Do I have a addiction?
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Need some serious advice / or simply hear me out.
I've been lurking around here on and off once in a blue moon and there's something bothering me for a long time and I need to get it off my mind.
I'm a working professional, below 30, getting married next year, we even bought our own BTO. I have a healthy and loving r/s with my gf who is a SQ cabin crew. She's pretty, has very nice body and all. A lot of people may be envious of what I have, but inside I actually felt very lonely (or not enough). She gives me a lot of attention but whenever she is overseas I crave to resolve my insatiable desire for sex / hook-ups.
I actually have a list of contacts of flings to talk to and hang out with whenever she is overseas (which she often is). I went dinner/drinking/clubbing with them behind my gf's back. I know it's wrong but I can't help it. I just enjoy the thrill of the danger and also the company of the girls. We never have sex but mostly some light petting and kissing.
Now by no means are the girls whores. They are also working professionals, some with bf as well. It's just we have had a long lasting relationship flirting and such, and I know my way around with girls :)
I don't know what's wrong with me. When my gf is with me I am perfectly fine of course. But when she's not around, I feel like a dog looking around for a bitch to fuck (without the fuck of course).
And the worst thing is, I may have a crush on her younger sister as well. She just turned 20 and I have already went clubbing with her once (just me and her). Though she looks up to me as a brother and a future brother-in-law, I don't know how I can control my advances on her.
I'm not ready to visit a shrink because I know I'm not sick. Do I have a sex addiction? If so, how can I change? I have a addiction to porn as well and I can mast multiple times a day. Please help!
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it's lust, control it before you lose everything
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How to be sex addiction when you didn't have any?
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I actually felt better just writing it down. I know it is self-control and you are right. I can't afford to lose everything. But I can't help it. I even googled 'sex addiction' and I even feel I fit the profile.
I know this is a real problem and it is pretty rampant everywhere too. Maybe I should seek professional help. But I don't know where to start. Maybe that's why I'm here.
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Originally posted by ditzy:
How to be sex addiction when you didn't have any?
It's not "Sex" addiction per-se
- Sexual addiction refers to the phenomenon in which individuals report being unable to manage their sexual behavior. It has also been called sexual dependency, and sexual compulsivity. ...
I do have a healthy sex life with my gf. It's actually more of the desire to look for it elsewhere.. -
You enjoy the thrill, but you know your limits, which means you are still well in control. But for how long, nobody knows.
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So do you think I am doing a good job so far?
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Oh yeah, if what you say is true.
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Originally posted by foreveralone:
Need some serious advice / or simply hear me out.
I've been lurking around here on and off once in a blue moon and there's something bothering me for a long time and I need to get it off my mind.
I'm a working professional, below 30, getting married next year, we even bought our own BTO. I have a healthy and loving r/s with my gf who is a SQ cabin crew. She's pretty, has very nice body and all. A lot of people may be envious of what I have, but inside I actually felt very lonely (or not enough). She gives me a lot of attention but whenever she is overseas I crave to resolve my insatiable desire for sex / hook-ups.
I actually have a list of contacts of flings to talk to and hang out with whenever she is overseas (which she often is). I went dinner/drinking/clubbing with them behind my gf's back. I know it's wrong but I can't help it. I just enjoy the thrill of the danger and also the company of the girls. We never have sex but mostly some light petting and kissing.
Now by no means are the girls whores. They are also working professionals, some with bf as well. It's just we have had a long lasting relationship flirting and such, and I know my way around with girls :)
I don't know what's wrong with me. When my gf is with me I am perfectly fine of course. But when she's not around, I feel like a dog looking around for a bitch to fuck (without the fuck of course).
And the worst thing is, I may have a crush on her younger sister as well. She just turned 20 and I have already went clubbing with her once (just me and her). Though she looks up to me as a brother and a future brother-in-law, I don't know how I can control my advances on her.
I'm not ready to visit a shrink because I know I'm not sick. Do I have a sex addiction? If so, how can I change? I have a addiction to porn as well and I can mast multiple times a day. Please help!
oh dear, have you tried hooking up her mother or aunties yet? be fast because i might hook them up first. maybe their bitch dog also.
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The thing is I only like younger girls (of legal age of course). I'm getting off work and have no plans tonight.
