Suggestion Plz...
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I have this fren who i know a very long time... He used to be someone i like alot... But now, we finally talked over and we know that nothing possible will come out... Now, he had become one of my best pal... He came to know this gal who is oso one of my fren and they got along very well... Then this guy told me that he fell in love with this gal and this gal's a bitch oso... At first, she tried to make this guy like her and in the end when this guy reali realised he loved her, she so-called choose not to be with this guy and say they remain fren... my guy fren is reali sad... i wanna console him but dunno where to start... he is so not over this bitch till he tried to make himself drunk... Although this is stupid, but that's the only thing to make him slp through the nite... Pls teach me how to help him... I dun wish to see him so sad though...
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sometimes a timely silence is more precious than a timely word. Just be by his side, nothing u say can help him, he will get by it in time hopefully.Originally posted by kabelgir|:I have this fren who i know a very long time... He used to be someone i like alot... But now, we finally talked over and we know that nothing possible will come out... Now, he had become one of my best pal... He came to know this gal who is oso one of my fren and they got along very well... Then this guy told me that he fell in love with this gal and this gal's a bitch oso... At first, she tried to make this guy like her and in the end when this guy reali realised he loved her, she so-called choose not to be with this guy and say they remain fren... my guy fren is reali sad... i wanna console him but dunno where to start... he is so not over this bitch till he tried to make himself drunk... Although this is stupid, but that's the only thing to make him slp through the nite... Pls teach me how to help him... I dun wish to see him so sad though... -
Hey, that's a good one... but i reali hope to help him overcome this... but not becoz i still like him... but becoz it reali hurts to see a fren so sad... moreover, becoz of such a gal...Originally posted by gasband:sometimes a timely silence is more precious than a timely word. Just be by his side, nothing u say can help him, he will get by it in time hopefully. -
i have a fren who took almost 4 years to get over a girl, imagine if we were to tok to him everytime, he would just wallow in that despair every time, tok to him abt it onlli when u need to, otherwise, just let him noe u are there to encourage him. Thats what we did to our this fren, we finally just quit toking abt it totally and let him begin his private his healing process, today he is happily with his current gf..Originally posted by kabelgir|:Hey, that's a good one... but i reali hope to help him overcome this... but not becoz i still like him... but becoz it reali hurts to see a fren so sad... moreover, becoz of such a gal... -
That's a tough one!! But if you dare to love, he should learn to accept rejects, not all guys win the war. Leave him alone to think!!!Originally posted by kabelgir|:I have this fren who i know a very long time... He used to be someone i like alot... But now, we finally talked over and we know that nothing possible will come out... Now, he had become one of my best pal... He came to know this gal who is oso one of my fren and they got along very well... Then this guy told me that he fell in love with this gal and this gal's a bitch oso... At first, she tried to make this guy like her and in the end when this guy reali realised he loved her, she so-called choose not to be with this guy and say they remain fren... my guy fren is reali sad... i wanna console him but dunno where to start... he is so not over this bitch till he tried to make himself drunk... Although this is stupid, but that's the only thing to make him slp through the nite... Pls teach me how to help him... I dun wish to see him so sad though... -
I tried leaving him alone to think... but it gets worse somehow... He gets more and more drunk each time and this hurts everyone... even his sister say he will lock himself in the room when he reach home and he became less cheerful... He reali a fun guy and this stupid gal can reali make him turn 360 degree... at times, im afraid to help him too... i dun wan others to think that i concern abt him not becoz of pure concern... understand by that? they may think that i care for him coz i still wan him to wan me... a bit silly rite? but that's what human thinking is...Originally posted by Capricorn:That's a tough one!! But if you dare to love, he should learn to accept rejects, not all guys win the war. Leave him alone to think!!! -
i oso have a fren who took almost that time to forget a gal. a gal who find him not charming and too caring. till now, he's afraid of rejection and that's why he dare not know any gals outside... it's juz a fear that he have inside that stop him... but perhaps, he'll be happier this way...Originally posted by gasband:i have a fren who took almost 4 years to get over a girl, imagine if we were to tok to him everytime, he would just wallow in that despair every time, tok to him abt it onlli when u need to, otherwise, just let him noe u are there to encourage him. Thats what we did to our this fren, we finally just quit toking abt it totally and let him begin his private his healing process, today he is happily with his current gf..
