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  • Airbus330Captain's Avatar
    2,670 posts since Mar '03
    • Being single is not a bad time, you can do what you want, basically freedom to do what you like to do without any restrictions ...etc . Have some patience, your right one will come. All the best to you.

  • jojobeach's Avatar
    8,258 posts since Apr '07
    • Joi,

      Never too late.

      When did you start dating ?

      And how many times have you been in a relationship ?

      Women who are left on the shelves are not problematic, they just don't know how to attract the right kind of men into their life.

      Being independent and opinionated is not a bad thing. What makes the difference is HOW you show it.

      The key word is subtlety.

      I have a friend who is(was) exactly how you described yourself.

      I introduced her to a guy friend of mine.. and got some feedbacks after their first date.

      His words are, " She is a very independent girl, she don't need a man."

      " I don't want to be with a woman I have to argue my whole life with."

      " I offered to chauffer her back, but she'd rather take a public bus."

      So you see... just let the guys have a chance to play their part.

      And I'd suggest you do some travelling, get to know more people from other cultures, get more life experience outside the little red dot....

      Enrich your life.

       

       

      Edited by jojobeach 04 Mar `08, 1:41PM
  • Ed11790's Avatar
    1,359 posts since Feb '08
  • aiglosicicle's Avatar
    1,246 posts since Mar '06
  • crimson soldier's Avatar
    990 posts since Jul '05
    • Originally posted by mancha:

      There are lots of guys out there. Most of them unsuitable for you. Do not bother about the one that find you unsuitable for them. Its their perogative, just as you have your perogative.

      Its true, as you get  on in years, most of the guys are taken, and whats left are either gays or nerds.

      But there is still one gem out there, undiscovered. All you need is one, isn't it?

      Continue to socialise. Fret not. Be discerning. Do not be a "any dude will do" lady.

      If still you do not find that gem, so be it. At least you enjoyed your growing up.

      Its all in your mind.

       

      words of wisdom there....!

  • magical_wen's Avatar
    762 posts since Jul '07
    • take time lar...

      some things cannot be rushed one..

      but oso make sure u give urself oppotunity to mit new people..

      prince charming wun fall frm the sky,

      same as i haven win any millions from buying toto.

  • Combatus's Avatar
    164 posts since Feb '08
    • i know of a very enterprising lady in her early 50s, never been married....but has many boyfriends.....biggrin.png

  • Go's Avatar
    221 posts since Jan '08
    • Women are not commercial products.

      Although, sometimes, guys maybe insensitve and tease on things like " women who are left on the shelf", most guys do not treate women as commercial products or problematic products. But, if you do think that you are one, then most probably, you will protray as one.

      To me, relationship must be mutual and certain level of tolerance must be given. To find your perfect guy that fond on you is like rolling two dices with a result of both "6". Of coz, with determination and positive thinking, you will get what you want after many tries. However, truth can be cruel sometimes, especially to one that thinks there is a limit of tries.

      Female that consist the quality of "opinonated and independent" can be very attractive. Due to guy's nature, being opinonated and independent encourage guys to talk and think more. It excites guys like how shopping excites gals. However, too much of that, just simply discourage them. It is not play dumb. It is just give a thought to them. Do everything with moderation.

       

  • guaiboiboi's Avatar
    253 posts since Sep '06
    • being single is great.... also ...... late 20 hmm try to find lo go dating agency try lo ask friend intro etc slowly la this kind of thing is slowly.

       

       

      slow and steady win the race!!!! don't worry... everything is fated i believe....

  • airgrinder's Avatar
    2,468 posts since May '01
    • Hi Jo_lin

      I have 7 close gal friends in their late twenties and 2 in their early thirties, whom are not attached yet. They're too worried about "being left on the shelf" like u said. One of them (a late 30s one) for some reason, keep attracting guys whom she do not like. One of the guy was still stalking her and sending her degrading smses, although she had made it clear that it's not possible between them.

      End of the day, all of them shared a same belief, that it's alright to get worried about being left on the shelf, but it's not alright to compromise your identity for any guy that fancies you, and lastly, the time will come.

      They're widening their social circle by going out more frequent with different group of friends, getting themselves interested in new activities for the sake of that activity, NOT for getting to know more guys. So if you like an advice, spend more time on yourself doing the things you had so wanted to do in the past but had shelved it due to work, family, etc. Pamper yourself.

      And if anyone is wondering, the gals are all relatively high income earning types, (auditor, physiologist, avps in a bank, etc) they can support themselves, and a couple of them won some company event pageants before.

