Attend weddings & birthdays; angbao only $10
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I'm not even of Malay descent, to begin with.
If terms like 'shameless' and 'lack of principles' that you used weren't derogatory I would've let it go. Well, you've added more with your reply.
My call for empathy is academic now since you have narrowed it down to Malays attending non-Malay weddings. Bringing along more people than invited without prior clearance is rude, under any circumstance.
In future. state your scenario clearly. Cheers.Originally posted by trendz:
Why are you so defensive? What empathy? Nobody asked useless, incompetent, inconsiderate and selfish parents to have so many kids when they have no means at all and even supporting themselves would be a major problem.
And in the first place, I wasn't even condemning them. Obviously, you DO NOT know how to read. And why are you so sensitive?
The others replied with a neutral pov. But i guess it seems like it's true.
Labelling me shameless is pretty much uncalled for. Labelling an action which is unjustifiable and is simply too much IS shameless. Why?
Okay; let's not talk about the HDB cheapskate thing.
You see; imagine this scenario - Chinese A/ Indian A invited ONLY colleague Malay B to a posh restaurant located in a hotel. She brought along her family of 6; whacked the food and dropped only a $10 angpao. (In this case, the husband and kids are 'self-invites.')
Do you even think it's appropriate? Do you feel that it's too much? Doesn't she have any shame? Or... is it that 'value-for-money' mentality? As in.. I pay little; I want AND will get alot. Or.. 'aiya.. wedding only wat; we wedding @ hdb also give the same, aiya.. never mind lah.' -
true. but leaving money aside.Originally posted by udontknowme:seriously, you dont invite pple to wedding dinners for the cash.
not everyone can afford all that $$$$.
dont you invite pple for weddings cos you wanna share the joy and happiness and whatever??
honestly, the money isnt the MAIN issue...
why make such a big deal about this??
(unless the person is really damn rich an NOBODY gives $10 in ANY type of weddings)
tell me what ya think about this scenario:
Okay; let's not talk about the HDB cheapskate thing.
You see; imagine this scenario - Chinese A/ Indian A invited ONLY colleague Malay B to a posh restaurant located in a hotel. She brought along her family of 6; whacked the food and dropped only a $10 angpao. (In this case, the husband and kids are 'self-invites.') Rude huh?! smells like close to freeloaders? -
Let it slide, it's over liao.. not worth getting worked up over it.
Well thanks for sharing ur experience.
My FH's relatives are from Malay kampong villages, so they probably find RSVP attendance a strange idea, especially when it comes to buffets
If we don't take pains to inform them, they'll prolly think we paid a set amount for the food (instead of being charged by headcount) - which is also logical but just not the practice here.
Just have to patiently educate your guests, I guess. I mean like keep reminding them again and again - make sure they understand how much inconvenience partycrashers will cause the bride & groom. Coz that's what I'll be doing, all the way to my AD/banquet later this year.
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i seriously wonder why people think that the weddings at void decks are cheaper.
u have to look at the setup. some set ups cost as much as a chinese banquet. -
if u think only about the ang bao instead of marital bliss..then get married for fuck.. U invite people to share your joy of getting married...spread the love around... dun wan to splurge on money.. go ROM only la
and fyi, when my dad got married recently, all "ang baos" are placed in the box and are donated to a charity of his choice. Read: ALL Not all joy and happiness of weddings are derived from the pleasure on the faces when u open "ang baos" k? -
Originally posted by Master -_-:
it's obvious either you have problems reading and understanding cause your post is way off the mark. i didn't say about the 'money-face' reaction, genius. lol.
if u think only about the ang bao instead of marital bliss..then get married for fuck.. U invite people to share your joy of getting married...spread the love around... dun wan to splurge on money.. go ROM only la
and fyi, when my dad got married recently, all "ang baos" are placed in the box and are donated to a charity of his choice. [b]Read: ALL Not all joy and happiness of weddings are derived from the pleasure on the faces when u open "ang baos" k? [/b]
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For Malay people, the number of invitess are in thousand, can be 2000 if im not wrong for the day. how to hold in the hotel. and malay ppl never force their guests to pay any hangbao..its up to the guests to give..they dont expect anything..to them its their big day, they want to share the special day with lots of families and friends....
as for chinese weddings, if u r invited to one, usually ppl with no money will be stressed coz u r made to pay for what u eat..its itherwise for malay huh
so dont say they r cheapskate lah in fact i think they r not.. -
i got say you?Originally posted by trendz:it's obvious either you have problems reading and understanding cause your post is way off the mark. i didn't say about the 'money-face' reaction, genius. lol. -
bar any spelling errors; i applaud you.Originally posted by Master -_-:i got say you? -
put hell money in the ang pao la............. knn
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When I got married, my husband invited some of his colleagues who were not Singaporeans.
It was not in their culture to give monetary presents for the wedding. Instead, some of the gifts I received from them included a photo album, and a few of them gave us bibles (even though we are not christian)
If I look at the financial value of their gifts, it is below what was the so-called 'market price' for a chinese wedding. But so what? I don't think they have the 'free=loading" attitude as you call it. The gift was sincere, and that's enough.
I understand your unhappiness about people who 'free-load' At the same time, in the same wedding, I have relatives who were totally not close, who RSVPed at the last minute and came in ENTIRE families. Comparatively, I would say their 'angpows' were 'bigger' than the gifts if calculated PER person - but still I felt they were insincere (besides the point, they also created some OTHER problems) and I felt taken advantage of.
SO I think if you talk about people 'tekaning' you during your wedding, it has nothing to do with the amount INSIDE the angpow - but the PEOPLE involved.
