How should I live? Please share with me your views
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Dear All,I'm Kelvin, 29.Ever since I entered the "real world", I don't feel as calm or as happy compared to life being a student. There seems to be more burdens and responsibilities. More worries, doubts and fears.I realized that much of my worries revolved around the theme, "What If something bad happened, Will I be able to survive? Will I be able to support my parents?". For me, that means to have enough financially.As an elder son, in a Chinese family, i feel the heavy responsibility on my shoulder.It's part of the reason why I started practising Meditation (Mindfulness). I hope that it will help me stay focus, calm my thoughts, and keep me sane.I have been thinking about Impermanence. Ultimately, nothing is permanent. Three Hundred years from today, I, my parents, will turn into dust and ash. Whether by sickness, accident, or natural cause.. we are all going to die. Things we owned, things we say or did will be long forgotten. If things are so temporal, should I be so caught up by Whether I have enough? Since having much, or having little changes little about the fact that we are all going to be gone, then why does it matter? Should I just enjoy what I have, live from moment to moment? Don't worry about WHAT IFs? Isn't that careless??MY struggle now is, is that the right perspective to life?What should be my right attitude? I don't want to feel so worried and stressed.. i don't wanna be tied up by money.Please share with me your views,thank you
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i can understand being the eldest....u have such thoughts....it crossed me too during my school days when my dad was retrenched and heavily on the drinks...and states of depression....but i made it through ..
there are times u feel so mentally lethargic...but u know u must succeed...and make your mark to provide the best for everyone...including your siblings....
take good care of your health and focus on your career and family...u r in charge now...
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a cup is never empty if you fill it with your conscience
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The right perspective to live life... is to work hard, but enjoy the process, like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERbvKrH-GC4
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Second point is... the impermanence of all things is an important thing to remember.
Keeping this in mind, always think that only through dharma practice can you gain lasting benefits for yourself and others. All material things are short lived, limited to the current life... only wisdom and karma are brought on and on.
Means don't take material things too seriously, don't forsake them (unless you want to be a monk) but don't be too attached to them - have enlightenment and the enlightenment of others as your ultimate aim.
So you live life, earning money, taking care of your parents and family and other stuff.... but you have a higher goal than just being concerned by things which, from the higher perspective of Buddhism, is not as important: the most important thing is to resolve the issue of birth and death. This doesn't mean you should renounce your life, in fact, we should simply practice the dharma in our lives.
The only way to not 'worry, be stressed' or unhappy, is to practice the dharma. This is the solution. The dharma allows us to liberate ourselves from the bonds and chains of desire and delusion - the fundamental delusion being of a separate self, from which all sense of lack and craving and fear arises from. Without that sense of self, sense of alienation and separation there is no lack, craving, fears, and all manners of anxiety.
Whe no-self is realized, life is not a vale of tears but an every-moment wonder and delight.
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My father passed away when I was only 23, only work for less than 1 yr with earning less than $1.2k per month. I have 2 younger sister still schooling and my mother to worry about.
But I survived. Despite the heavy responsibility given to me to feed my siblings and my mum. I make it. 3/4 of my pay give to my mum. I left only $200 per month every month. Life was tough but I face it strongly and never admit defeat.
Be strong ya.
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Man is not made for defeat...
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Third is, we can never know the future. None of us can... unless we are clairvoyant, or Buddhas.
Since this is the case, and the future always turn out to be unpredictable and 99.9% of the times different from what we project it to be, why worry so much? Does it solve or help a thing? Isn't it better to take the advice of Jesus, not to worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will take care of itself.
Nevertheless, it does not mean we should do nothing about our future. There are immediate things we can do: we can do proper planning for our future and act upon it, we should also have a sound financial plan - we should save a portion of our money for rainy days apart from the portion of money to invest and spend and others*.... and so on.
When we have done what we should be doing, we should simply leave the future to take care of itself... For it is beyond the range of what we can see or act upon. We think we are a self, a controller, whereas in reality... things simply arise and act on its own accord, in accord with causes and conditions, without a doer. (Can you control or even know what your next thought is, or does the thought simply pop up without a thinker?) Seeing this is liberating.
