highly paid sales man and my job is to sell and entertain, since this is the case I have my job to consider too.
It is the truth that some men have the utmost support of women when they got married but most of them did not have a choice anymore, if they do not strive out they will stand to be jobless.
So is it hindering or left with no choice? I leave it to the audience to believe and think for them.
What will we be without them?
I believe that without women (not that I do not like them anymore) my life will be more carefree, I can concentrate more on my job, I can do more with my time (learn golfing, fishing and riding) and get to know more friends of different gender.
Q: I will be lonely at times.
A: Yes but that time will be short consider the things you will be learning.
Q: I have my needs.
A: There is such a thing as paid sex.
Q: I want to settle down.
A: Can but do you want to suffer endless quarrel because of money? I know I am prepared to get shot by a lot of females out here but I stand my ground, MONEY is the root to all evils. Also who is going to help pay for that 4-room house? The renovation? The Electricity bill? The Phone bill? The grocery bill? The furniture? Etc, Etc, Etc......
I am now driven by decision and does she not understand? I have to face so much probelm with my factory people going to war everyday and she has to pick a quarrel with me over my job?
All of my cheonging kakis know that I have change so much, I do not ogoole at girls, I do not seen interested the least bit in beautiful ladies beside my future wife and lastly I did not even try anything funny for 2 years with her.
She already knows that I know the feeling of pain already so is there a need to?
Any ladies here to give suggestions?
With warmest regards,
Oak -
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Aren't there a single kind lady here willing to help this poor chap?
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Ask her who is going to pay for everything and put food on the table if she wants you to quit your job.
Ask her if she is willing to pay the majority of bills if you are not doing it.
Ask her if she is willing to give up her current lifestyle.
Ask her if she still wants a lavish wedding if you quit your job
Tell her to stop asking you to quit your job as it is providing her for all of the above
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she is not suittable for you.
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he called for ladies...
Mc walk out... -
I get what you guys mean, but put it simply I do not wish to make the same mistake that I made during my teenage years. something that I still have nightmare over with.
I been yearning for a time to start a family of mine, something that I wanted to call home. I have been planning for the past 6 months have been pushed to the drain, something that I am looking forward to.
I now have try to make a choice on my job or my family, which at times make me ponder over if it is worth it. Sometimes I envy those successful business man with a good lady supporting them over the years, the kids the family the everything they have. Yes they do have bitter timing but what can beat the odds of returning home to a nice family?
My friend did have a advice for me, he told me before if that woman is brothering him too much in his career he will sack her immediatly without giving her any notice. That guy is rich and yes he is the boss son that is why all these matters alot to him.
For me I always believe money is the roots of all problems, without money there will be quarrel, there will be screaming, there will be fighting and at times all these lead to murder.
I have a foul temper and I also know it is wrong to start hitting a woman but when you have gone mad with stress and pressure than everything is possible. I told her I have stress and is facing a lot of pressure with work the next moment she will start saying why must I everytime say these to her making her feel brothered?
Correct me if I wrong but I thought relationship is to share the good and bad times togather? I cannot be running to my parents or friends to tell them that right? I only can find them out for a drink, eat and maybe sing to forget everything.
I now have a strong urge to ask her to leave but at the same time I am afraid of wrong decision, some thing that will be back to huant me.
I appeal to ladies of the forum to try to give their views that is why I wrote so much, maybe too much until they are lazy to read...
Anyway thanks for the reply... -
Sounds so 'AA'...
Yet...? -
On the highlighted,Originally posted by oakleyeug:I get what you guys mean, but put it simply I do not wish to make the same mistake that I made during my teenage years. something that I still have nightmare over with.
I been yearning for a time to start a family of mine, something that I wanted to call home. I have been planning for the past 6 months have been pushed to the drain, something that I am looking forward to.
I now have try to make a choice on my job or my family, which at times make me ponder over if it is worth it. Sometimes I envy those successful business man with a good lady supporting them over the years, the kids the family the everything they have. Yes they do have bitter timing but what can beat the odds of returning home to a nice family?
My friend did have a advice for me, he told me before if that woman is brothering him too much in his career he will sack her immediatly without giving her any notice. That guy is rich and yes he is the boss son that is why all these matters alot to him.
