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  • laurence82's Avatar
    125,838 posts since Nov '03
  • Origami's Avatar
    588 posts since May '03
  • laurence82's Avatar
    125,838 posts since Nov '03
    • This one...Laughing

      Annoying Buddhists..hehehe

      Originally posted by Origami:
      Ten Ways To Be An Annoying Buddhist, Common Beginner's Buddhist Mistakes

      1 ) Negate everything everyone says ( Zen or Madhyamika sickness ). When someone says a very simple thing such as "The Buddha is Enlightened", you are required to state "Why does that matter? 'Buddha' is just a word. Why are you clinging to that, huh? Think about it!" This proves your mental superiority.

      2 ) At every chance, call Tibetan Buddhism "Hinayana." Hinayana means "base or low vehicle" and is usually used in conjunction with Mahayana ( which means "great vehicle" ). While this even may be in the sutra you have just started reading, this will offend people. Rather than taking the high-road and calling Tibetan Buddhism Theraveda ( "the Teachings of the Elders" ), using of the word Hinayana is a wonderful way to show those following this tradition their stupidity.

      3 ) At every chance, argue that the Buddha did not speak the Mahayana sutras. Say they were written by someone in the early 2nd century as if that were the consensus. Use the argument "the first written version of the sutras were discovered written at that time!" completely ignoring the fact that sutras were transmitted orally for hundreds of years. This is a sure way to cause those who follow the Mahayana to change their entire belief system and get a parade in your honor.

      4 ) Call yourself a Buddhist but openly say you disbelieve in crucial tenets of Buddhism. For example, say as often as possible "rebirth is just a cultural ideosyncracy the Buddha picked up from India, it's not applicable today." This is sure to prove your open-mindedness and show all other Buddhists how wrong they were to be blind sheep ( extra points for actually calling them "blind sheep" ).

      5 ) Go around talking like a monk from the sutras after the Buddha finished a very profound section. At the drop of a pin, say "I am so glad to gain what it was I never had before! In a million lifetimes, I am so lucky to have found such compassionate instruction." This will show everyone how sincere you are in your practice.

      6 ) Find the person who seems to have the most wisdom in sight and see if you can get a rise out of them. Pummel them with silly questions and koans and when they don't answer the way you want, go into a tirade about how arrogant and unenlightened they are. This is one of the fastest way to prove your own Enlightenment.

      7) Regurgitate a Master's teachings verbatim without quoting them. Since you realize you are not Enlightened ( which is certainly not annoying ), you must overcompensate for this by pretending to be someone else. Everyone will like you if you pretend to be someone great ( forget that the person they like it isn't you ). Emulation doesn't count - it must be verbatim.

      8 ) Have no sense of humor about anything. Since your positions are the only ones that could ever be correct, when someone disagrees it is a cause for World War. Show your deep and profound understanding by realizing humor is for part-timers who have no interest in capturing the perfect and unbridled truth.

      9 ) Project your own disfunction on everyone else. Since the thing we hate about other people most is what we see in ourselves but are unwilling to admit, the best way to ensure our own safety is to call out the faults of another. If you can't find the fault of another you are most worried about, find someone who is close enough and prop them up in order to tear them down ( for reference material, watch the part of Lilo and Stitch where Stitch builds the little city ). The best defense is a good offense, after all!

      10 ) Worry about being annoying. We're all annoying, so don't be shy! Don't sweat the small stuff, it all comes out in the wash. So go ahead and jump right in, the water's fine. Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
  • Origami's Avatar
    588 posts since May '03
    • Originally posted by laurence82:
      This one...Laughing

      Annoying Buddhists..hehehe

      Haha! Of course! And there are more than 10 ways to be annoying....but these 10 are funny! Mr. Green

  • Moderator
    An Eternal Now's Avatar
    17,258 posts since Sep '04
  • Origami's Avatar
    588 posts since May '03
    • Originally posted by An Eternal Now:
      I've seen lots of funny ones at E-Sangha...

