is she confused? what should i do?
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hi people, this is the first time i'm doing something like that so please put up with me. got this problem (nothing new.. lols) and it has been bugging me for the past 2 months or so.
my ex and i broke up abt 2.5 mths back after 3 years together. during the initial period i did not ask to get back with her cause i thought she wanted freedom and needed to spend time with her friends. just as i was abt to ask her if we could give it another shot, i realised that there was this other guy in her life. she told me they were in an "unofficial relationship" because he could not devote his time to her. she told me not to wait because she said it would be unfair to me but i told her that she is the one i know i love.
i emailed her telling her that maybe we should cut off all contact so that it would be easier for us to move on but she said she hope it would not be the last she would hear from me because i would always be someone she cares for. so from there we moved on, talked occasionally at night. meet up about once a week. she sms-es me or calls me when she has problems and sometimes its as though i don't exist. my friends tell me she is making use of me. when we go out, we still hold hands, hug and things like that so i am in a position now where i don't know what is actually going on in her mind. there was once when i sent her home she cried so hard cause she said she is very sorry that she can't make things right. during out last outing, she asked me a few questions. "if she was holding me back from anything? whether i mind this whole thing now?" i did not answer her cause i did not know what to say. as much as i want her back, i only want her to be happy. i really wonder what is on her mind now.
right now i am taking this stand. as in just standing by her side in case she needs me. many people say i am foolish but i believe those of you out there who have really love a person y'all would understand what i mean. i believe that i need to mention that i let her down greatly before and she lost alot (if not all) of trust for me. but since then i have been trying to make up to her cause i know she is the missing rib. but then this had to happen. what do you people think? kind comments appreciated.
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ask her to go f.uck herself
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woah. cmon don't be so mean please.
appreciate your response though -
how u let her down?
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velvetgirl - i talked to a girl who i was interested in last time then i said i was un-attached. no idea why i did that. guess i was immature. seeing her so sad broke my heart and i tried very hard to make it up to her. but trust is a very hard thing to replace.
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that really sux...Originally posted by bensballs:velvetgirl - i talked to a girl who i was interested in last time then i said i was un-attached. no idea why i did that. guess i was immature. seeing her so sad broke my heart and i tried very hard to make it up to her. but trust is a very hard thing to replace. -
velvetgirl - yea i know. that really gave me a knock on my head and woke me up. but i guess maybe now i am doing time to make up for the times i made her cry.
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[quote]Originally posted by bensballs:
my ex and i broke up abt 2.5 mths back after 3 years together. during the initial period i did not ask to get back with her cause i thought she wanted freedom and needed to spend time with her friends. just as i was abt to ask her if we could give it another shot, i realised that there was this other guy in her life. she told me they were in an "unofficial relationship" because he could not devote his time to her. she told me not to wait because she said it would be unfair to me but i told her that she is the one i know i love.
Unofficial relationship? I've never really heard of that term. Care to explain? From her view?
i emailed her telling her that maybe we should cut off all contact so that it would be easier for us to move on but she said she hope it would not be the last she would hear from me because i would always be someone she cares for. so from there we moved on, talked occasionally at night. meet up about once a week.
She told you that you will always be someone she cares for. But in what sense? As a brother perhaps? She sms-es you or call you when she has problems. This shows that she still trusts you in a way. Its the 'sometimes its as though i don't exist' that bothers me.
And hey, did i just see you say when we go out, we still hold hands, hug and things like that . You know, i've never heard of good friends holding hands, yea, call me a suakoo or whatever, but its just unheard of.
there was once when i sent her home she cried so hard cause she said she is very sorry that she can't make things right.
Is she the type who gets emotional easily? cries easily? If she is then you should be wary. If not... then perhaps her emotions for you haven't fully faded yet.
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I know what you're doing, you do for the sake of love, but lets find out a few things so that we can give you better answers.
How exactly did you break up? Reason(in more detail would help). What was she feeling then? Anger? Disappointment? Sadness?
And perhaps you could ask her friends about this guy as well, ask if they hold hands when they go out, etc.
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But for now, since you won't listen if i tell you to give it up, (which i won't anyway), hang in there for a while longer... -
my ex and i broke up abt 2.5 mths back after 3 years together. during the initial period i did not ask to get back with her cause i thought she wanted freedom and needed to spend time with her friends. just as i was abt to ask her if we could give it another shot, i realised that there was this other guy in her life. she told me they were in an "unofficial relationship"; because he could not devote his time to her. she told me not to wait because she said it would be unfair to me but i told her that she is the one i know i love.
honestly i have never heard of "unofficial relationship" as well. she said he can't be there for her all the time. i asked her and she said ya they held hands.
