Dealing with a possesive gf
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Ok, my friend started dating this girl who seemed quite decent looking. But the problems started surfacing when they got intimately involved.
Sometimes when doing it with her, she would suddenly suggest to remove the condom and insist on having a family right away. This makes him feel abit turn off and makes him wonder if there is something wrong with her.
Then to add on, she started becoming possesive, insisting on him spending the night with her at her home. During the night over at her house, she insisted on doing it even though he is very tired. When he wanted to go to the toilet, she blocked the door, saying that if he went to the toilet, he would DIY, so she insisted on doing it for him even though he just wanted to really pee. When he got frustrated and decided to leave, she took a knife and threatened to cut herself if he didnt stay.
And also, when he refused to go over to stay over after that incident, she started to become paranoid, asking her best friend to come and knock his house door at 3am in the morning to see if there was another girl with her.
now, my friend is really sick of this and really wants to break off, but how to do it tactfully so tat he doesnt harm her or make her harm herself?
There is no question that she is mentally not rite, but when out with others, she behaves and acts normally, perhaps its just a family problem since young.
Genuine replies only please, those that want to say i can help her with sex pls fark off. thanks.
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I guess your friend will have to be strong and break it off instead of leading her on. No matter how you do it (to break up), it will always hurt. It's better to do it now than later.
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since she already threatened him with a knife right infront of him. i shudder to think wad would happen if they really break up.
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Make sure when your friend calls it off, it's done in public places not at her place. Hopefully, she will control herself better in public.
I don't think she will hurt herself. If she does, your friend shouldn't be responsible for it. We just can't force a relationship to work when it's obviously not working.
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yea, i agree with your last sentence. i feel tat he shouldnt have too much guilt in him.
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get mutual friends to be present during the breakup. so in case she tries to harm herself, there can be more people to restrain her. also, preferably do it in a public place (but there is a risk of her creating a scene in public) and with her best friend around to console her. this is the best ur friend can do. other than that, dont reply to her msges or have any other form of contact, u'll only lead her on.
if she tries to do anything violent, ur friend may report the matter to the police for some kind of 'personal protection order' for bf/gfs.
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wont doing it in public with a grp of people make it seem like we are making a joke outta her?
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No one should stay in a relationship based on fear and manipulation.
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Originally posted by Darrenchoo:
get mutual friends to be present during the breakup. so in case she tries to harm herself, there can be more people to restrain her. also, preferably do it in a public place (but there is a risk of her creating a scene in public) and with her best friend around to console her. this is the best ur friend can do. other than that, dont reply to her msges or have any other form of contact, u'll only lead her on.
if she tries to do anything violent, ur friend may report the matter to the police for some kind of 'personal protection order' for bf/gfs.
While she might not have been treating him right, I don't think it's a sensible idea to "dump" her infront of others. She still deserves some respect and dignity.
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Originally posted by Pitot:
Ok, my friend started dating this girl who seemed quite decent looking. But the problems started surfacing when they got intimately involved.
Sometimes when doing it with her, she would suddenly suggest to remove the condom and insist on having a family right away. This makes him feel abit turn off and makes him wonder if there is something wrong with her.
Then to add on, she started becoming possesive, insisting on him spending the night with her at her home. During the night over at her house, she insisted on doing it even though he is very tired. When he wanted to go to the toilet, she blocked the door, saying that if he went to the toilet, he would DIY, so she insisted on doing it for him even though he just wanted to really pee. When he got frustrated and decided to leave, she took a knife and threatened to cut herself if he didnt stay.
And also, when he refused to go over to stay over after that incident, she started to become paranoid, asking her best friend to come and knock his house door at 3am in the morning to see if there was another girl with her.
now, my friend is really sick of this and really wants to break off, but how to do it tactfully so tat he doesnt harm her or make her harm herself?
There is no question that she is mentally not rite, but when out with others, she behaves and acts normally, perhaps its just a family problem since young.
Genuine replies only please, those that want to say i can help her with sex pls fark off. thanks.
Your friend realised things wasn't right with the girl when he started having sex with her, how complicated can that be?
Perhaps your friend should have wait till marriage before even having sex with his girlfriend.
No girls would want to have sex before marriage, unless they were cornered/pressured into giving in sex to her boyfriend. Try imagining your daughter telling you that she has already have sex with her boyfriend, how would that makes you feel? If you don't feel good about this, then tell your friend not to abuse the love the girl has for him as SEX.
