emotional intelligence problem
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i dun know is it be coz of my sec sch day ....i used to be a guy been bully since sec 1 to sec 4 and dun really have fren in sch the ppl i know in sch is in my class only that all.. but luckly i meet a group of fren out side playing basketball which make me back to a normal humans which are brother talk cock mass round happy day. but whenever i go out with other groups of fren e.g ITe fren..
i always have a problem whenever i go out with my fren i feel like i was been left alone or some time when i talk they don't really care about what i was saying, when the group is samll i was able to talk to them very well e.g Jokeing round .
but when some new fren join us or some of the very kind of high fren e.g.. high eq guy... more leader like ...
join in i became back to talk no one listening and all that ...i have try many diff way to speak out but it still the same.i have alot of friends in my life but only 1 or 2 of them which i can speak with out thinking twice .
what the hell is happen do me ??? some time i feel i can;t REALL express out my FEELing !!@#!% -
make friends who genuinely have the same interests as you?
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Try reading up some books on communication and self-esteem.
You determine your worth by how much your friends talk to you. That mentality needs to change. -
well it work but when they talk about other topic , i hong gang liao ...Originally posted by Eric Cartman:make friends who genuinely have the same interests as you? -
then get some that wont talk about other topics?Originally posted by godbowenX2:well it work but when they talk about other topic , i hong gang liao ... -
that is not solve problem,, that is pushing the problem..Originally posted by Eric Cartman:then get some that wont talk about other topics?
pushing problem will slove the problem stright away but in the end... i have to work outside right ? i still have to stick with ppl that dun have the same interest as me... -
Your very best friend one day will become your enemy. Believe anot? When you have problems, it's those normal friends will help you more.
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Erm, maybe u can try to know their interest and get involved in their conversations and develop from there??
Cheers.. -
where is the intelligence in the emotions?
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i have the same problem as u...
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That's life, my friend...
But only in trouble then your true friends stay with you, what you see as friends now might long fled...
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actually its normal.. u simply will have some friends u feel more comfortable than others
some friends u can reveal more, some friends it takes longer for u to open up or feel secure with ba.
there's nothing wrong w u
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i hate that kind of feeling is there anyway to slove it ?Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:actually its normal.. u simply will have some friends u feel more comfortable than others
some friends u can reveal more, some friends it takes longer for u to open up or feel secure with ba.
there's nothing wrong w u
i had saw some of the people which can heng round everykind of people ... -
at least you got one or two...
i am always alone in sch de...
everytime i am the last guy who get the news... or dun even get the news...
everytime outing or go play, always didnt tell me and left me behind...
everytime, just alone.... alone....
haiz.... -
mmmm im making a guess but the bullied incident has left some scars in u?Originally posted by godbowenX2:i dun know is it be coz of my sec sch day ....i used to be a guy been bully since sec 1 to sec 4 and dun really have fren in sch the ppl i know in sch is in my class only that all.. but luckly i meet a group of fren out side playing basketball which make me back to a normal humans which are brother talk cock mass round happy day. but whenever i go out with other groups of fren e.g ITe fren..
i always have a problem whenever i go out with my fren i feel like i was been left alone or some time when i talk they don't really care about what i was saying, when the group is samll i was able to talk to them very well e.g Jokeing round .
but when some new fren join us or some of the very kind of high fren e.g.. high eq guy... more leader like ...
join in i became back to talk no one listening and all that ...i have try many diff way to speak out but it still the same.i have alot of friends in my life but only 1 or 2 of them which i can speak with out thinking twice .
what the hell is happen do me ??? some time i feel i can;t REALL express out my FEELing !!@#!%
Have u let it go yet.. emotionally? Talk to a counseller might help.. ( im guessing here )
But then u aso have found others friend too... Good for you.. u r lucky and pls don't take these friends for granted! ; )
I think there is nothing wrong with you lah. It is infact very common and normal. If you look around, there are alot of people who are actually like u, who is shy to strangers - ur high EQ friend..
mmm accept and learn to love urself as who u r... For me, i aso have difficulties opening up to people at first.. maybe i had fear of rejection but as i grow older, i slowly change and i'm functioning quite ok...