Unofficial relationship? I've never really heard of that term. Care to explain? From her view?
i emailed her telling her that maybe we should cut off all contact so that it would be easier for us to move on but she said she hope it would not be the last she would hear from me because i would always be someone she cares for. so from there we moved on, talked occasionally at night. meet up about once a week.
She told you that you will always be someone she cares for. But in what sense? As a brother perhaps? She sms-es you or call you when she has problems. This shows that she still trusts you in a way. Its the 'sometimes its as though i don't exist' that bothers me.
And hey, did i just see you say when we go out, we still hold hands, hug and things like that . You know, i've never heard of good friends holding hands, yea, call me a suakoo or whatever, but its just unheard of.
there was once when i sent her home she cried so hard cause she said she is very sorry that she can't make things right.
Is she the type who gets emotional easily? cries easily? If she is then you should be wary. If not... then perhaps her emotions for you haven't fully faded yet.
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I know what you're doing, you do for the sake of love, but lets find out a few things so that we can give you better answers.
How exactly did you break up? Reason(in more detail would help). What was she feeling then? Anger? Disappointment? Sadness?
And perhaps you could ask her friends about this guy as well, ask if they hold hands when they go out, etc.
with regards to her caring about me i really do not know from her point of view. i do not know if its just me or what but sometimes i feel that she only calls me when she has a problem and stuff thats why i feel ignored at times.
about the holding hands. lols. bro, seriously, i have no idea man. even i find it wierd. seriously got no explanation for that.
she is not exactly the emotional type but that day she was pretty emo that night cause its like we went out to celebrate my birthday then it was the first outing in a while and we were just like a couple. i mean it did tug at my heart too.
when we broke up that time, things have just become stagnant between us. she did not feel loved i guess and i was tired. i thought that breaking up was best cause we could both cool off and think through what we wanted. and if we got back together we could both offer more to the relationship. when i emailed her, she said if i had emailed her earlier things would be very different. maybe i guess we could have gotten back together. when we broke up i did not really know how she felt cause i figured she wanted me out of her life for a while so i just gave her space. shortfall on my side i guess.
to me it figures that she probably got together with that guy "unofficially" (this word again) because of a rebound kind of thingy. i really don't know much about her from her friends cause i am not exactly in the good books of her friends ever since we got together. -
YEAH... Can understand what you mean.. But you...Originally posted by bensballs:hi people, this is the first time i'm doing something like that so please put up with me. got this problem (nothing new.. lols) and it has been bugging me for the past 2 months or so.
my ex and i broke up abt 2.5 mths back after 3 years together. during the initial period i did not ask to get back with her cause i thought she wanted freedom and needed to spend time with her friends. just as i was abt to ask her if we could give it another shot, i realised that there was this other guy in her life. she told me they were in an "unofficial relationship" because he could not devote his time to her. she told me not to wait because she said it would be unfair to me but i told her that she is the one i know i love.
i emailed her telling her that maybe we should cut off all contact so that it would be easier for us to move on but she said she hope it would not be the last she would hear from me because i would always be someone she cares for. so from there we moved on, talked occasionally at night. meet up about once a week. she sms-es me or calls me when she has problems and sometimes its as though i don't exist. my friends tell me she is making use of me. when we go out, we still hold hands, hug and things like that so i am in a position now where i don't know what is actually going on in her mind. there was once when i sent her home she cried so hard cause she said she is very sorry that she can't make things right. during out last outing, she asked me a few questions. "if she was holding me back from anything? whether i mind this whole thing now?" i did not answer her cause i did not know what to say. as much as i want her back, i only want her to be happy. i really wonder what is on her mind now.
right now i am taking this stand. as in just standing by her side in case she needs me. many people say i am foolish but i believe those of you out there who have really love a person y'all would understand what i mean. i believe that i need to mention that i let her down greatly before and she lost alot (if not all) of trust for me. but since then i have been trying to make up to her cause i know she is the missing rib. but then this had to happen. what do you people think? kind comments appreciated.
Quite YOUNG? If not IDEALISTIC...?
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Devil1976:
eh. you mean what i am doing now is it? as in standing one side watching? i don't know too honestly. lols. i think i am definetly younger than you so maybe thinking may be different too. but she is a girl i really love. so i don't know. lols. don't know much these days.
