Chio bu has her problems too!
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Hmmm Don be too stressed over such things... its just a bad experience, and for her... it would simmer down as time goes by. She doesn't have to purposely do something to please her friends, be who she is.. and as time goes by, her good points would be shown. What she ought to do now is to continue living as per normal and be strong.Originally posted by Ah-Ken:Is anyone out there feeling bothered cos you think you're not good-looking enough? Bothered cos no one will fancy you? I guess it must have been one hell of a life. But being pretty has their problems too. I had a friend who's like that.
Being chio, she naturally attracted all the guy's attention. All the guys who fancy her treats her super well. That may sound great on the surface, getting all sorts of presents and expensive treats all the time. Most of her guy friends end up falling for her and she couldn't possibly accept all of them. So she often has to be harsh on them and reject them. If she rejects them nicely, the guys will still be persistant. If she rejetcs them harshly, she will lose a friend. Telling them that she's attached (she was) isn't very effective. Some guys are just damn persistant. And because of that, she does not have many guy friends. She still has got girl friends right? Not really. Because of the attention she gets from the guys, some girls get a bit jealous or misunderstood her. They think she is making use of all the guys to do things for her. She became an outcast from the girl's group as well. Her social life is heavily affected. This dear friend of mine is a bubbly and cheerful girl. One thing she cannot stand is to be all alone. And it seem that she is heading towards that direction. She's a kind-hearted person by nature. But she's now being looked upon as heartless, arragont, teacher's pet, using guys, all sorts of bad things.
What could she have done? I am totally clueless on what advice to give her, I mean TOTALLY! Then only thing I can say to her is "poor thing". Anyone got simillar experience? Can tell me how you often handle these things?
For guy friends, go on making new ones.... have a clear cut relationship that not more than friends...unless she is interested in the guy and that, she wanna consider him.... then by all means... However, I feel (maybe, I am wrong.. just a guess) that she probably pass the wrong signal to the previous guys that were around her. She can't be treating them as normal friends.... becoz, guys need to see something in the girl... and that the girl's reaction and behavior towards them before going after her. Simple explanation... if you are the guy, the girl comes in being friendly.. and you feel so comfortable with her around.. becoz, she behaves and really really so close to you... You will think about going after her.. won't you?
As for girl friends, go and make some new ones..... keep on knowing new friends.. and socialize around.. That would probably help her to better understand how to cope a friendship with a girl.... and how to with a guy... Maybe, your friend is quite young, hence, she needs a certain level of attention now.... so, that gotta depends on herself, her maturity and her values in life.
So, as a friend...maybe you would want to advise her... and talk to her. Refrain from leading any guys on.. becoz, that makes a bad reputation for her.. and she loses alot of friends... and... the most important of all, that's not RIGHT! Start mixing with new friends, knwing new friends... IN THE DECENT WAY! Go for sport activities... or camping.... or get a part time job to do... widen social circle....
Girls are very sensitive and emotional gender. Why would they go gang up together and condemn the other girl.. it probably would be anger over the girl, or maybe the girl's too pretty.. but that's a girl's way.
Girls are not meant to be understood.. They are meant to be dote on... and love. They might be crazy and stupid at times, but when they are cute.... it will melt your heart... 
I hope that would be some suggestions... erm... sorry if I sound impolite.. but I prefer to go direct and hit the bull eye... -
Originally posted by MunnaBhai_MBBS:If they propose just say "i am already engaged to someone else"..End of story
Surely you'd know it won't just end there! There're guys who's so persistant that they will pursue their love under any circumstances, unless she's officially married. Moreover, she ISN'T attached now. Lying to the guys will probably only take effect for a while. Sooner or later, they're gonna know the truth. Then what?Originally posted by Devil1976:Anyway, can give them a formal warning 1st...? Also can serve as a 'warning' to tell the others...? Tell guys about how she had AVOIDED some guys because of what they've done...? Should be a good form of indirect warning...?
And you know, that's just one thing about having so many suitors. Another problem is that she doesn't like the feeling of rejecting the guys. To her, some of them are wonderful friends. But because of the existance of "love" in the guy, it spoils the friendship. Time and time again, she has to hurt these friends by rejecting them. Sometimes, she has to be harsh to prove her point. Because of that, the guys can be so devastated that it hurts herself as well. Cases like these, they can't possibly continue any friendship.
