My Girlfriend
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I currently have a girlfriend who is older than I am. Being that as it may, I have no issues with our difference in age. However, she fails to trust me.
I have a friend, a girl, A, from church. I grew up with her, and I admit in the past we used to like each other when we were young and adolescent. But not for very long. Now she has her own boyfriend, and I have my girlfriend. However, my girlfriend doesn't quite like A. Since I told her about A and I liking each other in the past, her mood changed drastically, and A has been an issue of unpleasant discussion over the past few months.
My girlfriend observes A, and notices that she attempts to grab my attention. For example, when A talks, she glances at me quite frequently and today, for some reason, A entered the room where my girlfriend, I and another church member was seated. And she kept entering, re-entering, re-entering again and finally stayed put in the room. Each time she entered she made some sort of a din. According to my girlfriend. Although I failed to pay much attention.
A has been the constant subject of annoyance and displeasure for my girlfriend, and to my girlfriend it seems like A is always trying to get my attention. Not helping is the fact that almost everyone seemed to think for a time that A and I were perfect for each other. I told my girlfriend that the more people tell me to do something, the more I won't do it, and hence she refused to believe that I'm with her because I sincerely love her, but only to prove a point to everyone else that I'm defying their laws.
Recently, my girlfriend has made an effort to befriend A. In the past, when my girlfriend said hi, A would just ignore her and walk along, and my girlfriend attributed it to A perhaps not noticing her gesture.
I have explained many times to my girlfriend that I do love her, but she still can't seem to trust me.
She also mentioned to me a few times that I tend to look at other girls very frequently, sometimes to the extent of compromising my attention on her when she is in the midst of talking. She says my eyes would dart around, but I only look to observe, not to check out. But she doesn't quite take it that way. One occasion, she said that I stared at a girl to the point where I no longer hear what she's saying. I do enjoy observing people because I just have opinions to make, and I never meant to give her the wrong idea.
I am actually very exasperated and I made the mistake of telling her in the past, that if she couldn't accept A as a part of my life, I would find it hard to love her. It was a mistake and my girlfriend still hurts from it, and hence till today my girlfriend feels "disposable". I also admit, I told her that my ex girlfriend was my "bragging right". Because back then she was the hottest girl in school and I got to go out with her. My girlfriend gave me the option to speak freely so maybe she couldn't handle it.
Just now, I talked to her. We had a long discussion, and I was upset about her still clinging on to the A issue. To my girlfriend, A was clearly out to get my attention, but frankly I really didn't notice. I asked her why does she think A is better than her, and she replied "personality, figure, looks". Then, my girlfriend said that she regretted placing me in a box all this while, and she realized the pressure she placed on me regarding A and my brother's girlfriend. She told me that I could have my old life back. Rekindle my friendship with A, because I stopped talking to A a while ago in order to please my girlfriend.My girlfriend is insecure,but have I contributed to make her feel that way?
Also, my brother has a girlfriend who tried to flirt with me when we went on a family vacation. She kept looking at me, and it did make me feel akward. My girlfriend was quite upset and we did argue about this. From then, she failed to trust that girl, and whenever she came over, my girlfriend would be very uncomfortable. My brother's girlfriend is young, so perhaps we can attribute it to adolescence. She mentioned to my girlfriend that she wished my brother was as mature as I was. My girlfriend took that as some sort of signal that she was interested in me. I wonder how that works?
Also, honestly, whenever we meet up, she is mostly the one who comes over, and after work, she would walk to my office because she knocks off earlier than I do and waits for me so we could go home together to my place. In fact, she does offer most of the time to meet and travel over, and she feels bad when I have to travel to meet her. She refuses to let me pay for anything too. I need to know what to do. My girlfriend doesn't feel special I think, but why?
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What also didn't help regarding my brother's girlfriend, is that when my father was in hospital, my girlfriend didn't visit him much. Her own father had passed away when she was very young and since they were close, she told me she couldn't bear to see my father in hospital. But she did come to bring him a stuff toy and talk to him and play puzzles. One night, while my father was in hospital, I got a little drunk, and I told her that my brother's girlfriend was better than her because at least she made the effort to come and visit my father and she didn't even have a car, unlike my girlfriend, who could just simply drive over. My girlfriend was upset when I said that but she tried not to hold it against me and blame the alcohol instead. But she told me that there is always an element of truth in the things said in a drunken stupor, and I believe she still hurts quite badly. Where did I go wrong? Should I do something about it? What should I do to make the relationship good and my girlfriend trust me?