*http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/dn/dn.31.0.nara.html
The wise and virtuous shine like a blazing fire.
He who acquires his wealth in harmless ways
like to a bee that honey gathers,
riches mount up for him
like ant hill's rapid growth.
With wealth acquired this way,
a layman fit for household life,
in portions four divides his wealth:
thus will he friendship win.
One portion for his wants he uses,
two portions on his business spends,
the fourth for times of need he keeps. -
What sort of meditation do you do, and how much do you think that meditation has helped you? Are you floundering financially, or only worried that you need more... just in case.
Without hearing more from you, it's hard for anyone to tell you if you need to modify your perspective in order to live in a more relaxed manner.
Offhand though, I can only offer the perspective that pressing life issues have to be dealt with whether or not things are impermanent. You surely wouldn't enjoy going hungry, no matter how much you try to convince yourself that 300 years from now, 'you' wouldn't be the same 'you'. It's also a reality that money will enable you to give better care to your parents.
I can understand though, your wish to live with less stress; we all do. I believe you can eventually find the right balance that's right for your circumstances. Take heart.
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Originally posted by likeyou:
My father passed away when I was only 23, only work for less than 1 yr with earning less than $1.2k per month. I have 2 younger sister still schooling and my mother to worry about.
But I survived. Despite the heavy responsibility given to me to feed my siblings and my mum. I make it. 3/4 of my pay give to my mum. I left only $200 per month every month. Life was tough but I face it strongly and never admit defeat.
Be strong ya.
Likeyou, take my hat off to you. 佩�。
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@Kelvin
don't give yourself too much stress. Are you giving yourself too many expectations just because you are the eldest...?
Go exercise! Swimming, jogging etc. It helps.
I also worry whether i got sufficient money for my retirement, marriage, medical bills, HDB flat, all these neverending worries.... But likeyou's problems is more serious than i expected... lol
Why not think that having a human form is also fortunate? At least we can learn Dharma in this very life... very lucky to have this opportunity...
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1. worry is not going to go away and worry won't help you but worry will keep you awake and make you aware. aware that you have to do something ....
2. ..... do a financial reality check - incomes and expenses. identify absolute needs (must have) - roof, food, health. find lowest-cost substitutes. postpone consumption of luxuries, branded stuff, nice-to-have gadgets
3. find additional source of supplementary income - part-time work
4. know that nothing remains permanently fixed - income or health (300 yrs is a long time!)
5. don't compare yourself with others - what you have or don't have, don't let others dictate your life, don't measure success by material yardstick
6. do a bit of charity work - you will realised you are actually more fortunate
7. be grateful you are alive, live it!
8. strive diligently, don't be greedy, don't get into debts
9. don't worry, be happy ........
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Originally posted by likeyou:
My father passed away when I was only 23, only work for less than 1 yr with earning less than $1.2k per month. I have 2 younger sister still schooling and my mother to worry about.
But I survived. Despite the heavy responsibility given to me to feed my siblings and my mum. I make it. 3/4 of my pay give to my mum. I left only $200 per month every month. Life was tough but I face it strongly and never admit defeat.
Be strong ya.
I feel sad for you. I recommend you to give thanks in everything. And don't use your handphone. In fact, some workplaces ban handphones. -
Originally posted by 46thbirthday:
I feel sad for you. I recommend you to give thanks in everything. And don't use your handphone. In fact, some workplaces ban handphones.Again, I've to tell you it does not make sense to give thanks in everthing. It does not make sense to thank god for his father had passed away at young age, leaving young children behind. Should say ��而安.
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In Buddhism, there is a famous verse "活在当下". I'm not too sure is it correct to translate as "live in this moment". Don't think so much. Practice dharma, recite Buddha's name and you will see everything will go on smoothly for you. 凡事��而安, comes what may, accept as it is as long as you have tried your best. 一切�缘，but �缘is not �便. You must do your best in life, whatever outcome, accept as it is.