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i know wat u mean.. after being ditched.. n if u still love the person.. u'll still be by her side even if she's not reciprocating her affections to u.. but be realistic.. she doesn't want u as her bf anymore.. so u should step away.. stop holding her hands n stop hugging her.. n be her good fren.. it's not fair for u.. i know it's diff.. but for ur own sake.. try to..
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Gackt247:
i get what you mean. i guess i would try not to. -
somehow i understand how u felt in this situation.
just probably more than 24hrs ago, i just end a so-called unoffical r/s. she was the one whom suggested a r/s and she the one who hates ppls saying bout us in workplace. later on, she told me tat i'm just her clubbing bf (this is probably wat mean by unoffical r/s).
i was really confuse bout it n sorted out my feeling n tld her how i feel. yes. she gave me lots of reasons... kinda contradicting too. she the one whom start all this r/s but she scared of ppls saying bout us in work. she the one whom show me great care n concern certain times. yet just becos we working at the same place, our appt in office, she doesnt wan a bf working in her office n lastly, she doesnt wan a bf now.
contradicting isnt it? some of my frds say she out to toy my feeling. yes she probably did. i even gave try to make myself believing the positive side of the story.. prehaps she just cant put down her past n accept me.
but at this moment, at least i have voice out how i feel. during work, i feel better, thou she seem to avoid me. thou ppls whom knew bout it might make fun of me. but at least i feel comfort in my heart.
sometimes, i just feel tat woman are just too weird.. very hard to guess wat they are thinking and they themselves dont even noe wat they actually need.
suggestion to u, give her more time if u still trust/believe her. if not, just forget bout her n remind urself that both of ya are frd. -
Hmmmmmmmm something like this happen to me also lah...for me im waiting to c can get back or not. For me I dun mind waiting for my ex although just recently broke up (28 Aug)Originally posted by bensballs:Gackt247:
i get what you mean. i guess i would try not to.
... but for u, you should know whether you can wait or not without suffering too much? If you feel u suffering while waiting for her...then u better lets it go loh. -
I couldn't agree with u more...Originally posted by edLow:somehow i understand how u felt in this situation.
just probably more than 24hrs ago, i just end a so-called unoffical r/s. she was the one whom suggested a r/s and she the one who hates ppls saying bout us in workplace. later on, she told me tat i'm just her clubbing bf (this is probably wat mean by unoffical r/s).
i was really confuse bout it n sorted out my feeling n tld her how i feel. yes. she gave me lots of reasons... kinda contradicting too. she the one whom start all this r/s but she scared of ppls saying bout us in work. she the one whom show me great care n concern certain times. yet just becos we working at the same place, our appt in office, she doesnt wan a bf working in her office n lastly, she doesnt wan a bf now.
contradicting isnt it? some of my frds say she out to toy my feeling. yes she probably did. i even gave try to make myself believing the positive side of the story.. prehaps she just cant put down her past n accept me.
but at this moment, at least i have voice out how i feel. during work, i feel better, thou she seem to avoid me. thou ppls whom knew bout it might make fun of me. but at least i feel comfort in my heart.
sometimes, i just feel tat woman are just too weird.. very hard to guess wat they are thinking and they themselves dont even noe wat they actually need.
suggestion to u, give her more time if u still trust/believe her. if not, just forget bout her n remind urself that both of ya are frd.
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sidetrack a bit juz how old r u (bensball) and ur ger?
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imagine.. my 2 mths cludding female frd can actually figure out wat a person i'm.. and when she compare it to my 9 yrs buddy.. he has nothing but to agree wat she say...Originally posted by ahmike:I couldn't agree with u more...
women arent onli good at making themselves confuse with wat they wan... making men going rd n rd not knowing wat she wan.. and of cos... good at reading ppls. -
Originally posted by bensballs:
just as i was abt to ask her if we could give it another shot, i realised that there was this other guy in her life. she told me they were in an "unofficial relationship" because he could not devote his time to her. she told me not to wait because she said it would be unfair to me but i told her that she is the one i know i love.
She's attracted to the guy, but she's not getting any emotional support from him. And when you told her that she's the one you want, she knows that she can look for you when she's down/need emotional support.
so from there we moved on, talked occasionally at night. meet up about once a week. she sms-es me or calls me when she has problems and sometimes its as though i don't exist.
Doesn't the sentence in red tell you that she only finds you when she needs emotional support??
my friends tell me she is making use of me. when we go out, we still hold hands, hug and things like that so i am in a position now where i don't know what is actually going on in her mind.
So let me ask you. Why do you think you can still hold her hand, hug her, kiss her, when both of you are NOT TOGETHER?
Simple. Because she can't do that with her boyfriend (who has no time for her). And she is sure that she can do that with you, because you have indirectly told her that you'll be there for her 24/7.