      Yup. Found this one there. Good stuff..

    • Dharma means understanding reality. Meditation and prayer are not dharma; they are merely tools for reaching this inner wisdom.

      Lama Thubten Yeshe

    • About Buddhist Prayers:
      "Most of the prayers that we recite contain meanings to be reflected upon. This type of chanting is not done to request or invoke the compassion of the Buddhas but is a method of meditation, the content of the chant being the object of meditation.
      "However, there is a type of chant which is done to invoke the compassionate attention of the Buddhas. The difference between this and worshipping a god is determined by the motivation and the recognition of what one is doing. Whenever a Mahayana Buddhist makes an offering or a prayer to the Buddhas or Bodhisattvas, he is asking guidance and aid to attain enlightenment for the benefit of all sentient beings."

      HH the Dalai Lama,

    • Offering Food

      Visualize the food as blissful wisdom nectar inside a vast jewelled vessel, and offer this to a small Buddha visualized at your heart chakra. Recite, "OM AH HUM" three times to consecrate the food and then offer it with any of the following verses:

      Guru is Buddha, Guru is Dharma,
      Guru is Sangha also.
      Guru is the originator of all (goodness and happiness).
      To all Gurus, I make this offering.

      You, whose body was formed by a million perfect virtues,
      Whose speech fulfils the hopes of all beings,
      Whose mind perceives all that is to be known,
      To the prince of the Shakyas I make this offering.

      The supreme teacher, the precious Buddha,
      The supreme practice, the holy precious Dharma,
      The supreme guide, the precious Sangha,
      To all of the objects of refuge, I make this offering.

      As you eat, imagine that Guru Shakyamuni Buddha at your heart experiences bliss from the nectar that you have offered to him. He radiates light which fills your entire body.

      Dedicate the positive potential (merit) created by offering the food:

      May we and those around us, in all future lives,
      Never be separated from the Three Jewels,
      Continuously make offerings to the Three Jewels,
      And receive the inspiration of the Three Jewels.

      When you dedicate, especially remember the sentient beings who created negative karma by harming others and who suffered and died in the process of growing and preparing the food.

    • image
      The jewel is in the lotus or praise to the jewel in the lotus

      On the meaning of: OM MANI PADME HUM
      The jewel is in the lotus or praise to the jewel in the lotus
      by His Holiness Tenzin Gyatso The Fourteenth Dalai Lama of Tibet

      It is very good to recite the mantra OM MANI PADME HUM, but while you are doing it , you should be thinking on its meaning, for the meaning of the six syllables is great and vast. The first, OM, is composed of three pure
      letters, A, U, and M. These symbolize the practitioner's impure body, speech, and mind; they also symbolize the pure exalted body, speech and mind of a Buddha.

      Can impure body, speech and mind be transformed into pure body, speech and mind, or are they entirely separate ?

      All Buddhas are cases of being who were like ourselves and then in dependence on the path became enlightened; Buddhism does not assert that there is anyone who from the beginning is free from faults and possesses all good qualities . The development of pure body , speech , and mind comes from gradually leaving the impure states and their being transformed into the pure . How is this done ? The path is indicated by the next four syllables .

      MANI , meaning jewel , symbolizes the factor of method- the altruistic intention to become enlightened , compassion , and love . Just as a jewel is capable of removing poverty , so the altruistic mind of enlightenment is capable of removing the poverty , or difficulties , of cyclic existence and of solitary peace . Similarly , just as a jewel fulfills the wishes of sentient beings , so the altruistic intention to become enlightened fulfills the wishes of sentient beings .

