Attached but in love with another guy
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I know its wrong, but I can't help it. I must be crazy. My boyfriend X is a nice chap, however he often cares alot on his face. Sometimes, due to some occasions which will make him lose face, he will scold me & ignore me for a while, and always point that I am wrong. I did told him about my view but he still think I am wrong. He always find my behaviour wrong & impolite & trying to correct me. An example is when a stranger accidentally knock onto me from behind (which I am unable to notice at all) , my boyfriend X will say I am wrong not to let people walk first. Sometimes I cannot stand the way he treat strangers nicer than me.
Recently, I have a bit of liking on my colleague Y who is a very nice guy. He often sms me to encourage me. I will smile when I see Y sms but I always tell myself I cannot "hiew" Y as I already got a boyfriend. I cannot have a chance to be in the kind of temptation at all. I should be loyal to my bf but frankly speaking my bf often ignores me when he is busy at work. He seems to be able to live without me. But still he is with me for 5 years and I should not be in love with someone else. I am confused. Can anyone help me? -
Make a right choose..
Follow your heart and mind... -
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consequences.
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you must be ugly.
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Wa, your heart can do multi-tasking!
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Just another silly response.Originally posted by Eric Cartman:you must be ugly. -
hope someone will kindly advise me since this forum is Aunt Agony. thanks in advance
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talk to ur bf.......just say we need to talk....
or write him an email explaining things(that u might wana reconsider ur relationship)...
give him a chance to change.....if he doesnt change in 3 months....then follow ur heart. -
Hee! Why are you saying so bad about yourself one ? do not look down on yourself okay!Originally posted by Eric Cartman:you must be ugly.
hmm..well....poor thing. . Take Care Eric. -
i tink is pretty normal to have a crush even when u are in a r/s... but to put ur leg into another r/s while u are still in one.. is another matter.Originally posted by Vampire X:I know its wrong, but I can't help it. I must be crazy. My boyfriend X is a nice chap, however he often cares alot on his face. Sometimes, due to some occasions which will make him lose face, he will scold me & ignore me for a while, and always point that I am wrong. I did told him about my view but he still think I am wrong. He always find my behaviour wrong & impolite & trying to correct me. An example is when a stranger accidentally knock onto me from behind (which I am unable to notice at all) , my boyfriend X will say I am wrong not to let people walk first. Sometimes I cannot stand the way he treat strangers nicer than me.
Recently, I have a bit of liking on my colleague Y who is a very nice guy. He often sms me to encourage me. I will smile when I see Y sms but I always tell myself I cannot "hiew" Y as I already got a boyfriend. I cannot have a chance to be in the kind of temptation at all. I should be loyal to my bf but frankly speaking my bf often ignores me when he is busy at work. He seems to be able to live without me. But still he is with me for 5 years and I should not be in love with someone else. I am confused. Can anyone help me?
u have to decide what u want.. a 5 yr r/s dont come easy.. u noe that ur bf is a nice chap.. well.. no one is perfect... if he still appear as a nice chap after 5 yr.. it is really not easy...
p.s. i tink ur bf sound a little like me.. i will point out any wrong abt my bf etc.. but that doesnt mean i treat others better than him. instead, i treat him better than anyone.. -
it's ok.. u are not alone.. i got 3 married women still in love with mi now..... my theory... u love eating rice everyday.. but u also eat noodles sometime.. but that dun mean u love rice and not noodles lor.. actually u love both..Originally posted by Vampire X:I know its wrong, but I can't help it. I must be crazy. My boyfriend X is a nice chap, however he often cares alot on his face. Sometimes, due to some occasions which will make him lose face, he will scold me & ignore me for a while, and always point that I am wrong. I did told him about my view but he still think I am wrong. He always find my behaviour wrong & impolite & trying to correct me. An example is when a stranger accidentally knock onto me from behind (which I am unable to notice at all) , my boyfriend X will say I am wrong not to let people walk first. Sometimes I cannot stand the way he treat strangers nicer than me.
