The big deal about chastity
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Extracted from The Straits Times.. for reading pleasure.
By Samuel Lee
It's strange to insist on virgin brides when there is no guarantee of matrimonial bliss whether a girl is a virgin or not.
IF YOU, like me, think that virginity as a virtue in the 21st century is overrated, wait till you get a whiff of this.
The middle-aged mother of a friend's friend was lamenting to her friends last week that her only son was seeing a non-virgin.
'I nearly had a heart attack when he told me he was quite serious about marrying her,' said the English-educated housewife, whom my acquaintances had previously admired for her open-mindedness.
'I'm sure there are other good girls who haven't had sex before.'
If I had been there during her outburst, I would have replied sarcastically: 'Why worry? If he can't find one here, he can always follow the lead of many Singaporean men who travel to Vietnam and China in search of virgin brides.'
When I heard about the incident, my mind travelled back to medieval times, when a woman's chastity was prized above all else and even put to the test on her wedding night.
She would be deemed okay if she stained the bedsheet a deep red because the blood signified that she was pure and undefiled.
If, for whatever reason, she did not bleed, she would be shamed, put away, and in some cultures, stoned to death.
Thankfully, such barbaric practices are unthinkable today, not to mention unreliable, given modern technology.
Hymens which have been broken can be surgically reconstructed these days, allowing prostitutes, rape victims and women who had theirs torn in the course of vigorous sports to be 'restored'.
But my question is: Why should they feel any less whole to begin with?
Doesn't it arise from the fact that, to some extent, society still places a premium on a woman's virginity?
Men, on the other hand, are not similarly strictured.
In fact, in some societies today, the male can still get away with being polygamous and promiscuous, both before and after marriage.
So why the double standard? Shouldn't the insistence on abstinence apply to both genders?
Why should the man stand to gain from the onerous burden imposed upon the woman?
As a Christian, I was brought up to believe that pre-marital sex is a sin. The theological basis is that one's body is the temple of God. Hence, it should not be tainted by any immorality - sexual or otherwise.
Apart from that, there are other practical reasons why sex should wait till two people are joined in matrimony.
From the perspective of health, marriage between two people who have not had sex before means a disease-free relationship.
More importantly, virginity signifies the start of an equal partnership where both parties can learn about sex together, and grow as one in intimate matters.
But, alas, can such ideals survive the times we live in, where teenage sexual experimentation is more the norm than the exception? You could view this either as a loosening of morals or, conversely, a sign of increasing openness. Blame it on the mass media, literature, films and music, if you must, for propagating the notion that having sex is as commonplace as taking a shower.
To borrow from the song: Birds do it, bees do it and even educated fleas do it.
The way I see it, there's nothing to shout about if you've done it before marriage. Neither is there anything to be ashamed of if you haven't.
There's no need to make a big deal out of virginity.
As a wise woman said to me: 'Lose it when you feel the time is right, not before or after. It is precious and special, but it's not the Holy Grail.'
I couldn't have said it better.
So, good luck for those who insist on going on their quest for virgin brides. Just remember, marrying a virgin is no guarantee of matrimonial bliss.
It isn't, it wasn't and it ain't never gonna be. -
Like going to the ntuc, do u go and buy those old and dented cans of sardine, or u choose 1 tat is dentless and looks new?
tat's just human lor...
Some prefer it new, some insist it is new... some dun mind it is used.
It's your choice...
U choose others, others choose u too
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i am a gentleman
Check for your smiley here -
I don't think people shld have sex before marriage, im sure its someone special you want to keep for the one. But anyway even if my future wife wasn't a virgin i think its fine what, everyone has their past and their stories
Perhapes virginity is being used to measure how good a character she has here -
Can I noe how to noe 1 is virgin or not?
Guys n Gals. -
Originally posted by xian89:Can I noe how to noe 1 is virgin or not?
Guys n Gals.
Never read the article up there? 
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wat abt guys?Originally posted by Parka: Never read the article up there? -
guys ah, i don't think you will be able to differentiate ..
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Why expect so much for your other half when we ourselves are nothing better.. or maybe much worse. Does a virgin really matters?
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its not a matter of virginity, its a matter of principle.
