WhY SoMe GuYs U ReaLi LuV CaN Be So EgOiStiC???
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Guess why i put such a topic? I can't help but feel it in this way and i reali need alot of ppl to help me think of it too... dun tell me that you all dun agree... Im sure you do... just tell me how you feel abt this... i also hope those who reply reali can reply honestly abt this... coz this concern everything...
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wah wat happen so sound so serious?Originally posted by kuaigirl:Guess why i put such a topic? I can't help but feel it in this way and i reali need alot of ppl to help me think of it too... dun tell me that you all dun agree... Im sure you do... just tell me how you feel abt this... i also hope those who reply reali can reply honestly abt this... coz this concern everything... 
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nothing serious but somethings keep botherin me long time and i dunno how to say it either... i juz feel confuse abt something that's all and that's why i put such a topic so that someone out there can actuali convince and advice me lah...
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u wanna give more details?
there are guys that u DON'T love that are egoistic too..
or else there are some guys that u COULD love that are NOT egoistic...
so wat did ur bf (or loved one) do to make u feel this way? -
ok... it's like that...Originally posted by jOhO:u wanna give more details?
there are guys that u DON'T love that are egoistic too..
or else there are some guys that u COULD love that are NOT egoistic...
so wat did ur bf (or loved one) do to make u feel this way?
i reali luv this guy and to me, everything is reali missing without him... he's my ex who we been together for abt 4 yrs plus... but becoz of his ego and possessive, we broke up...
then this came another guy into my life which was so dark and cold... i accepted him and also tried to luv him... but the luv i gave him was reali nothing compared to my ex...
i thought that my ex will never come find me but who knows... he appeared again although he told me he never had left at all... he wanted me back but the tot of his ego and everything held me back...
what should i do???
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It's reali so true that sometimes the one you love reali can be so ego compared to the one you dun love... -
i guess that the 1st thing u have 2 do is 2 question yourself. If u love him 4 a particular reason, then it is not true love. U love a person because he/she is who he/she is, not because of something he/she posesses (be it of material or character base). That is, if you can say "I love u because u r who u r" instead of "I love u because u r caring, kind etc.", then i believe that your feelings can be termed true love. Ask yourself if u can accept him for who he is, for what he is. If u can accept him the way he is, then ask yourself if you love him for who he is. Be honest with yourself. Good luck.Originally posted by kuaigirl:ok... it's like that...
i reali luv this guy and to me, everything is reali missing without him... he's my ex who we been together for abt 4 yrs plus... but becoz of his ego and possessive, we broke up...
then this came another guy into my life which was so dark and cold... i accepted him and also tried to luv him... but the luv i gave him was reali nothing compared to my ex...
i thought that my ex will never come find me but who knows... he appeared again although he told me he never had left at all... he wanted me back but the tot of his ego and everything held me back...
what should i do???
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It's reali so true that sometimes the one you love reali can be so ego compared to the one you dun love...
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Originally posted by kuaigirl:
ok... it's like that...
i reali luv this guy and to me, everything is reali missing without him... he's my ex who we been together for abt 4 yrs plus... but becoz of his ego and possessive, we broke up...
u broke off with him becos he was like that i assume. let's keep things simple, u love him but u cannot tahan (not say u didn't try, 4 years rite?), so u broke off with him, nothing wrong there.
then this came another guy into my life which was so dark and cold... i accepted him and also tried to luv him... but the luv i gave him was reali nothing compared to my ex...
dark and cold... nice description but extremely vague. nvm, i assume that is NOT a good thing for simplicity's sake. could he have been a substitute? just someone that was there becos u felt lonely and empty? if that's the case, once u get over ur ex u will stop trying with this guy... in a way it's not very fair to this new guy.
i thought that my ex will never come find me but who knows... he appeared again although he told me he never had left at all... he wanted me back but the tot of his ego and everything held me back...
keeping things simple till i get further details, we've all heard about pple breaking off, going with another person, and the ex comes back and 3 days of drama later, the original couple gets back together, leaving them wondering how to pick up from where they lift off and another totally hurt and angry. i believe once u break-off there's not turning back. two reasons: first, pple that are serious and really know wat a true reln is all about do not break-off that easily, it has to be something drastic, and it will be drastic enuff not to ever turn back. it doesn't have to involve hatred, but it's bad enuff to never wanna get back together. second, pple who aren't really that serious in relns (every 6 months change bf/gf, every argument threaten to break-up, wilful and immature slamming the phone, cold war for 2 weeks, having flings while still in reln etc etc) will always break off and patch back and break off again for the same or other reasons. in the end also break off fully.
basically, i believe when a couple breaks off, that's it. patching back usually doesn't work. a very logical reason is becos the reason that u broke off in the first place is very commonly the reason for subquent break-ups... so wat's the point. of course there are cases where pple change (quite rare, if u're egoistic u're egoistic).
what should i do???
be single....i dun recommend getting back together with ur ex, and i definitely dun think u should continue to delude this present bf of urs. u can do it. concentrate on other things like studies, good frens and hobbies. find something fun to do, have a goal to work towards. it's very hard and time consuming but u can do it. -
If you are yearning for the kind of affection that your ex has given you, and you are willing to bear with all forms of egoism from him, then it might be better to RE-accept him (at your own desire).
