Always alone, isolated, no interaction and no relations.....
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This is all about one of my rather serious current problems which I am facing now, and is related to my school life...............
By now, I am a sec 4 express student abt to take O' levels in a few months time and graduate from secondary school education (advancing to the tertiary education), but........................this is a problem yet to be resolved...................which................................
.....................In the past, to protect myself from some troublemakers, whenever I have recess or lunch in school, I always choose a place that is near to where the teachers are.
In class, sometimes I am very busy to that I have no chance to interact with my classmates. Also, I am always sitting alone in very front part of my class, while all others had some (about 2) partners beside them...........(my class the cls size is odd-numbered one)
And so, over the years, while any troubles which I had anticipated for did not occur, my relations with some of my schoolmates were weakened, or even worse, have no relations and interactions at all. Also I always have no one willing to go with me during school work/groupworks, not even being a member in any study groups..................
This had caused my communication skills getting poorer, my mind being empty, my life being overly stressed and too boring, myself being "isolated"/"cut-off" from the outside world, thus having no knowledge of how others are doing, always alone, everywhere, and did not see any significant improvement in my life and my academic results (sometimes even worse than before, despite hard work and frequent consulatations with my teachers......)
So what can I do about it? (Frankly speaking I feel that by now it is too late for me to build up relations with my schoolmates.......?)
Also whenever I wanted to get new friends, I have noticed that those studying in better classes weren't the ones who would look for me instantly and automatically for friendship. Instead, those studying in tail-end classes and normal A/T streams were the ones who ALWAYS look for me instantly and automatically for friendship, and were the ones who always claiming me as "their best friend" In contrast, others have more better quality best friends(who would look for them instantly and automatically) and better interaction, while any schoolmate-friends I face up till now were all but the low-quality, "troublemaking" ones...and I did not have much interaction.......(excluding the forumnites)
So what did I do wrong in the first place that causes the abovementioned phenomenon? Bad luck? Wrong name? HongKonger? And what I can do about this to solve the phenomenon?
Please, I need your help, advice and guidance in order for me to break my isolation, get more interaction with my schoolmates, and get more better-quality friends in school........
(And so I would like to acknowledge for your advices, help and guidance in advance. Thank you to anyone who could help me out of the isolation.) -
don't be a freakin loner and start mixing around.
and don't be nerdy, over-enthusiastic or too quiet. -
Hmm...though i do sympathise with ur feelings of lost and loneliness,i think u shouldnt just dismiss ur frds who do not possess good academic results as "poor quality frds". after all,less than impressive academic performance don't mean they are innately inferior or socially deficient. i see no reason why the frdships they offer is any less genuine than that an A+ student can offer unless u give me concrete examples why they are bad company(e.g.psycho u to smoke,steal etc.).if not,u shd treasure ur frds more for true frds dont come easy and don't render them useless/not worthy of u for just superficial reasons.
u may think i m just giving u patronising advice but i really do walk the talk.in fact,some of my better frds are from so called more academically inferior leagues than i m but they r my good frds cos they r good frds,i dun call them "poor quality frds" cos of that.the quality of a frdship is determined by something much less tangible, that is the bond u share with the other person.
Anyway,all the best bro.
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My name is quite bad that people can make fun of me, Sadly I didn't appreciate my friends during my Sec 2 time and then was rejected by Sec 3 and 4 friends.
Now I'm with a group of guys from another class and feel comfortable with them as you can make jokes with them and all and the jokes are not always directed at me
Just try to appreciate what friends you can find though.. -
Thank you for your advices.
However, add on a little bit, I also felt that I am not enjoying my teenage life at all....................becos of no interaction, no relations, always alone and being isolated.............
Plus, I felt that I myself is incomplete and being unable -
first step...
act natural...from your typing...i can tell u are the type of secure themselves from society..u have a protection layer...u are too careful...u try not to have mistakes...fearing that mistake will bring u grave trouble...too prudent...u need to loosen up...
just take it easy and enjoy...
just wondering...how long u took to complete the first post? -
Things don't happen overnight.. If you want to, you can try...? More interactions... More observations of what the others are doing... More participations....Originally posted by SGEMP:Thank you for your advices.
However, add on a little bit, I also felt that I am not enjoying my teenage life at all....................becos of no interaction, no relations, always alone and being isolated.............
Plus, I felt that I myself is incomplete and being unable
If you can't achieve what you want from relationships now, continue working on it during your tertiary life... Give a FRESH START and don't let the past bother you too much...