  • Tier's Avatar
    336 posts since May '05
    • wah succeessful woman harder to find another half?

      my friend all talking about marriage also.

      I hear and some time add on about myself imagining I will get married someday also.

      Think gotta find yourself more activties that you enjoy yourself so you wont feel out of place.

  • Joi_lin's Avatar
    38 posts since Mar '08
    • Thank you to all who offer constructive advice and comments.Many of you are really nice. This issue has been "haunting" me for so long.As time passes, I really feel very worried.

       

      Let me add on further in response to some questions and advice.

       

      Somehow, I am in a dilemma whether to compromise my identity/personality. I always try not to because I think if I do , I do not know whether I would suffer from some kind of split personality later in my life. It is kind of scary, you know. I do want to live according to my own principles and moral values.

       

      My looks kind of betray the person that I actually am. Many people told me that I looked that type of submissive person who listens to boyfriend but I am not. And I do not even have a boyfriend. My last relationship was decade ago. So I really remained single for so long.

       

      Some of you have pointed out that I should go travelling. I did. Of course, I cannot always go travelling. It needs $$$. I must say I am just have a normal 9 to 5 job,earning very average salary and  I am definitely  not in a high flying job whereby I can be truly financial independent. So doesn't it sound very sad? No love and no career. Coupled with tonnes of pressure from family, relatives and friends. I did receive many unkind remarks from people,both guys and girls, who found out that I am so single. Some guys even told me that I should go and find a rich guy and get married as they find I do not have a great job. If I do not love that so-called rich guy, then how am I able to bring myself to marry for the sake of money. I wonder should I throw my moral values into the drain just to satisfy the society's requirement.

       

      You know, I started to get insecure about myself. Very conscious about my singlehood. I really dislike the feeling. That why, when I think back about the unmarried women whom I know, I just afraid I am following their footsteps, becoming over sensitive and bad tempered. It is really scary. Because it makes people around them uncomfortable.I really do not want to lose friendships and other relationships in my later life.

       

      Can I ask you guys something about dates? If a lady offer to pay for her own share,what do the guys think? Insulted? Or just thinking that the girl is being nice not to take advantage of the guy? Sometimes, I do offer to pay because I really do not want to take advantage of people. In the end, after much persistence,I gave in to the guy. Am I that bad?

       

      I have some more questions to ask. Please bear with me, ok?

      What things that put off guys in a date? What delight guys in a date? Especially first date. I would like to know so that I will not make the same mistakes again. Constructive comments please. I know some people like to add humour in this forum but please do not go overboard since this is AA. Thanks.

       

      I need to say most of my friends are female. Perhaps it is my environment. I do not know. I am not that extremely outgoing type and I dislike patronizing clubs and pubs. I do not like outdoor activities. Not that I have never tried before but it is really not my cup of tea.

       

      Once again, thank you for your feedback with much appreciation.

  • dumbdumb!'s Avatar
    14,290 posts since Jan '03
    •  

      hmm. i guess it differs from person to person.

      i like to pay for dates, because it's how i show love. even if i go out with a friend, i don't mind paying for food etc.

      but of course this is to the context that the girl doesn't abuse this generousity la. if she takes it for granted, i will feel that she's very inconsiderate. like that girl in the video i posted: fancy that, she expects a guy to automatically buy her anything that she fancies, with the cue word "wah! this is beautiful!" at the drop of a hat. that's abusing and taking things for granted. and worse still, she calls such actions, "gentlemanly". so does it mean that if a man can't afford it, he's being ungentlemanly?

      what i like best is, the standard "i buy dinner, you buy movie" protocol. that way the burden isn't that huge for any of us, and we both can treat each other to something.

      the reason why this works so well, is because there are 5 languages of love:

      1. touch
      2. gifts
      3. words of affirmation
      4. acts of service
      5. quality time

      a guy who enjoys treating ppl he love, most probably has gifts as his language of love. which means he can only interpret love through this language. so he will feel most loved if someone treats him to something, or buys him a gift or something.

      as for feeling insecure and self conscious about your singlehood.. i can totally identify with that.

      i think the answer i've found after all these years, is that, the first step to this, is to love yourself first.

      you cannot give to others what you never experienced or received. and the worse thing is, that in the hurry to change your relationship status on facebook or friendster, you rush into a bad relationship without thinking, and suffer through it for a few years, before breaking up and ending up being single again. and these 4 years, could have been used to find someone better or invested in a better way.

      i find that surrounding myself with friends, really helps. going to church, attending church meetings regularly, having friends to go movies with, eat meals with, go clubbing with. it all helps. if being alone bothers you, just ask people out for meals. i think for girls should be easier right? lol. guys asking guys out for meals on a one on one thing is abit weird.