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Ic, I got the point here, but the opposite would juz happen if you will to keep supporting him now. If he still likes you, he will fall for you even more. Only times can heal now.....Originally posted by kabelgir|:I tried leaving him alone to think... but it gets worse somehow... He gets more and more drunk each time and this hurts everyone... even his sister say he will lock himself in the room when he reach home and he became less cheerful... He reali a fun guy and this stupid gal can reali make him turn 360 degree... at times, im afraid to help him too... i dun wan others to think that i concern abt him not becoz of pure concern... understand by that? they may think that i care for him coz i still wan him to wan me... a bit silly rite? but that's what human thinking is... -
there's one thing im sure and that is he wont be with me... im the one who actuali told him i like him and that time, he confessed that he like me too but no matter what, we wont be together coz our character dun click at all... though im reali sad that he made such a decision so soon but quite glad too coz at least he wont wan me to waste any time and effort on him... at times, im reali hoping that something will come out from us but till now, nothing at all... guess, i can only be a pillar for him to lie on only when he is helpless...Originally posted by Capricorn:Ic, I got the point here, but the opposite would juz happen if you will to keep supporting him now. If he still likes you, he will fall for you even more. Only times can heal now..... -
So are saying that you want to be with him but he juz dun wan to waste your time? Or he can commit himself to you?Originally posted by kabelgir|:there's one thing im sure and that is he wont be with me... im the one who actuali told him i like him and that time, he confessed that he like me too but no matter what, we wont be together coz our character dun click at all... though im reali sad that he made such a decision so soon but quite glad too coz at least he wont wan me to waste any time and effort on him... at times, im reali hoping that something will come out from us but till now, nothing at all... guess, i can only be a pillar for him to lie on only when he is helpless... -
hmm....as wat i hv read from ur posts.....Originally posted by kabelgir|:I have this fren who i know a very long time... He used to be someone i like alot... But now, we finally talked over and we know that nothing possible will come out... Now, he had become one of my best pal... He came to know this gal who is oso one of my fren and they got along very well... Then this guy told me that he fell in love with this gal and this gal's a bitch oso... At first, she tried to make this guy like her and in the end when this guy reali realised he loved her, she so-called choose not to be with this guy and say they remain fren... my guy fren is reali sad... i wanna console him but dunno where to start... he is so not over this bitch till he tried to make himself drunk... Although this is stupid, but that's the only thing to make him slp through the nite... Pls teach me how to help him... I dun wish to see him so sad though...
there will be only one advice for u...... since u are someone that i can see, cares alot for your friend..... there is no other way then to shower ur care and concern towards him..... u hv to be perpared that he might call u in the middle of the night asking u out for a drink or talk etc.... of cos alof of ppl will start to speculate that u are interested in him etc..... if u doing wat u deem right, why cares abt wat other ppl's comments abt u?
but of cos at the same time i hv to tell u to beware..... as most of these situations will end up being attached together..... i am not saying that its a bad thing for the two of u to be together.... but under this circumstances, both of u might not be even aware that are the both of u getting together juz for the companionship or is it love? but to shower care and concern for ur fren and to prevent such typical incident from happening is quite a tough task.....
if u are both physically and mentally prepared for it... why not... its u who will be the one that is clearer then us that wat ur fren really need now.....
last but not least.... if u two ended up being a loving couple in the future.... i shall give u my blessing here....
