diploma and degree
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i cannot be doing this as i got to be realistic, so as for now i m focusing on finding a stable job then after i find a stable job i will go and see her mum, her mum is super kia su ... i fear that my gf will suffer in the long run as the mum always makes decisions for her and in the long run my gf is unable to make decisions due to her mum treating her like this
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Just prove yr worth and that will shut her up
My hubby has a diploma and I have a degree. Btw he earns more than me now. He was earning less then me at the start of the relationship. -
i think that the older generation are finding hard to accept changes to this kind of modern living society, i wish that the mum will wake up from her fairy tales, right now i m hoping that my gf is pushed to the limit whereby she cannot take it anymore and the mum got to face the consequences if things look bad
of course i aint talking about suicide or anything bad, this way i feel then the mum will realise and WAKE up -
Since yr gf is a mummy's girl, she will listen to her.
So don't ever antagonise her mum. Since she ask whether u are coming for dinner shows she is slowly getting used to u.
Take the opportunity to be extra nice to her mum & win her over.
Buy her favourite food, chit chat with her, praise her cooking, take her out for makan etc -
Sorry ah, maybe you may want to change the word from 'cool' to 'cold'. He will be delighted if her mum is cool!Originally posted by gerrykoh:Ask yr gf whether u can pay her parents a visit. Don't go empty handed.
Be on yr best behaviour.
Assure them that u are able to take care of their daughter, that u have plans to further yr edn thr part-time studies.
Never antagonise them, be polite even if her mum is cool towards u.
Who knows, she might change her mind after seeing u.
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Although i dun face this problem, but i understand your agony. i am a diploma holder. Even my present gf who is a diploma holder, her dad who is a lazybone, spendthrift, doesnt contribute to family will ask whether i can support her or not. Her father only work for himself, sometimes worse, will get money from my gf or the mother who earns only hundreds a month.
Ironically, i had abit indirectly contribute to her family, I pay for some of her bills. SOmetimes i give her money, and she give it to her family when they keep asking for $.
He will talk about the standard of living in Singapore, in future what will i do if i leave my present relatively well paid job (consider a diploma). I was questioned when i ask to apply for flat together with her. Nevertheless we still applied secretly before he approve of it.
Even my ex gf parents would only approve her of getting a diploma holder or higher bf, sounds like criteria of a job right?
Dun give up if you really love her. Prove them wrong. Its natural for them to feel that although it has gone overboard. -
how many of u ladies can take it if ur mum just appear at ur office vicinity to pick u up without informing u time and time again? this situation happened to my gf and she was extremely pissed with her mum whom to me acted like a possesive bf
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The fact that you seem to be questioning your own worth is troubling me a little. Frankly there will always be small minded people no matter where you go in life. Some people dont want to be associated with fat people, or bald or of a different race or religious group. The small minded think small and as such will only value things that are of little value. Thankfully that small mindedness hasnt rubbed off on her daughter. However be wary, it is my experience that a person brought up in a family that has such attitudes will have other prejudies. Find out if your girlfriend has prejudices - is she a racist, or a sexist, or prefers white men over asians or the other way around. If she has then sadly, your education qualification (or lack of) may well become an issue when the 2 of you have an argument.Originally posted by collie76:m a diploma holder and i m going out with a degree holder, she seems to accept me for wat i m coz i m a diploma holder but her mum is like belittling me and say i am not gd enough for her
i wonder any of u are in the same boat as me? -
woot, my dad hates ang moh. Anyways leh, maybe it's a chinese thing - man must prove his worth to support girl - only way to support her is get a good education then get a good job- then he is worthy. My grandparents always say :"there are gold in books " meaning it is worthwhile to study hard and get a good job. Very much like ancient times (the scholar system) whereby poor scholars take exams to be an officer of the court. Then people are happy to offer their daughters in marriageOriginally posted by veryoldman:The fact that you seem to be questioning your own worth is troubling me a little. Frankly there will always be small minded people no matter where you go in life. Some people dont want to be associated with fat people, or bald or of a different race or religious group. The small minded think small and as such will only value things that are of little value. Thankfully that small mindedness hasnt rubbed off on her daughter. However be wary, it is my experience that a person brought up in a family that has such attitudes will have other prejudies. Find out if your girlfriend has prejudices - is she a racist, or a sexist, or prefers white men over asians or the other way around. If she has then sadly, your education qualification (or lack of) may well become an issue when the 2 of you have an argument. -
well my gf has nothing against racism, sexism or any of that sort, its her mum who is bothered by all these minor stuff, yes the mum can be overconcerned but she is treating this situation a little too overboard, my gf is in her early 20's and she still treats her like a small girl....Originally posted by veryoldman:The fact that you seem to be questioning your own worth is troubling me a little. Frankly there will always be small minded people no matter where you go in life. Some people dont want to be associated with fat people, or bald or of a different race or religious group. The small minded think small and as such will only value things that are of little value. Thankfully that small mindedness hasnt rubbed off on her daughter. However be wary, it is my experience that a person brought up in a family that has such attitudes will have other prejudies. Find out if your girlfriend has prejudices - is she a racist, or a sexist, or prefers white men over asians or the other way around. If she has then sadly, your education qualification (or lack of) may well become an issue when the 2 of you have an argument.