      The two syllables , PADME , meaning lotus , symbolize wisdom . Just as a lotus grows forth from mud but is not sullied by the faults of mud , so wisdom is capable of putting you in a situation of non- contradiction where as there would be contradiction if you did not have wisdom . There is wisdom realizing impermanence , wisdom realizing that persons are empty of self-sufficient or substantial existence , wisdom that realizes the emptiness of duality (that is to say , of difference of entity between subject and object) , and wisdom that realizes the emptiness of inherent existence . Though there are may different types of wisdom , the main of all these is the wisdom realizing emptiness .

      Purity must be achieved by an indivisible unity of method and wisdom , symbolized by the final syllable , HUM , which indicates indivisibility. According to the sutra system, this indivisibility of method and wisdom refers to one consciousness in which there is a full form of both wisdom affected by method and method affected by wisdom . In the mantra , or tantra vehicle , it refers to one conciousness in which there is the full form of both wisdom and method as one undifferentiable entity . In terms of the seed syllables of the five conqueror Buddhas , HUM is the is the seed syllable of Akshobhya - the immovable , the unfluctuating , that which cannot be disturbed by anything .

      Thus the six syllables, OM MANI PADME HUM, mean that in dependence on the practice which is in indivisible union of method and wisdom , you can transform your impure body , speech and mind into the pure body , speech , and mind of a Buddha . It is said that you should not seek for Buddhahood outside of yourself; the substances for the achievement of Buddhahood are within .

      Edited by Origami 08 Nov `04, 12:36PM
    • "We should train ourselves not to become engrossed in any of the thoughts continuously arising in our mind. Our consciousness is like a vast ocean with plenty of space for thoughts and emotions to swim about and we should not allow our attention to be distracted by any of them."

      – Lama Yeshe

    • "The best Dharma practice,
      the most perfect, most substantial,
      is without doubtimage
      the practice of bodhicitta."

    • The more we can do the better, or at least try to Mr. Green

      I vow to always do what I know in my innermost self to be right.

      I vow to make eye contact with and smile at, or wave to, very one I see.

      I vow to treat others as I wish to be treated.

      I vow to treat myself as I want others to treat me, to take care of myself and my body, to work on healing my emotional wounds so there is more room for peace in my being, and to look in the mirror and say, "I love you" at least once a day.

      I vow to do whatever I can to make myself a more peaceful person. (Examples: taking a class in, or reading a book about, yoga, tai-chi, meditation, breath work or reading a book or watching a movie about a peaceful person I admire like Buddha, Ghandi, St. Francis, Mary, Jesus, etc.)

      I vow to release myself from the pain of things I cannot change.

      I vow to do more and try harder than I ever have in the past.

      I vow to use my time wisely and to prioritize the tasks in my life in a way that is of most benefit to all.

      I vow to concentrate on the positive aspects in my life.

      I vow to respect all living things and to help all living things that are in need.

      I vow to see the good in everyone and help each person bring forth their best self.

      I vow to treat everyone as my sister or brother and to do my best to learn something from everyone I meet.

      I vow when I feel someone is "doing something wrong," to mentally and emotionally "put myself in their shoes" to understand why they have chosen that course of action.

      I vow to defend the rights of children and others unable to defend themselves and to do my best to empower them to defend them selves.

      I vow to help all the children in my life become more peaceful, loving adults.

      I vow to use all the talents that I have been blessed with in a way that is in harmony with the highest possible good in the universe.

      I vow to help create a peaceful and harmonious environment at home, at work, and everywhere else I happen to be.

      I vow to abide by divine law above and beyond all other laws.

      I vow to put forth-loving effort in all that I do and insure the quality of service that I provide to others.

      I vow to be thankful for all that I have, especially the food that I eat.

      I vow to make a conscious effort to have peaceful thoughts because my thoughts create my reality.

      I vow to Visualize World Peace at every free moment throughout the day.

      I vow to focus only on positive possible outcomes of the future because the future is not yet written and our collective thoughts create our reality.


      At university my room mate and I both suffered from anxiety and poor sleeping. One evening we attended a lecture by a Tibetan monk.