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well, sort of actuali... but i can used to ... not now... now, i can say, i care due to pure concern...Originally posted by Capricorn:So are saying that you want to be with him but he juz dun wan to waste your time? Or he can commit himself to you? -
I got the picture, but if he accept you now u might not be able to reject him, you know? Once again, try to figure out that he accept you due to companionship or love?Originally posted by kabelgir|:well, sort of actuali... but i can used to ... not now... now, i can say, i care due to pure concern... -
frankly, i reali hope such thing will happen to me... but on the other hand, hope not... why? coz im sure if both of us get together, to me, it's so called love but to him, probably companionship... i know if someone is sad and hurt and one party console him, most probably they will end up together. coz the one who is hurt will mistaken companionship into love and that is what i dun wan at all... i once been sad and lonely too and in the end, i mistaken my love for that guy as true love. in the end, we part. coz it's a mistake to be with him at the beginning...Originally posted by anfuni:hmm....as wat i hv read from ur posts.....
there will be only one advice for u...... since u are someone that i can see, cares alot for your friend..... there is no other way then to shower ur care and concern towards him..... u hv to be perpared that he might call u in the middle of the night asking u out for a drink or talk etc.... of cos alof of ppl will start to speculate that u are interested in him etc..... if u doing wat u deem right, why cares abt wat other ppl's comments abt u?
but of cos at the same time i hv to tell u to beware..... as most of these situations will end up being attached together..... i am not saying that its a bad thing for the two of u to be together.... but under this circumstances, both of u might not be even aware that are the both of u getting together juz for the companionship or is it love? but to shower care and concern for ur fren and to prevent such typical incident from happening is quite a tough task.....
if u are both physically and mentally prepared for it... why not... its u who will be the one that is clearer then us that wat ur fren really need now.....
last but not least.... if u two ended up being a loving couple in the future.... i shall give u my blessing here.... -
Dear Kabel,Originally posted by kabelgir|:I have this fren who i know a very long time... He used to be someone i like alot... But now, we finally talked over and we know that nothing possible will come out... Now, he had become one of my best pal... He came to know this gal who is oso one of my fren and they got along very well... Then this guy told me that he fell in love with this gal and this gal's a bitch oso... At first, she tried to make this guy like her and in the end when this guy reali realised he loved her, she so-called choose not to be with this guy and say they remain fren... my guy fren is reali sad... i wanna console him but dunno where to start... he is so not over this bitch till he tried to make himself drunk... Although this is stupid, but that's the only thing to make him slp through the nite... Pls teach me how to help him... I dun wish to see him so sad though...
Just to sidetrack a little: Nothing possible that could come out? Reasons being? Unable to give commitment like you already attached and similiar?
Another question: you said that she is a b|tch, but are you looking at it subjectively or objectively? *Don't have to answer me on this question, you answer yourself.*
Supposingly that she is utterly a b|tch, you friend falls in love with her - there is little you can do. He *CHOSE* to took her as a potential to be with and when he get played around by her little fingers, harsh as it may seemed, he has to stand up eventually by himself. Like what others had mentioned, there is little you could say or anything. Furthermore, he is trying to get drunk over a b|tch? (supposing from a neutral unbiased POV and she is still considered one) Oh man... If it was me, I would be seriously disappointed in him.
Trust me - for some reasons, you both cannot be together, but I were to guarantee you this: If you show overly concern over this matter and were to pity, go *all out* to pull him through this - he is 85% likely to chase you back.
Another issue is that, he is drunk - you know about it, which means it goes to show he WANTS you to know about it. Wanting your sympathy for his predicament? Or a subconscious desire for your care and concern?
Cheers -
Hi pal, see the underlined, for some reasons when you said this some gals would rather want to prove that they can make it, dun know if Kabel is one of them?Originally posted by Yunhaier:Dear Kabel,
Just to sidetrack a little: Nothing possible that could come out? Reasons being? Unable to give commitment like you already attached and similiar?
Another question: you said that she is a b|tch, but are you looking at it subjectively or objectively? *Don't have to answer me on this question, you answer yourself.*
Supposingly that she is utterly a b|tch, you friend falls in love with her - there is little you can do. He *CHOSE* to took her as a potential to be with and when he get played around by her little fingers, harsh as it may seemed, he has to stand up eventually by himself. Like what others had mentioned, there is little you could say or anything. Furthermore, he is trying to get drunk over a b|tch? (supposing from a neutral unbiased POV and she is still considered one) Oh man... If it was me, I would be seriously disappointed in him.
