Being a nice guy is hard!
-
How To Avoid Being an Asshole
Face your past.
The past is a very good predictor of future behavior. For example, were you a bully in school? If your parents and siblings were assholes, you may have caught the disease. Knowing that youÂ’re an asshole is first step towards change.
Do not make people feel oppressed, humiliated, de-energized, or belittled.
If you find yourself having these effects, itÂ’s time to change your behavior no matter what you think of yourself.
Do not mistreat people who are less powerful than you.
One of the sure signs of an asshole is treating people like clerks, flight attendants, and waiters in a degrading manner.
[b]Resist assholeholics from the start.
The easiest time to avoid becoming an asshole is at the very beginning. Don’t think that you can do “what you have to” to fit in and can change later. It won’t happen.
Walk away and stay away.
DonÂ’t be afraid to leave a bad situation. ItÂ’s unlikely youÂ’ll change the assholes into good people; itÂ’s much more likely that youÂ’ll descend to their level.
View acting like an asshole as a communicable disease.
If you have any sense of decency, when youÂ’re sick, you avoid contact to prevent spreading the disease. So if you act like an asshole, youÂ’re not just impacting yourself; youÂ’re also teaching other people that itÂ’s okay to be an asshole.
Focus on win-win.
Children (young and old) think that the world is a zero-sum game. If another kid is playing with the fire truck, you canÂ’t. As people get older they should realize that life doesnÂ’t have to be a win-lose proposition--unless, that is, youÂ’re an asshole.
Focus on ways you are no better or even worse than others.
Thinking that youÂ’re smarter, faster, better looking, funnier, whatever than others turns people into assholes. Thinking that youÂ’re no better or even worse keeps you humble.
Focus on ways you are similar to people, not different.
If you concentrate on how you and others have similar goals, desires, and passions, youÂ’re bound to be less of an asshole. How can you treat people that are similar to you with disdain?
Tell yourself, “I have enough stuff (money, toys, friends, cars, whatever).”
Discontentment and envy is a major factor in becoming an asshole. If youÂ’re happy, thereÂ’s no reason to stomp on others.
How to Deal With Assholes
Hope for the best, but expect the worst.
One of the most frustrating aspects of dealing with assholes is that they disappoint you--making you wonder the very value of humans. Lowering your expectations can help reduce disappointment. DonÂ’t solely lower your expectations, though, or you will slip into cynicism (and possibly turn into an asshole too.) Continue to hope for the best.
Develop indifference and emotional detachment.
Sutton may be the only author who has the insight and courage to recommend that being indifferent and detached may be a good thing in work environments. If it permits you to survive, then it is. In other words, donÂ’t let the jerks get to you.
Look for small wins.
Small victories can keep you going. Most assholes pride themselves in total control and absolute domination. Any victory, no matter how small, can keep you going. Rest assured that small victories can lead to winning the war.
Limit your exposure.
You can do what you can to avoid meetings and interactions with assholes. This involves finding or building pockets of “safety, support, and sanity,” to use Sutton’s words. He cites an example of a nurse’s lounge as a refuge from an asshole doctor.
Expose them.
In SuttonÂ’s blog he mentions MargeÂ’s Asshole Management Metric. This refers to four-point system from 0 to 3. Marge, the boss, would point to people who were behaving like assholes and hold up one, two, or three fingers according to this code:
*
1 = You are a normal person who can occasionally assert yourself on an issue you are passionate about, but you handle yourself in a non-confrontational way in nearly all occasions.
*
2 = You can consistently assert yourself in a non-confrontational way and are occasionally an asshole, but you feel horrible about it afterwards, and you may or may not apologize (but you probably will have to confess your remorse to someone).
*
3 = You can consistently be an asshole and you either do not recognize this or you simply enjoy it.
By the way, 0 in her system means this:
You are a very nice person, and very passive. No one can say a word against you and would never think to call you an asshole.
If you are safe in your position, then calling assholes out is a good way to deal with them.
De-escalate and re-educate.