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wall of text
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sorry. Im really disturbed. I need to know what to do. This is aunt agony right. Isn't there somebody.
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One word - Reassurance.
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Who is at fault though? I'm not sure what to do.
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Your girlfriend has a complicated mind. Everything would be easily solved if she could see it as a whole picture. Its good that you are being honest with her about your past. And actually before you were with her , you should have asked her whether she minds about your past ? There's a sentence I always believe , " Sometimes , something is best left to be unknown. " Without trust , the relationship won't go anywhere. Therefore I guess that you should change another church to avoid A and speak less with A. Are you too friendly with your bro's gf ? I think you ought to be stricter ? So that she knows that she should behave properly . Recently , my friend's dad has passed away. Before his dad passed away one of his friend told him that he don't want to go visit him in the hospital because it is too heart aching to see all those tubes and machines . So perhaps you can understand that she don't wanna see all those heart aching stuff. Your gf is good in a way that she is thrifty because she don't want you to spend too much on her . But you need to tell her that don't always offer to pay , like you both should be equal . If you 2 are outside eating , you could foot the bill . And if you 2 are watching movie afterwards , she could treat you . Next time drink when she's not around because you are the type of people that will utter nonsense after drunk. Being honest sometimes isn't always the best policy . Therefore you need to depend on the situation to see whether you need to be honest anot. Take care and best wishes ! (:
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Originally posted by evolutiondiva:
Your girlfriend has a complicated mind. Everything would be easily solved if she could see it as a whole picture. Its good that you are being honest with her about your past. And actually before you were with her , you should have asked her whether she minds about your past ? There's a sentence I always believe , " Sometimes , something is best left to be unknown. " Without trust , the relationship won't go anywhere. Therefore I guess that you should change another church to avoid A and speak less with A. Are you too friendly with your bro's gf ? I think you ought to be stricter ? So that she knows that she should behave properly . Recently , my friend's dad has passed away. Before his dad passed away one of his friend told him that he don't want to go visit him in the hospital because it is too heart aching to see all those tubes and machines . So perhaps you can understand that she don't wanna see all those heart aching stuff. Your gf is good in a way that she is thrifty because she don't want you to spend too much on her . But you need to tell her that don't always offer to pay , like you both should be equal . If you 2 are outside eating , you could foot the bill . And if you 2 are watching movie afterwards , she could treat you . Next time drink when she's not around because you are the type of people that will utter nonsense after drunk. Being honest sometimes isn't always the best policy . Therefore you need to depend on the situation to see whether you need to be honest anot. Take care and best wishes ! (:
Thanks =) I really appreciate your replies =) Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm doing enough for her. Maybe that's why she doesn't feel special. I can't change church because my family goes there and we're quite involved there.
Well no actually I don't think I'm friendly with his girlfriend, I guess I just entertain her to give my brother some face. My girlfriend doesn't like her because my brother's girlfriend is the typical girls' school wannabe type of girl. The "OMG I am like SOOOOO hot" sort. Y'know. Those. But during the trip she really upset my girlfriend.
Lol yea I know about the drunken stupor thing. That was sort of how we got together actually. But the relationship lasted longer than we both expected.
I think my girlfriend does mind my past a little, but was how I put it to her harsh? Or is it something most girls can put up with? How do I reassure her to trust me?
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if U have time to write so much, i recommend you spend the time with your gal-friend.
also, just stay away from A.
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So long who want to read ?
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Jealous la .....
It's ok to be jealous .
As long as u have a clear conscience , it's ok bro .
sometime no need to say much to her .... let your action do all the talking .
Be firm in your head .
when u're firm with your head , your action will follow .
She will see the faith , even when u are not aware of it .