Seems like you are comparing the present available guy in your life to your ex. It's quite unfair to him and to yourself if you can't commit your heart into loving the present guy.
If need be, choose to remain single for a while. Know what kind of man you want in your life. I believe you're still young, rite? It might be better to sort out your feelings before you get attached again.
My 2 cents worth.
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Hi Kuai Girl
Joho has given you a step by step analysis into your problems while Xaiver has touched on the issue of the effects of love on the rebound assuming you recently broke up.
I suppose thats on of the biggest deciding factor isnt it? His ego and possessiveness. However what do you mean by *everything*? You mean theres more? Which brings me to the next point.Originally posted by kuaigirl:he wanted me back but the tot of his ego and everything held me back...
Barring the above factors, would you still go back to him?
Have you ever made known to him about his possesiveness? Is he aware of it? Have you spoken your true feelings on this? Or it just erupts into quarrels the moment this matter is brought up? Has there been any steps taken to minimise this?
Could YOU be partly to blame for it? You are more outgoing, more GUY friends? Stuff like that.
Possesiveness is also a form of love, although in a bad way, like negative reinforcement.
If you have feelings for him, you should go back to him, but 1st you guys should trash things out, and come out with exactly why you people did not make it in the 1st place and how to resolve it.
Tell him your needs, fears and give him your assurance. Similiarly, ask the same of him. And stick to it this time.
I am going against most of what people have proposed, as I believe you should trust your heart in these issues sometimes. Unless of course that guy isnt worth it. (which we do not know yet)
As for that dark guy...unless you can really banish all feelings of love for your ex, you will never be able to truely love this dark guy
Keep us updated. -
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Some guys have a very big ego it is because some of them do not be seen weaklings in front of other people and having the ego is just a kind of shell they use to hide their real feelings and self from those around them
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peppermint does have a point, esp about sometimes just follow ur heart... however we all know too well that the heart is the cause of illogical and irrational diecision making. the heart is definitely where love and care and kindness and all the good things come from, but when shaken it is a poor defender.
this is where our logical brains come in to counter attack for our hearts. often time, this counter attack is made weak yet again by the very very very strong emotions from the heart. sometimes we have to let our brain take over and let it decide. and worse still.. sometimes try as we may, our brain can never take full control.. i guess that's where our frens and family come in to push us along.
well either way we are all hoping that things work out for the best.. if u refer to my other posts (can't remember where) i mention that no matter how failed any reln (or anything in life for that matter!) it is imperative that we learn from it, to make us better pple. those that make mistakes aren't failures, but rather those that refuse to learn from them. -
Firstly, i dun realli like guys who are egolistic.. maybe it's a trend or sth.. seems like quite a number of guys are lidat. Since u dislike ego and demanding guys, den dun fall back to patch wif ur ex again.. try to salvage ur current relationship.. if he realli dotes u.. or else.. no use staying wif someone u dun love at all.
There are alot of guys out there.. who maybe a better choice for you, dun juz stick ur choices to onli ur ex and ur current. U liked ur ex.. but u can't accept him.. then there's no use patching..
usually... patching up after a breakup dun work.. cos u all haven worked out ur differences.. patching up onli makes u try to forget the other party's difference for a moment.. but it doesn't solve ur differences( in ur case.. his ego
Girl... sometimes. pple dun change bcos they noe where they went wrong.. they juz keep repeating their mistakes.. ego.. is whether u can or cannot accept.. he wun change this "habit"
It's up to u to decide.. i hope tt what i said can be of use.. and u shd realli tink thru.. whether u wan either of them.. or none of them
Regards,
Stephanie -
Joho
Agree with your comments too. Just wanted to offer her an alternative view.
I am really hoping that this ex of hers is not some *bad* guy, and this dark, cold guy is not someone hoping to cash in on her emotional weakness at this point in time.
*Using* the brain to do the thinking would be the politically correct thing to do, but would it lead to the *heart* being happy? She has mentiond that she could not show the love to the new guy as what she had done before to her ex. It is this *shadow* inside her which will most likely surface in all her furture relationships and cause both parties much heartbreak.
