from The Electric New Paper
My 5 ex-boyfriends couldn't accept I was a man
Comedienne Abigail Chay reveals sex-change secret of 25 years.
By Ho Lian-Yi, 16 August 2006
MARK Twain once said the secret source of humour is sorrow.
If the American writer was right, it is easy to see why Abigail Chay laughs so easily and so often.
For 25 years, the 47-year-old comedienne has kept a secret from all but her family and friends.
Until now.
She came out last Friday to say that, for the first 22 years of her life, she was a man named Caesar Chay until she underwent a sex-change operation.
'My mum wanted the story to be shared at the right time,' she told The New Paper.
Her mother was the beloved 'McDonald's granny' Madam Yau Chung Chii, who became a familiar face in the fast-food chain's TV ads. She died on 30 Jul 2002.
Why only now?
MediaCorp's Life Story series producers approached Abigail to tell her story, which will be featured on its Channel 5 docu-drama tonight.
Despite the obviously emotional topic, Abigail was her usual cheerful, rambunctious self, constantly bursting into deep, throaty laughs.
She even brought chocolates for the interviewers.
But talk about her regrets regarding her mum, and a rare chink shows in her armour of self-deprecating humour.
Her voice quivered, then she sobbed.
'In the process of becoming what I am, I have hurt my parents, and I wanted to make up for it.
'In earlier times, I couldn't, I didn't earn much. I felt very bad. I really wanted to make up, in terms of giving them material comfort,' she said.
'Then when you begin to try to do that, she's gone. Maybe the message is, do whatever you can for your parents or grandparents, because you never know when they will be taken away from you.'
She is living with her aged father now.
From a very young age, Abigail already knew she was different. She acted and thought like a girl.
Sick of playground taunts, she kept her feminine side to herself. As a teenager, she read up on psychology and decided on a sex change.
She was terrified of how her parents might react.
Said Abigail, who was then in her late teens: 'I think they feared I might do something drastic, so they willed themselves to be supportive. I think that's the biggest step any parent can take.'
Though the years have taken some of the sting from Abigail's decision, she believes they had never completely reconciled with her sex change.
'Whether they fully accepted me, nobody really knows. But at least they showed in their actions that they did. They didn't drive me out of the house. If I needed money, they would help. That is love,' she said.
They even went around explaining to their relatives what Abigail was going through. Her father also ended up being her only confidant at that time.
Abigail added that her Christian faith helped keep her and her parents going.
Though her operation went very smoothly, it didn't solve all her problems. 'Actually, I'm quite surprised I didn't go to Woodbridge,' she said.
First, there were her relationship problems. She has had five boyfriends. None could accept the fact she used to be a man.
'They can fall in love with me, but wanting to marry me, that's another question. Even on the verge of marriage, things can change.' Now single, she knows hopes of marriage are remote.
'Which guy will want to marry me... But I still do want a bit of wishful thinking, I still want to tell people that I'm still available. Whether you want me, it doesn't matter!'
Without giving details, she said there were times when she felt 'blackmailed' because someone would threaten to go to the press.
But her secret is finally out.
'Now the whole world knows, I don't feel threatened any more.'
