do i get jealous too easily? =(
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hello guys
i need some help here. i cant stop feeling jealous whenever any guy gets close with my girlfriend. I don't know whether i am being over possesive or not. But i do
know one thing. I hate this feeling.
there was this once when i found out that the password for her to log into the computer is her ex-bf handphone number. i dunno how to describe how i feel when i
found out about that. she told me that her father and younger sis use her computer too so last time when she tried to change the pass, her father scolded her for
changing becoz he already memorised that "password". so she kept her ex-bf handphone number as the password. We were already 3 months plus being
together at that time. Is it a valid reason to keep ur ex bf hp number as password for ur laptop? i mean, she take quite sometime to memorise mine but she
already still have her ex-bf number all at her fingertips. I cant bear to imagine that the past few months everytime she turn on her laptop, she will be reminded of
her ex-bf and everytime before we even chat on msn, she will type in the password which will remind her of her ex-bf before me. she said she changed the pass
one week later after the incident. i didnt try myself to see whether she changed it though.
and there was this once she went for a camp. she was a station master with another guy. i was in school at that time and decided to find her. we talked a bit and
told her i wanna see her event but only from afar. well everything was going fine. the camp participants were very enthusiastic. it was when the group left when
things happened. i was sitting down from a higher level and all was clear view. she knew that too. the group of participants left and the other station master (guy)
started to playfully splash water at my gf. my gf than laugh and shout2 throwin back some water sending signals to the guy that it is an acceptable behaviour.
the guy started to playfuly chase my gf with water they both chase each other splashing water happily and laughing. after the pail of water finish. the guy and my
gf took one pail each. stand close to each other, talk2 than walk side by side out of my view to a toilet to refill water.all this happened with my gf knowing me
looking down at her. but she did came back and called me to ask where i am and found me with a dissapointed face. i mean is it me being jealous too easily or i
was right to be jealous? where do i draw the line? sumone help me please. -
my gal is a dancer.. if i am you, should i kill all her dance partner?
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haha.
childish.
so farnie.
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oso donnoe how to respond lei. i guess it is only natural that you feel protective of yr gf. but u gotta learn to trust her. and if you find her behaviour unacceptable. tell her abt it, let her noe so that she will know and prevent that happening next time and prevent u both from argueing.
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let me guess .. u will cry when she leaves u
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my advice to you now is to play it cool like you don't give a darn to her. even if you're crying inside, just pretend like you don't care even if other guys **** her.
the more you pamper and care for a girl, the more she'll want to search for other guys. it's like that.
pretend to lose interest in her, dramatically reduce the number of times you see her etc. this will make her feel intrigued as to what happened to you and make her come back to you.
basically, what you do is that you let her know that you're aware that she's having fun with other guys and using her ex-boyfriend's password etc., but keep the tone really cool(not sarcastic!)
e.g:
1) whoa! yesterday you went to pool to play with those hunks eh? so which part of your body they touch?
hell, we can even have orgy together! 5 guys and you!
(laugh naturally, loudly at this point)
2) (laugh) he he! the laptop you use your ex-boyfriend's handphone no. ar? all numbers not really safe meh, must add in a bit of alphabets....how about combining his name into the password?
basically, you get the meaning. just adapt it to your own situation since you know better.
the core is there.
you may think this method will let her have more chance with other guys....but think: if she really no reaction even if you ignore her etc., will she make a good wife in future? is this the kinda girl u want to marry and bring home to show your parents?
given your current situation, you'll only add fuel to the fire if you quarrel with her or show more concern for her.
remember that nice guys finish last. it's time to play the good jerk.
the above method above will guarantee that her mind will start thinking "why he don't care about me?" and "how come his reaction like this one? he treat me as toy is it"?
and what happens next? we see Smooth12 getting the last laugh in the end.
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Lack of trust to her.
No confidence in you & her.
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very long post sia.. anyway, have more confidence in yourself, if she chose to be with you, have trust. if she's meant to go, she'll go..
it's normal to feel jealous, but if you know her character before getting together with her is such, you've chosen her knowing that. so there's no way you should stop her being herself..
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Dun think too much la...relax
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Dancer? What genre? Sekali someone I know.
Cheers
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wah.. so long nv see yun's post liao..
anyway TS, you are jealous becoz u r insecure, about urself, about how she feels for u..
communication and understanding between yourself and her is the most important thing to do and to maintain..
constant communication will let you realise what kind of a girlfriend u are having now.. is she the social type? the inward type? the outgoing fun-loving type? what are her boundaries of normal male and female friends? male and female friends splash water, spend late night out, chat on fone, eat supper, are these things "ok" to her? where does she draw the line? if you know these boundaries, you will find that u will be less jealous..
in fact, if u know all those boundaries, u will soon see your own boundaries clearly too.. and shud you [choi]break up[/choi], u will be able to find another girl who fits into ur boundaries well..
its not a disease or a problem to be jealous.. jealousy is not a cause, it is a result of a cause.. and that cause is ur lack of knowledge of urself and ur other half..
believe me.. once u know more about urself and her, ur jealousy will be gone..
oh ya.. my passwords and i mean like 90%, is the name of my best female friend of 5 yrs.. and when my gf of 3yrs 1st knew of it, she was like "huh", bin chao chao.. but after that she knew that me and the female fren are really just damn good friends.. so ok lo..
