Chio bu has her problems too!
-
Is anyone out there feeling bothered cos you think you're not good-looking enough? Bothered cos no one will fancy you? I guess it must have been one hell of a life. But being pretty has their problems too. I had a friend who's like that.
Being chio, she naturally attracted all the guy's attention. All the guys who fancy her treats her super well. That may sound great on the surface, getting all sorts of presents and expensive treats all the time. Most of her guy friends end up falling for her and she couldn't possibly accept all of them. So she often has to be harsh on them and reject them. If she rejects them nicely, the guys will still be persistant. If she rejetcs them harshly, she will lose a friend. Telling them that she's attached (she was) isn't very effective. Some guys are just damn persistant. And because of that, she does not have many guy friends. She still has got girl friends right? Not really. Because of the attention she gets from the guys, some girls get a bit jealous or misunderstood her. They think she is making use of all the guys to do things for her. She became an outcast from the girl's group as well. Her social life is heavily affected. This dear friend of mine is a bubbly and cheerful girl. One thing she cannot stand is to be all alone. And it seem that she is heading towards that direction. She's a kind-hearted person by nature. But she's now being looked upon as heartless, arragont, teacher's pet, using guys, all sorts of bad things.
What could she have done? I am totally clueless on what advice to give her, I mean TOTALLY! Then only thing I can say to her is "poor thing". Anyone got simillar experience? Can tell me how you often handle these things? -
Marry Kops21
-
-
hehe... introduce her to us? i am sure none of us will mind...
-
She should open up herself to her female friends and not always mixed with the guys.
-
ya...hang out wif female frens more than guys~
-
tell her that good friends DO NOT stab you in the back and abandon you when you're in your most difficult times. those are not her good friends, and she definitely doesn't deserve them as her friends. it's better for her to stay away from them, for now.Originally posted by Ah-Ken:Is anyone out there feeling bothered cos you think you're not good-looking enough? Bothered cos no one will fancy you? I guess it must have been one hell of a life. But being pretty has their problems too. I had a friend who's like that.
Being chio, she naturally attracted all the guy's attention. All the guys who fancy her treats her super well. That may sound great on the surface, getting all sorts of presents and expensive treats all the time. Most of her guy friends end up falling for her and she couldn't possibly accept all of them. So she often has to be harsh on them and reject them. If she rejects them nicely, the guys will still be persistant. If she rejetcs them harshly, she will lose a friend. Telling them that she's attached (she was) isn't very effective. Some guys are just damn persistant. And because of that, she does not have many guy friends. She still has got girl friends right? Not really. Because of the attention she gets from the guys, some girls get a bit jealous or misunderstood her. They think she is making use of all the guys to do things for her. She became an outcast from the girl's group as well. Her social life is heavily affected. This dear friend of mine is a bubbly and cheerful girl. One thing she cannot stand is to be all alone. And it seem that she is heading towards that direction. She's a kind-hearted person by nature. But she's now being looked upon as heartless, arragont, teacher's pet, using guys, all sorts of bad things.
What could she have done? I am totally clueless on what advice to give her, I mean TOTALLY! Then only thing I can say to her is "poor thing". Anyone got simillar experience? Can tell me how you often handle these things?
your job is to assure her that you will give her encouragement and support to get over this, because that's what she needs the most now. send her encouragement (or cute) sms to cheer her up from time to time, and take some time to date her out as well. this will keep her mind busy.
if you know some of her female friends, try to explain the real situation to them so that they'll understand the truth. all in all, that's all you can do.
whether she can pick herself up again, it's still depends on her. (P.S. if she manage to pick herself up, she will probably treat you as a very good friend of hers from then on. going into a r/s with her will be hard too
of course, there are exceptions.)
good luck man! -
There is no spoon
-
-
the seaweed is always greener in someone else's lake
-
.
-
ask her to hang out more with girls and try to keep away from those guys lor...she herself should know what to do to avoid and reject those guys...
-
chio girls will delibrately put 'single' to trick more guys into falling in love with them, even if they are attached. my friend is 1 good exampleOriginally posted by jamz:im curious why this pretty previous classmate of mine hasnt got a bf yet or maybe she has. but all over friendster, i see her single and no signs of having a bf.
-
Hmm...well, so what does she want? Does she wants to have guy friends and she doesn't want them to like her because she is pretty? Or does she wants to get rid of all those guy friends who are persistent like a cockroach to her? There are of course plenty of ways and methods to twist and grind and blend a guy's mind. So which one does she desire?Originally posted by Ah-Ken:Is anyone out there feeling bothered cos you think you're not good-looking enough? Bothered cos no one will fancy you? I guess it must have been one hell of a life. But being pretty has their problems too. I had a friend who's like that.
