Confused. Relationship matters.
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I read in one of the earlier posts, a few weeks back, a quote by Yunhaier i believe.
Girls will always think about the boys they could have had. Guys will always think about the girls that they never had.
Because this is going to be a bit long, let me divide it into parts. Hope you all can help somewhat...
Part 1
Let me relate this to my situation, but first let me bring you to 2 years ago.
I thought I liked this girl, and cause I misinterpreted her actions, told her about it. It was a very bad call, and from that moment on we do talk, but not much anymore. But this is not the gist of it.
In less than a week, I also fell for another girl. Deep down I knew it was probably rebound or something like that, but I still did all the nice things I did, tried to be sweet and everything to her. Somehow she found out about it(Not a surprise). She called me at night, and confirmed that I like her by asking me straight.
We stay close together, and usually take the bus back. The day after the call, we took the bus back as usual, but at the stop when we usually stop, I asked her if sheÂ’s getting off, but she said sheÂ’s going shopping with the other girl that I like(they were sitting together).
Throughout the bus ride I think they were talking about me, and saying stuff like “Guys are like that” etc.
And when I alighted from the bus, I was deeply hurt. I knew she didnÂ’t like me, but she donÂ’t have to be like that right?
I didnÂ’t talk to the 2 girls for a whole semester, until I made peace with them at the beginning of the next. It was God that gave me the strength, I didnÂ’t want to lose such good friends too.
And in the 2 years that ensued, i must admit i have changed a lot. From facing God, to seeing (luckily not literally) 2 friends die, to reading about why being nice to girls will not net them, etc. I even started to score A's for my exams, and almost got into the top 15% (If not for my stupid elective that brought me down.)
Its really quite scary, if i compare myself Now, and Then. Sometimes i forget that i'm 20, and feel more like 27 or something. Must be this attachment job adding on to my years.
Here's the problem, for a few months now, this girl has been getting closer to me. Sometimes she leans on my shoulder, in which i do nothing because i have no feelings for her, also i don't know what to do.
And about a month ago, she started hugging both her hands on my left hand, which felt pleasantly good. When my other friends asked why she did it, she said something like Aaron was looking bored, i forgot. -
Part 2
Now about 3 weeks ago, i was smsing her when somehow the topic related to how much she means to me. To keep it short, i told her that she has evoked some feelings in me, and she replied that she don't know how she feels about me, but i make her laugh like an idiot everytime.
The thing about evoking feelings in me is important, because for quite some time now i feel rather dead. Yea, dead. Its like nothing matters anymore. Live or die, don't care. I don't smile as much, and i keep telling others, there's no happiness in my life. I'm not sad either, sort of like neutral.
And about a week back, she smsed me a message like this "Do you think things will work out if we try?" And i smsed back with some rubbish answer like "All things will work out, somehow".
2 days later i smsed her the same question, and she quoted me back. Aargh. Seems i won't be getting any answer from her.
Last friday we went out and watched a movie with a friend of ours, and er, to sidetrack from the topic. Shutter is truly very scary. Normally Ghost shows have been on the funny side for some time, but wow, this show is freaky man.
Yea, and she asked a question to our friend, which i have been hearing for some time. "Is his spectacles nice?" (This is because i asked her out a month back to help me choose one.) And the guy replied something, but i forgot. The main thing was that he pointed out She was wearing the same glasses. Except in red of course.
Somehow this brought me back to the time when I did stuff to please girls, and I wonder if this is the same thing. And I didnÂ’t even notice our specs were the same!
On Monday i woke up with a dream of her, we were holding hands, but they refused to link properly.
And on Monday it was horrible, i kept thinking of her. And I think it was because of that, I had the mood swing at 4+. I haven't had a mood swing for more than a year too.
Guys ... i want to ask her to be my girl, but i'm not sure if i should. I don't even know how much she likes me.
And, i think she eventually started liking me because of the quote, and becaues i'm much more confident now, and surpassing her in grades as well. This totally shows that being nice to girls, especially too nice, is useless. Hah.
Yea, i'm sort of confused now. Comments anyone? -
ask her out n get to noe her better first b4 popping the question...