Trust me - for some reasons, you both cannot be together. I were to guarantee you this: If you show overly concern over this matter and were to pity, go *all out* to pull him through this - he is 85% likely to chase you back.
Another issue is that, he is drunk - you know about it, which means it goes to show he WANTS you to know about it. Wanting your sympathy for his predicament? Or a subconscious desire for your care and concern?
Cheers
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why not talk it out with him......may be he like you and got someting that holding him back.If u really care and conern and love him.talk to him and let him know.Originally posted by kabelgir|:frankly, i reali hope such thing will happen to me... but on the other hand, hope not... why? coz im sure if both of us get together, to me, it's so called love but to him, probably companionship... i know if someone is sad and hurt and one party console him, most probably they will end up together. coz the one who is hurt will mistaken companionship into love and that is what i dun wan at all... i once been sad and lonely too and in the end, i mistaken my love for that guy as true love. in the end, we part. coz it's a mistake to be with him at the beginning... -
give yourself a chance and other a hope...........
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hiaya time will heal all woundsOriginally posted by kabelgir|:I have this fren who i know a very long time... He used to be someone i like alot... But now, we finally talked over and we know that nothing possible will come out... Now, he had become one of my best pal... He came to know this gal who is oso one of my fren and they got along very well... Then this guy told me that he fell in love with this gal and this gal's a bitch oso... At first, she tried to make this guy like her and in the end when this guy reali realised he loved her, she so-called choose not to be with this guy and say they remain fren... my guy fren is reali sad... i wanna console him but dunno where to start... he is so not over this bitch till he tried to make himself drunk... Although this is stupid, but that's the only thing to make him slp through the nite... Pls teach me how to help him... I dun wish to see him so sad though...
get the idea across that at least he have a good pal like u
lohz no matter wat u will stand by him
come on why shed tears for a ger like tis not worth it
shd stand up and tel himself it is the ger loss k tat all for nw -
i'm trying to be a devil here: r u really trying to help him or u r trying to help urself? if u still hope that u can get him to be wif u by helping him, then i cant help, sorry.Originally posted by kabelgir|:I have this fren who i know a very long time... He used to be someone i like alot... But now, we finally talked over and we know that nothing possible will come out... Now, he had become one of my best pal... He came to know this gal who is oso one of my fren and they got along very well... Then this guy told me that he fell in love with this gal and this gal's a bitch oso... At first, she tried to make this guy like her and in the end when this guy reali realised he loved her, she so-called choose not to be with this guy and say they remain fren... my guy fren is reali sad... i wanna console him but dunno where to start... he is so not over this bitch till he tried to make himself drunk... Although this is stupid, but that's the only thing to make him slp through the nite... Pls teach me how to help him... I dun wish to see him so sad though...
but if u r sincerely trying to help him, my advise to u is to let him be alone. let him grief, let him cry, let him drink as much as he wants. he'll get tired and will recover sooner than u think.
if u wanna play ur part in helping him, tell him this story:
there was this family staying in a landed property, who had a very big pet dog. one day, this dog began to make a lot of noise by howling and groaning every now and then.
it was really irritating and disturbing to their neighbours. and worse, the howling and groaning continued the next day. soon, all the neighbours in the same street began to wonder and asked the dog's family what went wrong wif their dog.
the family juz replied, "oh, it's nothing. our dog is juz pure lazy."
puzzled by the family's cold reply, the neighbours don't know what they meant.
the howling and groaning by the dog went on the 3rd day. the neighbours got irritated and asked again.
the family replied the same thing, "oh, it's ok. he is juz pure lazy. he juz need to get up and walk and everything's ok."
the neighbours were bewildered by the reply and began to wonder if the dog has been mistreated. finally, they called on the SPCA to check on the family's dog when the howling and groaning went on for the 4th day.
before they can knock on the door of the dog onwer, the members of the SPCA can already hear that poor dog's howl and groan from afar. curious neighbours tagged along to see what has actually happened to the dog.