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Originally posted by smooth12:
hello guys
i need some help here. i cant stop feeling jealous whenever any guy gets close with my girlfriend. I don't know whether i am being over possesive or not. But i do
know one thing. I hate this feeling.
there was this once when i found out that the password for her to log into the computer is her ex-bf handphone number. i dunno how to describe how i feel when i
found out about that. she told me that her father and younger sis use her computer too so last time when she tried to change the pass, her father scolded her for
changing becoz he already memorised that "password". so she kept her ex-bf handphone number as the password. We were already 3 months plus being
together at that time. Is it a valid reason to keep ur ex bf hp number as password for ur laptop? i mean, she take quite sometime to memorise mine but she
already still have her ex-bf number all at her fingertips. I cant bear to imagine that the past few months everytime she turn on her laptop, she will be reminded of
her ex-bf and everytime before we even chat on msn, she will type in the password which will remind her of her ex-bf before me. she said she changed the pass
one week later after the incident. i didnt try myself to see whether she changed it though.
and there was this once she went for a camp. she was a station master with another guy. i was in school at that time and decided to find her. we talked a bit and
told her i wanna see her event but only from afar. well everything was going fine. the camp participants were very enthusiastic. it was when the group left when
things happened. i was sitting down from a higher level and all was clear view. she knew that too. the group of participants left and the other station master (guy)
started to playfully splash water at my gf. my gf than laugh and shout2 throwin back some water sending signals to the guy that it is an acceptable behaviour.
the guy started to playfuly chase my gf with water they both chase each other splashing water happily and laughing. after the pail of water finish. the guy and my
gf took one pail each. stand close to each other, talk2 than walk side by side out of my view to a toilet to refill water.all this happened with my gf knowing me
looking down at her. but she did came back and called me to ask where i am and found me with a dissapointed face. i mean is it me being jealous too easily or i
was right to be jealous? where do i draw the line? sumone help me please. There isn't a thing as the prerogative to be jealous;
we merely justify this feeling as a result of some external events that we did
not how to resolve or interpret emotionally, hence we classify it as jealousy.
There isn't an absolute line to draw, other than independent self regulation to
minimize feeling crappy. The password thing, imho, is completely nonsense. CloUdiSm classify it as symbolic jealousy, where people are affected because they compose meaning to an act or behavior that by itself has no other implication other than its functional meaning. You unconsciously suspect that there 'must' be something going on within her, since she is using her ex-bf mobile number, but hell, that probably represents none of your speculation.
What happens is that you are likely:
1) You are an insecure person.
2) Sees love as a form of possession. (Unconscious perception belongs to a lower plane in love - CloUdiSm).
As for her playing a fool, are you expecting her to wear a stern face and go through the camp as if the world owes her a great deal? Of course she would want to make merry and have fun. Your emotions are a trigger of your defensive mechanism - when you find it difficult to accommodate the new found knowledge internally and resolve it (probably worst if you are a Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius or Taurus).
Everyone generally suffers various degree of jealousy - the only cause for concern lies when jealousy adversely affects the relationship, be it whether it is justified or not. One myth about jealousy is that some people believed that it only manifest through triggering from the external environment - but the truth is that it's almost 100% an inside job. Jealousy is a self demon - the people around you cannot feel the intensity of your emotion, unlike anger or fear, and it is often insidious.
Like some hideous phantasmal forces, it feeds on your gnawing inferiority, gaining strength as your self esteem fades from the lack of holistic understanding in love. If you want to work on 'jealousy', you got to work on your insecurity - by patching the emotional vulnerabilities that allow this 'demonic emotions' to exploit your inner self.
The causes of insecurity are myriad and it isn't easy to pinpoint the exact root; even more arduous to implement changes.
But I will just leave you with a simple thought to ponder:
You can't stop love from leaving on its own accord, but you have every span of control to prevent yourself from pushing love away. Ironically, most people understood this only when they understood regret. Perhaps enlightenment and regret is but two side of the coin, derived from the same product.
Cheers
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Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Perhaps enlightenment and regret is but two side of the coin, derived from the same product.
alternatively, u can picture scenarios of regret, to attain enlightenment.. thats what i do to treasure what i have.. -
smooth12,
I hope you didn't take your insecurity out on your girlfriend.
If you did, you're killing the relationship.
