Dear AA:

 It all started out about 1 year back.. i went into a relationship, had those sweet times together and stuff.. my girl is fond of playing games and treats friends really important (i.e play games with friends online, etc) and she has alot of guy friends from the opposite sex, this i do not mind although my past relationship was a failure and due to a third party, i was quite insecure and restricted much things. then i moved on.. this relationship i somehow didnt restrict or mind all those normal just "boy" friends of hers. it moved on.. months by months not much of quarrels and just happy moments all the time, till one day i stumbled upon something which i shouldnt have saw, which is (dont ask me how i found out) the lies she told me, such as that she been playing games with her best friends and keeping me in the dark. i know it kind of sound stupid that she lied to me because she played games with her friends and kept things from me and im angry about it. its not about the content of the lie, but its just a lie is still a lie.

To me, i felt that she told me a lie shows how much our relationship means to her, as she could just talk things out like oh, im playing this and that.. i dont expect her to report things to me but, i'm a person who doesn't have many friends. sometimes i'm on msn with her and because she can't go out i always try to accompany her even when im online, but there she is playing and always ignoring me and stuff making me feel so neglected (even online).

I don't confide much into friends or anyone too, i just keep things to myself. I felt quite uneasy and i tend to start to show her attitude and drop some hints like "bored? then go play your this and that game, etc" I just think why i tried to put in so much effort into this relationship, being faithful, being always there when she needs me, i have never lied to her and she did this to me. Back then before i knew her too, i know she had an old flame, and i only knew he was in NAFA. Despite all those recent things that happened, sometime later she chosed withdrawed from JC ( she repeated JC1 again) and applied to go in NAFA. I felt rather insecure again.. One day she was with me, and her old flame msg her, saying "I think i cant go down NAFA to see you today, i have something on" i didn't purposely caught a glimpse but it so happenly i saw it, she quickly slide down her phone and thus closing the message. all these actions just made me really felt insecure.. i don't know what to do then..

I just kept thinking and thinking and I just can't take it that we started quarreling alot. I just kept thinking why doesn't her conscious prick her everytime we meet up or something, like as if she feel and look as though nothing really happened, although she doesn't know i knew about it all. I then thought to myself "how long is she gonna keep it from me?"

It slowly moved on, at the beginning i already knew she is someone who tends to keep things to herself, and not to share with me ( which is very bad ) so there I was trying to make her feel "open" to me as im willing to share problems with her, although i myself have problems. Whenever a problem, she always choose to avoid if not run away from it. Even i do wanna have a heart-to-heart talk she doesn't. Theres nothing i could do, and eventually it just fades away.. as I couldn't forget about the things she did, i chose to run too. 

I eventually got close with a girl that is was in my class, chatted out hang out with her soon it became. Then i always ignored my girlfriend, and just kept showing her attitude while i still continued to hang out with that girl.. well i was really hoping just to forget "things" she done to me. like why do i deserve all these despite her knowing i hate people who lies and its really hard for me to trust her. there it went on, she not knowing everything and one day she found out all what i was doing.

She was so hardbroken and all.. I sunk even deeper into the new, as she grew to had "feelings" for me. I really dont know what to do, and life just went on for 6months. There my girl was suffering and hoping everyday that one day i'll just return to her. I already know its bad and i feel so disgusted with myself for doing all this to her, i tried to talk to the "new" and said stop continuing things like as in going out and hanging out together. but i didn't have the heart to break another girl's heart i let it drag, but many atimes i did said but eventually still went on seeing her. I still been meeting my girl throughout these 6months but we were considered "broken up" in the early of that 6months.

I really didn't know what i really went into, despite knowing it all.. Its just i don't wish to show my feelings to my girl that i still do love her, i put on a mask. Suddenly at her saddest moments, a guy she just met for 2weeks came into her life and she had just decided to let me go. She told me, and said was the last meeting of us.