again, the dog owner gave the same cold reply to the members of the SPCA, "oh, it's fine. he juz pure lazy."
the howling and groaning suddenly grew more intense and the members of the SPCA demanded the dog owner to open the door and let them see the dog.
the owner obliged, showing them the way to the backyard. the backyard had some dismantled furniture and the dog was sitting on the mess of wooden planks and pieces.
and u know what they see? the dog was physically alright, though still making noises. the dog looked at them wif its teary eyes, and started whining.
the owner explained, "my dog has sat on piece of dismantled furniture, and a small little nail has pricked his butt. the nail did not pierce into his flesh, but only his skin. all he need to do is to get up by himself and walk away!"
the owner's spouse added, "but he's not, he continue to sit on it for days, and he chose to howl and groan telling ppl how much pain he is going thru. he's such a big dog, we can't help him up, only he himself can."
the members of the SPCA and the neighbours understood the situation and left the place, leaving the big dog on the nail. the dog, initially thought that the crowd of strangers wud help him, wud console him and wud help him treat his wounds, but did not do so.
seeing his hope has diminished, he got up and walk away from the nail. -
Hmm...?Originally posted by Yunhaier:Dear Kabel,
Just to sidetrack a little: Nothing possible that could come out? Reasons being? Unable to give commitment like you already attached and similiar?
Another question: you said that she is a b|tch, but are you looking at it subjectively or objectively? *Don't have to answer me on this question, you answer yourself.*
Supposingly that she is utterly a b|tch, you friend falls in love with her - there is little you can do. He *CHOSE* to took her as a potential to be with and when he get played around by her little fingers, harsh as it may seemed, he has to stand up eventually by himself. Like what others had mentioned, there is little you could say or anything. Furthermore, he is trying to get drunk over a b|tch? (supposing from a neutral unbiased POV and she is still considered one) Oh man... If it was me, I would be seriously disappointed in him.
Trust me - for some reasons, you both cannot be together, but I were to guarantee you this: If you show overly concern over this matter and were to pity, go *all out* to pull him through this - he is 85% likely to chase you back.
Another issue is that, he is drunk - you know about it, which means it goes to show he WANTS you to know about it. Wanting your sympathy for his predicament? Or a subconscious desire for your care and concern?
Cheers -
thanks for your advice but i reali am confused abt your pointers. becoz of some reasons that i cant tell everyone,we reali cant be together at all so no matter how good i treat him, that will only make him guilty towards me but will not make him decide to be with me...Originally posted by Yunhaier:Dear Kabel,
Just to sidetrack a little: Nothing possible that could come out? Reasons being? Unable to give commitment like you already attached and similiar?
Another question: you said that she is a b|tch, but are you looking at it subjectively or objectively? *Don't have to answer me on this question, you answer yourself.*
Supposingly that she is utterly a b|tch, you friend falls in love with her - there is little you can do. He *CHOSE* to took her as a potential to be with and when he get played around by her little fingers, harsh as it may seemed, he has to stand up eventually by himself. Like what others had mentioned, there is little you could say or anything. Furthermore, he is trying to get drunk over a b|tch? (supposing from a neutral unbiased POV and she is still considered one) Oh man... If it was me, I would be seriously disappointed in him.
Trust me - for some reasons, you both cannot be together, but I were to guarantee you this: If you show overly concern over this matter and were to pity, go *all out* to pull him through this - he is 85% likely to chase you back.
Another issue is that, he is drunk - you know about it, which means it goes to show he WANTS you to know about it. Wanting your sympathy for his predicament? Or a subconscious desire for your care and concern?
Cheers
perhaps you are right... he want me to know he wants to get drunk... coz he know no matter what happen, i will always be there to console him and never leave him alone... should i juz leave him alone for once to think for himself??? -
What I meant by my chunk of third paragraph is that don't you feel disappointed that the guy you fancy have a drastic drip in the taste of girl? (you claims that she was a b|tch). If it was me, I would certainly look at him in another way from then on.Originally posted by kabelgir|:thanks for your advice but i reali am confused abt your pointers. becoz of some reasons that i cant tell everyone,we reali cant be together at all so no matter how good i treat him, that will only make him guilty towards me but will not make him decide to be with me...
perhaps you are right... he want me to know he wants to get drunk... coz he know no matter what happen, i will always be there to console him and never leave him alone... should i juz leave him alone for once to think for himself??? 