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Well yeah that;s true. Its coz of the human unlimited desire thing (basic ecomic theory) i supposed i have had many relationship possibilies in the past, and i let them all go. So there. i am relevant to the topic.
my turn. When i was in british school, when i recall, i had a girl who had a crush on me, but at the time i was not force/girl sensitive yet. So i treated her like dirt, hehe, bullied her and her brother. but overall she still did like me, coz after years of me being a 8th grader jerk/bully she still kept asking me along to her birthday party disco things.. lol. (btw sidetrack; this is further proof treating girls confidently badly gets u more girls)
But at the time i was young and brash. And now i am not there anymore, she has prolly gone off since the jakarta riots. And the flame has definitely died out..hehe maybe if she saw me NOW when i am slimmer and have biceps along with veiny arms. Well i dunno.
Another girl seemed to have liked me. My friends cousin i met at a xmas party. She kept talking to me and giving eye contact, i made her laugh and all that stuff. my cousin told me she likes me, but at the time, again, i was brash and foolish i didn't even bother taking the initiative. Just left without asking her number after the party.
Another girl also had a crush on me after our school play, when i was the lead and handsomely dressed as a kind of under-taker/agent smith dude. Anywayz, the play SUCKED, but i did well in it and looked good. Afterwards, my friend gave me a flower and said it was her friend who gave it (the friend apparently had a crush). I just smiled and moved on.
Now the thing is to learn from experience, while at the same time not to be so brash as to think ur the MOST STUNNING ATTRACTIVE MAN ON THE EARTH, otherwise u will be dissapointed when u don't attract anyone. So u gotta take initiative with girls and at the same time not EXPECT anything concrete.
Another girl i met at a friends' gathering sleepover thing. I believed she took to me instantly coz she kept talking to me, and asking about how many relationships i had, and kept what's the word.. u locals say it.. "disturbing me" or "Jee Siaow" me. Kept snatching my blanket and throwing things at me for no apparent reason. Her other friends said she had a crush on me. Again i just shut up and smiled, but on THIS occasion. I took initiative, kept in contact with her, added her to friendster. We'll see how we go, though i haven't seen her for half a year since that party. Occasionally i'll get the good luck for exams sms, or the testimonial just saying hi. Likewise i do that to her. But otherwise no plans. THe difficulty now is trying to get close. But i have made the 1st move already; smsed her "miss ya, wanna hang out sometime?" well next move is up to her. I will not be a wussy puppy desperate for her attention, i will remain PROUD and TALL and waiting for HER to make the move now, i am not expecting ANYTHING. -
Originally posted by _Aaron_:
Firstly.. man.. GET ur FUCKING spectacles off and wear contacts as if u never ever had specs. This would help.
Part 2
Now about 3 weeks ago, i was smsing her when somehow the topic related to how much she means to me. To keep it short, i told her that she has evoked some feelings in me, and she replied that she don't know how she feels about me, but i make her laugh like an idiot everytime.
The thing about evoking feelings in me is important, because for quite some time now i feel rather dead. Yea, dead. Its like nothing matters anymore. Live or die, don't care. I don't smile as much, and i keep telling others, there's no happiness in my life. I'm not sad either, sort of like neutral.
And about a week back, she smsed me a message like this "Do you think things will work out if we try?" And i smsed back with some rubbish answer like "All things will work out, somehow".
2 days later i smsed her the same question, and she quoted me back. Aargh. Seems i won't be getting any answer from her.
Last friday we went out and watched a movie with a friend of ours, and er, to sidetrack from the topic. Shutter is truly very scary. Normally Ghost shows have been on the funny side for some time, but wow, this show is freaky man.
Yea, and she asked a question to our friend, which i have been hearing for some time. "Is his spectacles nice?" (This is because i asked her out a month back to help me choose one.) And the guy replied something, but i forgot. The main thing was that he pointed out [b]She was wearing the same glasses. Except in red of course.
Somehow this brought me back to the time when I did stuff to please girls, and I wonder if this is the same thing. And I didnÂ’t even notice our specs were the same!
On Monday i woke up with a dream of her, we were holding hands, but they refused to link properly.
And on Monday it was horrible, i kept thinking of her. And I think it was because of that, I had the mood swing at 4+. I haven't had a mood swing for more than a year too.
Guys ... i want to ask her to be my girl, but i'm not sure if i should. I don't even know how much she likes me.
And, i think she eventually started liking me because of the quote, and becaues i'm much more confident now, and surpassing her in grades as well. This totally shows that being nice to girls, especially too nice, is useless. Hah.
Yea, i'm sort of confused now. Comments anyone?[/b]
Secondly. Change ur attitude, adopt a "YUAAARGH! im here if SHE wants" attitude rather than a "*squek* will she like me will she? will she?" attitude.