Suddenly, i felt really uneasy, and uptight about it. I couldn't sleep. And i thought and i thought.. it really made me finally realise that she means alot to me not because i'm afraid she is letting go and hurting my "pride or something" -- thats what she thinks.

I finally decided to really "stop" everything, and decided to ask her back. I tried all i could, i did so much things.. but still. she still remained "i still want to be alone". I have faced it before and i know when a girl says this, means she wants to go with the other. she also told me that "she still loves me, but the feelings just changed"; a change of heart i know. I tried so much to want her back and really from the bottom of my heart i regretted it all but its no use and no point as whats done is done. Her friend whom i've been chatting to also said that from what he sees is she likes that new guy but just don't wanna break my heart. I really don't know what to do.. I still met up with her last week a few times, and i know she been meeting up with him too (she lied to us both whenever she wants to see whom)..

I just can't let her go, although my friends said she already moved on, and its hopeless now even if you do anything. I divulged into smoking alot, and even drinking almost every day and night. I slept like only 2-3hours per day, i just can't stop thinking, thinking of what i should do..

I am really lost, not even in the mood to study. I even thought of withdrawing from my poly first then serve NS, to not think about things. I know did all those stupid stuffs just to break her heart.. i'd really like to make up for it, and also don't wanna end this between us. I cant even forgive myself. But this saying goes "whats meant to be yours, will be yours" and "if you want her to be happy, let her go". I still told her "i would wait, even if you were to go with him"

But im really tired... and i dont know what to do... somebody help me please. no flames, i know i'm a jerk.

move on. There's things more worthy of your time.

I really wish i could move on..

she told me she cant be with me because she has him in her heart.. likewise she cant be with him because she still loves me and cant forget me. i find the words she says all so contradicting..

i know what i did was wrong, and im really repentant.. but she does not sees it all. maybe from one of the earlier posts, love is blind and she is already blinded by his love.

but i know deep down she wants to be with him. although giving an excuse for studies, or wanna be alone. its all just consolidating words.

and i also know shes also still hurt as she said "who am i to you? when i beg you and pleaded with u to want u back, and i said ill change and i really did? you still left me" its just like the other way round, karma has come for me.

Can I summarise ? 

Girl A and you were together, but because of your insecurities, you went out with another Girl B, even as you know you are hurting Girl A. 

Then Girl A found another guy and you suddenly decide to drop Girl B and ask for Girl A back. 

And then you start indulging in self destructive activities. 

Right, you are a jerk. 

Just get a life and move on k, if you are "truly repentant". 

Oh man, you flew her like a kite. Even though she had broken her promise, it doesn't mean you should break her heart too (by being with Girl B).

Now she desires to be free again, and here you come chasing after her.

I feel sorry for your ex.

Live and learn. No point reminiscing anymore.

yeah. like what ferret said 'you are a jerk'.

suck it up you little wuss. you were the one who caused all these hurt upon yourself and your now ex girlfriend.

so why are you crying now like a little baby treating it as though its the end of the world? you are a guy for goodness sake, if this is gonna bring you down, i dont know how you are going to support a family next time. you are still in poly, long road ahead man....

good luck.

Thanks Fer for the summaries :P

KPKB also no use. its past. You are responsible for your actions and mistakes. So be it.

Originally posted by nehpyh:

Thanks Fer for the summaries :P

yea, it was a task to read it.

Firstly, because of your insecurities, she chose to lie to you about her "games with just friends".

Secondly, I don't know how many girls play games like her and woah I'd be intolerable too.

Thirdly, don't use the new girl to cover your backside now that it's cold.

Don't hurt anyone else, like Misty says, you were responsible for your own acts.

i can understand what you are going through... i am facing the same problem with you. Just that i am in deeper shit..

Originally posted by confused heart:

i can understand what you are going through... i am facing the same problem with you. Just that i am in deeper shit..

you also another one... jerk.

whats wrong with you people.

You admitted that you are a jerk and most jerks are close to the lowest life form available.