This strategy requires that the asshole you’re dealing with isn’t a “chronic,” “certified,” and “flagrant” asshole. It means meeting asshole behavior with calmness (instead of either similar behavior or fear) and trying to re-educate the person about how he’s behaving.
Stand up to them.
Funny thing about assholes: Standing up to them shouldn’t necessarily scare you. While I was an Apple employee, I was in a meeting with a highly placed Apple exec and Apple’s ad agency. The ad agency person showed the new television spots and said he’d give a copy to the Apple exec and me. The Apple exec told the agency person not to give one to me. I spoke up: “Are you saying you don’t trust me?” The Apple exec answered: “Yes.” To which I replied, “That’s okay because I don’t trust you either.” You know what? The sun rose the next day, and my family still loved me. -
ah... its great when people know themselves.
-
this article is dedicated to moron like you, and you are a classic example of how stupidity has done to youOriginally posted by gLc:ah... its great when people know themselves.
you are just another sore loser who lost in a flame war, and i can't list more example to describle you, and i don't want to list it all out, as you should already know it yourself, and i don't need to spell out for you,
and i pity your parents because they have born a child like you, and they are feeling so sad, because they know they have a stupid son like you
i don't like you, and i will flame each and every post of yours
another sore loser like you, really make my day, because i always enjoy mocking you, and all you could do is call me back as a loser
so please for goodness sake, stop embarrasses yourself anymore -
Its already such great contradictory that you yourself can come out with such a post.Originally posted by allentyb:this article is dedicated to moron like you, and you are a classic example of how stupidity has done to you
you are just another sore loser who lost in a flame war, and i can't list more example to describle you, and i don't want to list it all out, as you should already know it yourself, and i don't need to spell out for you,
and i pity your parents because they have born a child like you, and they are feeling so sad, because they know they have a stupid son like you
i don't like you, and i will flame each and every post of yours
another sore loser like you, really make my day, because i always enjoy mocking you, and all you could do is call me back as a loser
so please for goodness sake, stop embarrasses yourself anymore
Mockery? Perhaps you should just search yourself and stop the trolling.
Omg, ur flames really do hurt me, ouchie ~
-
ahh. a classic example of pot calling the kettle black.Originally posted by allentyb:this article is dedicated to moron like you, and you are a classic example of how stupidity has done to you
you are just another sore loser who lost in a flame war, and i can't list more example to describle you, and i don't want to list it all out, as you should already know it yourself, and i don't need to spell out for you,
and i pity your parents because they have born a child like you, and they are feeling so sad, because they know they have a stupid son like you
i don't like you, and i will flame each and every post of yours
another sore loser like you, really make my day, because i always enjoy mocking you, and all you could do is call me back as a loser
so please for goodness sake, stop embarrasses yourself anymore
Cant be bothered with such egoistical fugtards, im outta here. -
i don't like you, and you are the first one, that get on my nerves so i decided to flame you all the times.Originally posted by gLc:ahh. a classic example of pot calling the kettle black.
Cant be bothered with such egoistical fugtards, im outta here.
and i like to do so, all the time, because you sucks and you still want to flame my post, so i decided to bash at each and every post of yours -
Sometimes, being evil is harder still.
-
every1 can choose wat they wan 2 do... as 4 u, dun b a good guy den...
-
*sun rose up*
my family sttill loves me
even im as arsehole -
DO YOU THINK I CARE ?
If We need to please the world...We might as well not be alive.... -
Another one..
-
i remember i have an arsehole..
-
Being bad is enticing...
-
If only being evil is easy....
-
Oops..
-
Si turbo
-
Try not to roll eyes too much, easier to be nice guy.
-
What contra? I don't see allentyb as an asshole.Originally posted by gLc:Its already such great contradictory that you yourself can come out with such a post.
Mockery? Perhaps you should just search yourself and stop the trolling.
Omg, ur flames really do hurt me, ouchie ~
You, on the other side, are a reaal asshole. Sophia trusted you and you backstabbed her. I bet you even backstab your parents for money, too. Good thing to do, if you feel me.
I take that seriously, since you didn't show any sign of sarcasm. And since it's a serious post, I take it as you're PWN3D. -
all these advice is for people who dun use logic in life....