UNTIL you become a parent, you really have no idea when someone says: 'Kids grow up soooooooo fast.'
If you have any friends who say that, you would probably roll your eyes. You shouldn't, because eye rolling causes astigmatism.
As you can probably guess by now, this week's column isn't about sex or taxis. If you've not turned the page by now, grab your glasses, because you're soon going to get a bad case of astigmatism.
GROWING UP FAST
Kids grow up so fast. Especially MY kid.
I got a good dose of this recently when I asked little Nikki out for a movie.
'We'll go watch Happy Feet,' I said, thinking that she would probably want to watch the biggest cartoon to hit our screens since Pierce Brosnan (he is quite cartoonish).
After all, this is the same daughter who watched Toy Story 348 times, Toy Story 2 126 (sequels are never as good), Beauty and the Beast 659 times and The Little Mermaid 1,298 times.
So imagine my surprise when she said: 'Daddy, can we not watch Happy Feet?'
So I asked: 'What do you want to watch?'
She said: 'James Bond. Casino Royale.'
You might think, what's the big deal? Kids like action movies such as James Bond. It's natural.
Well, maybe for other kids who grew up playing Resident Evil.
Little Nikki, however, used to run from the hall to her bedroom when there were people on television firing guns.
I really don't know at which point in time aliens came to abduct my little Nikki and replaced her with this kid who no longer seems to want to watch cartoons anymore.
And here comes the soppy part.
It was only yesterday that little Nikki was memorising all the songs to every single Disney cartoon. Two days ago, she was sitting in her bouncer eating her foot instead of dinner.
How did she suddenly go from thinking booger is a delicacy to giving up singing penguins in preference of a gambling, womanising killer, licenced or otherwise? I must admit, I'm terrified of what's next. And there are few things in life which terrify me.
The only thing which terrifies me more than Nikki growing up is ending up in the same prison cell with a big guy smiling at me and going: 'Here, pretty pretty pretty.'
Before I know it, she'll be complaining to me about her first heartbreak, asking me for her first car and permission to move out on her own.
Thankfully, I don't have to worry about her losing her virginity in my lifetime, because I swear (and this is in print so you know I will keep my promise), any guy who even thinks of her naked, I will dig out your eyeballs with a blunt, rusty spoon.haha he thinks his dotter is an angel and will be an old maid
http://newpaper.asia1.com.sg/columnists/story/0,4136,119058,00.html?