But since you are conscious of your own 'indulgence', 'flaws', 'mistakes', etc...and basically what you need is encouragements from people to help you pull through the shit hole you have gotten yourself into....even though we are so darn reluctant to even lift a finger, let's try this:

1. List down (you) the crappy vices and bad habits that you are aware of;

2. Given yourself a week to kick the habit and report it here;

3. And let's make a pact that we will no suan or diss you but use honest encouraging word to compliment your accomplishments.

Now, there is no way we can audit or check on you. You can continue to be the lowest life form there is to cheat us of our attention (away from Hebe's and A90210's posts ). or you can start to live life with integrity like a honest man you hope your loved ones will like.

What da'ya think?

So long . Like compo .

If ur lost .

U should watch the show LOST . LOL

Originally posted by babydontgo:

Dear AA:

 It all started out about 1 year back.. i went into a relationship, had those sweet times together and stuff.. my girl is fond of playing games and treats friends really important (i.e play games with friends online, etc) and she has alot of guy friends from the opposite sex, this i do not mind although my past relationship was a failure and due to a third party, i was quite insecure and restricted much things. then i moved on.. this relationship i somehow didnt restrict or mind all those normal just "boy" friends of hers. it moved on.. months by months not much of quarrels and just happy moments all the time, till one day i stumbled upon something which i shouldnt have saw, which is (dont ask me how i found out) the lies she told me, such as that she been playing games with her best friends and keeping me in the dark. i know it kind of sound stupid that she lied to me because she played games with her friends and kept things from me and im angry about it. its not about the content of the lie, but its just a lie is still a lie.

To me, i felt that she told me a lie shows how much our relationship means to her, as she could just talk things out like oh, im playing this and that.. i dont expect her to report things to me but, i'm a person who doesn't have many friends. sometimes i'm on msn with her and because she can't go out i always try to accompany her even when im online, but there she is playing and always ignoring me and stuff making me feel so neglected (even online).

I don't confide much into friends or anyone too, i just keep things to myself. I felt quite uneasy and i tend to start to show her attitude and drop some hints like "bored? then go play your this and that game, etc" I just think why i tried to put in so much effort into this relationship, being faithful, being always there when she needs me, i have never lied to her and she did this to me. Back then before i knew her too, i know she had an old flame, and i only knew he was in NAFA. Despite all those recent things that happened, sometime later she chosed withdrawed from JC ( she repeated JC1 again) and applied to go in NAFA. I felt rather insecure again.. One day she was with me, and her old flame msg her, saying "I think i cant go down NAFA to see you today, i have something on" i didn't purposely caught a glimpse but it so happenly i saw it, she quickly slide down her phone and thus closing the message. all these actions just made me really felt insecure.. i don't know what to do then..

I just kept thinking and thinking and I just can't take it that we started quarreling alot. I just kept thinking why doesn't her conscious prick her everytime we meet up or something, like as if she feel and look as though nothing really happened, although she doesn't know i knew about it all. I then thought to myself "how long is she gonna keep it from me?"

It slowly moved on, at the beginning i already knew she is someone who tends to keep things to herself, and not to share with me ( which is very bad ) so there I was trying to make her feel "open" to me as im willing to share problems with her, although i myself have problems. Whenever a problem, she always choose to avoid if not run away from it. Even i do wanna have a heart-to-heart talk she doesn't. Theres nothing i could do, and eventually it just fades away.. as I couldn't forget about the things she did, i chose to run too. 

I eventually got close with a girl that is was in my class, chatted out hang out with her soon it became. Then i always ignored my girlfriend, and just kept showing her attitude while i still continued to hang out with that girl.. well i was really hoping just to forget "things" she done to me. like why do i deserve all these despite her knowing i hate people who lies and its really hard for me to trust her. there it went on, she not knowing everything and one day she found out all what i was doing.