she should be old enough to make decisions herself and yes the mum can help her but not totallt interfere in her happiness as well as private life.
i am starting to feel that the mum lacks of something during her upbringing, then she will take it all out on her daughter.
my gf feels like she is cornered and she does not know wat to do, everytime she tells her mum wat she is going to do, then the mum will probe and sometimes go to the scene to find out wats happening.
the mum totally treat ppl who go to pubs as hooligans who do drugs, smoke and drink like there is no tomorrow. -
Hi Collie
Writing in reply to your msg " Diploma / Degree"
There are many people who are also in similar boats ...
Diploma / Degree couple pair are quite commonly heard of .
What's more important is the essence of the relationship between the two of
you .... Relationship is all about how well a couple can get along with each other; supporting each other's differences, and trusting each other to go thru' life together, come blessings or otherwise, ya.
True love is accepting the other person for who s/he is, just like our parents
love us for who we are, whether we are O' , A, Diploma or Degree holders,
pleasant looking or otherwise etc.
It does matter if only your gf can't accept you, Collie.
But since she has no issue about it, then you should take it as she has long
accepted you and your qualifications, ya.
AS for your gf's mother, a little belitting on her part is expected for a start
because almost all parents desire that their children get the best around us in the midst. And this is understandable, and especially so, if some parents may tend to associate earning capacity with one's educational qualifications, and hence, may question whether the guy can provide for a family in the future, without a full understanding that one's earning capacity may not be necessarily associated with one's qualifications in all cases in the long term.
And, if you prove to be the suitable guy for your gf in the long term,
then her mother will gradually learn to accept.
Good Luck
Agony Aunt 123
Miss S. Janice
[email protected]
Trained in Social Work and Counselling
Takes voluntary interest in counselling youths and young adults
If you need a listening ear, do not hesitate to e-mail me. -
well it will take some time before the mum can accept me but it will be an uphill task.
well my gf had this same problem with her mum with her past relationships too, basically all her ex could not tolerate the mum as the mum is too nosy and always ask personal stuff
in my point of view, i feel that her mum has a very big problem not letting my gf grow up -
Hmm...Originally posted by Agony Aunt 123:
Hi Collie
Writing in reply to your msg " Diploma / Degree"
There are many people who are also in similar boats ...
Diploma / Degree couple pair are quite commonly heard of .
What's more important is the essence of the relationship between the two of
you .... Relationship is all about how well a couple can get along with each other; supporting each other's differences, and trusting each other to go thru' life together, come blessings or otherwise, ya.
True love is accepting the other person for who s/he is, just like our parents
love us for who we are, whether we are O' , A, Diploma or Degree holders,
pleasant looking or otherwise etc.
It does matter if only your gf can't accept you, Collie.
But since she has no issue about it, then you should take it as she has long
accepted you and your qualifications, ya.
AS for your gf's mother, a little belitting on her part is expected for a start
because almost all parents desire that their children get the best around us in the midst. And this is understandable, and especially so, if some parents may tend to associate earning capacity with one's educational qualifications, and hence, may question whether the guy can provide for a family in the future, without a full understanding that one's earning capacity may not be necessarily associated with one's qualifications in all cases in the long term.
And, if you prove to be the suitable guy for your gf in the long term,
then her mother will gradually learn to accept.
Good Luck
Agony Aunt 123
Miss S. Janice
[email protected]
Trained in Social Work and Counselling
Takes voluntary interest in counselling youths and young adults
If you need a listening ear, do not hesitate to e-mail me.
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You are one lucky dude to have a gf that doesn't mine that you are of a lower educational level than her. Most ladies do mind. Well I think the important thing to do is to work hard to start your own business to get rich. In Singapore, MONEY=POWER. Once you hit the million dollar mark you will start to notive how people attitude to you start to change. Sad to say this is a fact of life. By that time does it matter that you dun't have a degree? I think not
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wah ... a real aunt agony wor...Originally posted by Agony Aunt 123:
Hi Collie
Writing in reply to your msg " Diploma / Degree"
There are many people who are also in similar boats ...