*foreveralone*
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U R NOT ALONE
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Originally posted by foreveralone:
The thing is I only like younger girls (of legal age of course). I'm getting off work and have no plans tonight.
*foreveralone*
its okay. i wait for you married give a dotter, i also will like to try that on your dotter then. -
Originally posted by foreveralone:
Need some serious advice / or simply hear me out.
I've been lurking around here on and off once in a blue moon and there's something bothering me for a long time and I need to get it off my mind.
I'm a working professional, below 30, getting married next year, we even bought our own BTO. I have a healthy and loving r/s with my gf who is a SQ cabin crew. She's pretty, has very nice body and all. A lot of people may be envious of what I have, but inside I actually felt very lonely (or not enough). She gives me a lot of attention but whenever she is overseas I crave to resolve my insatiable desire for sex / hook-ups.
I actually have a list of contacts of flings to talk to and hang out with whenever she is overseas (which she often is). I went dinner/drinking/clubbing with them behind my gf's back. I know it's wrong but I can't help it. I just enjoy the thrill of the danger and also the company of the girls. We never have sex but mostly some light petting and kissing.
Now by no means are the girls whores. They are also working professionals, some with bf as well. It's just we have had a long lasting relationship flirting and such, and I know my way around with girls :)
I don't know what's wrong with me. When my gf is with me I am perfectly fine of course. But when she's not around, I feel like a dog looking around for a bitch to fuck (without the fuck of course).
And the worst thing is, I may have a crush on her younger sister as well. She just turned 20 and I have already went clubbing with her once (just me and her). Though she looks up to me as a brother and a future brother-in-law, I don't know how I can control my advances on her.
I'm not ready to visit a shrink because I know I'm not sick. Do I have a sex addiction? If so, how can I change? I have a addiction to porn as well and I can mast multiple times a day. Please help!
Hi Foreveralone, my advice to you is DON'T do anything you may remotely even feel regret about.
You need not be sick before you see a shrink. You may not even need a shrink, just visit a counsellor and you might get the help you need.Unless you are willing to accept the consequences, if not don't do anything at all.
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1. Do you keep secrets about your sexual behaviour or romantic fantasies from those important to you? Do you lead a double life?
2. Have your desires driven you to have sex in places or with people you would not normally choose?
3. Do you need greater variety, increased frequency, or more extreme sexual activities to achieve the same level of excitement or relief?4. Does your use of pornography occupy large amounts of time and/or jeopardise your significant relationships or employment?
5. Do your relationships become distorted with sexual preoccupation? Does each new relationship have the same destructive pattern which prompted you to leave the last one?
6. Do you frequently want to get away from a partner after having sex? Do you feel remorse, shame or guilt after a sexual encounter?
7. Have your sexual practices caused you legal problems? Could your sexual practices cause you legal problems?
8. Does your pursuit of sex or sexual fantasy conflict with your moral standards or interfere with your personal spiritual journey?
9. Do your sexual activities involve coercion, violence or the threat of disease?
10. Has your sexual behaviour or pursuit of sexual relationships ever left you feeling hopeless, alienated from others or suicidal?
11. Does your preoccupation with sexual fantasies cause problems in any area of your life ? even when you do not act out your fantasies?
12. Do you compulsively avoid sexual activity due to fear of sex or intimacy? Does your sexual avoidance consume you mentally?
If you answered ?Yes? to more than one of these questions, you should seek help.
This is an account fleshed out from information provided by a counsellor who treats sex addicts at Raffles Hospital.
HELPLINES
- Sexaholics Anonymous is a self-help group. You can contact it at [email protected]
- Raffles Hospital is starting a programme next month for people with
addiction problems, including sex addiction. Raffles Counselling Centre:
6311 2330 (during office hours) or 6311 1222 (24-hour appointment
hotline).
- National Addictions Management Service at the Institute of Mental
Health (IMH) has an addictions helpline, 6-RECOVER (6732-6837), which is
manned by IMH counsellors. www.nams.sg
This article was first published in The New Paper.
- Sexaholics Anonymous is a self-help group. You can contact it at [email protected]
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Originally posted by foreveralone:
Need some serious advice / or simply hear me out.