Actually I can't really agree on this point. There too many guys who would pursure their "love" simply because the girl is chio. When they see a chio girl, their hearts starts to pound faster, blah blah. "Oh, that must be love!" Geez!! But of course, not everyone is like that lah.Originally posted by PrettyDajie:She can't be treating them as normal friends.... becoz, guys need to see something in the girl... and that the girl's reaction and behavior towards them before going after her.
But I do agree to the point that her behavior might be the main reason she attracting more attention. Like I mentioned, she's a bubbly & cute girl by nature. To some (including myself), she's like acting cute. But that's just the character she has. So sub-consciously, she's getting the attention from guys.
Under the circumstances now, the best idea is probably to change her own character, maybe in to someone more mature. But I have come to realise that changing your personality is extremly difficult. You'll have to try it yourself to see the challenge. And even if she succeed in doing that, she'll probably attract some other breed of guys (she's chio remember?). You can't possibly ask her to disfigure herself.
And by the way, this friend of mine is a super social animal. She just loves being around with many many friends. The "girl friends get jealous" part doesn't happen that often, though it is still very much a problem! But "guys falling for her" happens all the time. -
i dunnoe, dun really consider all my female frens chio, somehow. gt la, sorta, bt i dun involve myself into such messy stuff. but anyways.. erm.. so y r u so concerned?Originally posted by Ah-Ken:Is anyone out there feeling bothered cos you think you're not good-looking enough? Bothered cos no one will fancy you? I guess it must have been one hell of a life. But being pretty has their problems too. I had a friend who's like that.
Being chio, she naturally attracted all the guy's attention. All the guys who fancy her treats her super well. That may sound great on the surface, getting all sorts of presents and expensive treats all the time. Most of her guy friends end up falling for her and she couldn't possibly accept all of them. So she often has to be harsh on them and reject them. If she rejects them nicely, the guys will still be persistant. If she rejetcs them harshly, she will lose a friend. Telling them that she's attached (she was) isn't very effective. Some guys are just damn persistant. And because of that, she does not have many guy friends. She still has got girl friends right? Not really. Because of the attention she gets from the guys, some girls get a bit jealous or misunderstood her. They think she is making use of all the guys to do things for her. She became an outcast from the girl's group as well. Her social life is heavily affected. This dear friend of mine is a bubbly and cheerful girl. One thing she cannot stand is to be all alone. And it seem that she is heading towards that direction. She's a kind-hearted person by nature. But she's now being looked upon as heartless, arragont, teacher's pet, using guys, all sorts of bad things.
What could she have done? I am totally clueless on what advice to give her, I mean TOTALLY! Then only thing I can say to her is "poor thing". Anyone got simillar experience? Can tell me how you often handle these things?
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Such things can't be helped. It's their choices. They've been warned. So when they make their 1st move, naturally expects a 2nd one from her...Originally posted by Ah-Ken:Surely you'd know it won't just end there! There're guys who's so persistant that they will pursue their love under any circumstances, unless she's officially married. Moreover, she ISN'T attached now. Lying to the guys will probably only take effect for a while. Sooner or later, they're gonna know the truth. Then what?
And you know, that's just one thing about having so many suitors. Another problem is that she doesn't like the feeling of rejecting the guys. To her, some of them are wonderful friends. But because of the existance of "love" in the guy, it spoils the friendship. Time and time again, she has to hurt these friends by rejecting them. Sometimes, she has to be harsh to prove her point. Because of that, the guys can be so devastated that it hurts herself as well. Cases like these, they can't possibly continue any friendship.
Hmm.. By the way... You read the rest of my post?