Being chio, she naturally attracted all the guy's attention. All the guys who fancy her treats her super well. That may sound great on the surface, getting all sorts of presents and expensive treats all the time. Most of her guy friends end up falling for her and she couldn't possibly accept all of them. So she often has to be harsh on them and reject them. If she rejects them nicely, the guys will still be persistant. If she rejetcs them harshly, she will lose a friend. Telling them that she's attached (she was) isn't very effective. Some guys are just damn persistant. And because of that, she does not have many guy friends. She still has got girl friends right? Not really. Because of the attention she gets from the guys, some girls get a bit jealous or misunderstood her. They think she is making use of all the guys to do things for her. She became an outcast from the girl's group as well. Her social life is heavily affected. This dear friend of mine is a bubbly and cheerful girl. One thing she cannot stand is to be all alone. And it seem that she is heading towards that direction. She's a kind-hearted person by nature. But she's now being looked upon as heartless, arragont, teacher's pet, using guys, all sorts of bad things.
What could she have done? I am totally clueless on what advice to give her, I mean TOTALLY! Then only thing I can say to her is "poor thing". Anyone got simillar experience? Can tell me how you often handle these things?
Will of course help her out by offering suggestions if her answer is correct. Or else...she probably deserves it anyway.
Oh...I'm a kind-hearted person by nature as well. -
Originally posted by verloren:
Not all friends are good friends... We sometimes have we very normal friends like colleuges, or classmates. But we still need friends like these. those you see everyday. And if problem arises between your classmates or colleuges, then you'll be left all alone. Being "stabbed" is a harsh word. I'd say that she's just being misunderstood. I dunno why girls are like that. No offence to the ladies. But I realise this very strange girl culture. They tend to gang up together to go against a single girl (or a few) they "don't like", for whatever reason, leaving this girl all alone. I'm not trying to take sides cos we won't know for sure who has offended who. But there's always this sort of pattern going on in the girls-to-girls rivalry. Guys tend to be more direct about these thing. You buay song with that guy, you just "kick his ass".
[b]
tell her that good friends DO NOT stab you in the back and abandon you when you're in your most difficult times. those are not her good friends, and she definitely doesn't deserve them as her friends. it's better for her to stay away from them, for now.
if you know some of her female friends, try to explain the real situation to them so that they'll understand the truth. all in all, that's all you can do.
[b]
What I'm trying to say here is, her friends are probably not at fault too. I mean, if there's someone who's really using guys like that, she probably deserved to be condemned. But for this case, it's just a major misunderstanding. And to make things worse, she probably won't be given much chance to "explain herself".
If you try to explain to her friends, they'll probably think you're just one of her victims. -
My friend, she don't stick to particularly girls or guys. She wanna be friends with everyone, as much as possible. Though, up to this point, it's probably a better idea to stay away from the guys. She didn't know what to do. I don't know what to do either. What would you do if you were her?Originally posted by Danisdead101times:ask her to hang out more with girls and try to keep away from those guys lor...she herself should know what to do to avoid and reject those guys... -
What does she want? Ideally, she wants many friends, guys and girls who treats her like a normal friend, no special feelings involved. She won't need to get rid of so many guys if they don't fall for her in such huge numbers.Originally posted by parn:Hmm...well, so what does she want? Does she wants to have guy friends and she doesn't want them to like her because she is pretty? Or does she wants to get rid of all those guy friends who are persistent like a cockroach to her? There are of course plenty of ways and methods to twist and grind and blend a guy's mind. So which one does she desire?
Will of course help her out by offering suggestions if her answer is correct. Or else...she probably deserves it anyway.
Oh...I'm a kind-hearted person by nature as well. -
Not true that chio bu have no girlfriends wat... I have chio bu friends with lots of other chio bu/not-so-chio bu friends (like me)...
-
you're right, i found out that there's alot of backstabbing and btching among girls..only that we don't see it.Originally posted by Ah-Ken:Not all friends are good friends... We sometimes have we very normal friends like colleuges, or classmates. But we still need friends like these. those you see everyday. And if problem arises between your classmates or colleuges, then you'll be left all alone. Being "stabbed" is a harsh word. I'd say that she's just being misunderstood. I dunno why girls are like that. No offence to the ladies. But I realise this very strange girl culture. They tend to gang up together to go against a single girl (or a few) they "don't like", for whatever reason, leaving this girl all alone. I'm not trying to take sides cos we won't know for sure who has offended who. But there's always this sort of pattern going on in the girls-to-girls rivalry. Guys tend to be more direct about these thing. You buay song with that guy, you just "kick his ass".
What I'm trying to say here is, her friends are probably not at fault too. I mean, if there's someone who's really using guys like that, she probably deserved to be condemned. But for this case, it's just a major misunderstanding. And to make things worse, she probably won't be given much chance to "explain herself".