JOIN ACTIVITIES... JOIN SOCIETIES.. MINGLE AROUND with PEOPLE... -
hmm ur problems are quite similar to mine..i am always the target of the jokes frm my friends haha
i got some NA friends whose now sec 5 and i juz after Os le(express) so i am slowly losing contact with them....but dun worry...u will get to know new friends frm poly or JC after ur Os....try to attend some churches or go work part time after ur Os....know more people of our society......and u are now in a forum cyber-interecting with us which is good=p
hmm juz a question....are u afraid when u are walking alone in shopping centre when theres alot of people(strangers) around u also.......and ur eyeballs will always look at the groung fearing that people will look at u? coz this is what is happening to me.......and i am trying to overcome that... trying to lossen up!!!!
people says when u are 17 u really need a group of ''hard-core'' frens where u can hang out and play with examples play pool,bowling ,study etc....but for me i really wish i have those group of friends.....i am alone,isolated,no interaction and few friends....my siblings are starting to work now and every morning i wake up they would be gone for work and at night when i start to sleep then they would come back...so u can see hw much i hated life but we still muz continue to live on.....FIGHT FOR SOCIALISATION!!
sometimes ur inability to know more friends is because of ur CHARACTER which i admit which is true so i am slowly changing it le.....
now the onli problem is that i fear i wont be able to get to know more girls as my course in poly is MECHATRONICS!!!!so will i become gay??haha
god knows...... -
try to be funny without being a smartass, the truth is no one likes being with boring ppl....sad but true
i dun discriminate those whu dunnoe how to talk, i dun mind eating/workin w them etc. but i would much rather hang out w my frens who noes how 2 enjoy and can tok abt aniting like gals and crap -
Yup, My friends from other class more liberal and mature compared to my class oneOriginally posted by alkaiden:try to be funny without being a smartass, the truth is no one likes being with boring ppl....sad but true
i dun discriminate those whu dunnoe how to talk, i dun mind eating/workin w them etc. but i would much rather hang out w my frens who noes how 2 enjoy and can tok abt aniting like gals and crap -
my fav line"
you dont try, you wont know..if you try, who knows what will happen?"
What you feel, isolated, loneliness, no friends, etc, are what you think, which makes who you are...think positive..think bright..think far..
nobody is born a talker, a ladies man, a chatterbox, mr popular, etc..
everything is learn n learn....
There are so many self-help books around...have time, go read some..
Start small talks with people around you...If you are rejected, try again..
I know its hard to make the first move, but if you dont, who will?
Good luck...oh...bring that smile out of you!
look at my signature! -
as u've pointed out urself, it may be too late for u to build the relationship with ya friends in class now.... especially when ppl haf started to form cliques in class...
however u can still try....perhaps it's juz ya own perception that ppl will not accept u at this point of time. but like mentioned earlier, u won't know unless u try.... i assume that u haf quite a good academic result (considering u dun hang out much with ppl.. ) mayb u can make use of this pt to communicate with ppl? (especially when u r having "O" level soon....hehee...) offer ya help.. but of course try not to be too much of an smartass lah... (but dun complain later that ppl r only looking for u coz they need help in their studies...)
i can appreciate wad u r going thru.. i used to haf this same feeling too... but i broke out of it... after "O" i proceeded on to JC... joined an ECA and opened up myself more le....
wish u luck!! -
No offence but after reading what you've posted for 2 times, I realised the problem lies with you?
Honestly, interaction comes in many ways, you have the "know-alot-and-interact-at-the-correct-time" type and on the other hand you can be like those jokers who say nonsensical things and cause disturbance. IMO, i think you should be yourself and just open up. There is completely nothing wrong with your friends and you shouldn't stereotype that, people who automatically approach you are those "not so smart ones". In fact, ever considered why your class people do not interact with you much while others do? I guess, they're your classmates and they do know you're the quieter and hardworking one, on the other hand, people who don't work with you much may think otherwise and just interact with you cause they think... You're just like everyone else.
Of course, I'm not saying you're the outcast or different from others, you want to interact, I can see that but it is just some barrier which is "preventing" you from doing so. I recommend you to just start talking to your friends? Trouble will NEVER come to you, unless you start it first, or you go and provoke one. Don't worry about life, life is full of ups and downs and sometimes, through this thing called "troubles", will you learn the essences of life.
My advice to you is, from tomorrow onwards, carry a smiley face wherever you go, of course not the retarded one where everyone will think you're crazy or something. Get one of 2 friends and ask them if they will like to join you for recess, talk to them about some in-thing, or something which is off their interest and slowly talk more. This is just like getting a girl, slow and steady. Don't do things and keep it to yourself, get friends whom you think you can really share sorrows with, slowly build up the relationship. Nothing comes quickly, it is all about time and effort.
My 2cents. Hope it helps in some wee-bit way. =]
Cheers. -
i feel like the thread starter at times
though im no longer in school -
heehee....+1 !!!