      Afterwards my friend seemed extremely impressed with the monk: "I'd love to be more that way myself. I'll always remember that man!"

      I was feeling inspired by the monk's ideas, which had just expanded my view of life. "I don't think I'll ever be the same," I said.

      Years later we met again. My friend still slept badly, and he asked me "Do you?" "No," I said, "my life has changed. I think it helps that I have more of a Buddhist attitude now."

      "Oh, I've always remembered that monk," my friend said. "So he impressed you, too?"

      "I don't really remember the monk himself," I replied, "but I've been practicing his methods."

    • image
      I have come to understand the meaning of "coolness" in Buddhist terms. A person is `cool' when he or she is free from pressing desires (grasping) which always produce dissonant emotions (uncoolness).

      An uncool person squirms with needs, waiting for the next coffee or cigarette or chance to break into the conversation, and thus is a state called "senseless agitation." On the other hand, a cool person is free of cravings and repulsions, and is thus in an empowered state of equanimity.

      Being cool and detached is not being cold and uncaring. I've noticed that when I'm feeling cool and requiring nothing from the situation, it seems to clarify my thoughts, and in this state I tend to respond to other people’s agendas more, instead of my head being full of my own agenda. Coolness means more compassion and less self-ness – the opposite of being heated.

    • Offering Of Light

      With lights brightly shining
      abolishing this gloom
      I adore the Enlightened One
      Who dispels the darkness of ignorance.

      Offering Of Incense

      With perfumed incense
      Made from fragrant substances
      I honour the Exalted One, worthy of respect
      Who dispels the darkness of ignorance.

      Offering of Flowers

      This mass of flowers
      Fresh hued, fragrant and choice
      I offer at the sacred lotus-like feet
      Of the Noble sage
      I offer Thee, Lord Buddha, these flowers
      May this virtue aid in my emancipation.
      Our bodies undergo decay
      Even as these flowers must fade.

      Forgiveness of Faults

      If by deed, speech or though heedlessly
      I have done anything wrong
      Forgive me O Master
      O Teacher, most wise.

    • Something to remind us to enjoy our path...

      A Thousand Marbles
      "The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday mornings. Perhaps it's the quiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise, or maybe it's the joy of not having to be at work. Either way, the first few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable. A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the kitchen with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. What began as a typical Saturday morning turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time.

      I turned the volume up on my radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning talk show. I heard an older gentlemen with a golden voice. He was talking about "a thousand marbles" to someone named "Tom." I was intrigued and sat down to listen to what he had to say. "Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you're busy with your job. I'm sure they pay you well but it's a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet. Too bad you missed your daughter's dance recital." He continued, "Let me tell you something Tom, something that has helped me keep a good perspective on my own priorities." And that's when he began to explain his theory of a "thousand marbles." He went on to say, "You see, I sat down one day
      and did a little arithmetic.

      The average person lives about 75 years. I know, some live more and some live less, but on average, folks live about 75 years. Now then, I multiplied 75 X 52 and I came up with 3900, which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime. "It took me until I was 55 years old to think about all this in any detail," he went on, "and by that time I had lived through over 2800 Saturdays. I got to thinking that if I lived to be 75, I only had about 1,000 of
      them left to enjoy.

      "So I went to several toy stores and bought every single marble they had until I had 1,000. I took them home and put them inside of a large, clear plastic container right here in my workshop next to the radio. Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away. I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on the really important things in life. "There is nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight.

      Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast..." "...This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure if I make it until next Saturday then Life has blessed me with a little extra time to be with my loved ones. It was nice to talk to you, Tom; I hope you spend more time with your loved ones, and I hope to meet you again someday. Have a good morning!"