If you try to explain to her friends, they'll probably think you're just one of her victims.
and some girls are really keen on *just* being friends with guys. 3/4 of the girls i met are such examples
anyway, i understand what you're trying to say. but i wanna ask you: how do you know it's just a misunderstanding and not the truth? have you found out from her friends about why they think she's that kind of person? -
When being asked on things like these, I try to be as impartial as possible and not to take sides. If I just keep siding on my friend & tell her that those who condemn her are bitches, it won't solve anything. So I start from a neutral point. I believe most ppl have their own reason for doing things. But since I dun know the reason, I'll just presume that it's a misunderstanding. And I believe it is so, based on my brief experience on different people's relationship with others. It's not easy to be impartial... especially if you're listening only to one side of the story.Originally posted by verloren:you're right, i found out that there's alot of backstabbing and btching among girls..only that we don't see it.
and some girls are really keen on *just* being friends with guys. 3/4 of the girls i met are such examples
anyway, i understand what you're trying to say. but i wanna ask you: how do you know it's just a misunderstanding and not the truth? have you found out from her friends about why they think she's that kind of person? -
ok..i see. if you really want to be impartial, i think you should find out about the other side of the story first. is it really because they're plain jealous or is it because of something they've seen/heard of? like what you've said, most people have their own reasons for doing some things.Originally posted by Ah-Ken:When being asked on things like these, I try to be as impartial as possible and not to take sides. If I just keep siding on my friend & tell her that those who condemn her are bitches, it won't solve anything. So I start from a neutral point. I believe most ppl have their own reason for doing things. But since I dun know the reason, I'll just presume that it's a misunderstanding. And I believe it is so, based on my brief experience on different people's relationship with others. It's not easy to be impartial... especially if you're listening only to one side of the story.
but i assume that her friends aren't within your own circle [of friends], so my suggestion is that you tell her to cut off all contact from those guys totally. if she wants to keep her female friends, she has to do that to prove her friends wrong. since words can't do the explaining, let her actions do it. it's sad, but some sacrifices must be made in life.
hope that helps. -
I can sell her a mace if she wants
-
1. Be a star.Originally posted by Ah-Ken:Is anyone out there feeling bothered cos you think you're not good-looking enough? Bothered cos no one will fancy you? I guess it must have been one hell of a life. But being pretty has their problems too. I had a friend who's like that.
Being chio, she naturally attracted all the guy's attention. All the guys who fancy her treats her super well. That may sound great on the surface, getting all sorts of presents and expensive treats all the time. Most of her guy friends end up falling for her and she couldn't possibly accept all of them. So she often has to be harsh on them and reject them. If she rejects them nicely, the guys will still be persistant. If she rejetcs them harshly, she will lose a friend. Telling them that she's attached (she was) isn't very effective. Some guys are just damn persistant. And because of that, she does not have many guy friends. She still has got girl friends right? Not really. Because of the attention she gets from the guys, some girls get a bit jealous or misunderstood her. They think she is making use of all the guys to do things for her. She became an outcast from the girl's group as well. Her social life is heavily affected. This dear friend of mine is a bubbly and cheerful girl. One thing she cannot stand is to be all alone. And it seem that she is heading towards that direction. She's a kind-hearted person by nature. But she's now being looked upon as heartless, arragont, teacher's pet, using guys, all sorts of bad things.
What could she have done? I am totally clueless on what advice to give her, I mean TOTALLY! Then only thing I can say to her is "poor thing". Anyone got simillar experience? Can tell me how you often handle these things?
2. Join a beauty peagent...
Hehhehheh... Okie, okie... Seriously...
Can tell her not to be so 'perfect'... Meaning show more 'ugly' side of her lah... Or some 'habits' which people cannot tahan...?
Hmm... Good friends... Bad friends.... Don't have to AVOID guys totally...??
So like you've said, she've already can got a few friends whom she can trust more...? KEEP those... The rest... Ask her to meet MORE people... Chances are, she'll get to meet more NICE people (may it be guys or girls...) out there... She's probably just missing out on them now?
Can't handle it...? While she keep those closer friends of hers, can have more 'hi-bye' friends...? Go for outings but don't get too near to people... Don't even have to exchange contact numbers...
Try to find more net friends to correspond with... But don't let people know how she look like or who she is...? Then decide which ones she might wanna keep as a closer friend...?
Get a guy to PRETEND to be her bf...??
If that guy don't really intend to be attached or don't mind that lah...?
And yeah... Agree that guys who are TOO PERSISTENT should be 'keep off'...? Anyway, can give them a formal warning 1st...? Also can serve as a 'warning' to tell the others...? Tell guys about how she had AVOIDED some guys because of what they've done...? Should be a good form of indirect warning...? -
Try to stay away from the guys will make her labelled as a bitch.....And those guys will spread aabout her much worse than the gals....Face it she's stuck...Only one way i can see it..take life as it comes...and DONT CARE TOO MUCH except her priorities in Life..Let the guys call.....talk to them normally.....If they propose just say "i am already engaged to someone else"..End of story
-
With the girls: The way to handle is to be non-threathening, not to seek out guy's attention by her dressing & behaviour. Girls don't like it when u behave flirty when there are guys around. Sometimes hang out & talk girls' stuff like manicure, make-up etc.
With the guys: Treat them as normal frens, don't show favour to anyone in particular cos the guys can also get jealous. Tell the pesistent ones she is not ready for r/s. Act serious, talk to them abt sch. work, projects.
Don't encourage SMS/ chatting cos give guys wrong idea.
If she gets gifts from the guys, she shd share with everyone. If the guys invite her to go out, she shd incl. the girls & make it into class outing.
This way, she learn to balance- giving both sexes her attention.