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Originally posted by Dawnfirstlight:
In Buddhism, there is a famous verse "活在当下". I'm not too sure is it correct to translate as "live in this moment". Don't think so much. Practice dharma, recite Buddha's name and you will see everything will go on smoothly for you. 凡事��而安, comes what may, accept as it is as long as you have tried your best. 一切�缘，but �缘is not �便. You must do your best in life, whatever outcome, accept as it is.
I am hurt by your craps which are promoted by our infamous NLB libraries. Luckily now I have no handphone or else it may be worse. -
Originally posted by 46thbirthday:
I am hurt by your craps which are promoted by our infamous NLB libraries. Luckily now I have no handphone or else it may be worse.Please tell me which part I said were craps.
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I have been thinking about Impermanence. Ultimately, nothing is permanent. Three Hundred years from today, I, my parents, will turn into dust and ash. Whether by sickness, accident, or natural cause.. we are all going to die. Things we owned, things we say or did will be long forgotten. If things are so temporal, should I be so caught up by Whether I have enough? Since having much, or having little changes little about the fact that we are all going to be gone, then why does it matter? Should I just enjoy what I have, live from moment to moment? Don't worry about WHAT IFs? Isn't that careless??When a person alive, his eyes see, when a person die, his eyes dun see? What is that that enable the eyes to see? If the eyes can see then he should see even if dead? If your perception of life is simply turning into dust and ash, the "real world" will not be so complex? The impermanence is the 5 aggregates and these 5 aggregates inadvertently going against reality due to karmic of the past. Only when one truly actualized bodhi that everyting will be transformed into supreme enlightenment, otherwise, the process of recyclement continue to "flourish".Liao Four 4 lessons is a good concise book on destines, and liao fan was amongst a list of recorded purelandists who attained pureland of Amitabha - from listening to dharma talks.Hope that it is helpful _(())_
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Originally posted by 46thbirthday:
I am hurt by your craps which are promoted by our infamous NLB libraries. Luckily now I have no handphone or else it may be worse.I can start to see your anger. Have you forgotten your favourite verse " to give thanks in everything". Everything including what I said or you are now proving what you said could not be applied at all times.
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cool down guys. it's prefectly ok. not offended to me. :)
as we Buddhism also have our way/practice of "giving thanks".
http://buddhism.about.com/od/becomingabuddhist/a/mealchants.htm
Giving Thanks for Our Food
Three Buddhist Verses to Chant Before Eating
All schools of Buddhism have rituals involving food -- offering food, receiving food, eating food. For example, the practice of giving food to monks begging for alms began during the life of the historical Buddha and continues to this day. But what about the food we eat ourselves? What is the Buddhist equivalent for "saying grace"?
Zen Meal Chant: Gokan-no-ge
There are several chants that are done before and after meals to express gratitude. Gokan-no-ge, the "Five Reflections" or "Five Remembrances," is from the Zen tradition.
First, let us reflect on our own work and the effort of those who brought us this food.
Second, let us be aware of the quality of our deeds as we receive this meal.
Third, what is most essential is the practice of mindfulness, which helps us to transcend greed, anger and delusion.
Fourth, we appreciate this food which sustains the good health of our body and mind.
Fifth, in order to continue our practice for all beings we accept this offering.The translation above is the way it is chanted in my sangha, but there are several variations. Let's look at this verse one line at a time.
First, let us reflect on our own work and the effort of those who brought us this food.
I've also seen this line translated "Let us reflect on the effort that brought us this food and consider how it comes to us." This is an expression of gratitude. The Pali word translated as "gratitude," katannuta, literally means "knowing what has been done." In particular, it is recognizing what has been done for one's benefit.
The food, of course, didn't grow and cook itself. There are cooks; there are farmers; there are groceries; there is transportation. If you think about every hand and transaction between a spinach seed and the pasta primavera on your plate, you realize that this food is the culmination of countless labors. If you add to that everyone who has touched the lives of the cooks and farmers and grocers and truck drivers who made this pasta primavera possible, suddenly your meal becomes an act of communion with vast numbers of people in the past, present and future. Give them your gratitude.
Second, let us be aware of the quality of our deeds as we receive this meal.
We have reflected on what others have done for us. What are we doing for others? Are we pulling our weight? Is this food being put to good use by sustaining us? This line is also sometimes translated "As we receive this food, let us consider whether our virtue and practice deserve it."