She was so hardbroken and all.. I sunk even deeper into the new, as she grew to had "feelings" for me. I really dont know what to do, and life just went on for 6months. There my girl was suffering and hoping everyday that one day i'll just return to her. I already know its bad and i feel so disgusted with myself for doing all this to her, i tried to talk to the "new" and said stop continuing things like as in going out and hanging out together. but i didn't have the heart to break another girl's heart i let it drag, but many atimes i did said but eventually still went on seeing her. I still been meeting my girl throughout these 6months but we were considered "broken up" in the early of that 6months.

I really didn't know what i really went into, despite knowing it all.. Its just i don't wish to show my feelings to my girl that i still do love her, i put on a mask. Suddenly at her saddest moments, a guy she just met for 2weeks came into her life and she had just decided to let me go. She told me, and said was the last meeting of us.

Suddenly, i felt really uneasy, and uptight about it. I couldn't sleep. And i thought and i thought.. it really made me finally realise that she means alot to me not because i'm afraid she is letting go and hurting my "pride or something" -- thats what she thinks.

I finally decided to really "stop" everything, and decided to ask her back. I tried all i could, i did so much things.. but still. she still remained "i still want to be alone". I have faced it before and i know when a girl says this, means she wants to go with the other. she also told me that "she still loves me, but the feelings just changed"; a change of heart i know. I tried so much to want her back and really from the bottom of my heart i regretted it all but its no use and no point as whats done is done. Her friend whom i've been chatting to also said that from what he sees is she likes that new guy but just don't wanna break my heart. I really don't know what to do.. I still met up with her last week a few times, and i know she been meeting up with him too (she lied to us both whenever she wants to see whom)..

I just can't let her go, although my friends said she already moved on, and its hopeless now even if you do anything. I divulged into smoking alot, and even drinking almost every day and night. I slept like only 2-3hours per day, i just can't stop thinking, thinking of what i should do..

I am really lost, not even in the mood to study. I even thought of withdrawing from my poly first then serve NS, to not think about things. I know did all those stupid stuffs just to break her heart.. i'd really like to make up for it, and also don't wanna end this between us. I cant even forgive myself. But this saying goes "whats meant to be yours, will be yours" and "if you want her to be happy, let her go". I still told her "i would wait, even if you were to go with him"

But im really tired... and i dont know what to do... somebody help me please. no flames, i know i'm a jerk.

Well. who ask you to play play play ......

now burnt with fire liao lah

it`s been some time,
how have u been?

wah so long....

i read first then i reply...

TS sounds so kiddo....

Thank you for your short story.

Write a longer one, and compete with Barbera.

Don't bother, babydontgo.

Both of you did enough harms already, intentional or not.

Only make yourself and her more miserable if both do patch up somehow.

Just move on like what some readers advised.

Cheers.

Number 1 rule - You don't own anyone. Anyone doesn't own you.

If the other person decides to do something,it's the person's own will, you can't stop it but you are free to judge it and decide yourself what to do. One important thing - Don't let ANYONE control how YOU FEEL. You are in control of that...NOT THE OTHER person.

You have to be HAPPY & SECURE with YOUR OWN SELF(ALONE) first. Make your SELF complete first and then get into a relationship to share that completeness and create a better world together with the other person.

Judging from you wrote, I think you're not there yet. But it's not too late to get to know yourself MORE.

Yes, GO ON and start asking yourself...

WHAT IS LIFE about?

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE about?

WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU?

You'll realise that your answers will change in years to come.

If it's so obvious that the other person displays bad qualities, let the other person knows and if he/she doesn't care, feel free to live YOUR LIFE and be happy and move on. Stay single and pray for the next best person to come by :)

DON'T WASTE your time/energy like what you did.

Man & Woman have so many differences, it takes A LOT of work to make the relationship work. That's why there tends to ALWAYS be arguments. It takes A LOT of maturity.

Sigh, blame those cheesy love drama series/movies that is programming kids these days.