Sex is not a gift, but it is the symbol of love and how precious that love is to a girl.
If anyone don't agree with me, then I can tell you, by having SEX before marriage with your girlfriends will only destroy their love towards you and your relationship, and it will only end up making her feel like a WHORE.
Go visit a real WHORE if guys really can't respect their girlfriend without cornering them into having sex.
Girlfriends are not WHORES. And keep that in mind.
So how much do you really love your girl?
Ask yourself and start cherishing her please.
So what can your friend do? IF he really loves her, then stop having sex with her and pay more attention to HER minus all the sex.
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Your friend needs to make sure that the break-up seems to his girlfriend that:
1. it's not because there is something wrong with her, and
2. it's not because your friend has found another girl.Get him to find a time to meet up with this girl in private at a suitable place. Initiate the break-up and tell her frankly that
1. she is not the same person he knew anymore,
2. how has she changed and give examples (including the 3am incident) and
3. therefore why he doesn't like her.If she requests for a patch-up, he must reject her firmly and let her know:
1. how the relationship has been affecting his work and life negatively,
2. he is sorry that he's not the one for her after all this time and
3. he believes that she'll find someone who is better than him.After the break-up, you (not your friend) should contact that girl's best friend, if possible, to be there for her as long as possible so that she has someone to talk to and in case she tries to do something silly. If not, you should console her if you know her personally (do it for the sake of your friend).
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ok, i realised that the way i typed it out might make it seem that the cause of it was getting intimate with her. AFAIK, the possesive character didnt come out over night just because of that issue.
Oh and the sex thing, leave that for another thread. Its a whole different world now.
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Ask ur friend to bring her to a counsellor or something? Think she needs to be adviced on relationships and consequences of committing suicide.
Your friend can introduce the counsellor to his gf as his friend?
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hmm reminds me of my neighbour's situation.
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Girls get possessive when they know they are going to lose their mating partner. Nothing wrong with her.
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She is horny man =l
Anyway...I guess its because your friend is not giving her enough security? Maybe the 2 of them need to sit down and chat more about trust.Does your friend likes her? because I believe we can see that the girl seriously love the boy alot, and thats why shes doing so much to hold onto your friend.
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Hmm, maybe bring her to have a talk with a counsellor?
Your friend has already lost all feelings for her? Or is it just because he can't stand her possessive attitude? Meaning if she learns how to curb the possessiveness, he will still stay with her?
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sounds like a crazed woman who married my colleague
who is unhappily married
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wow. i think its better to get things clear before anything really happen.
she sure sounds like a crazy women to me.
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*had similiar encounter but wont go into those juicy details* heh heh
basically i just did the runner. 2 months later. Reconcile. But until today she still resents me... a bit. But she has a bf now. So all is good. The guy must be like Ghandi man .. lol!~
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Originally posted by BadzMaro:
*had similiar encounter but wont go into those juicy details* heh heh
basically i just did the runner. 2 months later. Reconcile. But until today she still resents me... a bit. But she has a bf now. So all is good. The guy must be like Ghandi man .. lol!~
ROFL. -
You make it sound like it's my ex-girlfriend. The kind that wouldn't leave you alone after a breakup.
Oh, toilet? can't go. Go home must call, can't shower/sleep. Can't play games, when she say go out must go out, if not she'll be banging at your door.
Not happy? Cut(She has at least 40 cuts on her wrists).
She once went on a rampage and started hitting me(Hard punches and kicks that were super attention seeking from the audiences but didn't hurt) in the middle of simei, outside the MRT before the shopping mall...
In school very very long ago when I called for a break up she went on a rampage and started shouting in the canteen asking me why, till this day some people who don't know my name still go "OH YOU'RE THE ONE WITH THAT CRAZY GIRL"
So glad it's over. Oh, by the way she works as a whore now - seriously.
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Originally posted by BadzMaro:
*had similiar encounter but wont go into those juicy details* heh heh
basically i just did the runner. 2 months later. Reconcile. But until today she still resents me... a bit. But she has a bf now. So all is good. The guy must be like Ghandi man .. lol!~
Lol. Ya, currently my ex-gf is with another guy, a week ago she sms'd me that the guy beat her up and asked me what to do. Lol. Not many Ghandi's out there, or at least they all become HitHer(Hitler =D) after awhile. -
If your friend really wanna help her .. Sit down and talk to her clamly and if that doesnt help .. She need to seek help from a shrink ..