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if some wonderful guy get rejected by her n never see her again..then he is nt the friend that will continue to stay in her life..just like some friends who come and go ...if tt guy feels tt he really treasures this friendship he wld stay on....in other words, he has a choice...ur friend has no control over it...so tell ur friend nt to feel bad...its nt ur friend who force him to make this decision.
as for persistent guys, sorry, can't help here...some of those guys out here are like kamaze pilots with unbelievable 'staminaa'....calling police might help...
as for girls who bi.tches about her...they are nt friends....they are just bit.ches or bitc.hes in disguise...so dun ve to feel bad leaving one more bitc.h out of her life...am sure there are female friends who see the true side of her.... tt make true good friends... -
what abt telling her to use her good looks to do some volunteer work? i bet old people will like having such an attractive youth around. remind her there're people worse off than her, those who are outcast cuz they dun dress properly, are shy, have pimples all over their faces, are looked upon as nerds. worst comes to worst, tell her to not dress so nicely, jus wear t-shirt and jeans and make her hair into a ponytail. perhaps she'll look less stunning and more down to earth?Originally posted by Ah-Ken:Is anyone out there feeling bothered cos you think you're not good-looking enough? Bothered cos no one will fancy you? I guess it must have been one hell of a life. But being pretty has their problems too. I had a friend who's like that.
Being chio, she naturally attracted all the guy's attention. All the guys who fancy her treats her super well. That may sound great on the surface, getting all sorts of presents and expensive treats all the time. Most of her guy friends end up falling for her and she couldn't possibly accept all of them. So she often has to be harsh on them and reject them. If she rejects them nicely, the guys will still be persistant. If she rejetcs them harshly, she will lose a friend. Telling them that she's attached (she was) isn't very effective. Some guys are just damn persistant. And because of that, she does not have many guy friends. She still has got girl friends right? Not really. Because of the attention she gets from the guys, some girls get a bit jealous or misunderstood her. They think she is making use of all the guys to do things for her. She became an outcast from the girl's group as well. Her social life is heavily affected. This dear friend of mine is a bubbly and cheerful girl. One thing she cannot stand is to be all alone. And it seem that she is heading towards that direction. She's a kind-hearted person by nature. But she's now being looked upon as heartless, arragont, teacher's pet, using guys, all sorts of bad things.
What could she have done? I am totally clueless on what advice to give her, I mean TOTALLY! Then only thing I can say to her is "poor thing". Anyone got simillar experience? Can tell me how you often handle these things? -
Eh... so sorry about it. So many people have replied. If I could, I'd answer all of them, but I can't lah, too many. But rest assured, I read EVERYONE of them, even the bs ones.Originally posted by Devil1976:Such things can't be helped. It's their choices. They've been warned. So when they make their 1st move, naturally expects a 2nd one from her...
Hmm.. By the way... You read the rest of my post? 
To tell you the truth, I'm just telling you some really bad situations. She's not in that kinda situation all the time. There're times when she's enjoying company from true, no-love-involved friends. But still, her suitors come in packs, she can literally have a fan club. So actually, she doesn't have any problem finding new friends... at all.Originally posted by Devil1976:So like you've said, she've already can got a few friends whom she can trust more...? KEEP those... The rest... Ask her to meet MORE people... Chances are, she'll get to meet more NICE people (may it be guys or girls...) out there... She's probably just missing out on them now?
Can't handle it...? While she keep those closer friends of hers, can have more 'hi-bye' friends...? Go for outings but don't get too near to people... Don't even have to exchange contact numbers...
Try to find more net friends to correspond with... But don't let people know how she look like or who she is...? Then decide which ones she might wanna keep as a closer friend...?
Why not just get a real bf?Originally posted by Devil1976:Get a guy to PRETEND to be her bf...?? If that guy don't really intend to be attached or don't mind that lah...?
It won't be that effective lah. Sooner or later, they're gonna find out. She's so popular, it's easy to ask around for the facts. And even if she DOES have a bf, there're still those persistant or sentimental ones who "just can't help falling for her". Sigh... these guys are poor things also. It's really not their fault as well.
I think I've answered that part?Originally posted by Devil1976:And yeah... Agree that guys who are TOO PERSISTENT should be 'keep off'...? Anyway, can give them a formal warning 1st...? Also can serve as a 'warning' to tell the others...? Tell guys about how she had AVOIDED some guys because of what they've done...? Should be a good form of indirect warning...?
