Mee Siam Mai Hum - My ex and I
-
Ha, where should I start.
It is weird holding the microphone.. perhaps the keyboard.. and asking myself to write in public when I have nothing to say. Yet, as I learnt as part of practice, doing, is undoing. My sour pineapple could be another person's Ong Lai (Thus Wealth Come). Hence, let's do it.
I am glad to say that I am loved before, and have loved before too. Perhaps not so sure if I was loved before, but I did loved before. If you catch the drift. Couple of years ago, I was studying in a tertiary institution, and getting bored by project work and tutorial assignments that seem to bring me nowhere. Hence, like all my peers have already done, let's check out the opposite gender.
National Service does horrible things to a male's hormonal balances and chain of thoughts. If Forest-Monk Thai Buddhism was one form of austerity, the Singapore National Service is a lesser version of it. When you released from Green Colour and enter civilian life, with all the shopping malls, business students and cheap and yummy food, it takes a strong and firm mind to overcome desire which is written all over the place.
Especially when you live in hostel and with nothing to do, and the mirror in front of you suggests, why not sleep after 12 and turn off the lights and peel the green apple?
And so, as the story went, I fell in love without checking out her credentials properly. Basically you simply don't have the time to check out the opposite gender's background and form a semantic map of characteristics like you can do on dating websites nowadays (blue eyes? height? weight? religion? race?) and like all guys without Buddhist wisdom do (I was not a practitioner then), you jump into the relationship and the exit point was nowhere to be found subsequently.
You cannot blame anybody, when weeks into the relationship, she suggests that she missed her former boyfriend, and shares with you her need for you (i.e. me) to convert to Christianity. Her family were non-Taoish-Taoists and she was thinking that with all the education she received, she deserved a better religion. Christianity sounded like it.
Especially when her ex was a Christian who introduced her to the religion, but left her because of a higher calling to pursue more education.
Where I am coming from, is to point out the demerits of a blind an inexperienced boy (me) entering my first romance rather late (read: late, as in singapore-late, not metteya pureland late where girls are suitable for marriage at 500 years old iirc)......... as a boy, i want to solve problems. If she had a ex she could not forget, then let's solve it. If she has a family who disapprove of christianity, then let's solve it. If I come from a Buddhist family that opposes of Christian girlfriends as much as the reverse applies, then let's solve it.
A anecdote which my ex shared with me through her personal blog was, Ignorance is Bliss. Why, I cannot understand, because in Buddhism, I finally started listening to Theravada talks by Ajahn Brahm during my Internship when my manager realised I could not concentrate at work and passed me Brahm's book).... in Buddhism, Ignorance is the Root Cause of Suffering. So how can anybody call it bliss?
Fast forwarding by almost 7-8 years, I was happy I changed to a friend who follows a compatible life philosophy as I do. Notice that nowadays I use the word "friend", because ... this is no longer Buddhisto or Christiano wisdom... this is experience.
Ignorance is bliss. Until it meets craving (tanha). Then suffering erupts. So my ex was not wrong. But ... good riddance.
It is my humble encounter with her that I realise that romance and desire for the opposite gender makes one go crazy and gaga, and an entire world can revolve non-stop when two persons are in love. But the Mee Siam Mai Hum theory I have to share today is, there was never a Hum in Mee Siam. Just as there was no true love in a romantic relationship. Yes I could be wrong and others have better explanations for love, but this is MY experience. The point about romance is not about I love you more today or you love me more today, rather, it is the simple understanding that in romance, you cannot swallow it, nor can you spit it out.
When she tells you that her baggage is too heavy, it simply means that she can still carry it. She just want you to hold it, and realise for yourself it IS heavy. Nothing to solve. Nothing to solve.
And then we go for breakfast happily. My ex and I.
Roasted pork is yummy. And it is because it was put into the burning heat. Take a few more steps in life and you discover there is more than just roasted pork rice.. like dumpling noodle, nasi lemak, and what have u got, then u start wanting to become vegan.
Too gross, meat.
-
rambling of thoughts...interesting ancedotes .