      You could have heard a pin drop when he finished. Even the show's moderator didn't have anything to say for a few moments. I guess he gave us all a lot to think about. I had planned to do some work that morning and then go to the gym. Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a kiss. "C'mon honey, I'm taking you and the kids to breakfast." "What brought this on?" she asked with a smile. "Oh, nothing special," I said. "It has just been a long time since we spent a Saturday together with the kids. Hey, can we stop at a toy store while we're out? I need to buy some marbles." May all your Saturdays be special and may you have many happy years after you lose all your

      Copyright (c) 2004 Dean Hawk Ministries All rights reserved. Used by

    • If you don’t create the mental factor, or thought, of anger, there are no enemies in your life; you can’t find any enemies. If you don’t form the thought of anger, wherever you go, wherever in the world you travel, wherever you live, whoever you’re with, you never see a single enemy. If you don’t create anger within, you have no enemy outside.

    • Good to be back from India.

      May the new year augur good and joy for all beings in the world.
      May the days and nights be auspicious for all.
      May all obstacles and hindrances be removed.
      May the teachings flourish.
      May all good wishes for the new year come true.

      New year, new start. Let us remember to practise with more endeavour.
      May all who hear, see, practise the dharma plant new seeds of enlightenment.

    • "After your morning meditation, have breakfast. Greeting your family in the morning is also part of Dharma practice. Many people are grumpy in the morning. They sit at the breakfast table, pouring over the newspaper or reading the back of the cereal box for the umpteenth time. When their bright-eyed children greet them, they grunt and, without looking up, keep reading. When their partner asks them a question, they don't respond, or they glance at them for a moment with a look that says, "Don't bother me." Later, they wonder why they have problems in the family!
      .... It's easy to bark orders at your children, "Get up!" "Brush your teeth!" "Why are you wearing that? It looks terrible! Change clothes!" "Stop playing around and eat breakfast." "Hurry up and get to school. You're late." Many children will react as unruly subordinates when treated in this way. But if you greet your children with love and firmly help them navigate everything in their morning routine, they'll be happier and so will you."

      A nice explanation from Taming the Mind by Thubten Chodron

    • "Conquer the angry man by love.
      Conquer the ill-natured man by goodness.
      Conquer the miser with generosity.
      Conquer the liar with truth."
      The Buddha (The Dhammapada)



      "A young widower, who loved his five year old son very much, was away on business when bandits came who burned down the whole village and took his son away. When the man returned, he saw the ruins and panicked. The took the burnt corpse of an infant to be his son and cried uncontrollably. He organised a cremation ceremony, collected the ashes and put them in a beautiful little bag which he always kept with him.
      Soon afterwards, his real son escaped from the bandits and found his way home. He arrived at his father's new cottage at midnight and knocked at the door. The father, still grieving asked: "Who is it?" The child answered, it is me papa, open the door!" But in his agitated state of mind, convinced his son was dead, the father thought that some young boy was making fun of him. He shouted: "Go away" and continued to cry. After some time, the child left.
      Father and son never saw each other again."
      After this story, the Buddha said: "Sometime, somewhere, you take something to be the truth. If you cling to it so much, even when the truth comes in person and knocks on your door, you will not open it."


    • The greatest achievement is selflessness.
      The greatest worth is self-mastery.
      The greatest quality is seeking to serve others.
      The greatest precept is continual awareness.
      The greatest medicine is the emptiness of everything.
      The greatest action is not conforming with the worlds ways.
      The greatest magic is transmuting the passions.
      The greatest generosity is non-attachment.
      The greatest goodness is a peaceful mind.
      The greatest patience is humility.
      The greatest effort is not concerned with results.
      The greatest meditation is a mind that lets go.
      The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances.

    • One of my fav quotes.....

      A brahmin once asked The Blessed One:
      "Are you a God?"
      "No, brahmin" said The Blessed One.
      "Are you a saint?"
      "No, brahmin" said The Blessed One.
      "Are you a magician?"
      "No, brahmin" said The Blessed One.
      "What are you then?"
      "I am awake."
      See the truth, and you will see me.

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