Breaking up is hard -- and expensive -- to do
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That's why some couples choose to stay together, long after romance is dead, in a state of matrimony that can best be described as the "nondivorce."
Though the situation varies, a couple in a nondivorce usually remain living together under one roof, more like passionless roommates than spouses. There are no hard statistics, but some divorce experts say they're seeing more of this unromantic phenomenon, driven by three big financial factors:
the high cost of legal fees in divorces,
the expense of setting up two households and
the difficulty in obtaining adequate health insurance, especially if one spouse has a pre-existing condition.
That's a shift from decades past, when couples stayed together because divorce carried a social stigma or was forbidden by religious teachings. But along with finances, there's another driving factor in today's not-quite-a-divorce arrangement: Many couples, turned off by their friends' bitter, rancorous breakups, would rather stay together than endure the messiness or inflict it upon their children. by Colleen DeBaise.
Familiar? marrying the HDB way... the high cost of marriage (otherwise)
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thats what happens when people are rushed into marriage..
ie. romancing singapore campaign.
Or when people get married and have kids due to the monetary rewards.
sure, in the short term, u get more kids.
in the long run, you get problems such as these cos people rush into such commitments for the cash.
money doesnt solve everything. thats something our government doesnt understand. -
Wow... They cannot find a common interest that can make them think its worth staying together? This seems like blinded commitment leh. No common goal or faith or common point to look forward to... That is sad...
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that's why i think kids complete the marriage... kids can become the common motivation for a couple to keep their marriage working, to share the responsibility of caring for the child, and to share in the joys of being part of the child's lifeOriginally posted by Bontakun:Wow... They cannot find a common interest that can make them think its worth staying together? This seems like blinded commitment leh. No common goal or faith or common point to look forward to... That is sad...
of course, not all marriage work the same way and this may also backfire as we see cases of couples arguing because they disagree with their partner's style of child-rearing
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i agree....
my dad spent 80k on his first breakup 15 yrs ago.....
i shudder to think of the second...
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It's difficult to even think about getting married with the state of things these days eh.
It almost seems like the number of married couples who are still together is less than the number of divorced couples, or those who are together but really miserable.
Then you see lots of couples in their 20's who have been going together for awhile now... but when things aren't going too well what do they do?
i) Go buy a dog.
Everything's wonderful and marvydoo for like 6 months - or the chore of cleaning up after dog poo becomes too chore-some... then next thing
ii) Get married to apply for HDB
And so things improve because it's cool to look forward to living out of home blah blah... then when you start living with someone you realise you can't stand how they always leave the toilet-seat up, or snore so loud the neighbours complain... then...
iii) have kids so that it's something to help hold the relationship together
- which incidentally, is THE LAST BLADDY reason to have kids btw!!!
You see where I'm going with this yeah! It's a slippery slope of negative-madness!
Can you tell I've never been married? heh heh
At the end of the day, if you gotta relationship based on love (not the infatuation "he's so cute" "she's so chio" kinda way), then the rest will follow it seems.
Whereas if one bases their relationship on money, applying for HDB, desperately wanting to move out of home, or for any other reason except for wanting to be able to see his/her face first thing every single morning (dragon breath, badhairday, fat-day, pmt day,etc)... then don't do it!!! -
Indeed, but they should also consider carefully are they ready to have a kid or not. The responsibilities and $$$ needed. Love and care and concern definately can one lah. Unless they not prepared.Originally posted by cAr|n:that's why i think kids complete the marriage... kids can become the common motivation for a couple to keep their marriage working, to share the responsibility of caring for the child, and to share in the joys of being part of the child's life
of course, not all marriage work the same way and this may also backfire as we see cases of couples arguing because they disagree with their partner's style of child-rearing -
really many things to consider....
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As we progress, expectation getting higher and risk of having third party increase. Woman earn more than man r common, temptation everywhere as FT is also one of the main reason. Some wait till their child grown up then divorce and is getting common.
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The worse is having kid.
If no kid will be cheaper, just sell the flat and proceed for filing.
Yes, someone mention don't have kid is one of the reason ppl feel insecure with their marriage. -
yea. My parents are like that, living under the same roof, but totally dont even talk, even working at the same workplace !Originally posted by eyebuzz:That's why some couples choose to stay together, long after romance is dead, in a state of matrimony that can best be described as the "nondivorce."
Though the situation varies, a couple in a nondivorce usually remain living together under one roof, more like passionless roommates than spouses. There are no hard statistics, but some divorce experts say they're seeing more of this unromantic phenomenon, driven by three big financial factors:
the high cost of legal fees in divorces,
the expense of setting up two households and
the difficulty in obtaining adequate health insurance, especially if one spouse has a pre-existing condition.
That's a shift from decades past, when couples stayed together because divorce carried a social stigma or was forbidden by religious teachings. But along with finances, there's another driving factor in today's not-quite-a-divorce arrangement: Many couples, turned off by their friends' bitter, rancorous breakups, would rather stay together than endure the messiness or inflict it upon their children. by Colleen DeBaise.
Familiar? marrying the HDB way... the high cost of marriage (otherwise)