Babe I love you so I want you to know  (KC and the Sunshine band)

That I gonna miss your love the minute you walk out that door

Please dont go dont go dont go away

Please dont go dont go I am begging you to stay

With you at least in my lifetime I had one dream come true

I was born to be loved my someone as wonderful as you

Please dont go dont go dont go away

Please dont go dont go I am begging you to stay ......sob! sob! sob1

Originally posted by babydontgo:

Dear AA:

 It all started out about 1 year back.. i went into a relationship, had those sweet times together and stuff.. my girl is fond of playing games and treats friends really important (i.e play games with friends online, etc) and she has alot of guy friends from the opposite sex, this i do not mind although my past relationship was a failure and due to a third party, i was quite insecure and restricted much things. then i moved on.. this relationship i somehow didnt restrict or mind all those normal just "boy" friends of hers. it moved on.. months by months not much of quarrels and just happy moments all the time, till one day i stumbled upon something which i shouldnt have saw, which is (dont ask me how i found out) the lies she told me, such as that she been playing games with her best friends and keeping me in the dark. i know it kind of sound stupid that she lied to me because she played games with her friends and kept things from me and im angry about it. its not about the content of the lie, but its just a lie is still a lie.

To me, i felt that she told me a lie shows how much our relationship means to her, as she could just talk things out like oh, im playing this and that.. i dont expect her to report things to me but, i'm a person who doesn't have many friends. sometimes i'm on msn with her and because she can't go out i always try to accompany her even when im online, but there she is playing and always ignoring me and stuff making me feel so neglected (even online).

I don't confide much into friends or anyone too, i just keep things to myself. I felt quite uneasy and i tend to start to show her attitude and drop some hints like "bored? then go play your this and that game, etc" I just think why i tried to put in so much effort into this relationship, being faithful, being always there when she needs me, i have never lied to her and she did this to me. Back then before i knew her too, i know she had an old flame, and i only knew he was in NAFA. Despite all those recent things that happened, sometime later she chosed withdrawed from JC ( she repeated JC1 again) and applied to go in NAFA. I felt rather insecure again.. One day she was with me, and her old flame msg her, saying "I think i cant go down NAFA to see you today, i have something on" i didn't purposely caught a glimpse but it so happenly i saw it, she quickly slide down her phone and thus closing the message. all these actions just made me really felt insecure.. i don't know what to do then..

I just kept thinking and thinking and I just can't take it that we started quarreling alot. I just kept thinking why doesn't her conscious prick her everytime we meet up or something, like as if she feel and look as though nothing really happened, although she doesn't know i knew about it all. I then thought to myself "how long is she gonna keep it from me?"

It slowly moved on, at the beginning i already knew she is someone who tends to keep things to herself, and not to share with me ( which is very bad ) so there I was trying to make her feel "open" to me as im willing to share problems with her, although i myself have problems. Whenever a problem, she always choose to avoid if not run away from it. Even i do wanna have a heart-to-heart talk she doesn't. Theres nothing i could do, and eventually it just fades away.. as I couldn't forget about the things she did, i chose to run too. 

I eventually got close with a girl that is was in my class, chatted out hang out with her soon it became. Then i always ignored my girlfriend, and just kept showing her attitude while i still continued to hang out with that girl.. well i was really hoping just to forget "things" she done to me. like why do i deserve all these despite her knowing i hate people who lies and its really hard for me to trust her. there it went on, she not knowing everything and one day she found out all what i was doing.

She was so hardbroken and all.. I sunk even deeper into the new, as she grew to had "feelings" for me. I really dont know what to do, and life just went on for 6months. There my girl was suffering and hoping everyday that one day i'll just return to her. I already know its bad and i feel so disgusted with myself for doing all this to her, i tried to talk to the "new" and said stop continuing things like as in going out and hanging out together. but i didn't have the heart to break another girl's heart i let it drag, but many atimes i did said but eventually still went on seeing her. I still been meeting my girl throughout these 6months but we were considered "broken up" in the early of that 6months.

I really didn't know what i really went into, despite knowing it all.. Its just i don't wish to show my feelings to my girl that i still do love her, i put on a mask. Suddenly at her saddest moments, a guy she just met for 2weeks came into her life and she had just decided to let me go. She told me, and said was the last meeting of us.