I think after exams. The losers in relationships should meet up so we can motivate and spot each other to do well in relationships, as a loser myself i would need that. -
To chase or please a girl.. Gifts and presents are not important.. Its the matter of sincerity and your heart.. No matter how expensive gifts you buy for her.. If you have confident in getting her.. why not give it a shot..
Happiness is a journey not a destination.. -
yeah replace gifts with joking insults, bad behaviour and a heck care mentality.Originally posted by SunRisE:To chase or please a girl.. Gifts and presents are not important.. Its the matter of sincerity and your heart.. No matter how expensive gifts you buy for her.. If you have confident in getting her.. why not give it a shot..
Happiness is a journey not a destination.. -
NAN REn Bu HAUI Nu Ren Bu AI.. hahahaaha...Originally posted by men_@_arms:yeah replace gifts with joking insults, bad behaviour and a heck care mentality.
Be true to yourself.. and BE YOURSELF! There's many ways to touch a girl down..
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Ahha. I knew you'll say that men_@_arms. But i never figured you'll be the first.
I know what to do, the thing is, I see our friend doing the exact same thing. Not to mention IÂ’m still new to being er, to keep it short, jerky. IÂ’m still new to my confidence even. So well, yea.
I'm not quite sure if she's the type who likes jerkiness. But hmm.~~
Somehow a part of me has already committed myself to her. Abit too late.
Though i can say the attraction came from not being nice to her too.
And about the spectacles. I tried it a few years back, but those stupid contacts just wouldn't go in. Forget it. I can look good even with spectacles - gives a *I'm the best looking man in the world* grin - -
I know her for 3 years now. How much longer do you reckon i know her better? And we're graduating soon ... may not see her again after next semester.Originally posted by BrUtUs:ask her out n get to noe her better first b4 popping the question... -
ALL girls in their short run mode are attracted to Jerky behaviour, not nice behavior. There is no type for girls. Its the same.
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Hey Hey Araon,
you just gotta to make the move! Get moving and tell her..... though we are living in a modern world now, but when it comes to relationship matters, girls are still shy... you just gotta to make the first move......
Good Luck!
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Wow. It's a bit hard to analysis this girl from what you've said. Did she have alot of boyfriends before? Is she the type that flirts? Is she the friendly type with guys? It'll be better if you give me more information.
But I can still tell you something, from what you've written here.
From the way she asked you the question, there might be the possibility that she has some interest in you. And your answer was terrific, by the way.
She wore the same spectacles as you? Well, you should tease her by saying, "If you wanna woo me, you'll have to do better than just getting a pair of similar spectacles! " You're being funny, cocky, and interesting to her if you say it. What could be better than that!
Heard of the term, "ri you suo si, ye you suo meng"? In English, it means that, "You dream of what you think of." Because your mind is suddenly full of her, and you can't stop thinking about her, your sub-conscious reacts by rewarding you with a dream. Ask yourself, haven't you been daydreaming about being together with her and doing all the things that couples do?
You're right about the being nice part. I'll tell you about something that I've learnt two years ago as well:
1) If you treat a girl like she's gold, she will BELIEVE that she is gold. And then she will kick you aside because she is confident that she can get someone better than you, because she is GOLD and you are not! By being nice to her, you are treating her like she's gold.
2) Girls will never be attracted to guys whom they do not have respect for. By being nice to her, you are being her doormat.
3) The more unpredictable you are, the higher her level of interest in you. By being nice to her, you are being boring because you literally tell her everthing about yourself.
Hope you've discovered them by now too -
Originally posted by verloren:
I know about the funny and cocky part. But as i mentioned, i'm working. 8-5 is wearing me out. I get about 6-7 hours of sleep per day.
Wow. It's a bit hard to analysis this girl from what you've said. Did she have alot of boyfriends before? Is she the type that flirts? Is she the friendly type with guys? It'll be better if you give me more information.
But I can still tell you something, from what you've written here.
From the way she asked you the question, there might be the possibility that she has some interest in you. And your answer was terrific, by the way.
She wore the same spectacles as you? Well, you should tease her by saying, "If you wanna woo me, you'll have to do better than just getting a pair of similar spectacles! " You're being funny, cocky, and interesting to her if you say it. What could be better than that!