Diploma / Degree couple pair are quite commonly heard of .
What's more important is the essence of the relationship between the two of
you .... Relationship is all about how well a couple can get along with each other; supporting each other's differences, and trusting each other to go thru' life together, come blessings or otherwise, ya.
True love is accepting the other person for who s/he is, just like our parents
love us for who we are, whether we are O' , A, Diploma or Degree holders,
pleasant looking or otherwise etc.
It does matter if only your gf can't accept you, Collie.
But since she has no issue about it, then you should take it as she has long
accepted you and your qualifications, ya.
AS for your gf's mother, a little belitting on her part is expected for a start
because almost all parents desire that their children get the best around us in the midst. And this is understandable, and especially so, if some parents may tend to associate earning capacity with one's educational qualifications, and hence, may question whether the guy can provide for a family in the future, without a full understanding that one's earning capacity may not be necessarily associated with one's qualifications in all cases in the long term.
And, if you prove to be the suitable guy for your gf in the long term,
then her mother will gradually learn to accept.
Good Luck
Agony Aunt 123
Miss S. Janice
[email protected]
Trained in Social Work and Counselling
Takes voluntary interest in counselling youths and young adults
If you need a listening ear, do not hesitate to e-mail me. -
my gf parents just threatened to slap her and also threatened to call me to tell me that i am out of my gf's life ... what sort of parents are these?
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Take it mild and slow... Sometimes love is just many hardships...Originally posted by collie76:my gf parents just threatened to slap her and also threatened to call me to tell me that i am out of my gf's life ... what sort of parents are these? -
hey to all again
i wish my article can be published and i hope that my experience will bring light to those who are in the same plight as me ..... i was supposed to meet my gf yesterday at 3 but her mum trailed her from her home and kept leeching on my gf. my gf had some appointment with her friends later on in the night and she thought her mum will leave her towards the evening for my gf appointment .... i then went on to join my gf during her appointment ... to my suprise i saw the mum lingering around the vicinity so i thought that i had to avoid her so as not to create any scene ..... 30 min later, i walked around the vicinity and did not detect her presence but 2 hours later she showed up and she saw my gf with me, she then swooped down like a hawk and took my gf away from me and her friends, i pursued towards them and i was trailing behind .. the mum simply bo chup and kept telling my gf not to bother, i asked the mum is this the kind of future she wans for the gf, (as in she always restricts the gf from doing things and going out), the mum says yes, she will have control over my gf ... after hearing this i felt so against the mum .. i could not do anything! then they flagged a cab down, they got in and my gf asked me whether i wanna get in too, the mum said if i got in, she will send me to the police .... my gf was embarassed by her mum in front of her friends and in public too ...... as for me i feel that be it whether i am around or not, i feel a need to help my gf to break out from this chain. my gf was also weeping throughout the ordeal -
Anyway, for the determined, such things will come to pass de
u go n do a part-time degree? -
How old is your gf?Originally posted by collie76:hey to all again
i wish my article can be published and i hope that my experience will bring light to those who are in the same plight as me ..... i was supposed to meet my gf yesterday at 3 but her mum trailed her from her home and kept leeching on my gf. my gf had some appointment with her friends later on in the night and she thought her mum will leave her towards the evening for my gf appointment .... i then went on to join my gf during her appointment ... to my suprise i saw the mum lingering around the vicinity so i thought that i had to avoid her so as not to create any scene ..... 30 min later, i walked around the vicinity and did not detect her presence but 2 hours later she showed up and she saw my gf with me, she then swooped down like a hawk and took my gf away from me and her friends, i pursued towards them and i was trailing behind .. the mum simply bo chup and kept telling my gf not to bother, i asked the mum is this the kind of future she wans for the gf, (as in she always restricts the gf from doing things and going out), the mum says yes, she will have control over my gf ... after hearing this i felt so against the mum .. i could not do anything! then they flagged a cab down, they got in and my gf asked me whether i wanna get in too, the mum said if i got in, she will send me to the police .... my gf was embarassed by her mum in front of her friends and in public too ...... as for me i feel that be it whether i am around or not, i feel a need to help my gf to break out from this chain. my gf was also weeping throughout the ordeal -
i m sort of in the same boat as u. but not really the same.
I m happily engaged to my fiance last yr thru 3yrs of courtship. However, our problem usually lies with his mum. She simply loathes me, is wat i cud say.