Suddenly, i felt really uneasy, and uptight about it. I couldn't sleep. And i thought and i thought.. it really made me finally realise that she means alot to me not because i'm afraid she is letting go and hurting my "pride or something" -- thats what she thinks.

I finally decided to really "stop" everything, and decided to ask her back. I tried all i could, i did so much things.. but still. she still remained "i still want to be alone". I have faced it before and i know when a girl says this, means she wants to go with the other. she also told me that "she still loves me, but the feelings just changed"; a change of heart i know. I tried so much to want her back and really from the bottom of my heart i regretted it all but its no use and no point as whats done is done. Her friend whom i've been chatting to also said that from what he sees is she likes that new guy but just don't wanna break my heart. I really don't know what to do.. I still met up with her last week a few times, and i know she been meeting up with him too (she lied to us both whenever she wants to see whom)..

I just can't let her go, although my friends said she already moved on, and its hopeless now even if you do anything. I divulged into smoking alot, and even drinking almost every day and night. I slept like only 2-3hours per day, i just can't stop thinking, thinking of what i should do..

I am really lost, not even in the mood to study. I even thought of withdrawing from my poly first then serve NS, to not think about things. I know did all those stupid stuffs just to break her heart.. i'd really like to make up for it, and also don't wanna end this between us. I cant even forgive myself. But this saying goes "whats meant to be yours, will be yours" and "if you want her to be happy, let her go". I still told her "i would wait, even if you were to go with him"

But im really tired... and i dont know what to do... somebody help me please. no flames, i know i'm a jerk.

The problem with insecurity is that if you do not seek to resolve it, it will grow insidious and bring harm to your relationship because you are not emotionally stable with yourself to love another person.

If you are always seeking stability through the presence of a relationship, then your relationship is likely to crumble from the malicious vibes of insecurity. Having a life and friendships are actually vital to the overall longevity of a relationship - if there is an absence of the former, then a large part of your time will be spend deducing on her possible deception and worrying about the mundane.

Interestingly, your insecurity could reframe a context to fit your own logical equation: you said you stayed online to accompany her while she played games and you claimed that you were neglected. Of course, when she is engaging in her games, it's difficult to chat on msn at the same time, isn't it? Hence, she doesn't actually need your company much more than you need hers.

And the truth is that you wanted her to accompany you, not vice versa because you are the one feeling neglected.

When you encountered the new girl, your unconscious intention was to make use of her to divert your bitterness you felt in your relationship. The 'falling for you' scenario was calculated - you just needed the some chips to negotiate for a truce. But what sort of diplomancy could beget a postive outcome for an emotional affliction? When you resort to such a measure, you already paved your way to a route of misery that has already proven itself to be true. 

Then when your woman started running after you, you began to like where you are - something to fall back on (your new girl), simultaneously, having your woman to exhibit more attention to you, thus increasing your dominance on your situation. Unfortunately, when you woman decide to move on, you couldn't hold the facade - dropped everything you have on hand and started re-pursuing her again.

Back to square one and blatantly a karmic relationship.

At the end of the day, you lost your relationship the same manner as you did in your previous relationship - death from insecurity. And I can tell you frankly that unless you seek to resolve this affliction, there is a high chance that you will reiterate the same circumstances over and over again.

For those who are unevolved, Love often presents painful lessons for graduation. You are hurt because you encountered your worst nightmare and should you use some wisdom to preview your relationship, you would have discover that if execute poor judgement in making certain decisions, at times, it may be difficult to retrace your route.

You need to heal yourself. Only then things will get better.

Don't dwell too much in alcohol and such, for it will get you nowhere, mimicking the unevolved way you handle your relationship. Take some time off to rest and recover - two wrong doesn't make one right; you need to pause for a moment to introspect and not move recklessly again.

Cheers

i think there is a saying that you cannot make rice out of porridge

time to move on....