Wong Ah Fatt believed 8 was his lucky number. He was born on 8 Aug, lived at no. 8 Hoy Fatt Rd, and drove a car with 8888 on the no. plate.
On his birthday 8 Aug 1988, he went to the Turf Club and was excited to see a horse named Fatt Fatt in race 8 drawn on barrier 8. He went to the 8th counter and placed a bet of $880 on Fatt Fatt.
It came in 8th
The young man went to see his boss and spoke up nervously.
"Sir," he said, I would like to request your daughter's hand in marriage".
"Eh? Hmm....... well, have you seen my wife?" said the boss.
"Yes sir, I have sir, but I still prefer your daughter, sir!"
One day a man caught a squid and wanted to bbq it. The squid then told the man not to burn it. So the man said,
"I shall test you 3 questions and if you get them right i will set u free . "
(Wo kao ni san dao ti mu, ru guo ni da dui wo jiu fang le ni )
The squid nodded and say " Kao ah, kao ah.. " (Fry me, fry me)
A Mini and a Mercedes are parked beside each other at the supermarket. The Mini owner shouts across to the driver of the Merc.
"Do you have a telephone in there?"
The Merc owner replies: "Of course!"
"What about a fax machine?"asks the Mini owner.
"Naturally,"� comes the condescending reply.
"Bet you don't have a double bed in there?"� says the Mini owner.
"Well,no, I don't"� replies the annoyed Merc owner.
Upon hearing this, the Mini owner flashes the Merc owner a patronising wink and speeds off. Livid at being outdone by a Mini, he heads for his local garage and has a folding King sized bed installed in his back seat.
A week later the Merc owner returns to the supermarket to find the same Mini, parked at the same spot. He notices the windows of the Mini all steamed up and the car rocking back and forth. Convinced that this would be his one and only chance to show up the Mini owner, he knocks on the window.
The Mini owner sticks his head out: "Can I help you?"
The Merc owner proudly announces: "I have a folding King sized bed in my car!"
To which the Mini owner replies: "You got me out of the shower to tell me that?!!"
Ladies hostel caught Fire..
it took 1 hour to bring the fire under control........
and another 3 hours to bring the firemen under control.
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Wife: If I sleep with your best friend what will be the first thought to come in your mind?
Husband: that you are a lesbian.
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Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps in the U.S Huh?
Because the people started licking the wrong side!
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Nobody is ever satisfied, Poor men wish they were rich, Rich men wish they were handsome, Bachelors wish they were married & Married men wish they were Dead!
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A divorced Couple were contesting for possession of the child.. The mother said: "I gave birth to him - he's mine"
The father said: "I put a coin in the pepsi machine and a can comes out - the pepsi belongs to me! not to the machine !!"
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A girl says to her boyfriend, "One kiss and I'll be yours forever."
The guy says 'thanks for the warning'
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A Husband Was Asked: "Do you talk to your wife after sex?"
He replied: "Depends, If I Can find a Phone"
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Man to wife on wedding night-"Are you sure I'm the first man you are sleeping with?'
"Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!'
WORDS GET YOU INTO DEEP TROUBLE IF YOU DON'T USE IT CORRECTLY
Ah Beng was travelling in a crowded bus. As he took out his wallet to pay the fare, his passport-size photograph accidentally fell from his pocket. He started searching for it frantically & found it on the floor, below the ends of a woman's long sari. He asked her "Can you lift up your sari? I wanna take photograph"
He was beaten up so badly that he had to be admitted to hospital.
He was surprised to see his Singaporean friend, Ah Seng, on the bed next to him, in a worse condition.
Ah Seng explained what happened to him. He had gone to a remote village to work. He finished late and missed the last bus. He couldn't find any hotel. So he approached a nearby house and asked the owner whether he can stay there for the night.
The owner replied "I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry, I can't allow you to stay".
He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the night. The owner replied, "I have 3 grown up daughters. "Sorry, I can't allow you to stay".
He went to the next house and asked: "Do you have grown up daughters?"
The Owner asked, "WHY?Huh?Huh???"
Ah Seng replied, "I wanted to stay here for a night....."
The next thing he knew, he was in the hospital bed
Little johny's school is having show and tell, so the teacher starts a 'Guess Whats Behind My Back' game. She goes to her desk and picks up a item. She says, okay class, what am I holding, its RED, ROUND, and SHINEY. Little Johny replies I know teacher its an apple, The teacher replies, no little johny, But I like the way you think. So the teacher goes gack to her desk picks up another item. She says, okay class, what am I holding now, its YELLOW, and SOFT. Little Johny replies I know teacher,its a bannana. The teacher replies, no little johny, its a tennis ball. But I like the way you think. At this point little johny is furious. Okay teacher, this one's for you, he stuck his hand in his pocket and said okay what am I Holding, Its ROUND, HARD, and has a HEAD. The teacher says, Little johny, go to the office right now, you are in trouble. Little johny replies, for what teacher, its just a quarter, but I like the way you think.