I've been lurking around here on and off once in a blue moon and there's something bothering me for a long time and I need to get it off my mind.
I'm a working professional, below 30, getting married next year, we even bought our own BTO. I have a healthy and loving r/s with my gf who is a SQ cabin crew. She's pretty, has very nice body and all. A lot of people may be envious of what I have, but inside I actually felt very lonely (or not enough). She gives me a lot of attention but whenever she is overseas I crave to resolve my insatiable desire for sex / hook-ups.
I actually have a list of contacts of flings to talk to and hang out with whenever she is overseas (which she often is). I went dinner/drinking/clubbing with them behind my gf's back. I know it's wrong but I can't help it. I just enjoy the thrill of the danger and also the company of the girls. We never have sex but mostly some light petting and kissing.
Now by no means are the girls whores. They are also working professionals, some with bf as well. It's just we have had a long lasting relationship flirting and such, and I know my way around with girls :)
I don't know what's wrong with me. When my gf is with me I am perfectly fine of course. But when she's not around, I feel like a dog looking around for a bitch to fuck (without the fuck of course).
And the worst thing is, I may have a crush on her younger sister as well. She just turned 20 and I have already went clubbing with her once (just me and her). Though she looks up to me as a brother and a future brother-in-law, I don't know how I can control my advances on her.
I'm not ready to visit a shrink because I know I'm not sick. Do I have a sex addiction? If so, how can I change? I have a addiction to porn as well and I can mast multiple times a day. Please help!
You seemed to have an awareness that 'something' is not
quite right; somewhat skirting around the border of promiscuity (or have your
already crossed it?). Personally, that depends heavily on your perception of
what defines a 'cheating behaviour' - apparently, you seemed cool about having
light petting and kisses with others, hence your thoughts about having 'no sex'
non-committed flirting relationship might seem to be 'alright' to you - but I doubt
your other half could readily accept this arrangement unless this is an open
relationship.It is always good to seek additional help if you could you feel that you are losing control. However, I just want to caution you one important thing: it is easy to give ourselves a label of 'addiction' so as to abnegate your responsibility of your action because we often 'attribute' the cause of our action to our 'addiction', when in fact it is but a matter of choice.
For example, have you encounter times when you need to pee, but because of that fact that you are in the middle of a conversation/meeting, you actually made the choice to hold your toilet trip until the conversation ends? Surely, peeing is a natural biological urge and it seemed crazy to stop yourself from going to the loo - we do put ourselves in discomforting situation unconsciously, due to variety of reasons.
The only difference between my above analogy is that choosing to go to the toilet abruptly is unlikely to bring about serious repercussion from your significant other, while having sex with someone else behind your gf's back is a morally questionable choice. You could say that I have a 'sex addiction' and I have 'no choice' but to keep a list of numbers so that I could pick from the list randomly whenever I wanted, so as to satisfy my physical needs.
However, the point is that keeping this option in this fashion is likely to ruin your relationship in the long run. Surely you could remain the way you are, but your outcome is clear - it is a destructive road ahead unless significant changes could manifest. In some cases, you might not get a second chance. If your deemed that this relationship is important to you, then given your current lifestyle, realistically, it does not help you to stay 'dry' and instead, promote this 'old' behaviour in an exceeding dangerous manner (clubbing/flirting/excessive engagement in porn, etc)
I can see that you are contemplating; however, the choice between contemplation and commitment towards resolution on your issue is usually separated by one huge chasm - whether we really want to resolve it. If not, it will end up like having eczema on your last finger - we don't usually give a damn about it until our skin start cracking, bleeding and flaking.
P.S: Myth buster number one: you don't have to be sick in order to see a professional. You could see a counsellor and just have a chat to understand about the scope of your problem.
Cheers
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Oh dear, after reading TS posts i really like to meet up with her gf and gf sister.
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wow if ur gf knows sure dump u liao....u better change...if not lose everything then u regret...u should look at your gf pic whenever u realise u are going to do something wrong...maybe will stop you..
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Ts is not exactly honest... in his 1st post.
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Originally posted by Aneslayer:
Ts is not exactly honest... in his 1st post.
in wad ways? -
I am like you, I always sneak up on my girlfriend. I am a member of a swinger group. We met at a swinger forum and we always hook up to the best places to cheong. We even have sex with other people's wives and the forum advertises for open sex with individual or group.
