Cheated on BF with his good friend last night...
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Thanks for all the advices guys...
i'll go make my own decisions now...
Take care everyone
I'll just take my post off in case more people's capslock spoil and then start asking after my parents.
I appreciate all the advices. -
sigh... what's done is done... tell urself u wun do it again... You feeling guilty will mean, hopefully, that u hv regretted it deeply, and thus will not do it again.
Either you
1) tell your bf what u had done, and expect him to give a big uproar.
You should then try your best to assure and pacify him u wun do it again... It's hard to do I know.
or
2) keep it a secret forever and
face being guilty or face the worst if he ever finds out by himself (hopefully he doesn't)
Perhaps u shud tell ur bf to give u more foreplay or let u reach a high before he gets his. This way, both shud be satisfied.
P.S. I may hv a gf, but I've totally no experience in bed, so I may not be right
Edit:
Shouldn't this be in AA? -
Its going to happen sooner or later since you already have this mindset of cheating on your bf. The best thing you can do to ease your guilty conscience is to confess and make a clean break with him.Originally posted by guilt-stricken:Hey guys,
I created a new acct to write this coz i dun wanna to use my main acct for my confession
Long story cut short:
About Us:
- Im 25, bf 23... together 2 and half yrs. He doesn't like to do things with me (shopping, beach, pubs), and we only do things he does (TV, PC games, PS2). I got fed up coz while i'm willing to play games with him, whats wrong with going places i like to go with me?
To top that off, he comes in 30 secs in bed, that now i go zzzz in my head during foreplay coz i know there's nothing to look forward to...
The senario:
My Bf has been away for a month now for work and one of his close friends, "W" just got hurt badly by his gf (now ex). I am pretty ok with W and we just kept each other company as friends at first, coz all our friends are either attached like super glue or married with kids...
Then last night, i let him fondle my bre*sts and pusssy, but he didn't put his finger in... We didn't kiss, neither did i touch him... It happened like it was 2 lonely souls doing something they know they shouldn't.
For me, i was longing to have great sex again before i forget how sex feels like, but i am glad it didn't happen. We stopped right there and he just gave me a peck on my forehead. It was like a silent," yeah, we shouldn't". But still, intercourse or not, this is still cheating...
And now:
I'm here all by myself with this dark secret and i hate myself so much. No matter how boring my bf is or how selfish he was not to mind what i like to do, i still shouldn't have allowed another man to touch me, not even holding my hands, let alone personal parts...
I am so guilty and i smsed W how i feel and this is the worst thing i have done to anyone behind their backs...
I tried to push blame to my bf, telling myself that he's partly responsible for all these to happen.... but no matter how i push, i still feel that i have no excuse at all... I feel cheap and sick... I feel like W and I deserve stones thrown at us.
Yes, i will still feel sexually deprived by my bf's 30 secs skills, but NO, i will not try to be funny like this again... I always pictured myself to cheat on him sooner or later coz i was feeling unsatisfied...
But now that i had really sort of done it, the only feeling is have is guilt, so strong that it makes me feel sick inside out... And it doesn't make me happy at all, i destroyed a friendship i had with W and feel like the worst girlfriend in the world...
And ironically, right now, all i can think of is my bf getting food for me when i'm hungry, pick me up and send me to places, hugging me tenderly to sleep...
All i can say is," Cheating is nothing fun, that's if you have a conscience. It just eats you up." -
hate the game, not the player.
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W and I have made a pact to bring this secret to our graves, he can't afford to lose his friendship with my bf (and furthermore they are in a group so he'd probably be ganked if everyone knows about this...)
As for me, i love my bf, i don't want to leave him and i can't bear to tell him the truth...
The only good thing from this horrendous mistake of mine is that i found an answer... I have always toyed with the idea of cheating on him, and was almost sure it would feel gd, at least better than a half minute sex, but right now, down with the cold hard truth is that i was so wrong.
There is something i seriously need to learn: To look more on the good sides of my partner than always dwelling on the flaws... And also i realised, when you really love someone, no one can fill in the blanks for him...
If you ask me now, i'd rather have those blanks left blank, then to fill it up with acids that cuts everyone and create a bigger hole when you wake up the next morning.... -
True, there are consequences to everything you do. You just need to deal with it (your bad conscience).Originally posted by guilt-stricken:All i can say is," Cheating is nothing fun, that's if you have a conscience. It just eats you up." [/i]
Dealing with your bad conscience includes deciding if you should tell your boyfriend about it.