In the beginning of our r/s, his mum is so nice towards me.....until she found out tat i m merely a diploma holder....... she tends to compare his cousin's gf with me whom had juz got her degree. and even says tat she's very nice and polite; which I always felt unfair.
my problem is whenever i greeted her(eg. good morning, or addressing her when we are having meals....etc), she nv even reply once in these 3yrs+. whenever my fiance is not around, she will grab the chance to nag at me, grumble and gives me a tongue lashing.
once she had a heated argumentl with my fiance, cuz he's trying to clear our room. She had no idea wat we were doing then and thought we were messing up the house...blah blah blah. In the end, when he went for his shower, I stayed in the room and dun dare to walk out(fearing tat she has something to scold me again). However, i still couldn't run away from it. She didn't even knock the door and barged in.
She accused me tat it's always because of me tat makes them quarrel, i was dumbfounded and of cuz i kept quiet like i always do.
In the house, there's lots of restrictions like i cannot keep my shoes in the shoes cabinet coz its full; and better dumped all those shoes at the corridor cuz it's so messy. It's as if the shoes at the corridor all belongs to me. omg..and there's lots more of coz. and we seldom talk.
I mean these are things u have to overcome in life. Yes, u may be feeling upset about ur gf's mum, u felt heartache when she bombarded and dropped bombs on ur gf all these while. Juz ask urself, is she the one u are searching for, for life?
No matter what, my only advice is that if you really loves your gf, u should be thick-skinned, swallow your pride, go to her house more often and communicate more with her parents. Die die oso must win her mum's trust.
Your problem lies with the lack of communication and mutual trust with her parents. As we can see from all your postings, her parents are the conservative sort; just like every other parents(it's a natural instinct to protect your own child, but of coz the mum is overboard).
Instead of creating more conflicts by hurling hurtful remarks, you have to make her parents feel secured that their daughter has choosen someone who deemed to be a good partner for the rest of her life. Don't feel inferior about your qualifications and hold back yourself.
This type of future mother in law is definitely a challenging one. Your gf has been courageous all along, and if she doesn't love and care enough for this r/s, i don't think she will be able to tolerate her mum's nonsense and nasty remarks.
In fact she's the one sandwiched in between. Moreover, you can't ask her to make a choice between you or her mum rite? Her mum is definitely a hassle in ur r/s but she's someone whom u cannot avoid. You have to pass your own round b4 u are able to pass the torments of obstacles she has created ahead for you and ur love one.
Buy her family a hamper since Chinese New Year is approaching.
Be generous and accomodating.
Even thou deep inside you know something bad may happen, but again.. you will nv know; something good or bad will come out from it. You have to show your sincerity.
Be daring, You can seek her approval to invite your gf over your house for a dinner when CNY is drawing near.
Pay her family a visit on CNY, at least show her that you respected her no matter how she treats you. I doubt during CNY she will chased you away with a broom.... for such a conservative woman it's definitely not auspicious.
Then after that you can seek for her approval again to bring your gf to your house to pay a visit to your parents mah. Slowly her mum will feel your sincerely and accept you.
Sweet talks and Tiny thoughts count alot.
Like praising her diamond ring is so glittering and beautiful if she's wearing one.
Her new hairstyle looks so stunning and young if she had juz trim or perm her hair.
She slims down abit if she's plump.
Her complexion is so smooth unlike your mum( juz makes her feels flattered even thou it may be a white lie)
She might say tat u r bullshitting and trying to get into her good books, but naturally she will feel flattered inside and change her prejudices against you. Such things take time...... take care and all the best. Hope I can be of help. -
WELL SAID BRUDDA!Originally posted by chunyong:Diploma = tertiary education
Degree = tertiary education
both are tertiary education, equal.
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This is such a trivial thg, I dun understand why ur gf's mother is making such a big hoo-haa over it. A long-standing issue tt the generations past dun understand. As long as u're gd to her, & she's happee, why shd it matter wat kinda edu level u haf?
Oh well, my guy & I r in the same situation, but he takes care of me the way No other guy has ever taken care of me. When my elderly colleague had high blood pressure, he personally cooked, & packed it for me to take to work the next day for her. My colleague was so touched, & she told me, "It's almost impossible to find a guy like tt, u muz treasure him".
This is the kinda devotion tt many guys wif degrees wun be able to gimme, & I'm more than content.
FeowFeowOriginally posted by collie76:m a diploma holder and i m going out with a degree holder, she seems to accept me for wat i m coz i m a diploma holder but her mum is like belittling me and say i am not gd enough for her
i wonder any of u are in the same boat as me? -
U arent dating her mum,so why bother?As long as the girl doesnt mind,it is fine.