Losing viriginity is easy, every one also can but think why some choose not to?
cos its something i wanna reserve for my future wife not becos she WANS it or she NEEDS it, but becos i respect her. In these times where people have sex like no one's business, keeping ur virginity for ur spouse is a sign of how much u love the person to preserve it for him/her.
of cos, virginity is no guarantee for a successful marriage but that doesnt mean u can then go around having sex. -
just in case, i am NOT stuck up with having a virgin wife, i am just stating my own case. I dun expect my wife to be a virgin. As i said its respect, preserving my virginity is one of my way of showing my love and committment...my wife will have her own way to show her love and committment to me...
but as said, it is still no excuse for people to sleep around. -
Guys just see how experienced he is la
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so in e end is chastity important to u guys?
will u still luv e ger after u find out she not a virgin?
will u use tis to insult her when u all quarrel? -
chastity is impt but not everything... ultimately what matters is e heart... i will still luv my girl even if she is not a V... insult? no way...Originally posted by Si|verGer:so in e end is chastity important to u guys?
will u still luv e ger after u find out she not a virgin?
will u use tis to insult her when u all quarrel? -
Yes i will still love her, everyone has a past.Originally posted by Si|verGer:so in e end is chastity important to u guys?
will u still luv e ger after u find out she not a virgin?
will u use tis to insult her when u all quarrel?
But i read stories of guys abandon the gf they were going to marry because she wasn't a virgin. I think its good for the girl, i mean if he can dump you for that reason you should really ask which part of you he liked in the first place -
chastity not dat impt 1 leh
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what in the past is over wad importance is present n futureOriginally posted by Si|verGer:so in e end is chastity important to u guys?
will u still luv e ger after u find out she not a virgin?
will u use tis to insult her when u all quarrel? yes i will still love her
unless she playing the field too much den its better i dun know -
I still haven given away my first kiss
So I suppose its all right for me to expect a little more from the girl that I will eventually end up with..
I guess its all about individualistic preferences.. surely expecting somebody to fulfill a certain criteria which u yourself cannot accomplish is a tad unfair ya? -
i would like to state the difference between chastity and virginity. 1 is a state of mind, the other a physical being.
a virgin is 1 who has never had sex before. (masturbation is subjective)
a person who is chaste, isn't necessarily a virgin, rather she is one who does not sleep wif any tom's hairy dick, but only the one that she feels is worthy being screwed by, be it before or after marriage, be he the 1st, 2nd or 100th. -
totally agreedOriginally posted by Forever84:I don't think people shld have sex before marriage, im sure its someone special you want to keep for the one. But anyway even if my future wife wasn't a virgin i think its fine what, everyone has their past and their stories
Perhapes virginity is being used to measure how good a character she has here
as u love her bcos she is her
virgin or not cm on
we r new age pple
be a little open minded
right
look like
great mind tink alike
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i second that.Originally posted by nismoS132:i would like to state the difference between chastity and virginity. 1 is a state of mind, the other a physical being.
a virgin is 1 who has never had sex before. (masturbation is subjective)
a person who is chaste, isn't necessarily a virgin, rather she is one who does not sleep wif any tom's hairy dick, but only the one that she feels is worthy being screwed by, be it before or after marriage, be he the 1st, 2nd or 100th. -
It's has always been e guys...
since wen did girls insisted on having a virgin husband??
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Because you can't tell if it's the truth even if he claimed to be so
since wen did girls insisted on having a virgin husband??
It is better to marry a woman for the beauty of her mind and soul not for her body. -
Aiyo virgin nia.. as long as u love the ger/guy can liao mah tink too much make yr self headache leh..
u dun like her/him even he virgin oso no use.. -
if u hv done it and feel remorseful. u can be forgiven. i for myself believe that its better to be pure. if you rather your partner be pure, u hv to keep up the standard u set, judged not lest ye be judged? get it? otherwise u would be hypocritical. everyone is like this. their mentality is "i can sleep with anyone i want, but no one should sleep with my gf except me" deep in their hearts its like this. hypocritical isn't it? of course in modern context we dun do stoning, but the stoning of the past showed how serious this is to God, of course if you don't believe, or you don't treat God seriously. the seriousness of this issue would not be very significant in your life, as shown in your thread. of course even now. we don't look down on ppl cuz they did it b4 they were married, or become single parent or things like that, firstly, they are still our sisters/brothers. we still love them. 2ndly, so far. all of them are remorseful that they could not keep the commandment, of course the child brought them joy. tahts a good thing. =)
and also. about your view on "birds do it, bees do it" opinion. God created these beautiful creatures, and had programmed them that they would mate in certain times. in fact, we humans are the only beings that were given a spirit, and choice. like Adam chose to sin? and Jesus chose to follow God. let just say, be what you expect your partner to be. not just the case of virginity, but cases like u want your partner to be a good listener? you be the good listener! if you want your partner to be kind and gentle, you be kind and gentle. that way, the people you meet will more likely be kind and gentle too. as they say, birds of the feather, flock together?