Recently, I have a bit of liking on my colleague Y who is a very nice guy. He often sms me to encourage me. I will smile when I see Y sms but I always tell myself I cannot "hiew" Y as I already got a boyfriend. I cannot have a chance to be in the kind of temptation at all. I should be loyal to my bf but frankly speaking my bf often ignores me when he is busy at work. He seems to be able to live without me. But still he is with me for 5 years and I should not be in love with someone else. I am confused. Can anyone help me? -
Y is a colleague, and likely a good one. Don't do anything foolish to risk that relationship.Originally posted by Vampire X:I know its wrong, but I can't help it. I must be crazy. My boyfriend X is a nice chap, however he often cares alot on his face. Sometimes, due to some occasions which will make him lose face, he will scold me & ignore me for a while, and always point that I am wrong. I did told him about my view but he still think I am wrong. He always find my behaviour wrong & impolite & trying to correct me. An example is when a stranger accidentally knock onto me from behind (which I am unable to notice at all) , my boyfriend X will say I am wrong not to let people walk first. Sometimes I cannot stand the way he treat strangers nicer than me.
Recently, I have a bit of liking on my colleague Y who is a very nice guy. He often sms me to encourage me. I will smile when I see Y sms but I always tell myself I cannot "hiew" Y as I already got a boyfriend. I cannot have a chance to be in the kind of temptation at all. I should be loyal to my bf but frankly speaking my bf often ignores me when he is busy at work. He seems to be able to live without me. But still he is with me for 5 years and I should not be in love with someone else. I am confused. Can anyone help me?
If you've got issues with your 'X' bf, I think you should spend more time understanding each other.
What you've mentioned about your bf above.. Personally I don't think it's an issue of him 'treating strangers nicer than you'. Its about the right thing to do. I bet I might just tell my gf the same thing. -
well, thanks for your advise. I did thought to do that. But somehow i don't want to quarrel over these tiny small things with him. He is stubborn & always think he is right.Originally posted by curryman:talk to ur bf.......just say we need to talk....
or write him an email explaining things(that u might wana reconsider ur relationship)...
give him a chance to change.....if he doesnt change in 3 months....then follow ur heart.
Sometimes, its really pointless to talk to him. He will always think I still did not correct my mistake & think I am right whenever I tried to reason out with him. And also I do not want to spoil the years of relationship with him. No one is perfect anyway. I just have to tolerate with him. He is very nice most of the time just that temper bad only.
There's once happened 2 years ago, when I accidentally fell down a block of stairs & roll down. My legs were bleeding & so pain till I cannot walk properly, he scolded me for not paying attention & did not walk properly. He even added that I totally throw his face in public.
He walk off rapidly & I just lipping my leg following him. I am angry but still I tolerate. I apologise to him saying I should have walk carefully next time. I also don't know how long can I stand him. I can always advise my girlfriends this kind of man don't want suak suak ki, but when happen to myself, I really don't know how to handle. Actually I am quite afraid one day I may let off everything & ignore him, then it will really be the end of our relationship. -
Are you sure you like the guy, or is it just an excuse to dump your bf coz you can stand him no more?
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Many times the heart and the mind do not go hand in hand.Originally posted by soulwinner:Make a right choose..
Follow your heart and mind...
To Vampire )(,
Whatever it is, you ask yourself this, "Why did you date your current BF in the first place?"
Love without commitment is passion. Commitment without love is duty. -
a couple in a relationship takes some years to really know each other. since you both are together for 5 years, he would be thinking that you should know him very well by now. that's why maybe when he treats you that way, he is assured that you must be understanding enough and won't get upset cos that's what he is. i believe your bf still loves you alot and maybe too comfy with you and also get carried with work that he may overlook your needs and attention cos i guess he's too assured that you are always there for him. sometimes problem can arise from here when the other party is neglected.
having crush is normal and it creeps in when especially your situation now cos what you want so much now is some attention and understanding. it's ok to be friends but still gotta draw a line if you know who u still love. remember, it takes years to get to know a person well enough and a new guy is a new beginning and sometimes he would turn out to be better or worst. you choose. but before anything, it's best to really sit and talk things over a dinner. organise a get away holiday, shower him with pamper and nice soothing moments and tell him you also love to be treated this way.
hopes this helps a little in some ways.
i'm not good in relationship sometimes, but at times it is also not that difficult to bring back the attention from the guy u love. -
Why afraid?Originally posted by Vampire X:Actually I am quite afraid one day I may let off everything & ignore him, then it will really be the end of our relationship.