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frankly speaking if u ask a introvert or someone who is quiet to speak up its kinda diffcult....i m one such person..i tend to be shy...thought sometimes i try to be talkative i seem t0 make a fool of myself...Originally posted by vito_corleone:don't be a freakin loner and start mixing around. and don't be nerdy, over-enthusiastic or too quiet. -
Also whenever I wanted to get new friends, I have noticed that those studying in better classes weren't the ones who would look for me instantly and automatically for friendship. Instead, those studying in tail-end classes and normal A/T streams were the ones who ALWAYS look for me instantly and automatically for friendship, and were the ones who always claiming me as "their best friend" In contrast, others have more better quality best friends(who would look for them instantly and automatically) and better interaction, while any schoolmate-friends I face up till now were all but the low-quality, "troublemaking" ones...and I did not have much interaction.......(excluding the forumnites)
Then make friends with the tail-end classes and normal A/T streams! Something is better than nothing, right? -
First, I would like to acknowledge everyone for kind advices and support for me during the period when I need the help most.
Next, by now, I have managed to make some interaction with my schoolmates of all kinds. However, it is still far from being friends.................and sometimes I also feel shy to have recess or lunch with them................
Also, the March holidays had just ended. Glad that I managed to understand and make some friends during the recent school-organised Social Studies Bintan Fieldtrip. But today during PE, after the run, when the badminton "game" was going on, no one was willing to play with me.......not until a few mins before the PE lesson ended (and recess begun)...then got someone play with me.........
By the time when we were quite into the game, the PE lesson was over by a sound of whistle.................
And when I waited, I have revealed to my form teacher (PE tr at the same time) the message/truth that I had put up this message here, hoping he could understand my current problem.
What I got in response, was a comment:
"The curriculum is too exam-oriented to that we have no time to interact with each other......"
So?
Maybe I think I need to speed up my works so that I could spare some time for more interaction with my schoolmates...........
And is there any solutions/advices to solve my current problem of having no one to go with me whenever I am in school? -
have you try interacting with kids at the chinese assistance center in ur neighborhood?
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who cares.. u are smart n capable . Study n gym.. graduate work n earn money. Thats all it matters in the end of the day. $$$$ MOOLAH.. Money.. K. So dun feel so bad man.
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Hi SGEMP, like u, i'm feelin immensely troubled by the lack of friendships & social interactions in my life... u can read my post penned late last yr... e advices & sharing of experience by a v. nice forumite CP25 was enlightening as well
http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=158682&page=0
our situation is quite similar... except that i'm a few yrs older than u... studyin in a uni now; however, my sec sch yrs were actually filled with friendship & activities as i had this clique of close frens who lived nearby & attended same sch hence hanged out frequently together... in fact as i looked bac, my sec sch years were the happiest period (socially) of my life
i understand ur pains & e difficulty of merging with the mainstream crowd once u 've been left out... but take heart, cos sec sch times are the easiest to make frens.... most teenagers haven't formed solid cliques & are open to new friendships/relationships (trust me, if it's difficult in sch, it's even more challenging in uni, workplc as ppl by then are more focused in their work & findin a spouse... who wld care for friends, hangout etc..)
The friends u make in workplc may also be more superficial... the bond formed during classroom is usually more sincere & long-lasting... all my close frens (even thou they seldom contact me nowadays ) are those i met in sec sch...
beside cca, u can look out for those students who tend to be alone or quiet in sch... probably some of them share the similar experiences & can understd each other... i know a "MR. Popular" would show much interest if u extend ur hand to him.... so find ppl who are of similar level as u... then slowly, as other students noticed u hav frens, they wld also drop their prejudice (if they exist in the 1st plc) of u & be more welcomin to ur presence...
i know its sounds a bit like strategy here, but that's life sometimes... u may be the nicest, more sincere guy but if u can't present it in a acceptable way to the mainstream crowd, u wld end up feelin like an outcast... [/url] -
I suggest u just try to leave everything now behind when u go into Poly, JC or whatever and start to make friends then.
it'll be easier, since it'll be another enviroment, a fresh new one. just try to go out and talk to ppl and interact -
Oh more one point... if u are feelin troubled by this emptyiness in ur life, can find a hobby or sports to take up... not only u may find a friend along the way, u can also dev a skill which is helpful socially in the future... e.g. playin the guitar, sing Jay Chou song wld definitely score u pts in front of ur gals
one of my biggest regret was not using my time in sec sch to learn a skill (like playin muscial instrument or a sport) .... so might as well make use of ur free time -
At here, I would like to acknowledge everyone for their kind advises on improving my interaction and relations with others.
Yes, I have managed to solve the problem of "always alone, isolated, no interaction and no relations problems" for the time being.
Because today morning managed to get some chit-chat with my schoolmates.
And then in PE managed to get into basketball game they were playing....and right until the whole PE session is nearly over when the sun is shining brightly on my future....................
So, I would like to give a big thank you to everyone here! 
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Originally posted by SGEMP:
sorry...i have to do this...
And then in PE managed to get into basketball game they were playing....and right until the whole PE session is nearly over when the sun is shining brightly on my future....................