To add on, she has attempted all sorts of ways to deal with her fans. It may reduce the guys' attmepts a little bit, but the feeling they have for her is still very much there. There're guys who may have been ward off by the methods you mentioned and make no attempts at her. Success then. Coz that's what she wanted, to still keep these guys are friends, even though she knows they have feelings for her. -
Hmm... That's a good point! I think I'd tell her that. It may not solve her problem, but I guess it can lighten her up a bit.Originally posted by kaobeikaobu:if some wonderful guy get rejected by her n never see her again..then he is nt the friend that will continue to stay in her life..just like some friends who come and go ...if tt guy feels tt he really treasures this friendship he wld stay on....in other words, he has a choice...ur friend has no control over it...so tell ur friend nt to feel bad...its nt ur friend who force him to make this decision. -
Typical girls would like to be as pretty as possible. Some cases, asking them to look bad is like asking them to die. So I wouldn't ask her to do that. I mean... even I like to see her nicely dressed too (who wouldn't?)!Originally posted by foxwalk:what abt telling her to use her good looks to do some volunteer work? i bet old people will like having such an attractive youth around. remind her there're people worse off than her, those who are outcast cuz they dun dress properly, are shy, have pimples all over their faces, are looked upon as nerds. worst comes to worst, tell her to not dress so nicely, jus wear t-shirt and jeans and make her hair into a ponytail. perhaps she'll look less stunning and more down to earth?
And anyway, even with just t-shirt jeans and ponytail, she's not gonna look any worse. Sometimes she wears those "just-woke-up" attires outside. Even that, she can get guys who wants to make friends with her... not that I'm surprised about it. Either guys these days are too desperate or she's just too irresistable. -
Though I'm not saying she's not in any agony at all... But I guess it would vary very much according to her own mentality...?Originally posted by Ah-Ken:I think I've answered that part? To add on, she has attempted all sorts of ways to deal with her fans. It may reduce the guys' attmepts a little bit, but the feeling they have for her is still very much there. There're guys who may have been ward off by the methods you mentioned and make no attempts at her. Success then. Coz that's what she wanted, to still keep these guys are friends, even though she knows they have feelings for her.
Afterall, I'm quite sure there're some other girls out there having these type of problems too... Though the 'severity' might be different... It's just much more on how she handle and see it...? -
Chio girls do have gal pals. Girls may envy her pretty face but they won't boycott her unless her attitude sucks. Maybe she is acting cute/flirtatious in front of the guys? Also the way she dresses may be too attention seeking?
Girls will gossip abt girls who act slutty or bimbotic
Tell her not to be overtly friendly to those guys she has no interest in cos she is misleading them. It is ok to reject them but do it in a nice way. This way u end up having them as friends. -
I was going to say be the.raven's steadOriginally posted by kops21:Marry Kops21 -
Yes... I do know that she's definately not the one in this kind of situation. I know all good-looking girls out there have similliar problem. That's why I need to seek advice from these people. I wanna know how they handle situations like these.Originally posted by Devil1976:Though I'm not saying she's not in any agony at all... But I guess it would vary very much according to her own mentality...?
Afterall, I'm quite sure there're some other girls out there having these type of problems too... Though the 'severity' might be different... It's just much more on how she handle and see it...?
I agree that it very much on how she looks at the problem. I wouldn't think a "cool" person would really mind the situations she's facing. But her character is not like that. We gotta think from her point of view. She's someone who needs friends, and lots of'em. So I'd think it's more critical to her than most people. -
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kenshin himura is very gayOriginally posted by FireIce: -
Actually I can't really agree on this point. There too many guys who would pursure their "love" simply because the girl is chio. When they see a chio girl, their hearts starts to pound faster, blah blah. "Oh, that must be love!" Geez!! But of course, not everyone is like that lah.
But I do agree to the point that her behavior might be the main reason she attracting more attention. Like I mentioned, she's a bubbly & cute girl by nature. To some (including myself), she's like acting cute. But that's just the character she has. So sub-consciously, she's getting the attention from guys.
Under the circumstances now, the best idea is probably to change her own character, maybe in to someone more mature. But I have come to realise that changing your personality is extremly difficult. You'll have to try it yourself to see the challenge. And even if she succeed in doing that, she'll probably attract some other breed of guys (she's chio remember?). You can't possibly ask her to disfigure herself.
