why is depression coming back?
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i know the As are over but why am i feeling depressed? jesus help me.
Its like i feel LONELY and insecure, i feel lesser of a person than other people because they seem to have more fun, more friends and more blogs and shit than me. While the number of friends i have i can count with my hand u know?
The trouble is. its harder to break into other circles and know other people and is vexing.
Maybe i am expecting too much from all people. Maybe i am really disturbed.. Maybe i've got something seriously wrong with the way i see things?
I lack deep connections with people, connections that i see inherent wth everyone else in their interactions with others..
And it further disturbs me to answer the question "WHY do i lack these simple things", because it makes me think even more about what i fucked up loser/evil/dipshit i am.. anf frankly it makes me suicidal.
help. -
few friends did just arrange to go out today. So yeah i feel better.
Does being a better person = MORE friends?
Sometimes i am confused.. -
Why not take the initiative to organize some activities and invite everyone to come? You may find a lot of people are all having the same problem - waiting for other people to invite them for activities.
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no one else has the same problem.
Whenever i do do what u just suggestd. People come over but they split up into their cold cliques, making me feel like a club runner.. period. Making it more depressing.
Perhaps i should find something to occupy my time with.. But trouble is.. i risk being a Silas Marner.. -
That's true. Sometimes we're all lazing at home because no one asks us out... but Everyone is waiting for that phone call!Originally posted by Qitai:Why not take the initiative to organize some activities and invite everyone to come? You may find a lot of people are all having the same problem - waiting for other people to invite them for activities.
Then sometimes everyone organises stuff together, so i have 3 mundane weeks, and suddenly 3 outings on the same day =/
Maybe cause in Singapore we don't have much leaders *shrugs* General comment ar, don't flame
Believe me when i say i am like you in a lot of ways. My phone book has over 150+ numbers, but only 2-3 i can really call to chat, 5-6 that i can call to come out with.
I think the problem lies with oneself... slowly open up, and you may have more friends with you.
Or maybe not. -
have been through it all....with age..u will have less friends who are readily available as they have more personal commitments...now i've learnt to like and get accustomed to being accompanied by myself
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I dont think having more friends makes you a better person...if you ask around i think most people will tell you that they only have a handfull of very close friends that they can really count on...the rest are merely friendly acquanitances and passer bys in your life...too many "close" friends would also be very tiring I think...I only have about 5 people who I am really close to and whom I know will stick with me through sick and sin, thin and thinOriginally posted by men_@_arms:few friends did just arrange to go out today. So yeah i feel better.
Does being a better person = MORE friends?
Sometimes i am confused..
...and i know one thing...deep connections with your friends is for you to make..it doesnt just happen, everyone has to make that effort with all the busy schedules we have living our daily lives...
dont be depressed, your not alone...make a little bit more effort and i'm sure things will get better for you! -
yeah to wat arron said. Yeah i have asked smsed peopple, "wanna hangout" all no replies and stuff. Eventually u get tired of doing it and u stop.. and u wanna die. That's how the cycle works.
Maybe i am a weakling, despite my girth at yesterdays seminar, bigger/taller than most of the MEN there and women and stuff. Despite my attempts to be rambo with my 12 kg weights. Despite my parody videos and my acting on camera for film competitions. Despite all this shell of confidence, i am as my drama teacher said.. a curious mix of confidence and inferiority. Despite my yelling and loud voice etc
Sometimes, whatever i do to alter myself physically, it does not boost me emotionally. I have no idea why.
But even though i open up.. usually with many young people nothin works out coz of
"It seems the accepted norms of how ANY forms of relationships are built is broadly divided into 2 categories; the narrow conformist method and the open anything goes method.
The narrow conformist method seems to be within our generations of teenagers, and even persists into adulthood. It involves constructing friendship between among people who are together in contact within a common faction; i.e. class, peer group, outing, etc etc. And these relationships last for a while, with parties within the circle only wanting to form closer attachments within that existing circle.
