Women English: What women say, and what they really mean:
“YES” = No
“No” = Yes
“Maybe” = No
“I’m sorry” = You’ll be sorry
“We need” = I want
“It’s your decision” = The correct decision should be obvious by now
“Do what you want” = You’ll pay for this later
“We need to talk” = I need to complain
“Sure…go ahead” = I don’t want you to
“I’m not upset” = Of course I’m upset, you moron!
“Be romantic, turn out the light” = I have flabby thighs
“The kitchen is so inconvenient” = I want a new house
“I want new curtains” = and carpeting, and furniture and wallpaper…
“I heard a noise” = I noticed you were almost asleep
“Do you love me?” = I’m going to ask something expensive
“How much do you love me?” = I did something today you’re
really not going to like
“Is my butt fat” = Tell me I’m beautiful
“Are you listening to me?” = [Too late, you’re dead]
“You have to learn to communicate” = Just agree with me
And just so the women can have their revenge!
Men English:
“I’m hungry” = I’m hungry
“I’m sleepy” = I’m sleepy
“I’m tired” = I’m tired
“Do you want to go to a movie?” = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
“Can I take you out to dinner?” = (see above)
“Can I call you sometime?” = (see above)
“May I have this dance?” = (see above)
“What wrong?” = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
“What wrong?” = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
“I’m bored” = Do you want to have sex?
“I’ love you” = Let’s have sex now
“I love you too” = Okay, I said it…we’d better have sex now
“Lets talk” = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you’d like to have sex with me
