I had a very happy married life. 'Had' because I just found out it's not as happy as I thought it was.
My husband has always been very attentive and sweet to me. He still is. Everything remains the same as the day we got married.
I've always trusted him 100% and never probed into any of his matters. I have never gone through his stuff until yesterday.... I know it's wrong to go through his smses but I had this nagging feeling that I have to go through. Call it the woman's 6th sense... :'(
About 2 weeks ago while we were watching TV, a sms came in for him and he replied. I casually glanced over as I was sitting beside him but couldn't see what the message was about. He did it very naturally but he had the phone tilted at an angle so I can't see clearly but I thought it was a female name though I didn't catch it. I didn't think too much about it till last week he left his phone on table with the inbox open and walked away for a drink. I happened to glance down and saw a msg that said something like "I just came out of the shower. What are you doing?" It was a female name. I didn't look through his phone then but it piqued my curiousity because no female will ever tell a normal friend that she just came out of the shower unless the guy is her boyfriend or lover or husband.
I thought through this for a whole week if I should check his phone or maybe I'm just over-reacting and being overly sensitive. However, I fell to temptation yesterday when he was in the shower.
Curiousity killed the cat :'( My hunch was right. The worse thing is that it is not 1 but TWO different girls.
The smses were too 'hot' for them to be just normal friends. He should just take a knife and stab it straight into my heart.
I've always trusted him wholeheartedly. I have been giving him the cold shoulder the whole day. I don't know what to do. How to react.
I want to confront him but at the same time he is treating me the same as before. There was not a hint in his actions for me to suspect.
Should I trash things out with him or just lie to myself and pretend nothing happened since he is still the loving and good husband in front of me.
We have such a short time living on earth. Why should we be afraid to let go of bad relationships and bravely pursue true happiness.
can you live with that thought pulling at you?
looks like you cannot, which is why you're here..
you know what you want and need to do... whatever we say here, should not be vindication of your own decision..
u can neber pretend nothing happen
the splinter has been planted and will always be there
confronting may open a bigger can of worms
but if u don't u will have to live everyday in suspicions
can u live with tt feeling in ur mind everyday?
Whatever u do, pls make a decision and get it over with.
No, I don't think I can live with myself if I turn a blind eye and pretend nothing is happening.
I'm now thinking how should I bring up the topic.
I lost my cool with him this morning when an sms came in that I asked him sarcastically,"Which lover will sms you so early in the morning?"
He replied that he has many lovers in a joking manner (except that I know he is not telling a lie!)
I replied,"Just great. We are married for so many years and you cheat on me"
The mood in the room just turned sullen after my remark. He became testy and started to lose his temper saying that I'm taking too much time to get ready to go out for breakfast.
I ignored him and gave him the cold shoulder.
Breakfast was like a funeral. Both of us were quiet and didnt speak to each other. He tried to break the silence by cracking a joke but I just stared at him blankly.
We went home after and using the pretense of a stomachache, I just hid myself in the toliet and cried.
Yes, you are all right to say that I have somewhat made up my mind on what course of action to take. But at the same time I'm lacking the courage to bring it up like what FireIce said about opening a new can of worms........
live as per normal
as long as he did not make request to sleep together on same bed
he is still consiou
What is there to gain from a face to face talk about this?
What is there to lose from a face to face talk about this?
For some, denial is necessary to keep the marriage together.
For others, happiness demands nothing less than honesty.
I wish you luck.
lack of courage?
issit because u are unsure of what will happen after the confrontation? the consequences?
go thru the consequences urself.. by going thru them u will build up the courage to confront him..
what are the outcomes? a big quarrel? a divorce? the kids(if u have any)? go thru all these.. and after dat, with a hold on the possible outcomes, i believe u will have a clearer picture..
Originally posted by Disillusionedblue:No, I don't think I can live with myself if I turn a blind eye and pretend nothing is happening.
I'm now thinking how should I bring up the topic.
I lost my cool with him this morning when an sms came in that I asked him sarcastically,"Which lover will sms you so early in the morning?"
He replied that he has many lovers in a joking manner (except that I know he is not telling a lie!)