Third, what is most essential is the practice of mindfulness, which helps us to transcend greed, anger and delusion.
Greed, anger and delusion are the three poisons that cultivate evil. With our food, we must take particular care to not be greedy.
Fourth, we appreciate this food which sustains the good health of our body and mind.
We remind ourselves that we eat to sustain our life and health, not to indulge in sensory pleasure. (Although, of course, if your food does taste good, it's fine to mindfully enjoy it.)
Fifth, in order to continue our practice for all beings we accept this offering.
We remind ourselves of our bodhisattva vows to bring all beings to enlightenment.
When the Five Reflections are chanted before a meal, these four lines are added after the Fifth Reflection:
The first morsel is to cut all delusions.
The second morsel is to maintain our clear mind.
The third morsel is to save all sentient beings.
May we awaken together with all beings.A Theravada Meal Chant
Theravada is the oldest school of Buddhism. This Theravada chant also is a reflection:
Wisely reflecting, I use this food not for fun, not for pleasure, not for fattening, not for beautification, but only for the maintenance and nourishment of this body, for keeping it healthy, for helping with the Spiritual Life;
Thinking thus, I will allay hunger without overeating, so that I may continue to live blamelessly and at ease.The Second Noble Truth teaches that the cause of suffering (dukkha) is craving or thirst. We continually search for something outside ourselves to make us happy. But no matter how successful we are, we never remain satisfied. It's important not to be greedy about food.
A Meal Chant From the Nichiren School
This Nichiren Buddhist chant reflects a more devotional approach to Buddhism.
The rays of the sun, moon and stars which nourish our bodies, and the five grains of the earth which nurture our spirits are all the gifts of the Eternal Buddha. Even a drop of water or a grain of rice is nothing but the result of meritorious work and hard labor. May this meal help us to maintain the health in body and mind, and to uphold the teachings of the Buddha to repay the Four Favors, and to perform the pure conduct of serving others. Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. Itadakimasu.
To "repay the Four Favors" in the Nichiren school is to repay the debt we owe our parents, all sentient beings, our national rulers, and the Three Treasures (the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha). "Nam Myoho Renge Kyo" means "devotion to the Mystic Law of the the Lotus Sutra," which is the foundation of Nichiren practice. "Itadakimasu" means "I receive," and is an expression of gratitude to everyone who had a hand in preparing the meal. In Japan, it is also used to mean something like "Let's eat!"
Gratitude and Reverence
Before his enlightenment, the historical Buddha weakened himself with fasting and other ascetic practices. Then a young woman offered him a bowl of milk, which he drank. Strengthened, he sat beneath a bodhi tree and began to meditate, and in this way he realized enlightenment.
From a Buddhist perspective, eating is more than just taking in nourishment. It is an interaction with the entire phenomenal universe. It is a gift given us through the work of all beings. We vow to be worthy of the gift and work to benefit others. Food is received and eaten with gratitude and reverence.
ps: all and all, it's being mindful at all time. it's actually a very good practice.
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It once occurred to a certain king, that if he always knew the right time to begin everything; if he knew who were the right people to listen to, and whom to avoid; and, above all, if he always knew what was the most important thing to do, he would never fail in anything he might undertake. And this thought having occurred to him, he had it proclaimed throughout his kingdom that he would give a great reward to anyone who would teach him what was the right time for every action, and who were the most necessary people, and how he might know what was the most important thing to do. And learned men came to the King, but they all answered his questions differently.
In reply to the first question, some said that to know the right time for every action, one must draw up in advance, a table of days, months and years, and must live strictly according to it. Only thus, said they, could everything be done at its proper time. Others declared that it was impossible to decide beforehand the right time for every action; but that, not letting oneself be absorbed in idle pastimes, one should always attend to all that was going on, and then do what was most needful. Others, again, said that however attentive the King might be to what was going on, it was impossible for one man to decide correctly the right time for every action, but that he should have a Council of wise men, who would help him to fix the proper time for everything. But then again others said there were some things which could not wait to be laid before a Council, but about which one had at once to decide whether to undertake them or not. But in order to decide that, one must know beforehand what was going to happen. It is only magicians who know that; and, therefore, in order to know the right time for every action, one must consult magicians.