Before you argue, let me ask you a question: Why would you buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
You (the cow) give her free emotional support (milk) whenever she needs it, FREE. Since she can get whatever she wants w/o committing to a relationship (buying the cow), why would she still need to go back to you?
You are like an emotional tampon now; used when needed, discarded when not.
there was once when i sent her home she cried so hard cause she said she is very sorry that she can't make things right. during out last outing, she asked me a few questions. "if she was holding me back from anything? whether i mind this whole thing now?" i did not answer her cause i did not know what to say. as much as i want her back,i only want her to be happy.
Translation for sentence in red: "You don't mind being my emotional tampon, right? And I didn't force you into being an emotional tampon, isn't it?"
right now i am taking this stand. as in just standing by her side in case she needs me. many people say i am foolish but i believe those of you out there who have really love a person y'all would understand what i mean. i believe that i need to mention that i let her down greatly before and she lost alot (if not all) of trust for me. but since then i have been trying to make up to her cause i know she is the missing rib. but then this had to happen. what do you people think? kind comments appreciated.
Your stand is not wrong. But what benefits are you gaining by doing that?
You say you are trying to make it up to her, fine. Even if she forgives you, what makes you think that she will still come back for you? Do you think she can still trust you, after what you've said and done? She probably thought that you were just fooling around with her. If not, why would you still go for another girl when you were in a relationship already?
IF you are really the only guy in her heart, she would NOT have agreed to go into a relationship with another guy in the first place.
Kind comments are for those who wish to keep deceiving themselves.
You can continue to listen to her troubles, talk and chat with her, but STOP ALL FORMS OF INTIMACY. Because both of you are JUST FRIENDS. Tell her that if she wants to be intimate, she HAS to get back into the relationship. Like I've mentioned earlier, she won't see the need to get back to you when she can get the emotional support she wants.
I can only give you so much advice, but the decision is still yours. -
They are not confuse. On the contrary, they are smart. Dun be fooled.
I have a few lady friends that behave this way. They are just waiting for the right one to come along. Meanwhile, they will have their guy friends going in circles.
It's just like shopping, they will window shop, checkout the merchandise, scrutinised the product, try it on etc etc.. but in the end decide to come back another time.
Will they buy? Yes.. wait da minute. No...
What they gain? They tried it on, they know about the product.
Are they confused? No.
Are they undecided? No.
Are they dumb? No. -
Stop thinking over and over about it and LIKE NIKE's slogan "Just do it." AND this time, treat her right.Originally posted by bensballs:hi people, this is the first time i'm doing something like that so please put up with me. got this problem (nothing new.. lols) and it has been bugging me for the past 2 months or so.
my ex and i broke up abt 2.5 mths back after 3 years together. during the initial period i did not ask to get back with her cause i thought she wanted freedom and needed to spend time with her friends. just as i was abt to ask her if we could give it another shot, i realised that there was this other guy in her life. she told me they were in an "unofficial relationship" because he could not devote his time to her. she told me not to wait because she said it would be unfair to me but i told her that she is the one i know i love.
Unofficial relationship means she is not so certain that she wants this relationship. By telling you not to wait has already confirm this.. and by telling you.. means she is anticipating your action to go after her. Read between the lines, lad.
i emailed her telling her that maybe we should cut off all contact so that it would be easier for us to move on but she said she hope it would not be the last she would hear from me because i would always be someone she cares for. so from there we moved on, talked occasionally at night. meet up about once a week. she sms-es me or calls me when she has problems and sometimes its as though i don't exist. this means that she feels very close to you and can confine her problems to you, knowing that you will share her bunden and comfort her.
my friends tell me she is making use of me. when we go out, we still hold hands, hug and things like that so i am in a position now where i don't know what is actually going on in her mind. you are in mid air!! And indeed... she is leading you on. If you really want to win her heart back.. you should know what you should do. Sometimes, defence is the best offense. Ahem..
there was once when i sent her home she cried so hard cause she said she is very sorry that she can't make things right. during out last outing, she asked me a few questions. "if she was holding me back from anything? whether i mind this whole thing now?" i did not answer her cause i did not know what to say. as much as i want her back, i only want her to be happy. i really wonder what is on her mind now. Well, here's your answer to the problem and the question to confront her. All you want her to be happy isn't it? What if she wants you to be only her best friend? Can you do it? Love her, protect her, comfort her, support her, respect her? If you plans to do these, why don't you tell her and see her reactions? I am sure that you won't want her to fall into the hands of some jerks. Right?
right now i am taking this stand. as in just standing by her side in case she needs me. many people say i am foolish but i believe those of you out there who have really love a person y'all would understand what i mean.
