Inspired by my friend Felix, who has allowed me the opportunity to see that most English Literature Majors are insufferable piles of shit.
If you own a Mac and constantly flash it at our Starbucks, after ordering anything other than just fucking coffee. If you go out of your way to make sure that everyone within a 20m radius of you knows that you're smoking. If you are a woman and own/wear a pair of men's boxers. If you hate good brands simply because they're popular. If you're dating a guy who weighs 2.5 times more than you simply because he can discuss Shakespeare in front of a large group of people. If you have intentionally made it a point, at any time in your university life to appear brilliant by alluding to Toril Moi's 'What is a woman?'. If most of what comes out of your mouth is meant to be taken in a snarky, ironic sense. This is for you.
Dear sluts,
Speaking for the entirety of our University:
We do not respect you. We hate the way you talk, walk, and live. This, despite what you might like to believe, is not because of jealousy or some inability to "get" you. No, we "get you" completely. We "get" that you don't care for most things. We "get" that you are not a worthwhile human being, that you are the definition of douchebaggery.
We don't care if you think that we're lesser than you. We know that life is better when you don't show off your fucking yoga moves in public! Go running instead you stupid fuck. If you like French culture so much, move to fucking France. And speaking of that, your nihilistic bullshit doesn't offend us either. It doesn't make us comment on the depth of your character. It makes us think: "Jesus, this fuckface needs to have sex."
So what? You read Toril Moi? Hah! You don't know shit about writing. If you did, you wouldn't separate yourself from "lesser" people. Newsflash: PEOPLE WHO DO NOT READ ARE STILL FUCKING PEOPLE. THEY STILL NEED TO BE SPOKEN TO. Shakespeare would probably rather shit on your face than desire to be even mildly related to the way you are.
If you keep it up, you're going to eventually choke on your own shit. Or even better than living just for the sake of living, you might be able to use that Vaseline for fucking, instead of simply getting into that pair of skinnies.
Take off those Havaianas, quit showing off your kate-spade iphone covers and your daddy's continental car keys. Stop going sun tanning over the weekends. Stop flirting and sucking every dick in the room. And for Christ's sake, read a PROPER book outside your curriculum.
Cleo doesn't count.
Cosmopolitan doesn't count.
Elle DOESN'T FUCKING COUNT.
We rely on who we are, not what we own or how we dress or what we fucking eat. And that, you stupid bitches, is how real people exist. Now go suck on a subway meltz you goddamned wanna-be.
Trust me ladies, when you get some fucking class, you'll be much more attractive.
Or, to put it in words you can understand: you're not "bringin sexy back" looking like a stupid whore.
Love,
FUCKBAR
I love to open up my macbook pro and hog a sit in starbucks drinking a cup of java chip frappuccino venti, taking my own sweet time eating a piece of cake, while re-reading my favourite poem.
Prepare to be astound, while i share with you "The Sick Rose" by william blake.
O Rose thou art sick.
The invisible worm,
That flies in the night
In the howling storm:
Has found out thy bed
Of crimson joy:
And his dark secret love
Does thy life destroy.
Enjoy!
dis is so gettin stale.
wow....hk still awake!
yesh...
n u r...?