      normally i ask a girl friend out when i need company for lunch or there's a good movie out or to club together.

      and thankfully i have a god-sis who is always there to encourage me and to spend time together whenever i feel down, alone and vulnerable. lol she just elected me as coordinator for her wedding, doh.

      and now i have a really great relationship with my classmates, go out eat together, watch movie together, do projects together, study together etc..

      as for what pleases a guy ah. again it differs from person to person. and before i say what pleases me, i think you have to be careful wat you're trying to achieve with this knowledge. because i wouldn't feel that it will be right if you change who you are in order to please the other party. bearing in mind, i do not refer to bad habits. bad habits like inconsideration, rudeness, bitchiness etc.. all these should go, regardless whether u are in a relationship or not.

      but i'm talking about your character, the very defination of who you are. that don't need changing. and if u change it. it will be u who will remain unhappy.

      i guess, i like a girl who's cheerful with a sunny outlook about life. who enjoys being in the company of someone who's always saying "life sucks"? in fact that's one of my bad habit, and i'm trying to change that.

      a girl who is considerate, and gracious. and of course not superficial and spendtrift. i enjoy eating at restaurants, and so does this girl i'm seeing now. but she knows that it's not right to take advantage of my willingness to treat her. and she adopted the "you buy movie, i buy dinner" protocol. this is something i really love about her. because i can see that she cares, and that is a fine quality of a good wife. i wouldn't want to marry someone who is spendtrift, who isn't conscious of the husband finances, and only know how to add burden to him instead of helping to shoulder burdens right?

      summary: i used to be someone who is insecure about being single, but after experiencing the bitterness of being attached, and finding the right solutions to cope with being insecure until i find the right partner, i can say i am very much happier as a person. i feel more whole, and in fact, i am apprehensive about walking into a potential relationship right now, because i'll hv to sacrifice all the free time i have, and the company that i am enjoying now. and i suggest that you think in a wider spectrum. instead of asking yourself how to be a good girlfriend, ask yourself how to be a good wife.. that should turn you to the right direction. =)

      so i hope this advice help

      Edited by dumbdumb! 04 Mar `08, 5:37PM
  • Nikar 3's Avatar
    1,214 posts since Jan '08
    • TS can partner with me if you're interested.

      i'm in my mid-twenties.

      my mom says in 3 ****ing years time if still no gf / wife, then she'll go vietnam / china / myanmar / indonesia with my dad and arrange forced mail order bride.

      i really want to be single!!!!!!!

      PLS SAVE ME!!!!!!! unhappy.png

  • dumbdumb!'s Avatar
    14,290 posts since Jan '03
    • Originally posted by Nikar 3:

      TS can partner with me if you're interested.

      i'm in my mid-twenties.

      my mom says in 3 ****ing years time if still no gf / wife, then she'll go vietnam / china / myanmar / indonesia with my dad and arrange forced mail order bride.

      i really want to be single!!!!!!!

      PLS SAVE ME!!!!!!! unhappy.png

      lol.. if u partner her, you won't be single already, wouldn't that defeat the purpose?

  • xavier1979's Avatar
    6,269 posts since Aug '02
    • Going dutch on dates is NEVER an insult to a guy. In fact, it shows that you care for the guy.

      dumbdumb! idea of splitting the cost is great. Sometimes when I treat my friend dinner, my friend would offer to pay for drinks later.

      Personally, what delights me on a date is the girl's dressing. Unless it's an after-work affair, I would appreciate if the girl is dressed appropriate to the occasion. (If it's dinner at a fanciful restaurant, jeans & T-shirt don't really appeal to me.)

      Good manners matter too. Maybe I'm a sucker for demure girls, but I don't like girls who aren't conscious of their immediate environment, talk/laugh loudly, eat like there's no tomorrow, and have none of the basic virtues of courtesy.

      On a date, I'd do my best to pay attention to the girl. Unless it is a work-related call or something serious, I wouldn't answer it in the midst of a conversation.
      >>> Replying to a friend's sms while chatting with the guy may convey the impression that he is boring.

      Hope these little points help. Stay positive, ya? Don't be a victim to society's stereotyping. Singlehood should never be ostracized. wink.png

  • angel7030's Avatar
    30,628 posts since Jul '07
    • Good gals dun get bfs ok, be bad, but within the laws, doll yourself up, spice it, be sexy, dare to chat naughty stuffs like me, be free, be a wanted bad gal ya.