Heard of the term, "ri you suo si, ye you suo meng"? In English, it means that, "You dream of what you think of." Because your mind is suddenly full of her, and you can't stop thinking about her, your sub-conscious reacts by rewarding you with a dream. Ask yourself, haven't you been daydreaming about being together with her and doing all the things that couples do?
You're right about the being nice part. I'll tell you about something that I've learnt two years ago as well:
[b]1) If you treat a girl like she's gold, she will BELIEVE that she is gold. And then she will kick you aside because she is confident that she can get someone better than you, because she is GOLD and you are not! By being nice to her, you are treating her like she's gold.
2) Girls will never be attracted to guys whom they do not have respect for. By being nice to her, you are being her doormat.
3) The more unpredictable you are, the higher her level of interest in you. By being nice to her, you are being boring because you literally tell her everthing about yourself.
Hope you've discovered them by now too [/b]
I think i'm getting sick. bah.
I can't keep up with the cocky and funny. I tried calling her but there were some silences along the way, cause i'm just too worn out. I don't want to think about her. Sometimes it works, but sometimes it doesn't, cause i'm reminded of what could have been... Keeping up with C&f takes effort and strength that i seem to be lacking for now.
Yes she's the friendly type with guys, but she don't really have a boyfriend before(you know, like-like but never even hold hands), and i don't really have a girlfriend before either(no love was present, which i later found out).
I may be going out with her for a movie soon, and i don't quite know what i'll do. I'm just so tired... -
go with the flow and don't over-analyse things
you're both young - love and learn from the mistakes -
Originally posted by verloren:
woot! Verloren is admitting that girls like jerks and thye like to be treated like bronze or brass rather than gold!! i.e. dirt HA HA HA! woot
Wow. It's a bit hard to analysis this girl from what you've said. Did she have alot of boyfriends before? Is she the type that flirts? Is she the friendly type with guys? It'll be better if you give me more information.
But I can still tell you something, from what you've written here.
From the way she asked you the question, there might be the possibility that she has some interest in you. And your answer was terrific, by the way.
She wore the same spectacles as you? Well, you should tease her by saying, "If you wanna woo me, you'll have to do better than just getting a pair of similar spectacles! " You're being funny, cocky, and interesting to her if you say it. What could be better than that!
Heard of the term, "ri you suo si, ye you suo meng"? In English, it means that, "You dream of what you think of." Because your mind is suddenly full of her, and you can't stop thinking about her, your sub-conscious reacts by rewarding you with a dream. Ask yourself, haven't you been daydreaming about being together with her and doing all the things that couples do?
You're right about the being nice part. I'll tell you about something that I've learnt two years ago as well:
[b]1) If you treat a girl like she's gold, she will BELIEVE that she is gold. And then she will kick you aside because she is confident that she can get someone better than you, because she is GOLD and you are not! By being nice to her, you are treating her like she's gold.
2) Girls will never be attracted to guys whom they do not have respect for. By being nice to her, you are being her doormat.
3) The more unpredictable you are, the higher her level of interest in you. By being nice to her, you are being boring because you literally tell her everthing about yourself.
Hope you've discovered them by now too [/b] -
Originally posted by verloren:
Why makes things so confusing and complicated??? Love is just love... being in love brings you strength and happiness...
Wow. It's a bit hard to analysis this girl from what you've said. Did she have alot of boyfriends before? Is she the type that flirts? Is she the friendly type with guys? It'll be better if you give me more information.
But I can still tell you something, from what you've written here.
From the way she asked you the question, there might be the possibility that she has some interest in you. And your answer was terrific, by the way.
She wore the same spectacles as you? Well, you should tease her by saying, "If you wanna woo me, you'll have to do better than just getting a pair of similar spectacles! " You're being funny, cocky, and interesting to her if you say it. What could be better than that!
Heard of the term, "ri you suo si, ye you suo meng"? In English, it means that, "You dream of what you think of." Because your mind is suddenly full of her, and you can't stop thinking about her, your sub-conscious reacts by rewarding you with a dream. Ask yourself, haven't you been daydreaming about being together with her and doing all the things that couples do?
You're right about the being nice part. I'll tell you about something that I've learnt two years ago as well:
[b]1) If you treat a girl like she's gold, she will BELIEVE that she is gold. And then she will kick you aside because she is confident that she can get someone better than you, because she is GOLD and you are not! By being nice to her, you are treating her like she's gold.
2) Girls will never be attracted to guys whom they do not have respect for. By being nice to her, you are being her doormat.