Equally various were the answers to the second question. Some said, the people the King most needed were his counselors; others, the priests; others, the doctors; while some said the warriors were the most necessary.
To the third question, as to what was the most important occupation: some replied that the most important thing in the world was science. Others said it was skill in warfare; and others, again, that it was religious worship.
All the answers being different, the King agreed with none of them, and gave the reward to none. But still wishing to find the right answers to his questions, he decided to consult a hermit, widely renowned for his wisdom.
The hermit lived in a wood which he never left, and he received none but common folk. So the King put on simple clothes, and before reaching the hermit's cell dismounted from his horse, and, leaving his body-guard behind, went on alone.
When the King approached, the hermit was digging the ground in front of his hut. Seeing the King, he greeted him and went on digging. The hermit was frail and weak, and each time he stuck his spade into the ground and turned a little earth, he breathed heavily. The King went up to him and said: "I have come to you, wise hermit, to ask you to answer three questions: How can I learn to do the right thing at the right time? Who are the people I most need, and to whom should I, therefore, pay more attention than to the rest? And, what affairs are the most important, and need my first attention?" The hermit listened to the King, but answered nothing. He just spat on his hand and recommenced digging.
"You are tired," said the King, "let me take the spade and work awhile for you." "Thanks!" said the hermit, and, giving the spade to the King, he sat down on the ground. When he had dug two beds, the King stopped and repeated his questions. The hermit again gave no answer, but rose, stretched out his hand for the spade, and said: "Now rest awhile-and let me work a bit." But the King did not give him the spade, and continued to dig. One hour passed, and another. The sun began to sink behind the trees, and the King at last stuck the spade into the ground, and said: "I came to you, wise man, for an answer to my questions. If you can give me none, tell me so, and I will return home."
"Here comes someone running," said the hermit, "let us see who it is." The King turned round, and saw a bearded man come running out of the wood. The man held his hands pressed against his stomach, and blood was flowing from under them. When he reached the King, he fell fainting on the ground moaning feebly. The King and the hermit unfastened the man's clothing. There was a large wound in his stomach. The King washed it as best he could, and bandaged it with his handkerchief and with a towel the hermit had. But the blood would not stop flowing and the King again and again removed the bandage soaked with warm blood, and washed and re-bandaged the wound.
When at last the blood ceased flowing, the man revived and asked for something to drink. The King brought fresh water and gave it to him. Meanwhile the sun had set, and it had become cool. So the King, with the hermit's help, carried the wounded man into the hut and laid him on the bed. Lying on the bed the man closed his eyes and was quiet; but the King was so tired with his walk and with the work he had done, that he crouched down on the threshold, and also fell asleep--so soundly that he slept all through the short summer night.
When he awoke in the morning, it was long before he could remember where he was, or who was the strange bearded man lying on the bed and gazing intently at him with shining eyes. "Forgive me!" said the bearded man in a weak voice, when he saw that the King was awake and was looking at him.
"I do not know you and have nothing to forgive you for." said the King. "You do not know me, but I know you. I am that enemy of yours who swore to revenge himself on you, because you executed his brother and seized his property. I knew you had gone alone to see the hermit, and I resolved to kill you on your way back. But the day passed and you did not return. So I came out from my ambush to find you, and I came upon your bodyguard, and they recognized me, and wounded me. I escaped from them, but should have bled to death had you not dressed my wound. I wished to kill you, and you have saved my life. Now, if I live, and if you wish it, I will serve you as your most faithful slave, and will bid my sons do the same. Forgive me!"
The King was very glad to have made peace with his enemy so easily, and to have gained him for a friend, and he not only forgave him, but said he would send his servants and his own physician to attend him, and promised to restore his property.
Having taken leave of the wounded man, the King went out into the porch and looked around for the hermit. Before going away he wished once more to beg an answer to the questions he had put. The hermit was outside, on his knees, sowing seeds in the beds that had been dug the day before. The King approached him, and said: "For the last time, I pray you to answer my questions, wise man." "You have already been answered!" said the hermit, still crouching on his thin legs, and looking up at the King, who stood before him. "Answered how? What do you mean?" asked the King.