-
her luggage is heavy and she wants you to hold it to show how much you love her.
That she is a gal physically lesser than you a guy and you acknowledge that she is a lady.
-
I like Ajahn Brahm too.. I listen to anything I get my hands on ... can't tell the different groups of buddhism apart... I did not understand many thing and thought buddhism too chim in the past until I slow down in my head long rush from one form of suffering to the next ..... and just listen to the talks....There are so many kind people out there and they helped me even without knowing... I feel grateful :-)
I am also starting to feel meat is gross to me nowadays. I feel sorry I eat them. Trying to switch to eating vege.
I am happy for you moving on and thanks for sharing.
-
nice story
i think that the more we desire, the greater our agony
-
Women, you have to be strong.
We men are just sad pricks. Uncle Rexy personally loved his ex-boss, a lady who got married at 38 and had a pair of phoenix twins at 39. From the first day she got her diploma, she was fighting like her house was on fire. She went to get a Degree in M.Eng at Manchester after she got her diploma, after she graduated instead of finding a stable job as an engineer, she signed up to become a air stewardess with a North American airline. Yes she had the looks, use what you have. After several years as a stewardess and seeing the world, she came down to earth and worked with Banglahs doing land surveys, screaming at them and carrying the land surveying equipment and running all over singapore. THEN, few years later she jumped to work at PSA. Go out to the sea. Finally when computers became IN, she went into HR and then consulting, then eventually IT Consulting, then getting married.
She told me that she suffered tremendously because of her desire... but heck, I thought she was awesome.
I guess it is about what you have and what comes right smack to you in your face at that moment. If you have to be a barber, fine, be a good one then!
I quit my job to pursue spirituality and when it didn't work out 1 year later, I admit I am weak, I just have to take what comes.. ooh.. full time post grad... do part-time job... ok la, cheem chai. whack first talk later. the money will come.
or so i thought.
-
can intro your christian ex?
i am also christian so i got no problem
+ i like woman with baggage, they sink faster when you got tired of them and throw them into the sea
-
She is somewhere in the sea or perhaps floating in midair.
What do you on earth, need a bunch of dust and water vapour for?
Love is patient love is kind. If you are in urgent need for reuse, reduce and support recycling... I suggest you first try to refuse.
Sorry, no. Go get your pastor to give you a immunity injection. Pose him my killer question, How the heck you managed such a broad grin in front of your wife and every body when she keeps all your hard earned money and siphoons 20% of your income into her kitty for a LV bag.
sigh....
infidels.
-
The trick... which all trade knows, is to speak one language to an audience, and another to the opposite. No this is not deceit, but yes it is.
Still, we all love Dell computers in a certain way, isn't it? They are cheap and affordable, and best of all, they tailor to your needs, although sometimes their support lines are unreliable.
I was put on hold for 30 minutes when I called up the SG/MY Dell Sales channel based at Penang.
Fifty years ago when there was only one main politic party, you have no choice, now you have your favourite party which gives you your progress packages, and a lot of small small niche players which you listen for amusement. Now, where are you heading today buddy.
The loo is in that direction, and fame, wealth and s x is this way. Somewhere an exclamation mark appears big big on a signboard: Danger! Monkhood in 50km, McDonalds right within the circle.
SBS did not put up so many bus services for no reason. If you don't like the bus driver or the bus license plate, next time take another bus. They are just 15 minutes apart although the 1989 lamborghini will get you 20 girls online asking you to talk to them.
-
actually u could have showered your gentleness....but in view of the lop sided women charter.....and drawing the lines so clearly....
u might as well draw lines even bolder and clearer to send the message back to the system....
its not wrong not to show gentleness....remember, u could shower it but if they draw the lines so clearly, u just dun have to....it doesn't make u any wiser
-
likewise....we have not seen any contributions or gentleness from the protagonists of women charter for their men...
-
There is only a thin line between deep profound meanings and pure rubbish.
Somebody will say it does not matter, but still.. does 100kg of deep profound meaning weigh more or 100kb weight more?
mistakes are meant to be made.
i haven't made one today yet. i should make a conscious one then.
pooit.