       

      Guys are more weary of good gal, they dun like to touch them and feel very boring and awkward to be with them, they like bad gal like me who are active and chat non stop from sex to panty, it provide a chance for them to show their heroic act to change us into a good gal.

  • dumbdumb!'s Avatar
    14,290 posts since Jan '03
    • Originally posted by angel7030:

      Good gals dun get bfs ok, be bad, but within the laws, doll yourself up, spice it, be sexy, dare to chat naughty stuffs like me, be free, be a wanted bad gal ya.

       

      Guys are more weary of good gal, they dun like to touch them and feel very boring and awkward to be with them, they like bad gal like me who are active and chat non stop from sex to panty, it provide a chance for them to show their heroic act to change us into a good gal.

      lol. i think u don't mean bad bad la. i think you mean that guys like girls to be cheeky?

      i think to that extent, its true. being cheeky and being bad is two different thing la. and also about timing. if a girl talks about sex all the time. then the relationship is based purely on sex. and it's a really rocky foundation. and if we're talking abt sex all the time, how to focus on each other and find out more about each other etc?

      Edited by dumbdumb! 04 Mar `08, 7:06PM
  • fairlady_xoxo's Avatar
    13,350 posts since Jan '07
    • Originally posted by angel7030:

      Good gals dun get bfs ok, be bad, but within the laws, doll yourself up, spice it, be sexy, dare to chat naughty stuffs like me, be free, be a wanted bad gal ya.

       

      Guys are more weary of good gal, they dun like to touch them and feel very boring and awkward to be with them, they like bad gal like me who are active and chat non stop from sex to panty, it provide a chance for them to show their heroic act to change us into a good gal.

      Reminds me of me...icon_lol.gif

  • angel7030's Avatar
    30,628 posts since Jul '07
    • Originally posted by dumbdumb!:

      lol. i think u don't mean bad bad la. i think you mean that guys like girls to be cheeky?

      i think to that extent, its true. being cheeky and being bad is two different thing la. and also about timing. if a girl talks about sex all the time. then the relationship is based purely on sex. and it's a really rocky foundation. and if we're talking abt sex all the time, how to focus on each other and find out more about each other etc?


      Must be bad mah, go disco, hip hop, drinks and spend our life away...then suddenly a hero appear, he came to my rescue, opened up my mind, give me a life and loving little life, breathe into me the essence of love...and slowly i hear him, and slowly...i fall for him.

    • Originally posted by fairlady_xoxo:

      Reminds me of me...icon_lol.gif


      Huh, u also bad one? bad is ok ya, but dun get rotten.

  • fairlady_xoxo's Avatar
    13,350 posts since Jan '07
  • dumbdumb!'s Avatar
    14,290 posts since Jan '03
    • Originally posted by angel7030:

      Must be bad mah, go disco, hip hop, drinks and spend our life away...then suddenly a hero appear, he came to my rescue, opened up my mind, give me a life and loving little life, breathe into me the essence of love...and slowly i hear him, and slowly...i fall for him.

      birds of a feather, flock together.

      more likely you'll corrupt him than he save you. 学坏三天学好三年

  • Blahhh's Avatar
    230 posts since Nov '05
  • Uncertain's Avatar
    1,111 posts since Jan '07
    • TS, with regards to your question, i think me as a guy will give u some of my opinion about date.

      First of all, when a guy ask u for a date, he means it. Not some platonic outing, if dun like dun agree to for a date.

      Gals who offer to pay for their bills got to show she is thoughtful and not those who loves to con. Therefore, if a guy knows that u are willing to pay, he will sense it and in return for ur kindness, he will be MORE THAN WILLING to pay ur share.

      In a date, diff guys diff agenda. Some aims for sex at the end of it. Some aims to know the gal more. Believe it or not, i am the latter. For me, date is to know a gal better and before i go for a date, i make sure i draw $300 for it. I nv expect a gal to pay if i ask them out.

      Angel says gal must be bad before guys will like. So do i look bad? cos i pm her to know her better but she dun give me any reply? Nevertheless, she does have a good heart :)

      I told BBB before i can be as bad as any guy out there who bed gals. I said i am ugly. Yes I feel but inside me i know i can be as handsome as Daniel Wu and Wang LeeHong without height of course. But if i got this look, what for? Get so many gf for my look for what?

      Inside me, i want a gal who loves me for what i am now. After she accepts me, I will show her what prince charming is... However, will this day comes?

      So TS, I am prepared to be single, are u? If not, make sure u do, cos a desperate gal turns us guy off.

      Gd luck to your future endeavour. And dun be too superficial to look for handsome guy, look dun last till old age. Love does. 

       

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