For me I always believe money is the roots of all problems, without money there will be quarrel, there will be screaming, there will be fighting and at times all these lead to murder.
I have a foul temper and I also know it is wrong to start hitting a woman but when you have gone mad with stress and pressure than everything is possible. I told her I have stress and is facing a lot of pressure with work the next moment she will start saying why must I everytime say these to her making her feel brothered?
Correct me if I wrong but I thought relationship is to share the good and bad times togather? I cannot be running to my parents or friends to tell them that right? I only can find them out for a drink, eat and maybe sing to forget everything.
I now have a strong urge to ask her to leave but at the same time I am afraid of wrong decision, some thing that will be back to huant me.
I appeal to ladies of the forum to try to give their views that is why I wrote so much, maybe too much until they are lazy to read...
Anyway thanks for the reply...
You'll not be wrong making that decision.
You want marry her not because you can't live without her. But because of your past failures.
In fact, who you are now is the result of your experiences in the past.
I encourage you to take courage and make that decision.
Cheers -
yet....???Originally posted by Devil1976:Sounds so 'AA'...
Yet...?
(MC anticipates the next line)
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i agree with u.Originally posted by Ah Cek:she is not suittable for you.
this type of girl won't go through thin and thick with u. -
I do understand the fact of these, I have a feeling this is going to be tough again another route that I think is tattoo to me. I have very strong belief on relationship and always believe in trusting each other till the end, seems like a lot of these are fantasy.
I tried to break off for a few times but all these time I am getting nowhere, I have a tough decision to make always. Things are not too smooth in my job now and I am changing to another one next week but the distance is like Jurong to changi in Singapore, I will also need to camp in in the factory to revamp the structure. After hearing this she don agree anymore with the changing of my job, she told me too far blar blar blar...
I need to really think of something out fast otherwise this is going to get out of hand soon. That is why I need to hear the ladies view on this story, what they felt and how they felt if their boyfriend or future hubby is like that. -
As a lady I have already replied:Originally posted by oakleyeug:I do understand the fact of these, I have a feeling this is going to be tough again another route that I think is tattoo to me. I have very strong belief on relationship and always believe in trusting each other till the end, seems like a lot of these are fantasy.
I tried to break off for a few times but all these time I am getting nowhere, I have a tough decision to make always. Things are not too smooth in my job now and I am changing to another one next week but the distance is like Jurong to changi in Singapore, I will also need to camp in in the factory to revamp the structure. After hearing this she don agree anymore with the changing of my job, she told me too far blar blar blar...
I need to really think of something out fast otherwise this is going to get out of hand soon. That is why I need to hear the ladies view on this story, what they felt and how they felt if their boyfriend or future hubby is like that.
Ask her who is going to pay for everything and put food on the table if she wants you to quit your job.
Ask her if she is willing to pay the majority of bills if you are not doing it.
Ask her if she is willing to give up her current lifestyle.
Ask her if she still wants a lavish wedding if you quit your job
Tell her to stop asking you to quit your job as it is providing her for all of the above
Anyway, I think that she will not stick through thick and thin for you since you need to babysit her by being by her side all the time Seriously, don't you find it stifling?
Plus, you can't be by your side all the time. I don't mind if my hubby has to be away for long periods of time as long as he remains true to me. Anyway, his job schedule now means I only see him on alternate week -
If you really have to break off with her, then do it. She doesn't sound like one who is really concerned about you. Changing of jobs is very common in this kind of economy.Originally posted by oakleyeug:I do understand the fact of these, I have a feeling this is going to be tough again another route that I think is tattoo to me. I have very strong belief on relationship and always believe in trusting each other till the end, seems like a lot of these are fantasy.
I tried to break off for a few times but all these time I am getting nowhere, I have a tough decision to make always. Things are not too smooth in my job now and I am changing to another one next week but the distance is like Jurong to changi in Singapore, I will also need to camp in in the factory to revamp the structure. After hearing this she don agree anymore with the changing of my job, she told me too far blar blar blar...
I need to really think of something out fast otherwise this is going to get out of hand soon. That is why I need to hear the ladies view on this story, what they felt and how they felt if their boyfriend or future hubby is like that.