Telling your boyfriend about it has consequences too. If you tell your boyfriend, it might strengthen your relationship with him or break the two of you up. You will probably ease your conscience but you now transfer the problem to him and if he does not break up with you, he has to carry this burden with him.
I am not here to preach to you and so what I am doing is help you be aware of the consequences of your actions and inaction.
She is smart to put it in BAR. In AA many people will "condemn" her outright. Some of those that condemn people outright would not be caught dead surfing BAR.Originally posted by eagle:Edit: Shouldn't this be in AA?
While it is admirable that you try to be noble and look at the positive side of things, you must not downplay or minimize your problems with your bf.Originally posted by guilt-stricken:W and I have made a pact to bring this secret to our graves, he can't afford to lose his friendship with my bf (and furthermore they are in a group so he'd probably be ganked if everyone knows about this...)
As for me, i love my bf, i don't want to leave him and i can't bear to tell him the truth...
The only good thing from this horrendous mistake of mine is that i found an answer... I have always toyed with the idea of cheating on him, and was almost sure it would feel gd, at least better than a half minute sex, but right now, down with the cold hard truth is that i was so wrong.
There is something i seriously need to learn: To look more on the good sides of my partner than always dwelling on the flaws... And also i realised, when you really love someone, no one can fill in the blanks for him...
If you ask me now, i'd rather have those blanks left blank, then to fill it up with acids that cuts everyone and create a bigger hole when you wake up the next morning....
You should (google is your friend) try to help your bf overcome his premature ejaculation problems.
You have to try to solve the problem and not deny it. "Positive thinking" can only go so far... you must solve the underlying problem. -
Hi guys,
Thanks for the replies... I put this in Bar instead coz got sex contents ma.. :p
Actually i really have the urge to collapse in front of him and tell him i'm sorry, i'm really really sorry...
But, i know i can't do that, coz trust is something that once it's broken, it's hard to mend... and i don't want him to get paranoid in future... On my part, i will make sure that i will not do this ever again, at least never in this life again... -
We have tried everything... and i meant everything... (except going to doctors which would be rather costly...)... from using 2 condoms, me on top, having 2 rounds to him using his fingers and mouth which does nothing for me... and i don't want him to take pills in case it affects his health or something... i don't want any harm to his body just for my own pleasures...Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:While it is admirable that you try to be noble and look at the positive side of things, you must not downplay or minimize your problems with your bf.
You should (google is your friend) try to help your bf overcome his premature ejaculation problems.
You have to try to solve the problem and not deny it. "Positive thinking" can only go so far... you must solve the underlying problem.
My only options were cheating or accept the fact that im never going to have it if i want to be with him...
And now, i guess i'm only left with just one option............. -
i remember reading somewhere before...
u can make him cum first, then wait for him to get it up again. Then he will last longer... -
You sound like a really smart girl! You tried almost everything? Admirable.Originally posted by guilt-stricken:We have tried everything... and i meant everything... (except going to doctors which would be rather costly...)... from using 2 condoms, me on top, having 2 rounds to him using his fingers and mouth which does nothing for me... and i don't want him to take pills in case it affects his health or something... i don't want any harm to his body just for my own pleasures...
My only options were cheating or accept the fact that im never going to have it if i want to be with him...
And now, i guess i'm only left with just one option.............
Did the two of you try this? Ask him to masturbate first before the two of you have sex. You have to time it because he might not be able to have an erection if it is too soon after the masturbation.
1. He masturbates and come before having sex with you.
2. While having sex, you try the other methods you have learnt (google is your friend)
3. Worse come to the worse, save up and go see a doctor. -
Problem is even if we had 2 rounds, or i made him come using my mouth first, by the time for 2nd round, i'd rather be watching tv already...
And even if he comes first, he also won't last more than a min next round... Now i'm afraid that i'll lose interest in sex altogether...
Imagine everytime you dress up to go to a party (Foreplay), before you even sweat on the dance floor, the lights are on and it's time to go home... Would you still fancy the party after 2 and half yrs?
I'm already trying to act intrested now, when in my mind, i was always hoping he would just go straight to the "point" and finish it off so that i can play my wow... :p -
What is play my wow?Originally posted by guilt-stricken:so that i can play my wow... :p
So you have really tried everything except going to the doctor and let him pop pills.Originally posted by guilt-stricken:Problem is even if we had 2 rounds, or i made him come using my mouth first, by the time for 2nd round, i'd rather be watching tv already...
And even if he comes first, he also won't last more than a min next round... Now i'm afraid that i'll lose interest in sex altogether...
Imagine everytime you dress up to go to a party (Foreplay), before you even sweat on the dance floor, the lights are on and it's time to go home... Would you still fancy the party after 2 and half yrs?
