48 Things You Shouldn't Know About Me
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I was only away for 8 days, but I login to receive 18 hate mails from fellow forumers. I’ve noticed a common trend in what many have said about me...that is, that I’m a pompous asshole/misogynistic fucker. And while there may be some truth to that…Well, I didn’t know what to think about it. I mean, while being called a “societal rubbish” or I have my compassion compared to that of a snake or a dog, I thought I’d let you know more about the other side. It’s only fair to give you both perspectives of the quagmire that is me.
So before we travel to the other side of the moon, I’d like to apologize to you readers who think I’m some big asshole pig…I don’t mean to prove you wrong. =)
I suggest that you grab a box of tissues, dim the lights, and put on some Air Supply.
I present:
48 Things you shouldn’t know about me, but I’m telling you anyways…
1. I’d like to quit smoking some day.
2. I’m a cat person.
Dogs are alright and all; I just appreciate the cat's disposition.
3. I could have made an easy pussy reference there and I didn’t.
4. When I’m sick, I take baths.
I usually take showers, of course. But when I’m sick or in a bad mood, I draw the water, pour a glass of Absolut and take a bath. It’s a pretty standard norm, for me at least, to have your sister in the tub with me also. She says likes the bubbles, but I think she likes my phallus.
5. I’m only kidding. I admire your sister and fully respect her wishes to sleep with me.
6. I’m only kidding. I appreciate her and accept that she’s a lesbian.
7. I sometimes smoke menthols.
8. There are certain liquors I dislike, whiskey being one of them.
I love gin and vodka, though.
9. I prefer fried chicken over steak, liquor over beer, and books over movies.
10. I recently cancelled my subscription to FHM.
11. I wash my hands after I use the bathroom.
12. I wash my hands after masturbation.
13. I run out of soap often.
14. I find guys who use weapons in fights to be biggest pussies.
15. I have a very big soft-spot for graceful, lady-like women.
16. For a girlfriend, I’m a gentleman
Yep. Even with all of this talk of whores and woman management. Though I should say that I’m NOT a gentleman to stupid sluts or girls I just generally dislike. I could care less about opening the door for a bitch.
17. In Secondary 2, I was stood up on a date by a SCGS girl because i flirted with her sister during the track and field nationals.
18. I didn’t kill the bitch.
19. I don’t speed.
Not really because I’m a pussy. More because my car can’t go over 90 km/h. And the audio system is damaged. And the windshield wipers don’t work. And there’re a few dents on it…
20. “Jenny Was a Friend of Mine” is one of my favorite songs.
21. I’ll sing in the shower or in my car, poorly.
22. When my roommate aren’t here.
23. I lie about my penis size.
24. I underestimate it so it won’t scare girls away.
Didn’t expect that, eh?
25. I love my family.
26. I just thought about my parents after writing about my penis.
27. Sick.
28. I love you mom.
That’s better.
29. I support homosexual marriage.
30. I could have said “if both chicks are nice-looking” there, but I didn’t.
31. I just used the term “nice-looking”
32. I used to blush when I bought condoms
33. I bought condoms from my grandma
34. I obviously have an odd mental connection between my family and sex because of this.
Obviously, I'm just fucking around. My grandma was a cashier at shop&save.
35. I hate to lose, but I’ll intentionally let up if I’m beating the piss out of somebody in a sport/video game. I try to be secretive about it so that the person losing feels better about things.
Winning 11 and tennis are the only exceptions.
36. My favourite soccer player is Cesc Fabregas but I destest Barcelona.
37. Rain depresses me. Sun has the opposite effect.
38. I have an iron stomach, yet will never drink milk with fried food.
Milk + grease= sickness
39. I eventually want to get married, have kids…the whole deal
40. I dislike rich people. A lot.
Not because of jealousy, but because wealthy people generally don’t realize what life really is about, in my opinion.
41. I keep two pictures on my desk: one, a drawing of a Yellow Volkswagen Beetle by my little cousin who was 7 at the time of its drawing and is now 10; two, the photo of "Dale Carnegie" leadership workshop I attended back in 2005.
42. My good friend Gardner killed himself jumping off a HDB flat nearly 4 years ago. November 19th, 2008. Nothing has changed me more than this.
43. I like going to and participating in class
44. I am what I eat
Explained: Oh c’mon. You knew it was coming. Besides, if I’m going to lie about everything else in this list, I might as well have you thinking I’m eager to lick them down there.
45. I'm not.
46. When I say I’m going to do something for somebody, I do it. No excuses.
47. I call men older than me “sir” and women older than me “ma’am.” I say “Please” and “Thank You” and I wave at traffic when they let me in or help me out. I immediately hate fucks who don’t do any of these.
48. Last year, when I was in exchange in Lyon, I jumped off a bridge that’s about 30m off the ground into a river. It was the biggest rush of my life; but, I’m never doing that shit ever again.
And if you can't deal with this:
Fuck you kindly. =)
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