3) The more unpredictable you are, the higher her level of interest in you. By being nice to her, you are being boring because you literally tell her everthing about yourself.
Hope you've discovered them by now too [/b]
she had hinted to you when she is wearing the same spec... when she sms you .... araon, just try it.... if you failed, never mind, pick up and move on..
But i seriously think it's unlikely for you to fail... unless you are going to wait and wait and wait again.... anyway, enjoy the sweet berries of love......
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Actually. I think she's a player.
I need to be a better player to win... thats why things can get confusing. heh. No doubt i'll enjoy this challenging battle ahead...~ -
hhaha.... player? think she is just trying to play "hard to get"... common tactics among girls....
anyway, good luck!!! -
Thanks V gal.Originally posted by v gal:hhaha.... player? think she is just trying to play "hard to get"... common tactics among girls....
anyway, good luck!!!
Hope you succeed too~ -
I don't really believe that she doesn't have a boyfriend before. Did you find that out yourself, or did she tell you?Originally posted by _Aaron_:I know about the funny and cocky part. But as i mentioned, i'm working. 8-5 is wearing me out. I get about 6-7 hours of sleep per day.
I think i'm getting sick. bah.
I can't keep up with the cocky and funny. I tried calling her but there were some silences along the way, cause i'm just too worn out. I don't want to think about her. Sometimes it works, but sometimes it doesn't, cause i'm reminded of what could have been... Keeping up with C&f takes effort and strength that i seem to be lacking for now.
Yes she's the friendly type with guys, but she don't really have a boyfriend before(you know, like-like but never even hold hands), and i don't really have a girlfriend before either(no love was present, which i later found out).
I may be going out with her for a movie soon, and i don't quite know what i'll do. I'm just so tired...
If you're struggling with C&F, I suggest that you remove it temporarily from your conversations with her. Btw, C&F shouldn't be done very often. It should only be used a few times during the conversation, to spice things up a bit. If you do it correctly, she will assume that you're C&F by nature, instead of assuming that you're just doing it for her sake.
My advice is to behave in a neutral way when you're with her. Why? Because you don't understand her, and you don't know what she's thinking. By responding to her actions, she has the upper hand because she's controlling the game. By being neutral, she has no choice but to make the move if she's really interested in you. I'm not sure about others, but that's how I function.
to men_@_arms:
Females don't like guys to treat them too nice, it's a fact. -
Yea, i've decided to lay off the C&F for a while now... just waiting and keeping it neutral... yea.Originally posted by verloren:I don't really believe that she doesn't have a boyfriend before. Did you find that out yourself, or did she tell you?
If you're struggling with C&F, I suggest that you remove it temporarily from your conversations with her. Btw, C&F shouldn't be done very often. It should only be used a few times during the conversation, to spice things up a bit. If you do it correctly, she will assume that you're C&F by nature, instead of assuming that you're just doing it for her sake.
My advice is to behave in a neutral way when you're with her. Why? Because you don't understand her, and you don't know what she's thinking. By responding to her actions, she has the upper hand because she's controlling the game. By being neutral, she has no choice but to make the move if she's really interested in you. I'm not sure about others, but that's how I function.
to men_@_arms: Females don't like guys to treat them too nice, it's a fact.
There's a lot of little stuff happening here and then, but i've decided to play it slow, maybe tell her what i feel for her when we meet... who knows? -
wooot! hey i am not the one who JUST found that out WAHAHA!Originally posted by verloren:to men_@_arms: Females don't like guys to treat them too nice, it's a fact.
Man i am 1337 -
Hmm.
She smsed me just now, to inform us that we'll be in the same class next semester.
So from January to March, we'll be seeing each other everyday, almost all the time.. I sensed some hesistance in the manner of her sms, as am i.
Not sure if this is a good or bad thing.... -
Aaron, i got lost after the first post.
This sounds like a blog man. Maybe you should start one.
Okie.. you know how you say you feel like u're more 27 than 20. Welcome to my club. Yet when i turned QC recently, i was in denial about my age. NO I"M NOT CELEBRATING THANK U. I'm FAT AND OLD AND I'M well not exactly alone. So i'm not Bridget Jones...
sometimes... you just wonder about what you would be if u didn't do certain things.. or didn't make that decision to do whatever.
I don't think about the boys i could have had. SOmetimes i think about the boys i had.. and think.. sh|t what would my life be if i am still with him. God... nuff said. I'm rambling... 2 days of MC is doing my head in.