If you can't tolerate him, you just can't tolerate him... Why force yourself into a relationship if it doesn't work? -
i think everyone has some flaws in many ways, no one is perfect. i've been married for 7 years and been through the rough and good times. sometimes i also can't tolerate my hubby but what keeps me going is love and love sometimes cannot be described or explained. walking out is the last last last resort and also NOT the best solution. if you have done all your very best and you think you have enough and need to move on, then one advice from me. by all means P&G - pack and go...! with, a smile. take it cool, leave it cool.
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Take time to evaluate what's going on and pay mind that you've been with your current bf for 5 years.
Although 5 years' not a long time, it's not a short period either. I'm not surprised your heart fickle a little when the nice guy from your company came along, especially when your bf isn't all sensitive.
But ask yourself why do you stick with him for a period of 5 years, surely there is something that you cherish. I wouldn't tell you that your good feelings for the new guy is just passing or anything along that line. But I hope you will take time to evaluate the situation, don't let emotions cloud your head and destroy something you build up for 5 years.
In conclusion, I quote from bontakun "Love without committment is passion; committment without love is duty."
May you have the wisdom the tell the difference -
I realized my previous post was alittle biased towards your bf.
So to add on,
You should also ask yourself whether you're still in the relationship because it's your comfort zone or you truly love him.
Humans are creatures of habits; we can get so comfortable with an uncomfortable routine. And that is dangerous, be clear-minded when handling matters of the heart. -
7 year itchOriginally posted by paperflower:i think everyone has some flaws in many ways, no one is perfect. i've been married for 7 years and been through the rough and good times. sometimes i also can't tolerate my hubby but what keeps me going is love and love sometimes cannot be described or explained. walking out is the last last last resort and also NOT the best solution. if you have done all your very best and you think you have enough and need to move on, then one advice from me. by all means P&G - pack and go...! with, a smile. take it cool, leave it cool. -
ha.
my situation a month ago. seems to be like urs. juz that im "ur bf" situation.
as time passed. i didnt treat her as nice as b4.
but remember the times u and him started out.
he bring u laughter? happiness? sweetness?
every beginning of relationship is sweet.
if u leave ur current bf now.
few years down the road.
u maybe in the same situation.
sometimes dont let feelings led u thru.
need to think abt it.
it maybe juz a crush.
im a guy myself.
i feel i didnt treasure my ex enuff.
as times pass by.
i scolded her b4 for nt protecting herself over a indian guy at mrt.
think of it.
i scold her cuz im farkin worry abt her.
for her nt able to protect herself. when im nt around.
ask urself questions.
think of the past u and ur bf did.
meanwhile, dun contact so much with ur college.
get over the crush. -
EDIT: What indian guy at mrt?Originally posted by carlsonxjd:ha.
my situation a month ago. seems to be like urs. juz that im "ur bf" situation.
as time passed. i didnt treat her as nice as b4.
but remember the times u and him started out.
he bring u laughter? happiness? sweetness?
every beginning of relationship is sweet.
if u leave ur current bf now.
few years down the road.
u maybe in the same situation.
sometimes dont let feelings led u thru.
need to think abt it.
it maybe juz a crush.
im a guy myself.
i feel i didnt treasure my ex enuff.
as times pass by.
i scolded her b4 for nt protecting herself over a indian guy at mrt.
think of it.
i scold her cuz im farkin worry abt her.
for her nt able to protect herself. when im nt around.
ask urself questions.
think of the past u and ur bf did.
meanwhile, dun contact so much with ur college.
get over the crush. -
A good partner SUPPORTS.. NOT belittle.
It seems your boyfriend don't care about how you feel, let alone how you think.
Remember, in a good relationship, opinions from each other matters.
Relationship is not a one way thing.
Ask yourself this, " How long can I tolerate his treatment?"
" Will it change for the better ?", "It has been 5 years, do I want to deal with it for the next 30 years ???"
If you can afford to keep your options open. I think you should consider another person whom you think may be more suitable for you.
Just because it is a 5 year relationship doesn't mean he is the RIGHT one for you.
I used to have a b/f who seems to criticise every thing I do.
After a while, it gets very emotionally draining.
Yes I got tired of him putting me down all the time.
My self-confidence just got erroded to the core.
So, I seek greener pasture and I found greener pasture.
My current partner gives me confidence, not take it away.