U are a genius.
your brain is a master piece.
it is divided in 2-parts :
left & right.
In the left
nothing is right
& in the right
nothing is LEFT!!!
And so there was this cosmetic surgeon who was sitting in his consultation
room chatting to his friend.
In the middle of a conversation, a gorgeous female walked into the room and
kissed the surgeon and said:
"Thank you so much! You have done wonder to my body and look. I was an ugly
duckling before that and >now I looked like a princess."
When the gorgeous lady left the room, the surgeon's friend asked: "Wow, who
was that? You have certainly done a good job."
The surgeon replied: "Oh, that was my mum." and they carried on > >with
their conversation.
A moment later, another lady walked into his room. This lady was even more
gorgeous than the first one and she too came round and kissed the surgeon:
"Thank you so much! You have really made me look 20 years younger. Those
face lift and liposuction have certainly worked wonder to my look. How can I
ever thank you!"
As the lady left the room, his friend asked again: "Bloody hell. who was
that? she sure looks like a supermodel. I am really impressed with your
surgery skills now." The surgeon replied: "Oh, that was just my wife."
They then carried on with their normal conversation. Then suddenly a third
lady walked into the room. This lady has a perfect body and the look was so
beautiful it was beyond this world. She was even more gorgeous than the
first two ladies. She stormed towards the surgeon and gave him a big slap,
yelling: "You bastard. Look at what you have done to my body! You have
ruined my life!! I hope you will die in hell."
As the lady stormed away, the surgeon's friend turned round to him with a
puzzled look. The surgeon shook his head and responded: "Let's not talk
about it.....that was my father."
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly
dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of
dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give
you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead?" "No, I had to
stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?"
the man asked. "No, I don't gamble," the homeless man said. "I need
everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend the on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?"
the man asked. "Are you NUTS!"
replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead
of food?" the man asked. "What disease would I get for ten lousy
bucks?!!" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm
going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for
doing that?" I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. I just want her to see what a man looks
like who's given up beer, gambling, golf, and sex.
Let's Play - Who Wants To Be A Millionaire!
A husband and wife were getting ready for bed one evening.
"Honey," the fellow asked, "do you want to have make love tonight?"
"No dear, not tonight," she replied.
"Is that your final answer?"
"Yes, that is my final answer!"
"In that case," he said, "may I phone a friend?"
Hell or Heaven
One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and died. Her soul arrived up in Heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.
"Welcome," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in, though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far, and we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No worries, just let me in," said the woman.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman.
"Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in a lift and it went down-down-down to Hell.
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course.
In the distance was a country club and in front of her were all her fellow executive friends that she had worked with, and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed a superb steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved good-bye as she got on the lift.
The lift went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were
up and St. Peter came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in Hell and you've spent a day in Heaven. Now you must choose your eternity".
The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I would say this. I mean, Heaven has been really great, but I had a better time in Hell."
So St. Peter escorted her to the lift and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.
When the doors of the lift opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw that her friends were dressed in rags and picking up garbage and putting it in sacks.
The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland and
all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her and smiled. "Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're staff..."
The moral of this story:
Never believe what you see in the company or what they promised you.
It turns out to be sh*t always.
A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary.
His wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat."
The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday.
Ten Commandments
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five- and six-year-olds. After explaining the com-mandment to honour thy father and thy mother, she asked, "Is there a com-mandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
Marriage
A young lad was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded.
Surprised, the cousin asked, "How do you know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up. Like the preacher said, 'Four better, four worse, four richer, four poorer'."
Out Of The Ribs
At a Sunday school, the teacher taught how God created everything, including human beings. Johnny, a child in kindergarten class, seemed especially intrigued when they told him how Eve was created out of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week, his mother noticed him lying down as though he was ill, and asked, "Johnny, what is the matter?"
He responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I am going to have a wife."
1) Q: What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his exam?
A: Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything.
2) The president of a large corporation opened his directors' meeting by announcing, "All those who are opposed to the plan I am about to propose will reply by saying, 'I resign'."
3) When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
4) A little boy went up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" His father replied, "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, because I still have mine."
5) Sunny's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "Sunny seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about girls." The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father."
Typing mistakes can be serious
1. A daughter sent a telegram to her father on passing her B.Ed exams, which the father received as "Father, your daughter has been successful in BED."
2. A husband, while on a business trip to a hill station sent a telegram to his wife "I wish you were here." The message received by the wife was "I wish you were her."
3. A man wanted to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he ordered a birthday cake. The salesman asked him what message he wanted put on the cake. He thought for a moment and said, "put getting older but you are getting better". The salesman asked "how do you want me to put it?" The man said ' Well...put "You are getting older" at the top and "but you are getting better" at the bottom. When the cake was unveiled at the party all the guests were aghast at the message on the cake. It read : "You are getting older at the top, but you are getting better at the bottom"