Well, if you can't bear to leave her, both of you have to reach a compromise somewhere. Meet out, have a good talk with her. -
u got very long story... but anyway, if she got problem with ur rice bowl, sort it out... if she still cannot take it, i suggest to really leave her and get a gal who can accept the life u got... no need to go into such pain jz for her and suffer later cos u will be out of job...Originally posted by oakleyeug:Newbie to SgForums, think I was involved with an ugly argument today which concludes to something that I would like to share with you.
Girlfriend,
What we will be like with them,
What will we like without them?
Please do not get me wrong I am a grown up adult nearing 30, I feel horrible today so thinking of penning it down.
......
Any ladies here to give suggestions?
With warmest regards,
Oak -
oakleyeug
Dump the girl. She's no good for you.
You're not wrong in wanting to start a family but you haven't found the right girl yet. Take your time to find her, you can't hurry love; older men can be successful dads. In the meantime do plan ahead financially for the family.
With regards to your job nature, you will have to find a woman who is secure enough in herself not to be crazily suspicious. However if possible try not to go overboard when it comes to wine and entertainment. While one can be very tolerant , your mate deserves respect and deserves to feel safe with you .
The shining examples of men who have it all - great career, great wife and kids... sometimes you have to delve deeper to see what each of them puts up with to stay together. And believe me, they put up with ALOT, there is sacrifice, it's never as perfect as it looks .
It takes plenty of hard work from both parties for a marriage to be successful. This means that while you expect your woman to be understanding and supportive, you will have to put in effort to build trust and reassure her. Just giving the standard explanation that Work Comes First Always will not be enough. Look at it this way - maintaining a relationship IS work - it requires time and effort, just like your job. -
Originally posted by elindra:
Man is strange, when you do not treasure a relationship the lady love you like crazy then if you treasure it the lady take it for granted. Maybe my upbringing taught me that ladies are meant to be love not MAKING LOVE WITH, I come from close knit family and always believe in loving. Things just turn for the better after that horrible nightmare then I start to really know what love is.
Anyway, I think that she will not stick through thick and thin for you since you need to babysit her by being by her side all the time Seriously, don't you find it stifling?
Plus, you can't be by your side all the time. I don't mind if my hubby has to be away for long periods of time as long as he remains true to me. Anyway, his job schedule now means I only see him on alternate week
I pushed away jobs (for myself) that is good for my future just to stay near her (I in Shenzhen but job is in Shanghai), I feel that I have done it for you already what more do you want? If I change to Shanghai it will not be alternate week it will be like every major holiday only. -
Originally posted by choco B:oakleyeug
You're not wrong in wanting to start a family but you haven't found the right girl yet. Take your time to find her, you can't hurry love; older men can be successful dads. In the meantime do plan ahead financially for the family. [/quote]
I have a few live example of a successful dad, he is 50 years old and have 2 kids aging 1 to 5 years old. Finanically he is stable and he lives in condo and stuff like that. How stable is stable? Saving of 10k 200k is consider as? Sorry but maybe I still not too sure on all these terms not meant as a rude remark but as a question.
The thing is I want to be near my children age gap, I want to be able to chase after them when they play, I want to catch them when they fall and I want to see them success before I lay there for my eternal sleep.Originally posted by choco B:With regards to your job nature, you will have to find a woman who is secure enough in herself not to be crazily suspicious. However if possible try not to go overboard when it comes to wine and entertainment. While one can be very tolerant , your mate deserves respect and deserves to feel safe with you .
I do agree on this wine and entertainment subject, the worst is my entertainment is restricted to only twice every month. I did not think I overdo it and worse is in China this is a way to do business too and she knows it.
I have a couple of friends also in sales but their entertainment is like max must drink for 23 days, least is 15. Yes I admit when I first started out in China I am like that but now most of my customers are friends they do not normally ask me for drinks unless they have something to celebrate (promotion, rise and etc).Originally posted by choco B:The shining examples of men who have it all - great career, great wife and kids... sometimes you have to delve deeper to see what each of them puts up with to stay together. And believe me, they put up with ALOT, there is sacrifice, it's never as perfect as it looks .
True only the good side is shown.