Wish I can include you but I am from malaysia.
You should be proud of yourself, it is not an addiction but a lifestyle.
My only fear is the thought of getting caught.
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Originally posted by Yunhaier: You seemed to
have an awareness that 'something' is not quite right; somewhat
skirting around the border of promiscuity (or have your already
crossed it?). Personally, that depends heavily on your perception
of what defines a 'cheating behaviour' - apparently, you seemed
cool about having light petting and kisses with others, hence your
thoughts about having 'no sex' non-committed flirting relationship
might seem to be 'alright' to you - but I doubt your other half
could readily accept this arrangement unless this is an open
relationship.
It is always good to seek additional help if you could you feel that you are losing control. However, I just want to caution you one important thing: it is easy to give ourselves a label of 'addiction' so as to abnegate your responsibility of your action because we often 'attribute' the cause of our action to our 'addiction', when in fact it is but a matter of choice.
For example, have you encounter times when you need to pee, but because of that fact that you are in the middle of a conversation/meeting, you actually made the choice to hold your toilet trip until the conversation ends? Surely, peeing is a natural biological urge and it seemed crazy to stop yourself from going to the loo - we do put ourselves in discomforting situation unconsciously, due to variety of reasons.
The only difference between my above analogy is that choosing to go to the toilet abruptly is unlikely to bring about serious repercussion from your significant other, while having sex with someone else behind your gf's back is a morally questionable choice. You could say that I have a 'sex addiction' and I have 'no choice' but to keep a list of numbers so that I could pick from the list randomly whenever I wanted, so as to satisfy my physical needs.
However, the point is that keeping this option in this fashion is likely to ruin your relationship in the long run. Surely you could remain the way you are, but your outcome is clear - it is a destructive road ahead unless significant changes could manifest. In some cases, you might not get a second chance. If your deemed that this relationship is important to you, then given your current lifestyle, realistically, it does not help you to stay 'dry' and instead, promote this 'old' behaviour in an exceeding dangerous manner (clubbing/flirting/excessive engagement in porn, etc)
I can see that you are contemplating; however, the choice between contemplation and commitment towards resolution on your issue is usually separated by one huge chasm - whether we really want to resolve it. If not, it will end up like having eczema on your last finger - we don't usually give a damn about it until our skin start cracking, bleeding and flaking.
P.S: Myth buster number one: you don't have to be sick in order to see a professional. You could see a counsellor and just have a chat to understand about the scope of your problem.
Cheers
Thanks guys for the responses. I am sure I am not alone on this. It is an addiction, less of a choice, it's when self-control isn't viable, you know? That's why I'm recongizing it and this is the first step. I hope as well that I will be able to stop this before it's too late.
I was actually caught cheating on her once and it utterly destroyed her world. She has since forgave me but then again, I know if this had happened after we were married it would have been a different story. She also didn't know I had intercourse with that other girl, otherwise she would have left me already.
And this is one of the two affairs I had that she found out. I have already ended both affairs since that incident. I was actually having 2 affairs at the same time. It was pretty crazy I must say. Funny thing is each girl thought I was with only them. It was fun while it lasted...
Maybe because I'm a Gemini, I think I do lead a double life. Any Gemini out there can relate to this?
My ROM is end of this year. I hope I can improve a lot by then.
The question I have is if I am stripped of my "choice" to flirt/swing, what is the alternative outlet that can fulfill my needs when my gf is not around. I must say it is the "variety" that gives me the most excitment and pleasure and there is nothing that even remotely come close to it (e.g. outdoor activities, friends, gaming). I even wank to her sister's pictures sometimes. It's like I have the complete package for me but I seek for more outside. Like I said, it's fun while it lasted, only until I'm busted. Think I should start looking into abovementioned consultation helplines.
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Another bull story again..haiz
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its called poor discipline.
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n u can forget about getting married.i mean no point!
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wat poor discipline, its completely no discipline.
Most of this guys like TS are dreamer, they either get knocked badly on the head or get poked by some bad genes, but I suppose they can be good scriptwriter, too bad posting here.