And honestly, at the end of it all - It's ATTITUDE that matters. Not the money. And so people can give u $100 angpow, and yes, u still feel like shit receiving that money cos they MAKE you feel like shit about it. I rather receive my $10 for an auntie who bring her 6 kids and truly gimme her blessings, than those who totally give u shit and wave money in ur face. -
word at the above..if u are too calculative bout ur angpao..dont invite ppl to ur wedding lah..dont hold any even better..since u r expecting ppl to give u back what u fed them
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I went to my best friends sister wedding.. whom so happened to be malays too... and me and my friend share a 10 dollar ang pao...
The last i check... my best friend is still my best friend..
like valentinoo says, malay holds wedding not to expect any monetary returns. They follow the principle, its better to give than to receive.
The whole thing about wedding is to celebrate the union of a couple. Not to discuss monetary terms afterwards.
Oh and the 5 dollars which i gave for the wedding... my friend "take away" few packets of food for me too! -
but of cos.. if they bring an entire battalion of family to the wedding... then tats plain rude la...
for malays i dun think they mind... betta feed ppl than let the food go to waste...
for chinese.. its the face that counts... -
lets put it this way...Originally posted by trendz:Is it true that when Malay people attend people's weddings or birthdays; their angbao is always about a pathetic sum of $10. Yet they shamelessly bring their whole family of 4-6 to pig out on the available food?
If it's true; don't they know any shame? Don't they feel it's disgraceful? It's ridiculous and simply shows their lack of generosity, ethicity and principles somehow?
Whereas people of other races would give at least $100. And very 'paiseh' to eat the food.
Don't flame me yet; for I did not mention that it's true and justified.
if U want to throw a wedding dinner and need to use the angpow money to pay for it/recover losses....pls dont throw that dinner and save others and urself from trouble. -
ya lor.Originally posted by Xcert:lets put it this way...
if U want to throw a wedding dinner and need to use the angpow money to pay for it/recover losses....pls dont throw that dinner and save others and urself from trouble.
still got the face to demand as though its his right some more. sibei shameless.
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Originally posted by Ito_^:ya lor.
still got the face to demand as though its his right some more. sibei shameless. -
those people that invite fren/ relative to your wedding just for the money are Sibei shameless. Plz la even they dont give me a single cent, who give a damn coz i'll be more than happy that my friend or relative spare their time to attend my wedding dinner despite their busy schedule. Its a day to celebrate my wedding not to be calculative to see which friend or relative of mine give the most/least money. If a fren or relative of yours are poor, will they be barred from attending to your wedding dinner just because they cant afford to give you big ang pow?
And to threadstarter, not all Malays are like that. And there is nothing wrong for a family of six to give a mere $10 for ang pow even if it is held at posh restaurant/hotel. If i can afford to spend ten of thousands of dollars to celebrate my wedding at a hotel y should i be concern about a mere $10 anyway.
Talking about principle/ethicity, as u put it, isnt it unethical to literally force people to give you a big ang pow.
Just my two cent. -
stuff newspaper inside...
orh better, hell bank notes -
i think different cultures play a part.
to the chinese now, i think majority look more on the 'ang bao' given.
coz i have frenz n relatives holding dinners n always hear them saying abt the returns bla bla bla..
malays to me, are generally bo chup n easy going type.
or maybe they have never attend a chinese one b4?
aiyah, the world is getting more materialistic n mercenary.
sad..
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That is a bit stingy
$10? -
yea... i noe some malay families do that.. they wun give less than 20 bucks.. and they jolly well bring their whole family for a feast.. maybe that their culture. they tik that the more pple, the merrier..but for chinese, we are more concern bout face, so our hongbao will normally be "big"Originally posted by trendz:Is it true that when Malay people attend people's weddings or birthdays; their angbao is always about a pathetic sum of $10. Yet they shamelessly bring their whole family of 4-6 to pig out on the available food?
If it's true; don't they know any shame? Don't they feel it's disgraceful? It's ridiculous and simply shows their lack of generosity, ethicity and principles somehow?
Whereas people of other races would give at least $100. And very 'paiseh' to eat the food.
Don't flame me yet; for I did not mention that it's true and justified. -
malay ppl get invited to weddings almost every week, their invitess r notj ust immediate family members..can be this so and so son, daughter who they never see b4...u think if u r invited to lots of wedding u can afford to give 80, 100 ah?Originally posted by crofty:That is a bit stingy $10?
instead of giving money some also give presents
i heard from my friend, void deck wedding, food +decor can cost 10 to 15 K . and its held at both gal and guy place..so 2 places can cost 20 over k.
some more they dont expect guests to pay. isnt that COOL
if u r invited to malay wedding..dont need stress..just give what ever amount u can, they dont care.
go already guests still got a gift and can tapao the dish home -
I wonder if you even have the brains to understand what i'm trying to say. It's not a right or prerogative, not about demanding or expecting, and must i still need to define the meaning of ethicity and principles for you?Originally posted by Ito_^:ya lor.
still got the face to demand as though its his right some more. sibei shameless.
do you know what's the meaning of rude? or being taken advantage of?
or cheapskates? or greedy and stingy? or ridiculous? or inappropriate? or lowdown? or disgraceful?
don't utter senseless replies; it's like i'm talking about A and you answered about B. -
make me, piss head.Originally posted by trendz:I wonder if you even have the brains the undertstand what i'm trying to say. It's not a right or prerogative, and do i still need to define the meaning of ethicity and principles for you?
do you know what's the meaning of rude? or being taken advantage of?
or cheapskates? or greedy and stingy? or ridiculous? or inappropriate? or lowdown? or disgraceful?
don't utter senseless replies; it's like i'm talking about A and you answered about B. u've been insulting every negative view in this topic, so i'll cut the chase and get down to the insults.