I had a bf JUST like you. And very soon, I lost interest in him.
He used to spy on me when I go to gym, swimming, library. And every time a guy talks to me, my bf and I will have a big fight.
It got to a point.. I feel tired.. frustrated... lonely.
Your girlfriend did no wrong to you.. stop treating her like a prisoner.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
smooth12,
I hope you didn't take your insecurity out on your girlfriend.
If you did, you're killing the relationship.
I had a bf JUST like you. And very soon, I lost interest in him.
He used to spy on me when I go to gym, swimming, library. And every time a guy talks to me, my bf and I will have a big fight.
It got to a point.. I feel tired.. frustrated... lonely.
Your girlfriend did no wrong to you.. stop treating her like a prisoner.
so possessive your bf. u must b feeling very restricted. like this very suffocating. poor u. -
Originally posted by bryanw:
so possessive your bf. u must b feeling very restricted. like this very suffocating. poor u.Yes, it was very very suffocating.
I'm a cheerful girl.. I love to talk.. and make friends with people and have fun. That was the reason why he fell in love with me in the first place.
But in the end.. he wanted a boring loner who's only reason to live is to make him smile, him and not other else.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
Yes, it was very very suffocating.
I'm a cheerful girl.. I love to talk.. and make friends with people and have fun. That was the reason why he fell in love with me in the first place.
But in the end.. he wanted a boring loner who's only reason to live is to make him smile, him and not other else.
so selfish. he is not ready for relationship. leave him.
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Originally posted by bryanw:
so selfish. he is not ready for relationship. leave him.Yah.. I did..and that was the happiest day of the relationship.
When I walked away.. I feel alive again.. a sense of relief overwhelms me.
I feel free....
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
Yah.. I did..and that was the happiest day of the relationship.
When I walked away.. I feel alive again.. a sense of relief overwhelms me.
I feel free....
gd 4 u. u r now free.
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thanks guys, now i know what to do =)
now i see how anynomous third party views can help haha
*cheers* =D
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Originally posted by Yunhaier: There isn't
a thing as the prerogative to be jealous; we merely justify this
feeling as a result of some external events that we did not how to
resolve or interpret emotionally, hence we classify it as jealousy.
There isn't an absolute line to draw, other than independent self
regulation to minimize feeling crappy.
The password thing, imho, is completely nonsense. CloUdiSm classify it as symbolic jealousy, where people are affected because they compose meaning to an act or behavior that by itself has no other implication other than its functional meaning. You unconsciously suspect that there 'must' be something going on within her, since she is using her ex-bf mobile number, but hell, that probably represents none of your speculation.
What happens is that you are likely:
1) You are an insecure person.
2) Sees love as a form of possession. (Unconscious perception belongs to a lower plane in love - CloUdiSm).
As for her playing a fool, are you expecting her to wear a stern face and go through the camp as if the world owes her a great deal? Of course she would want to make merry and have fun. Your emotions are a trigger of your defensive mechanism - when you find it difficult to accommodate the new found knowledge internally and resolve it (probably worst if you are a Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius or Taurus).
Everyone generally suffers various degree of jealousy - the only cause for concern lies when jealousy adversely affects the relationship, be it whether it is justified or not. One myth about jealousy is that some people believed that it only manifest through triggering from the external environment - but the truth is that it's almost 100% an inside job. Jealousy is a self demon - the people around you cannot feel the intensity of your emotion, unlike anger or fear, and it is often insidious.
Like some hideous phantasmal forces, it feeds on your gnawing inferiority, gaining strength as your self esteem fades from the lack of holistic understanding in love. If you want to work on 'jealousy', you got to work on your insecurity - by patching the emotional vulnerabilities that allow this 'demonic emotions' to exploit your inner self.
The causes of insecurity are myriad and it isn't easy to pinpoint the exact root; even more arduous to implement changes.
But I will just leave you with a simple thought to ponder:
You can't stop love from leaving on its own accord, but you have every span of control to prevent yourself from pushing love away. Ironically, most people understood this only when they understood regret. Perhaps enlightenment and regret is but two side of the coin, derived from the same product.
Cheers
Ur post forever take mi mins to read >.> but its very true..
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a woman's heart is frail ......
if you don't get jealous at all, that means she doesn't mean that much to you ....
and if you trust her too much ..... she WILL cheat on you .....
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you think too much liao lah... if you dun trust your gf... then break lor...
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love has make u weak and insecure?
handle the relationship well and u will have the relatiopnship.
handle the relationship badly and u will lose the relationship.
in any relationship, trust and confidence is very important, if u doesn’t have any of it, go figure how to build it
good luck
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if shes gemini or aquarius (esp gemini!) u gota be careful luh, if shes scorpio or libra, shud be safe. but even if shes gemini, the more u try to possess her, the more she wud wana break free.