[quote]Originally posted by choco B:It takes plenty of hard work from both parties for a marriage to be successful. This means that while you expect your woman to be understanding and supportive, you will have to put in effort to build trust and reassure her. Just giving the standard explanation that Work Comes First Always will not be enough. Look at it this way - maintaining a relationship IS work - it requires time and effort, just like your job.
But can I ask from the exprience what does it takes to bulit something that I strive so hard for? Something that I thought is good? -
Actually if she wanted she can move over with youOriginally posted by oakleyeug:Man is strange, when you do not treasure a relationship the lady love you like crazy then if you treasure it the lady take it for granted. Maybe my upbringing taught me that ladies are meant to be love not MAKING LOVE WITH, I come from close knit family and always believe in loving. Things just turn for the better after that horrible nightmare then I start to really know what love is.
I pushed away jobs (for myself) that is good for my future just to stay near her (I in Shenzhen but job is in Shanghai), I feel that I have done it for you already what more do you want? If I change to Shanghai it will not be alternate week it will be like every major holiday only.
Seriously, from what you say she doesn't seem to be the one. Think you should let it go
You can't give in all the time or she will just take you for granted
What's more, this is your rice bowl -
The reason why she refuse to move with me is because she is working in a MNC as project Manager, pay wise is considered high among the China man.Originally posted by elindra:Actually if she wanted she can move over with you
Seriously, from what you say she doesn't seem to be the one. Think you should let it go
You can't give in all the time or she will just take you for granted
What's more, this is your rice bowl
Many Thanks Elindra, I think you offer some real good direction to me. I just need to really stand firm get over with this shit and leave. -
Yeah so if you leave your job, you will have to live off her and listen to her beck and callOriginally posted by oakleyeug:The reason why she refuse to move with me is because she is working in a MNC as project Manager, pay wise is considered high among the China man.
Many Thanks Elindra, I think you offer some real good direction to me. I just need to really stand firm get over with this shit and leave.
Anyway, I think you have done enough sacrifices, plus for true love, distance is not a problem
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I believe I will not do that, the situation is pretty sticky for all of us at the moment that is why I chose to see what are the ladies view on these. I choose to write here is also because this is a SG forum where gals are known to be materialistics (this is written all over the forum and yes I am a Singaporean), do not get me wrong I am not trying to classified anyone need to see if she can be catergise under materlistic.Originally posted by elindra:Yeah so if you leave your job, you will have to live off her and listen to her beck and call
Anyway, I think you have done enough sacrifices, plus for true love, distance is not a problem
If she is then I believe I have make a choice. -
There is a difference between materialistic and pragmaticOriginally posted by oakleyeug:I believe I will not do that, the situation is pretty sticky for all of us at the moment that is why I chose to see what are the ladies view on these. I choose to write here is also because this is a SG forum where gals are known to be materialistics (this is written all over the forum and yes I am a Singaporean), do not get me wrong I am not trying to classified anyone need to see if she can be catergise under materlistic.
If she is then I believe I have make a choice.
Some SG girls are definately materialistic
Others are pragmatic
From what you say, it doesn't sound like she is materialistic but selfish. She is only thinking about herself and what she wants and not you.
Anyway I would say, don't put your job on the line. Sad to say nothing is permanant these days. You could leave your job to please her and she goes running away to be with a guy who earns more than you and leave you high and dry -
doesnt matter which country u are in, if u enjoy single life so much and don't want to give it up or change urself, i suggest u dun find one...u will just bring suffering to others..
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Yes nothing is permanant these days, anything can change in a matter of days if not weeks.Originally posted by elindra:There is a difference between materialistic and pragmatic
Some SG girls are definately materialistic
Others are pragmatic
From what you say, it doesn't sound like she is materialistic but selfish. She is only thinking about herself and what she wants and not you.
Anyway I would say, don't put your job on the line. Sad to say nothing is permanant these days. You could leave your job to please her and she goes running away to be with a guy who earns more than you and leave you high and dry
I used to think I will not die in the hands of woman, looking at situation I am going to soon if I do not resolve it soon. I am also afraid of her doing just that leaving me high and dry, I have got into this kind of shit before and I would never want it to happen again.