I'm already trying to act intrested now, when in my mind, i was always hoping he would just go straight to the "point" and finish it off so that i can play my wow... :p
Well you know what to do then.
Don't downplay or underplay sexual incompatibility. -
wow is world of warcraft... not that I play...
still boils down to sex?Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:So you have really tried everything except going to the doctor and let him pop pills.
Well you know what to do then.
Don't downplay or underplay sexual incompatibility. -
wow is World of Warcraft :p
Maybe would just save up and go to a doc... dunno how many years later ba... -
You prefer wow to sex with him? I think you have a serious problem.Originally posted by guilt-stricken:wow is World of Warcraft :p
Maybe would just save up and go to a doc... dunno how many years later ba...
I don't think going to the doc is that expensive bah... you are both working, I guess... -
You seem to have a strong opinion that sex is necessary between couplesOriginally posted by AndrewPKYap:You prefer wow to sex with him? I think you have a serious problem. -
Let me try to find and google some links for you..Originally posted by eagle:You seem to have a strong opinion that sex is necessary between couples -
http://www.blackwell-synergy.com/doi/pdf/10.1111/j.1752-0606.1975.tb00076.x
http://ezraklein.typepad.com/blog/2007/02/love_and_marria.html
I forgot, you have the Internet at your disposal also:
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&safe=off&rlz=1B3GGGL_enSG227SG228&q=sexual+incompatibilities+divorce&btnG=Search -
I think I know who you are
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it is possible for sexless marriages too
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_102698.html?nav_src=newsIndexHeadline
But let's not digress for the sake of TS
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sexual compatibility is important between couples. It is not to say it is the most important thing, but to neglect that area is to open up a can of worms for later.
Perhaps I'm pragmatic. You have done something you shouldnt but hey move on. If making this mistake helps you to treasure your relationship more, it is good. Tough that the guy you did it with is his good friend though. Sometimes we need a shake up to see who is important to us. Though once you open this door to experimentation, it will take a lot of discipline not to fall into temptation again - everytime you are lonely, everytime you quarrel with your bf, everytime you happen to be alone with this guy.
However, let's hope this guilt won't make you feel like you owe it to him to stay in a relationship with him. If you really don't feel happy with him - well i feel it is always easier to break it up than remain in a rship that is a farce. I don't think anyone wants anybody to 'stay' attached cos of guilt. -
There are always exceptions lah... but don't see the specks and miss the logs...Originally posted by eagle:it is possible for sexless marriages too
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_102698.html?nav_src=newsIndexHeadline
But let's not digress for the sake of TS -
Since you have acknowledge the mistake, i think you should move on and treat this as a lesson learnt. hopefully.
But, hey.. If intercourse is a major part of the relationship to you, i suggest you consider what is on the table for both of you and whether, he is the one for you.
Can you accept someone just because he is good to you?
Or what you really want is someone who is good to you and does well on bed.
Temptations dont just disappear overnight. You need to work it out before you can truly say you have learnt your lesson.
And i think you should rethink your position of trust and relationship between W. -
I know it's pretty bad when i prefer doing other things than intimacy with him... i like his cuddles, but just don't like the feeling of going through all teh foreplays when i know that ultimately i'm not going to get anothing more than a few seconds thing...Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:You prefer wow to sex with him? I think you have a serious problem.
I don't think going to the doc is that expensive bah... you are both working, I guess...
I still like to please him, but must be in moments when im really in the mood... And somethingn else is that he doesn't do things with me, so i end up going shopping and stuff with W instead...
I dun like W in a romantic way at all, just someone who always fill in the blanks, he doesnt like me either, both of us are just filling in blanks... he's hurt and im dissatisfied...
argh.. just feel cheap now... eeeks.... -
You think you cheap only lah.... reading what you have written so far, you not bad wat.. willing to do so much for you bf... wat more he want and what more you want?Originally posted by guilt-stricken:I know it's pretty bad when i prefer doing other things than intimacy with him... i like his cuddles, but just don't like the feeling of going through all teh foreplays when i know that ultimately i'm not going to get anothing more than a few seconds thing...
I still like to please him, but must be in moments when im really in the mood... And somethingn else is that he doesn't do things with me, so i end up going shopping and stuff with W instead...
I dun like W in a romantic way at all, just someone who always fill in the blanks, he doesnt like me either, both of us are just filling in blanks... he's hurt and im dissatisfied...
argh.. just feel cheap now... eeeks....
ai yah, nobody ish perfect in this world, so no nid so hard on yourself...
uncle seen so many types of people in this world... you not bad already hor...