funny joke lol!
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Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her br3asts at maturity of a 12 year old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her soooo much.
However, Jim felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he also had a deformity too. Jim looked Sandy in the eyes and said.... "I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married."
She said, "Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size penis."
Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait for the Honeymoon. Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, holding one another...
As Sandy put her hands in Jim's pants she began to scream and ran out of the room!
Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong. "You told me you penis was the size of an infant!", she said.
"Yes it is..... 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!!" -
that's funny all rite -
Mr. Cikoch was a biology instructor at a snobby suburban girl's junior college. During class one day he asked his student, "Miss Simison, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions."
Miss Simison gasped, and then said, "Mr. Cikoch, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this. "With that she sat down red-faced.
Mr. Cikoch then called on Miss Hakar and asked the same question. Miss Hakar, with composure, replied, "The pupil of the eye, in dim light."
"Correct," said Mr. Cikoch. "And now, Miss Simison, I have three things to say to you. One, you have not studied your lesson. Two, you have a dirty mind. And three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment." -
Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.
"Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl who I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"
"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.
"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."
"That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"
"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show."
"Sensible" says Jeff.
"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."
"And what happened then?"
"I kicked her in the face." -
owwww.......oh well the bright side is I doubt this woman would complain about the pain from childbirth.Originally posted by motoway:Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her br3asts at maturity of a 12 year old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her soooo much.
However, Jim felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he also had a deformity too. Jim looked Sandy in the eyes and said.... "I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married."
She said, "Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size penis."
Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait for the Honeymoon. Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, holding one another...
As Sandy put her hands in Jim's pants she began to scream and ran out of the room!
Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong. "You told me you penis was the size of an infant!", she said.
"Yes it is..... 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!!" -
HAHAHAHAHA ... GOOD stuffs...
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lol!
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Originally posted by motoway:Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.
"Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl who I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"
"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.
"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."
"That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"
"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show."
"Sensible" says Jeff.
"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."
"And what happened then?"
"I kicked her in the face." -
Good jokes. More plx!
Beats reading all the boliao threads started by clones and attention-seeking wannabes. -
Finally a quality topic in bar...Keep it coming!
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CANT U DO A BETTER JOKE??Originally posted by motoway:Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her br3asts at maturity of a 12 year old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her soooo much.
However, Jim felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he also had a deformity too. Jim looked Sandy in the eyes and said.... "I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married."
She said, "Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size penis."
Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait for the Honeymoon. Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, holding one another...
As Sandy put her hands in Jim's pants she began to scream and ran out of the room!
Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong. "You told me you penis was the size of an infant!", she said.
"Yes it is..... 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!!"
I SAW THE FLAW RIGHT AT THE FRONT WHEN HE SAID MY PENIS IS THE SIZE OF AN INFANT. IT SHOULD BE "MY PENIS IS THE SIZE OF AN INFANT'S" -
joke only la.. take it so seriously for wad..Originally posted by field:CANT U DO A BETTER JOKE??
I SAW THE FLAW RIGHT AT THE FRONT WHEN HE SAID MY PENIS IS THE SIZE OF AN INFANT. IT SHOULD BE "MY PENIS IS THE SIZE OF AN INFANT'S"
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ya la... jokes surppose to be lame
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Ok.. NEW JOKE:
My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!
There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.
"The moral of this story is:"
"Always keep your condoms in your car." -
She goes into Wal-Mart and tells the clerk she wants a refund for the toaster she bought because it doesn't work.
The clerk tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
All of a sudden, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming!
"GRAB MY BRE@STS! GRAB MY BRE@STS!
The clerk, not knowing what to do, runs to get the store manager. The manager comes up to the Woman and asks, "What's wrong?" !
She explains the situation with the toaster.
He tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming,
"GRAB MY BR3aSTS! GRAB MY BR3ASTS!"
In shock, the store manager pleads, "Ma'am, why are saying you that?"
In a huff, the woman says,
"BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY BR3ASTS GRABBED WHEN I'M GETTING SCREWED! -
Nice...
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A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. When he finally gets himself to the doctor, he says," How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancée is still a virgin in every way."
The doc said , "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little four-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and on his honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he had seen them. She says, "You'll be the first, no one has ever touched these breasts."
He whips down his pants and says, "Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!" -
The priest in a small Irish village loved the cock and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. But one Saturday night the cock went missing! The priest knew that cock fights happened in the village so he started to question his parishioners in church the next morning.
During Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?"
All the men stood up.
"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?"
All the women stood up.
"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?"
Half the women stood up.
"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?"
All the nuns, three altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up. -
does that mean that half of the women are transsexuals?Originally posted by tys:The priest in a small Irish village loved the cock and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. But one Saturday night the cock went missing! The priest knew that cock fights happened in the village so he started to question his parishioners in church the next morning.
During Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?"
All the men stood up.
"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?"
All the women stood up.
"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?"
Half the women stood up.
"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?"
All the nuns, three altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up. -
he's bi. and he fucked a goat too.Originally posted by JennTS:does that mean that half of the women are transsexuals? -
A man died and went to heaven.
There, he saw a huge wall of clocks and an angel guarding the wall.
"wow, every living person on earth has a clock to represent them here!!", he cried as he pointed at the names imprinted underneath the clocks.
"these are lie clocks", explained the angel. "every clock represents someone on earth. each time he tells a lie, the clock will move by 1"
the angel continued. "there look at mother teresa's clock.. its only moved 2 strokes, meaning she only told 2 lies." "and look at gandi's clock. it moved 3 strokes. meaning he told 3 lies"
the angel noticed that the man was hardly listening, instead he was scrutinizing the wall and looking very distracted.
"what are u searching for?" he asked.
"oh sorry, i was looking for george bush's clock"
"ah u dont have to.. you wont find it" said the angel
"why?"
"its in jesus's office.. he's using it as a ceiling fan" -
wth...celling fan...hahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahaahah
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this is why i love sg forums.