And by the way, this friend of mine is a super social animal. She just loves being around with many many friends. The "girl friends get jealous" part doesn't happen that often, though it is still very much a problem! But "guys falling for her" happens all the time.
Yes.. I agree some guys are really persistent.. but, somehow.. tried once.. tried twice.. by the third time... he would find no point in pursuing.. becoz, he just got "banged on his face" everynow and then.. Maybe, he would be quietly "waiting" for your friend. But, that doesn't disturb her life at all, moreover people has got NO REASON to run gossips about her. Kill two birds with one stone...Hmm... you and your friend can't possibly.. stop the guy from liking her.. but, I think... by hardcore rejecting... does help her to cope all these problems?
And, er... I think like what you mentioned.... about maturity... It plays a hell big role in dealing with such situations.... She is probably, still very childlike and is unable to handle such situations.... Probably, such bad experiences.. will make her learn. Heard about the butterfly story?? A butterfly trying to breakfree from the 'shell', however, being helped by a kind-hearted soul...which in turn a pretty butterfly into a dead butterfly. Let your friend grow out of this stage.... she will ..... Don worry too much!
Ops sorry... again, like I mentioned on the previous reply... No hard feelings about my direct remarks... just want to hit the bull eye.... -
Personally, I think it's just difficult... She don't want 'troubles' from them... Want their friendships(?) and yet don't wanna hurt them...?Originally posted by Ah-Ken:Yes... I do know that she's definately not the one in this kind of situation. I know all good-looking girls out there have similliar problem. That's why I need to seek advice from these people. I wanna know how they handle situations like these.
I agree that it very much on how she looks at the problem. I wouldn't think a "cool" person would really mind the situations she's facing. But her character is not like that. We gotta think from her point of view. She's someone who needs friends, and lots of'em. So I'd think it's more critical to her than most people.
I can just imagine... A person with lots of fighters dashing in his directions... Carrying swords and such... And he's not armed himself... The question is... How can he defend himself without hurting them..? And yet he don't wanna detour and avoid them.. Unless he's a 'kungfu master'..? Well.. Obviously, she ISN'T... She ain't 'cool' about it... Nor can she open up her spectrum and perception of things...
Which comes back to the same thing I was saying... She's actually facing TWO problems... The people around her... And her own own of mentality towards things....
If we ain't talking about the 'roots' of the problems... How do we expect them to be solved...? -
Battousai looks daring though... but when kenshin is himura he's looks kinda girly... its just the way the artist portrays the sceneOriginally posted by the.raven:kenshin himura is very gay -
Well, thats why alot of chio bus most of the time act very 'tao' and sometimes it not because they want to, but they have to... and they have to act very cold to strangers or new friends. Until they are able to find out whether the stranger or new firend just wants to be friends and nothing more then she will let down her guard...
Hey, its so much worst being ugly then being chio... ugly has no attention at least being chio you get 'unwanted' attention! \
Its all about how you deal with it... -
Actually, an average looking person with the character of my friend here would live off life pretty well don't you think? She can have all the friends she wants without fearing that her next guy friend would fall for her. Thus, few would get hurt from rejected by her.Originally posted by Devil1976:Personally, I think it's just difficult... She don't want 'troubles' from them... Want their friendships(?) and yet don't wanna hurt them...?
I can just imagine... A person with lots of fighters dashing in his directions... Carrying swords and such... And he's not armed himself... The question is... How can he defend himself without hurting them..? And yet he don't wanna detour and avoid them.. Unless he's a 'kungfu master'..? Well.. Obviously, she ISN'T... She ain't 'cool' about it... Nor can she open up her spectrum and perception of things...
Which comes back to the same thing I was saying... She's actually facing TWO problems... The people around her... And her own own of mentality towards things....
If we ain't talking about the 'roots' of the problems... How do we expect them to be solved...?
I think having the "right" mentality would be most effective not to solve, but go through the problem. But what kind of mentality do you think she should have? Is it like what had mentioned, being 'tao'? It's sad isn't it? Good-looking girls have to resort to this, sort of "negative" kind of mentality.