Cannot be together for some reasons, like many thousand cases that told me the same thing: If you people fell in love with someone who can't commit, you bear the full cost of risk if things were to go wrong. From this point and you inner gut feeling that told you the same thing: He crave for your attention.
My take would be depending on the kind of motive you wanna seek. If you still feel that it is impossible between you both for that unreveal reasons - advice and speak to him everything you have to say, then give him be. If not - you can shower care & concern until he decide to chase you again.
Thoughts for you to ponder: You seriously think that you are caring for just a casual good friend? Or your unconscious motive isn't just that?
Cheers -
there's no medicine to cure the pain comes from the heart...if u dare to try it,why rn't u brave enuf to accept the fact??n for ur female fren...it's normal she did this..she also has done no major mistake...it's juz a game between two...that's the nature of human...u wan to win n u enjoy the feelin of overcoming others...if possible..give a slap in the guy's face n ask him to wake up..the world won't juz stop turnin juz becoz he's sad,low...tell him to think bout his parents,sis,frenz who r concern bout him...if still no result...ask him to jump into the singapore river!!
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nice story...Originally posted by wee (aka danger):i'm trying to be a devil here: r u really trying to help him or u r trying to help urself? if u still hope that u can get him to be wif u by helping him, then i cant help, sorry.
but if u r sincerely trying to help him, my advise to u is to let him be alone. let him grief, let him cry, let him drink as much as he wants. he'll get tired and will recover sooner than u think.
if u wanna play ur part in helping him, tell him this story:
there was this family staying in a landed property, who had a very big pet dog. one day, this dog began to make a lot of noise by howling and groaning every now and then.
it was really irritating and disturbing to their neighbours. and worse, the howling and groaning continued the next day. soon, all the neighbours in the same street began to wonder and asked the dog's family what went wrong wif their dog.
the family juz replied, "oh, it's nothing. our dog is juz pure lazy."
puzzled by the family's cold reply, the neighbours don't know what they meant.
the howling and groaning by the dog went on the 3rd day. the neighbours got irritated and asked again.
the family replied the same thing, "oh, it's ok. he is juz pure lazy. he juz need to get up and walk and everything's ok."
the neighbours were bewildered by the reply and began to wonder if the dog has been mistreated. finally, they called on the SPCA to check on the family's dog when the howling and groaning went on for the 4th day.
before they can knock on the door of the dog onwer, the members of the SPCA can already hear that poor dog's howl and groan from afar. curious neighbours tagged along to see what has actually happened to the dog.
again, the dog owner gave the same cold reply to the members of the SPCA, "oh, it's fine. he juz pure lazy."
the howling and groaning suddenly grew more intense and the members of the SPCA demanded the dog owner to open the door and let them see the dog.
the owner obliged, showing them the way to the backyard. the backyard had some dismantled furniture and the dog was sitting on the mess of wooden planks and pieces.
and u know what they see? the dog was physically alright, though still making noises. the dog looked at them wif its teary eyes, and started whining.
the owner explained, "my dog has sat on piece of dismantled furniture, and a small little nail has pricked his butt. the nail did not pierce into his flesh, but only his skin. all he need to do is to get up by himself and walk away!"
the owner's spouse added, "but he's not, he continue to sit on it for days, and he chose to howl and groan telling ppl how much pain he is going thru. he's such a big dog, we can't help him up, only he himself can."
the members of the SPCA and the neighbours understood the situation and left the place, leaving the big dog on the nail. the dog, initially thought that the crowd of strangers wud help him, wud console him and wud help him treat his wounds, but did not do so.
seeing his hope has diminished, he got up and walk away from the nail.
im actuali trying to let him be alone now... hope i did the right thing...