"Do you not see," replied the hermit. "If you had not pitied my weakness yesterday, and had not dug those beds for me, but had gone your way, that man would have attacked you, and you would have repented of not having stayed with me. So the most important time was when you were digging the beds; and I was the most important man; and to do me good was your most important business. Afterwards when that man ran to us, the most important time was when you were attending to him, for if you had not bound up his wounds he would have died without having made peace with you. So he was the most important man, and what you did for him was your most important business. Remember then: there is only one time that is important--Now! It is the most important time because it is the only time when we have any power. The most necessary man is he with whom you are, for no man knows whether he will ever have dealings with anyone else: and the most important affair is to do him good, because for that purpose alone was man sent into this life!"
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Good story...
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Originally posted by likeyou:
My father passed away when I was only 23, only work for less than 1 yr with earning less than $1.2k per month. I have 2 younger sister still schooling and my mother to worry about.
But I survived. Despite the heavy responsibility given to me to feed my siblings and my mum. I make it. 3/4 of my pay give to my mum. I left only $200 per month every month. Life was tough but I face it strongly and never admit defeat.
Be strong ya.
great guy
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Originally posted by Emptied Cup:I have been thinking about Impermanence. Ultimately, nothing is permanent. Three Hundred years from today, I, my parents, will turn into dust and ash. Whether by sickness, accident, or natural cause.. we are all going to die. Things we owned, things we say or did will be long forgotten. If things are so temporal, should I be so caught up by Whether I have enough? Since having much, or having little changes little about the fact that we are all going to be gone, then why does it matter? Should I just enjoy what I have, live from moment to moment? Don't worry about WHAT IFs? Isn't that careless??MY struggle now is, is that the right perspective to life?What should be my right attitude? I don't want to feel so worried and stressed.. i don't wanna be tied up by money.
Hi Kelvin
Welcome to the real world, as human everyone seek a easy and smooth sailing life with the blessing of money, material gain, status and good relationship. However, in the real world, most people do not have the good fortune to get it as and when we want.
Is good that you pick up a practice such as meditation. One can be mindful of impermanence especially towards the material aspect of life. However, it does not imply that one can sheer one responsibilities to one parents and family. The key thing is to balance. Try not to let the world matter disturb you. Set a goal and plan for your life. In this world, no one can avoid problems, not even saint but we can face it courageously.
Hence seek the peace of mind within your heart then u can face the daily problem with the right set of mind even it is not in your favour.
My teacher, Nichiren says, "More valuable than treasures in a storehouse (our material wealth) are the treasures of the body (our health & look), and the treasures of the heart (our inner peace of mind) are the most valuable of all. ............ strive to accumulate the treasures of the heart!."
When we had the treasures of the heart, we will know what to do.
No worries, u r not alone. In the past, I am also one of those who is full of worries due to my father overwhelming bank debt accumulated through his gambling habit. Beside I had an unsmooth career path after my uni. My outlook was pretty negative and I pray for an early exit from this life. Hence, I begin my path into Buddhism, by attending Buddhist class and practice. However, my inspiration came after I read about Nichiren Shonin life story. What strike me was the way he taught people to face their problem squarely instead of escaping or praying for better life after death. Subsequently, I take up the practice of chanting, "Namu Myoho Renge Kyo" eversince I have been grateful for the GRACE of triple gem in my life.
Hence Kelvin, I hope u can standup to whatever u r facing now, career, relationship or etc with a balance mindset.
“ì–³––@˜@‰ØãS
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Before going to work or walk to mrt, I chant in my heart for safety at work and everything. After work, I walk home, take mrt and too chant to say a little thanks for everything.
Yes, my life was tough after my father pass away and I was so young. I even took up part time working at night too. Being a struggle for me but I never give up. But it really came a paying price...my health is not so good now due to years of hard wotk and less sleep. But for my family, it worth it. Now I see my younger sister working, married got children. I feel happy for them.