P.S. I dunno if I sound sacarstic here, but I'm not. I'm seriously only discussing. -
hhmm......sounds like someone i know................Originally posted by :Well, thats why alot of chio bus most of the time act very 'tao' and sometimes it not because they want to, but they have to... and they have to act very cold to strangers or new friends. Until they are able to find out whether the stranger or new firend just wants to be friends and nothing more then she will let down her guard... -
u seem to know the type of shes she is wearing...a sacrifice u have to make...u can be hre best fren u know...frens no need many..one gd understanding one like u can oredi.Originally posted by Ah-Ken:Is anyone out there feeling bothered cos you think you're not good-looking enough? Bothered cos no one will fancy you? I guess it must have been one hell of a life. But being pretty has their problems too. I had a friend who's like that.
Being chio, she naturally attracted all the guy's attention. All the guys who fancy her treats her super well. That may sound great on the surface, getting all sorts of presents and expensive treats all the time. Most of her guy friends end up falling for her and she couldn't possibly accept all of them. So she often has to be harsh on them and reject them. If she rejects them nicely, the guys will still be persistant. If she rejetcs them harshly, she will lose a friend. Telling them that she's attached (she was) isn't very effective. Some guys are just damn persistant. And because of that, she does not have many guy friends. She still has got girl friends right? Not really. Because of the attention she gets from the guys, some girls get a bit jealous or misunderstood her. They think she is making use of all the guys to do things for her. She became an outcast from the girl's group as well. Her social life is heavily affected. This dear friend of mine is a bubbly and cheerful girl. One thing she cannot stand is to be all alone. And it seem that she is heading towards that direction. She's a kind-hearted person by nature. But she's now being looked upon as heartless, arragont, teacher's pet, using guys, all sorts of bad things.
What could she have done? I am totally clueless on what advice to give her, I mean TOTALLY! Then only thing I can say to her is "poor thing". Anyone got simillar experience? Can tell me how you often handle these things?
hehe...btw can introduce her to me ornot...i will not pester her everyday1 just givv me her handphone number or email i tok, sms, email to her can oredi...hehehe -
She don't have to be 'tao'. She just needs to be herself... Not everybody would go for her looks alone... And not everybody would be that 'forceful'... You are just one example... Read my earlier posts...Originally posted by Ah-Ken:Actually, an average looking person with the character of my friend here would live off life pretty well don't you think? She can have all the friends she wants without fearing that her next guy friend would fall for her. Thus, few would get hurt from rejected by her.
I think having the "right" mentality would be most effective not to solve, but go through the problem. But what kind of mentality do you think she should have? Is it like what had mentioned, being 'tao'? It's sad isn't it? Good-looking girls have to resort to this, sort of "negative" kind of mentality.
P.S. I dunno if I sound sacarstic here, but I'm not. I'm seriously only discussing.
Mentality... Get more mature friends... Get attached friends who can stick to their own partner and not touch ideas on her....
Like I've said earlier... If people don't RESPECT and TREASURE the FRIENDSHIP she's OFFERING, REJECTION (though might be hurting to them) might be the only option left... Other have also already suggested... Meet MORE people...
If really can't handle it? Get e-mail friends... Forum friends... Don't meet up with people....
Hmm... Seriously, I don't see which part you don't understand...? If you simple INSIST that it's a PROBLEM CAN'T BE SOLVED... It WON'T BE... It's ALSO a MENTALITY PROBLEM kinda thing....?
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ai yah so ez
all the problems is caused because she is chiobu
i got solution
dun worry!
1 scar her face! so she not chio and won't get the attention!
2 convert to male , so she won't be bu
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i got a frenz who isnt chio but has an attractive personailty.. and she has alot of guy frenz. Still she get backstabbing from her ger classmates who obviously feel inferior to her.
Tell her not to take things badly, get on with her own life. Guys who were rejected by her and take things badly are not just worthy of her frenships.
It's good there she is chio... look at how important people value appearance nowaday. Why let 'little people' hinder her? I'm sure that there are gers and guys fren who are worthy of her frenships. Not everyone can be frenz or good frenz one.