Please listen to Bryan Adams "When you love someone." which explain your behaviour.
i believe that i need to mention that i let her down greatly before and she lost alot (if not all) of trust for me. Indeed, time can heal some degree of pain but trust needs actions to prove and build through time. but since then i have been trying to make up to her cause i know she is the missing rib. but then this had to happen. what do you people think? kind comments appreciated. -
Stop thinking over and over about it and LIKE NIKE's slogan "Just do it." AND this time, treat her right.Originally posted by bensballs:hi people, this is the first time i'm doing something like that so please put up with me. got this problem (nothing new.. lols) and it has been bugging me for the past 2 months or so.
my ex and i broke up abt 2.5 mths back after 3 years together. during the initial period i did not ask to get back with her cause i thought she wanted freedom and needed to spend time with her friends. just as i was abt to ask her if we could give it another shot, i realised that there was this other guy in her life. she told me they were in an "unofficial relationship" because he could not devote his time to her. she told me not to wait because she said it would be unfair to me but i told her that she is the one i know i love.
Unofficial relationship means she is not so certain that she wants this relationship. By telling you not to wait has already confirm this.. and by telling you.. means she is anticipating your action to go after her. Read between the lines, lad.
i emailed her telling her that maybe we should cut off all contact so that it would be easier for us to move on but she said she hope it would not be the last she would hear from me because i would always be someone she cares for. so from there we moved on, talked occasionally at night. meet up about once a week. she sms-es me or calls me when she has problems and sometimes its as though i don't exist. this means that she feels very close to you and can confine her problems to you, knowing that you will share her bunden and comfort her.
my friends tell me she is making use of me. when we go out, we still hold hands, hug and things like that so i am in a position now where i don't know what is actually going on in her mind. you are in mid air!! And indeed... she is leading you on. If you really want to win her heart back.. you should know what you should do. Sometimes, defence is the best offense. Ahem..
there was once when i sent her home she cried so hard cause she said she is very sorry that she can't make things right. during out last outing, she asked me a few questions. "if she was holding me back from anything? whether i mind this whole thing now?" i did not answer her cause i did not know what to say. as much as i want her back, i only want her to be happy. i really wonder what is on her mind now. Well, here's your answer to the problem and the question to confront her. All you want her to be happy isn't it? What if she wants you to be only her best friend? Can you do it? Love her, protect her, comfort her, support her, respect her? If you plans to do these, why don't you tell her and see her reactions? I am sure that you won't want her to fall into the hands of some jerks. Right?
right now i am taking this stand. as in just standing by her side in case she needs me. many people say i am foolish but i believe those of you out there who have really love a person y'all would understand what i mean.
Please listen to Bryan Adams "When you love someone." which explain your behaviour.
i believe that i need to mention that i let her down greatly before and she lost alot (if not all) of trust for me. Indeed, time can heal some degree of pain but trust needs actions to prove and build through time. but since then i have been trying to make up to her cause i know she is the missing rib. but then this had to happen. what do you people think? kind comments appreciated. -
hi people. i really appreciate your views and takes on everything. though i still don't know what is right or what i should do, i do believe that if we are meant to be, we would be.
just for info regarding my age. i am 18. pretty young i guess some of you might say but that's life. a friend told me something today. "i won't be able to know what is the right thing to do cause i am looking at it with my eyes and not my heart"
would appreciate more comments and take on this issue. never knew singaporeans out there can be that rational. lols -
ya.. sometime we are looking at things thru our eyes n not by our heart.Originally posted by bensballs:hi people. i really appreciate your views and takes on everything. though i still don't know what is right or what i should do, i do believe that if we are meant to be, we would be.
just for info regarding my age. i am 18. pretty young i guess some of you might say but that's life. a friend told me something today. "i won't be able to know what is the right thing to do cause i am looking at it with my eyes and not my heart"
would appreciate more comments and take on this issue. never knew singaporeans out there can be that rational. lols
and asking u. dont tok bout loving her. how much do u like her? i myself cant even ans tat qns.
oh yes, sometime when u're blind with rejection/depression, speak correctly. sometime somehow i spoke unreasonable stuffs that hurt someone unintentionally -
maybe she is still mentally unprepared to leave you, that's why she still does all this things. But if she is doing all this thing while she is having an "unofficial" relationship, it just shows that she is unfaithful and duo qing. This kinda girl will have lotsa trouble in future one, better siam eh.