I replied,"Just great. We are married for so many years and you cheat on me"
The mood in the room just turned sullen after my remark. He became testy and started to lose his temper saying that I'm taking too much time to get ready to go out for breakfast.
I ignored him and gave him the cold shoulder.
Breakfast was like a funeral. Both of us were quiet and didnt speak to each other. He tried to break the silence by cracking a joke but I just stared at him blankly.
We went home after and using the pretense of a stomachache, I just hid myself in the toliet and cried.
Yes, you are all right to say that I have somewhat made up my mind on what course of action to take. But at the same time I'm lacking the courage to bring it up like what FireIce said about opening a new can of worms........
hmm.... judging by his responses, i think he kinda knows u know something oredi
Maybe.
I've turned into a monster today invading his privacy. I've managed to identify one of the girls and she's no angel. Talks about the different guys she is seeing and she refers him as MBA2 in her blog.
The more I delf into the issue the angrier and more disappointed I get.
I will confront him. There will be no screaming and shouting. I will talk to him like an adult. I will not demand for a divorce either.
I have also reflected on what could have gone wrong and I'm going to ask him what is it he exactly wants and take it from there.
Thanks for listening and the advice given.
MBA = married but available i guess
if ur hubby is giving ppl this impression, relli, u shd do something
Originally posted by Disillusionedblue:Maybe.
I've turned into a monster today invading his privacy. I've managed to identify one of the girls and she's no angel. Talks about the different guys she is seeing and she refers him as MBA2 in her blog.
The more I delf into the issue the angrier and more disappointed I get.
I will confront him. There will be no screaming and shouting. I will talk to him like an adult. I will not demand for a divorce either.
I have also reflected on what could have gone wrong and I'm going to ask him what is it he exactly wants and take it from there.
Thanks for listening and the advice given.
You need to be like a lawyer.
Get the facts. Accurately, with evidence. SMS could be photographed with a digital camera. Check out the blog. Get any other facts.
Then ask the questions. The answers to which you already know. If you don't know the facts, believe me, he can be very convincing.
See if he tells the truth or lies through his teeth.
Go from there.
What has happened, has happened, you can only plan how you want the future to be.
no point reading what the girl msg him.. alot lot of girls that is crazy over guys nowadays..
since u said ur husband is so good.. thats why got thind kind of msg..
don't spy what other girl sent him..
see what he sent to those girls..
i kena once.. my gf saw my msg.. i also let her to.. then got 1 girl msg me something like can i and you go out together..
i ask her go see waht i reply her la =.=
so check what your husband reply.. not those girls msg
He's sleeping
I went through his phone again
He deleted off the inbox messages but left out the sent ones
My heart hurts
I found out there are 3 of them not 2
He told one of them he just broke up with his girlfriend
Btw I checked his Sent items yesterday too. It's equally hot. I wouldn't be so upset if it was just in the inbox.
I'm not stupid. I know where to look. Now I'm thinking if I should just pretend nothing happened and log on his msn and wait for those girls to log on and talk to them and see what happens.
I took down their names and numbers. It's so bloody tempting to call them.
You should consult professional help.
smother him with pillow now
Originally posted by Disillusionedblue:He's sleeping
I went through his phone again
He deleted off the inbox messages but left out the sent ones
My heart hurts
I found out there are 3 of them not 2
He told one of them he just broke up with his girlfriend
Btw I checked his Sent items yesterday too. It's equally hot. I wouldn't be so upset if it was just in the inbox.
I'm not stupid. I know where to look. Now I'm thinking if I should just pretend nothing happened and log on his msn and wait for those girls to log on and talk to them and see what happens.
NO
NEVER DO THAT ONCE U DO THAT trust me IS OVER
no guys like people going on to their msn.
talk to him.. tell him u are sorry by looking at his msg..
but then ask why are there 3 girl msging him..
if he get mad .. good luck
Anger does you no good. You need to cool down so that you can consider and plan the right course of actions. Confront your husband's friends will only add oil to fire.
Have you thought of getting your husband to seat down (if he is willing) and discuss the matter in a frank, objective and sincere manner?
If the this fails or you have already gone over the above method, have you consider the mediator option, ie a marriage counsellor?
