Should I forgive him.........???
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I think the issue here is not so much of watching porn, but rather TS's hubby lying to her. No woman likes being lied to.
Every marriage has its problems and challenges. In this case, TS's divorce has left her somewhat insecure. And hey, this is not a problem that we cannot have, in fact, even guys feel insecure after breakups and divorces.
Secondly, to all who feels that porn is no big deal, it's like a glass half-filled with water.
I would say that couples watching porn to enhance their sex lifes is perfectly fine, and healthy. But too much porn clouds the guy's thinking and perspective, and in short, it's not much of a good thing.
The golden question is how much is too much?
To someone who mentioned that porn helps to improve sexual technique, erh... porn is an entertainment industry, not an educational one. For instance, banging a woman very hard is actually very painful to her, if she's not fully lubricated, but those porn movies never say that, rite?
And those porn movies only show plenty of direct sex, but no foreplay, and no good lover ignores foreplay.
TS, what you need to do is this:
communicate to ur hubby your fears of associating porn with infidelity. He doesn't want to hurt you, that's why he's keeping it a secret when he needs it. He fears your wrath, but is afraid to tell you his needs because he feels you are going to condemn him anyway.
Seek his reassurance that he would not be unfaithful. Seek to understand his feelings about porn, and tell him about ur insecurity over him watching porn. Let him know that his actions of using pictures of naked women makes u upset. And hey, there's nothing wrong with feeling upset, contrary to what some guys/girls here tell you. Well, they may be from the Y generation, but it's them, not you.
Someone mentioned that 3 pages of text are all concluding that you are wrong. Well, only a handful mentioned that you are in an unique situation. There's nothing wrong with you feeling insecure, and there's no need to see a doctor. All women feel insecure now and then, even guys feel insecure sometimes (when they gain weight, lose job, had an injury) so don't let other people deny your rightful feelings. As i said before, this is an issue u need to work with in ur marriage, you are not wrong, but this is something to work with ur hubby.
The first trimester is the worst, but no guy has ever gone thru labour before, they dont know what it means, and frankly speaking, with the level of stress our people in singapore face here, ur hubby is probably just feeling self-absorbed and needs a little outlet to vent his frustrations, sexual or otherwise.
Lastly, going 10 months without penetrative sex is a long time for a guy. I know because I've done it, and perhaps you should pay a little attention, when you feel like it, to ur hubby's needs.
As for someone who mentioned bj, well, bj is fun for the guy, and in some cases, if the gal is in a great mood, she enjoys dishing out fun. For pregnant women, they seldom are in the mood to do such things, especially in the 1st trimester.
Being pregnant is not easy. -
Originally posted by ordinaryguy32:
I think the issue here is not so much of watching porn, but rather TS's hubby lying to her. No woman likes being lied to.
Every marriage has its problems and challenges. In this case, TS's divorce has left her somewhat insecure. And hey, this is not a problem that we cannot have, in fact, even guys feel insecure after breakups and divorces.
Secondly, to all who feels that porn is no big deal, it's like a glass half-filled with water.
I would say that couples watching porn to enhance their sex lifes is perfectly fine, and healthy. But too much porn clouds the guy's thinking and perspective, and in short, it's not much of a good thing.
The golden question is how much is too much?
To someone who mentioned that porn helps to improve sexual technique, erh... porn is an entertainment industry, not an educational one. For instance, banging a woman very hard is actually very painful to her, if she's not fully lubricated, but those porn movies never say that, rite? And those porn movies only show plenty of direct sex, but no foreplay, and no good lover ignores foreplay.
TS, what you need to do is this:
communicate to ur hubby your fears of associating porn with infidelity. He doesn't want to hurt you, that's why he's keeping it a secret when he needs it. He fears your wrath, but is afraid to tell you his needs because he feels you are going to condemn him anyway.
Seek his reassurance that he would not be unfaithful. Seek to understand his feelings about porn, and tell him about ur insecurity over him watching porn. Let him know that his actions of using pictures of naked women makes u upset. And hey, there's nothing wrong with feeling upset, contrary to what some guys/girls here tell you. Well, they may be from the Y generation, but it's them, not you.
Someone mentioned that 3 pages of text are all concluding that you are wrong. Well, only a handful mentioned that you are in an unique situation. There's nothing wrong with you feeling insecure, and there's no need to see a doctor. All women feel insecure now and then, even guys feel insecure sometimes (when they gain weight, lose job, had an injury) so don't let other people deny your rightful feelings. As i said before, this is an issue u need to work with in ur marriage, you are not wrong, but this is something to work with ur hubby.
The first trimester is the worst, but no guy has ever gone thru labour before, they dont know what it means, and frankly speaking, with the level of stress our people in singapore face here, ur hubby is probably just feeling self-absorbed and needs a little outlet to vent his frustrations, sexual or otherwise.
Lastly, going 10 months without penetrative sex is a long time for a guy. I know because I've done it, and perhaps you should pay a little attention, when you feel like it, to ur hubby's needs.
As for someone who mentioned bj, well, bj is fun for the guy, and in some cases, if the gal is in a great mood, she enjoys dishing out fun. For pregnant women, they seldom are in the mood to do such things, especially in the 1st trimester.
Being pregnant is not easy.
in summary, TS please grow up -
Originally posted by Jamie Zawinski:
in summary, TS please grow up
TS, please grow up. -
I think this topic is soo long ago that TS give birth already...
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I think this topic is soo long ago that TS give birth already...
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i personally don't mind what my hubby do, watch porn or whatever, as long as he don't lie to me. but going to geylang is a no-no.
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Originally posted by Arvelle:
i personally don't mind what my hubby do, watch porn or whatever, as long as he don't lie to me. but going to geylang is a no-no.
But geyland is most frequent by married Unkers, my joo chiat here also got lots of married unkers, they said their wives dun allow them to go geyland, so they come to joo chiat lor. -
Be happy he just looked at porn rather than spend the money that you will need for the baby on a whore instead.
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whoah... i stumble to tis thread and find it rather ineteresting to read...
To TS, how everything wif ur hubby? i rather understand wat r u fear of and why r u so uptight over tis issue.. u fall once and u r afraid to fall again.. is hard to build up the trust like before.. coz u experience before..
well juz my opinion for guy to watch porn is a common thing.. almost out of 10 i think 8-9 watch it. n masterbate is a way to release stress u know.. n is proven..
from wat u mention, i can c tat u have a good husband who r really sensitive to ur feeling n ur needs.. treasure n cherish him.. dun let small issue destroy ur and his whole life.. is really silly n stupid to do it.. tell him ur feeling n vice versa ask him how he feel.. communication is the key to build thing.. at least both have a good understandin n prevent any suspicion.... :)
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Originally posted by yuko-ogura:
dun fret too much.
in my opinion, this current husband of urs is v caring and understandable towards u. he lied cux he doesnt wan u to worry..its a white lie.
give him a peck on the lips and show him how much u love him. give him a gd hug. dat would be sweet of ya as a wife.
show some support for hes working hard for u.
I was going for the 'flame-approach' until I saw this post, guess I need to mediate on my level of tolerance,you're over-reacting, think nothing of it, *skips this part because everything I want to say has already been said by yuko*