Common Relationship Mistakes...
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Common Relationship Mistakes
A Breakup can lead to reflection - a time to review things that we noticed weren't going right but suppressed - many people actually know a relationship is trouble even before it is over. It is hence useful to spend the time after a breakup examining our unconscious feelings and attitudes.
In order to begin to realize your breakup as a learning experience - to see what went wrong and to avoid the same mistakes in the future, you need to look into the roles that you and your ex may have taken in the relationship.
1.The Sloth
Is unromantic, dull or just plain uncaring. Having gotten through the initial 'chase' phase, the sloth gets complacent and puts the relationship on the backburner while he/she keeps up with a busy personal schedule. They often leave their partners guessing, waiting for their call while personal ambitions are pursued. Partners often feel lonely and on the begging end of the relationship.
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2.The Strangler
Chokes the life out of a relationship by demanding or planning every second around his/her partner. Stranglers are insecure and jealous and oftentimes accuse their partners of unfaithfulness without the least provocation. Oftentimes they insult and cut down their partner's family and friends. Alternatively they may be overly clingy and guilt inducing, causing their partners to feel like the lowest creature for abandoning them in their hour of need (which is always).
Stranglers need to recognize the importance of private space and to remember that one person cannot fulfill all their needs. They need to make time available for other friends and family and allow their partners to do the same. -
3.The Control Freak
Is a domineering know it all. They want things done their way and do not tolerate dissent. They often comment rudely on their partner's appearance, behaviour, study performance and even
choice of friends. They either have a short fuse and blow up when thwarted or are coldly withholding. Their partners often feel inadequate and on the defensive as the Control freak calls all the shots in the relationship. The control freak relates more like a boss, parent or teacher than a mate or best friend. Control freaks need to know that relationships that last are those that are unrestricting and comfortable. They need to put aside their ego and communicate respect for their partner. -
4.The Doormat
Is super-agreeable and compliant. Doormats want the perfectr relationship and so try to hide who they are as they make themselves over to please their partners. However, the doormat soon realizes that he/she cannot sustain the illusion for long and starts feeling dissatisfied with the relationship. Ironically their partners are unhappy too. A relationship with a doormat is like living life with a shadow. Doormats seem to have no opinions, interests or even identity of their own. They never make decisions and partners often feel tired being in the driver's seat all the time. -
5.The Jerk/Flirt
Is vain, opportunistic and overly flirtatious. Jerks (or their female counterpart, the Flirt) thrive on adulation and the thrill of the chase. They also do not want their partners to get too sure of themselves and flirting can be a form of holding onto the reins and being in control. Out with their partners, jerks/flirts can often be caught scanning the room for other members of the opposite sex. Their partners constantly try to measure up to the competition, never ever sure if the jerk is or will be monogamous.
Jerks/Flirts need to put their ego aside, remembering that there's nothing to lose in expressing affection and commitment. -
6.The Killjoy
Is cynical, pessimistic and deflating. They thrive on and can point out a hundred reasons why things won't work. Even their own personal accomplishments are devalued as they put a negative spin on things. Their unfortunate partners either learn to hide their excitement, knowing that it will otherwise be deflated or they leave for open skies. Living with a killjoy is like trudging through haze of grey, with all hope diminished.
Most of us will find some of these descriptions apt either of ourselves or our ex . If so, doesn't it feel great to be out of a relationship that was so wrong? The point is not to blame yourself or the other person but to move on and try to bring our new understanding to subsequent relationships. -
why do people even bother to stay in relationships that are not working?
commitment to the extent of an eternity of suffering?
It takes time to un-commit. Some takes only a few minutes, some take decades.
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Maybe they still have love & feeling for each other that's why!!Originally posted by SeaWhale:
why do people even bother to stay in relationships that are not working?
commitment to the extent of an eternity of suffering?
It takes time to un-commit. Some takes only a few minutes, some take decades. -
Originally posted by Vernite:Maybe they still have love & feeling for each other that's why!!