If you have tried all avenues to salvage your relationship, nothing works and you are seriously considering the divorce option, have you engage a private P.I.? This step is very important if your marriage involves kids, property, assets etc. You need to prove it to the court of his infidelity so that your interest is protected.
Originally posted by youyayu:NO
NEVER DO THAT ONCE U DO THAT trust me IS OVER
no guys like people going on to their msn.
talk to him.. tell him u are sorry by looking at his msg..
but then ask why are there 3 girl msging him..
if he get mad .. good luck
Do you think I like to do that?
I want to collect evidence in case I decide to file for a divorce.
From not even looking at his phone msgs. Today, I've combed through all his email, logged on his msn, searched through his phone to see what is happening.
Now I'm thinking how am I going to download the smses he sent out without him knowing. he's a light sleeper and I didn't dare to hold on the phone for so long. I have a sim card reader.
Now I'm thinking how to act normally in front of him when he wakes up because I don't think I can excercise the self-control now.
The more I dig, the more shit I uncover.
I'm trying to keep my anger in check and this 5 mins thing is really irritating.
I called an Aunt to talk to her. She has gone through the same shit. My uncle was the PERFECT Husband. You would never have suspected he had women outside but she found out like me and it was a nasty divorce because he acted to kick her out of the house.
I'm not confronting him yet because I'm afraid that might happen to me to. I can't believe I was so trusting. He was the perfect husband too. Nothing to fault.
My world just came crashing down on me yesterday. I got to hell today
even if he kneel on durian shells and apologise and buy u the tiffany diamond tennis bracelet, it's no use oredi bcos u can 4give and neber 4get
up to u to think if he is worth it
if u have nothing to lose, do wat a woman shd do
Originally posted by Disillusionedblue:He's sleeping
I went through his phone again
He deleted off the inbox messages but left out the sent ones
My heart hurts
I found out there are 3 of them not 2
He told one of them he just broke up with his girlfriend
Btw I checked his Sent items yesterday too. It's equally hot. I wouldn't be so upset if it was just in the inbox.
I'm not stupid. I know where to look. Now I'm thinking if I should just pretend nothing happened and log on his msn and wait for those girls to log on and talk to them and see what happens.
I took down their names and numbers. It's so bloody tempting to call them.
I read a book titled "Why we hate".
In it, the author discribes how judges all over the world fear most, not of murderer and rapist, but of murderous, divorcing couple slugging it out in court.
amazing tt among u fretting over your hubby's suspected infidelity, u still can give us live commentary here.
Originally posted by 4sg:
I read a book titled "Why we hate".
In it, the author discribes how judges all over world fear most, not of murderer and rapist, but of murderous, divorcing couple slugging it out in court.
You know, divorce is really my last option. I really do not want a divorce unless I do not have a choice.
And also I can't just sit around and do nothing. It's killing me.
I think I'll just go ahead and confront him but record down the entire conversation as evidence.
That's because I'm thinking what to do and I need an outlet and I have no one to listen to my rants!!!! Take it as cheap drama on a boring Sunday evening; and it is no longer SUSPECTED. IT's CONFIRMED!!!!!!!!
Originally posted by Disillusionedblue:Do you think I like to do that?
I want to collect evidence in case I decide to file for a divorce.
From not even looking at his phone msgs. Today, I've combed through all his email, logged on his msn, searched through his phone to see what is happening.
Now I'm thinking how am I going to download the smses he sent out without him knowing. he's a light sleeper and I didn't dare to hold on the phone for so long. I have a sim card reader.
Now I'm thinking how to act normally in front of him when he wakes up because I don't think I can excercise the self-control now.
The more I dig, the more shit I uncover.
I'm trying to keep my anger in check and this 5 mins thing is really irritating.
I called an Aunt to talk to her. She has gone through the same shit. My uncle was the PERFECT Husband. You would never have suspected he had women outside but she found out like me and it was a nasty divorce because he acted to kick her out of the house.
I'm not confronting him yet because I'm afraid that might happen to me to. I can't believe I was so trusting. He was the perfect husband too. Nothing to fault.
My world just came crashing down on me yesterday. I got to hell today
Perfection is not something of this world. Everyday, we delude ourselves of this simple but basic truth.
We crave the perfect man, perfect woman, perfect child, perfect husband, perfect wife, pefect employer etc.