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the fact that you're honest to your gf is a good +
the other thing is that she's a very good and understanding GF another +
but she just got to be a bit more 肚� by learning to trust you and those sort of things..
i duno ur exact age, but if you're working..
try looking for some adventure based courses or trips to increase the trust between u and her.. join those trips and courses which are conducted with both genders..
Like OBS that sort of things and let her see how u interact with other gals with u around, and eventually she will open up by then to be the near perfect gf/potential wife that every guys dreams of..
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perhaps she feels jealous at times with regards to A and your brother's girlfriend.
nothing wrong about that. i think there ought to be something wrong with the things you do to lead your gf to feel this way. this whole story is way too one-sided. why not leak out some of the discussion topics you had with her about A?
your girlfriend treats you so well. she always think about you. she gets jealous for you. what more bro. you want her to bring the moon down for you too? you better cherish her before someone else takes her away.
have a discussion for a solution. not a discussion and leave things hanging there.
lastly, i feel pretty sad for your brother having a girlfriend who flirts with his brother
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is ur gf a cancerian or piscean, whereas ur hmm....aquarian, gemini or saggitarius?
she does love you, u have to think of ways to reassure her. ur actions to her will speak more then anything.
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different people have different kind of "socialising". It could mean that ur bro's gf is friendly while your gf thinks is flirting. and the fact dat your bro doesnt mind could mean that your bro noes his gf de style~ Whatever it is, just know your limits will do. For your gf, your gf must realise that everybody is different and she must accept other people's way, as much as people can accept her way of doing things.
As for you, dun drink too much la, if you really love her and she really loves you, explain to her and apologize to her, since you are in the wrong~.
As for A, i tink is a thorny issue, but you and your gf hav to sit down and seek a win win solution~=)
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Are u trying to tell us that you are a damn attractive handsome guy?? If so, all handsome and attractive guys cannot be fully trusted, same goes to beautiful and sexy gals, our bfs dun trust us.
They keep calling us and pestering on us about where we are, what are we doing....damn.
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are u sure there's nothing wrong with A?
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i thought you were supposed to be drunk in the holy spirit?....lol.....apparently your girl is not the socialising and the easy-going type...if you want to continue with her then you gotta put up with her insecurities....but i do think you'll be unhappy in the longer term, given your gregacious nature....perhaps you ought to reconsider searching for a like minded partner...not urging you to dump her but just consider your future interactions with all those around yu...
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Originally posted by Karma88:
So long who want to read ?
There are a number of us want ^^
The more detials, the more we understand the situation... and better advices ^^Quote from AA guidelines:
"II) If possible, write more... describe more... and explain more about your problem.
Some people like to post their problem without giving sufficient information or leaving certain critical information out. It affects people's advice, because certain critical information affects the entire perspective altogether. Of course if there are things which you are not comfortable in revealing, you can opt not to. Or better still, you could PM some of the regulars, whom you can trust and speak to them."Cheers
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sit down, have a chat with your girlfriend.
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Originally posted by wonderamazement:
sit down, have a chat with your girlfriend.
cannot stand and chat meh? -
Nought,
May I ask... what is it you love about your girlfriend ?
If you feel that she is not good enough for you, I suggest you find another girl.
Let your girlfriend go , so she may find someone who knows how to cherish her and not make her feel like she is second class.
I have many guy friends who are very handsome and rich and talented, but they never hurt their girlfriend like the way you hurt yours.
If you think you are too good for any girl, then I suggest you remain single.
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waliew so llllloooonnnngggg..
any1 wif a summary?
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Originally posted by angel7030:
cannot stand and chat meh?up to him.
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Originally posted by a-Lost-9uY:
waliew so llllloooonnnngggg..
any1 wif a summary?
TS is Zhi4 Zhuo4 Duo1 Qing2 ..
He thinks all the chio bu around him, falls in love with him, wants his divine attention.
Then he go tell his girlfriend all the chio bu love him, to make her jealous lor.
Then he go compare his girlfriend with A and B and C (his brother's gf). Then tell his girlfriend she is not as good as the A,B,C, Ds lah.
Then when he is with his gf, he cannot control his roving eyes..like every girl is betta looking than his gf lah.
Like that lor...conclusion.. his gf must be very fugly lah, if not, she would have dump TS and find herself a much betta guy already...... summary end.