I would rather she go through with her ex one more time to see if it works out again and if not, carry on with both their lifes, and have no regrets, no *ifs* in future. -
yeah..... some guys are juz so ego!!
some even put u down juz to boost their own ego... tat one damn irritating...
got one friend called me up yday and told me how depress she was juz becuz her bf told her tat she is very very fat... how could guys be so mean at times... she is hafing her exams now and no time to really take care of herself... naturally her figure go abit out of shape lar... hehehe... he still haf to rub in on her wound... other den saying she fat den nvm... he haf to sound like he is so fit... everyday go gym... train this muscle tat muscle...
i feel tat he is putting her down juz to boost his own ego... he always tok to ppl with this: "i am so handsome" tone... argh!! can't stand it...
for guys who do this to gals.... better watch out cuz after the whole depression thing we are in... we start to think back and find out wat make us depress... den we will noe tat is ur words telling us how fat we are tat make us depress... we will remember tat and one day... we will do juz the same...
for info... my friend is only 48kg... max 50kg i think -
Rain_Tree
48kg isnt fat. Unless she's very short.
Agree that some guys really put us guys to shame.
Sometimes I make fun of my gf too. However my intent was not to hurt but more to lighten up the mood. But she intreprets it wrongly and rightly told me so. Thinking back, I really was bad, so I apologized to her. Since then, I have tried not to make fun of her on sensitive topics.
Well you got a nice bf now havent you? The *nothing* issue any conclusions? -
Peppermint:
Well it's always good to know the two sides of the coin.
I guess the only comment i have is that life is ALWAYS full of "what ifs".... there's gotta be MORE than this reason for her to patch back with this bf of hers... and i'm sure there will be if she wants to.
good luck to you kuaigirl!
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Hope so, but sadly / happily, the bad seems to *outshine* the good as she had mentioned earlier in her posts.Originally posted by jOhO:Peppermint:
there's gotta be MORE than this reason for her to patch back with this bf of hers...
But yup, all the best to you Kuai Ger! -
she is around 157cm loh.... hehehheeOriginally posted by Peppermint:Rain_Tree
48kg isnt fat. Unless she's very short.
Agree that some guys really put us guys to shame.
Sometimes I make fun of my gf too. However my intent was not to hurt but more to lighten up the mood. But she intreprets it wrongly and rightly told me so. Thinking back, I really was bad, so I apologized to her. Since then, I have tried not to make fun of her on sensitive topics.
Well you got a nice bf now havent you? The *nothing* issue any conclusions?
i dun find her fat lar.... her bf is abit freakish when comes to topic of fats... he totally freak out when he add few cm to his waist... vain guy bah.... lolz
my bf also got make fun of me being fat.... hahaha..... but its very very obvious tat he is joking de... i always scold him mean guy in joking way also... he suan me fat juz to see my reaction... cuz i will suddenly jump up and ask:" where where!!!"
.... den panic and ran to the mirror.... hahaha.... den he will roll on the floor and luff at me
the "nothing" topic is useful... but not so much on my bf cuz seriously i think he thinks like a gal... so maybe can try the gal approach... not saying he is sissy... but he is the one who always say:"nothing".... "okie.. Fine!!".... "u go do wat u wan"
hehe...
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I'm HUNGRY....
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Hmm I will think of something. Do you happen to stay in the western side of Singapore? If so perhaps, if I can dig out the books, I can pass them to you for your reference. Its useful. You can read with your bf. Thats what I did with my gf.Originally posted by rain_tree:the "nothing" topic is useful... but not so much on my bf cuz seriously i think he thinks like a gal... so maybe can try the gal approach... not saying he is sissy... but he is the one who always say:"nothing".... "okie.. Fine!!".... "u go do wat u wan"
hehe...
Or I can just pass it to you during one of the outings.
No offence but maybe he finds you too pesky? Like asking too much questions? Ahh that's the beauty of releationships aint it? So unpredictable and full of suprises. -
/me feed Devil1976 some leftover cat foodOriginally posted by Devil1976:I'm HUNGRY.... -
You FORGOT to mention the HEART ATTACK and HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE...?Originally posted by Peppermint:No offence but maybe he finds you too pesky? Like asking too much questions? Ahh that's the beauty of releationships aint it? So unpredictable and full of suprises. -
i happen to stay at the northeast... and happen tat my bf dun let me go for outings... and happen tat he dun bother to read... lolzOriginally posted by Peppermint:Hmm I will think of something. Do you happen to stay in the western side of Singapore? If so perhaps, if I can dig out the books, I can pass them to you for your reference. Its useful. You can read with your bf. Thats what I did with my gf.
Or I can just pass it to you during one of the outings.
No offence but maybe he finds you too pesky? Like asking too much questions? Ahh that's the beauty of releationships aint it? So unpredictable and full of suprises.
i dun really ask alot of questions lar..... he ask more den me... hp ring... he will ask... who is it? wat is abt? why cannot call/msg other ppl?.... hehehe..... i let him do watever he wants... juz inform me can liao.... not need permission de... hehe -
-_-"Originally posted by rain_tree:/me feed Devil1976 some leftover cat food