And aiyeah, don't compare urself and those high EQ PPLE, u aso have ur strength de! we are all unique... mm no need to be in the center of attention (mmm, maybe?), be humble, sincere and real.. Wise pple will recongise ur true inner qualities. -
Its just what they 'project'... perhaps u wish to project that kind of 'confidence'Originally posted by godbowenX2:i hate that kind of feeling is there anyway to slove it ?
i had saw some of the people which can heng round everykind of people ...
to socialise with people. However, confidence comes only with self understanding and acceptance. You must be comfortable with who you are, then you will feel that 'its ok i'm not perfect'.. when u feel that, you have less fear sharing yourself genuinely with the people around you.
there are some people who are not comfortable with themselves but try very hard to be 'extroverted' You can recognise them a mile off.. and u dont understand that little 'wierd' feeling why u never feel comfortable with them. Why issit some extroverts are 'natural' and some are not? In the end it really lies with how genuine you are.. being yourself is more important and more likeable than anything else -
thank for your very helpfull reply,there is no scars left me..well i dun know what to say now ...coz right now i'm 19going to NS round 3-4 month later ,right now i;m very free some time will hang out with some group of fren .... at 1st feel very happy and fun.. but the more we hang out the more i feel boring and can not click with them ...i admit i have have a very diff way of thinking compare to others. but well i think no point thinking of the problem again again and again ,..Originally posted by Isis:mmmm im making a guess but the bullied incident has left some scars in u?
Have u let it go yet.. emotionally? Talk to a counseller might help.. ( im guessing here )
But then u aso have found others friend too... Good for you.. u r lucky and pls don't take these friends for granted! ; )
I think there is nothing wrong with you lah. It is infact very common and normal. If you look around, there are alot of people who are actually like u, who is shy to strangers - ur high EQ friend..
mmm accept and learn to love urself as who u r... For me, i aso have difficulties opening up to people at first.. maybe i had fear of rejection but as i grow older, i slowly change and i'm functioning quite ok...
And aiyeah, don't compare urself and those high EQ PPLE, u aso have ur strength de! we are all unique... mm no need to be in the center of attention (mmm, maybe?), be humble, sincere and real.. Wise pple will recongise ur true inner qualities.
i hope that is a way to solve it.... -
arg... i took some of the EQ test from
http://ei.haygroup.com/resources/default_ieitest.htm
http://www.psychtests.com/cgi-bin/tests/emotional_iq_r2.cgi
the scores all is Below average..
damn mah .... -
EQ can always be improved de and be learnt from pple, through own experience. Learn from mistakes ...... don't let such test define who you are and limit urself...
anyway i believe a person who is sincere, helpful and emit postive energy such as friendliness + other virtue will be likeable... -
Embrace ur uniqueness...Originally posted by godbowenX2:thank for your very helpfull reply,there is no scars left me..well i dun know what to say now ...coz right now i'm 19going to NS round 3-4 month later ,right now i;m very free some time will hang out with some group of fren .... at 1st feel very happy and fun.. but the more we hang out the more i feel boring and can not click with them ...i admit i have have a very diff way of thinking compare to others. but well i think no point thinking of the problem again again and again ,..
i hope that is a way to solve it....
though i know in a group, there must be a degree of conformity... well, there must be a balance of give and take....
but for me, values come first.... -
me too... i only have 1 super close fren who plays bball with me everyday when he does not have cca... can tell him anything i want loh...
then for my other classmates...most of them i cant talk about personal things de... not fun wan.
not that i gay loh... im from boys school... -
It appears to me that you are simply an introverted individual. Being introverted doesn't mean you suck at EQ. And don't put too much trust on those online quizzes and tests. They mostly wouldn't be giving you an accurate assessment of yourself anyway.
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well i'm a guy who really dare to change wan.some time i also do some of the self-refract on what should do what should not right or worng ... but some time is like i really can not find a Ans for my self . or the Ans i think of , does not confince me..
i wan to be a big business man when i get out of NS, but i also know that in biz world network is the most improten thing .... to gain network i must be good in EQ .
well right now the thing i wan to face is my EQ problem so i can start to move on to my life. -
Personality and character changes as one grows older.. Immense urself in cca, passion and mold your own character through interaction with others.It is like learning to ride a bicycle. You will fall a few times and slowly you'll get the hang of it. If you don't try and dare to reach out, you will never learn how to ride a bicycle.Originally posted by godbowenX2:well i'm a guy who really dare to change wan.some time i also do some of the self-refract on what should do what should not right or worng ... but some time is like i really can not find a Ans for my self . or the Ans i think of , does not confince me..
i wan to be a big business man when i get out of NS, but i also know that in biz world network is the most improten thing .... to gain network i must be good in EQ .
well right now the thing i wan to face is my EQ problem so i can start to move on to my life.
I feel the key word is learn to accept urself as who you are; with all its imperfections. How you treat yourself reflects on how you treat others. If you want others to start accepting you, you have to feel comfortable in your own skin and accept yourself as whom you are.
I would say stop judging urself and start to nourish and encourage urself positively. Love yourself unconditionally with all its flaws and u will find urself change for the better... it works most of the time.