The open anything goes method, seems to be within the later middle aged westernised group of people, mostly such people are the ones who engage in personal ads, clubbing on their own to pick up people and "arranging" dates with people (outside of their narrow conformist circle mentioned above).
My age group relationships work mostly in the narrow conformist group, while adults tend to be more open-ended.
The narrow conformist method is hell for those who cannot fit into existing normal cliquish frameworks, resulting in lack of potential relationships with narrow people who LIMIT their relationship possibilities to those only within their own respective frameworks.
THink about it. "
But when i was at this seminar.. all the adults were very nice and open. And it made me feel weird coz i cant get along with others my age. -
Not necessarily, but most of us gets a bit "affected" when we see others having lots of friend and we have less. Reality is that a lot of people seems to be in this position of having less friends.Originally posted by men_@_arms:few friends did just arrange to go out today. So yeah i feel better.
Does being a better person = MORE friends?
Sometimes i am confused..
P.S. try to engage those who are less visible. They tend to be the one shouting inside to be understood and wanting to know more friends. The ones who seems to have a lot of friends are the ones who will not care as much for you since they have so many friends already. -
I also got few friends, but they are all real friends
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Personally, my answer is NO. Of course, also depends on what kinda person you are?Originally posted by men_@_arms:few friends did just arrange to go out today. So yeah i feel better.
Does being a better person = MORE friends?
Sometimes i am confused.. -
hmm. well.. i know how u feel man..
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you feel depressed cos ur frens have more blogs than you do?Originally posted by men_@_arms:i know the As are over but why am i feeling depressed? jesus help me.
Its like i feel LONELY and insecure, i feel lesser of a person than other people because they seem to have more fun, more friends and more blogs and shit than me. While the number of friends i have i can count with my hand u know?
The trouble is. its harder to break into other circles and know other people and is vexing.
Maybe i am expecting too much from all people. Maybe i am really disturbed.. Maybe i've got something seriously wrong with the way i see things?
I lack deep connections with people, connections that i see inherent wth everyone else in their interactions with others..
And it further disturbs me to answer the question "WHY do i lack these simple things", because it makes me think even more about what i fucked up loser/evil/dipshit i am.. anf frankly it makes me suicidal.
help.
I dun get what you mean on this...
i.c.y -
I guess what he means is does havin more frens means u are a better person.Originally posted by men_@_arms:few friends did just arrange to go out today. So yeah i feel better.
Does being a better person = MORE friends?
Sometimes i am confused..
I had this tod before..
Havin more frens does not necessarily means u are a better person.
But having few frens definitely makes u doubt urself, ur self-worth etc
right? -
Hi,
People click bec of many reasons. usually bec they are of the same wave length _whatever that means- or that they share common grounds and interests such as hobbies etc.
I have not paid much attention to your previous posting but from this posting, you seem like a rather analytical person. The way you approach things are quite different to most chin-chye type where anything goes. That in itself is not really a problem it jsut that for the time being you will find that it is a little hard for people to understand or fully grasp what you say and for you to speak similar lingos etc except with people who talk and analyse things in similar fashion.
As to having fun, its all about letting yourself go. Tellinig yourself that it is alright to cut yourself some slack, even if you make mistakes, its ok, its done, no major damage, forgive yourself and than go on and make the next mistake! In Life you cannot avoid making mistakes as you live trying to do as much good as you can. So since making mistakes is part of living, just accept that and learn to use mistakes and not let it depress you or control you through fear etc. God forgives you readily so its ok to cut yourself some slack and forgive yourself.
having many friends is great but you will soon realised that you can only ever have so many close friends. The rest are just mere acquitances. Dont be fooled into thinking that some people have tons and tons of friends... yes they do but they are not friends whom they share their secrets with, they are not friends who will go out of their way to help... they are just mere acquitances. You will need and you will find your close group of friends. Usually in life if you have more than 5 close friends in your life time, you are honestly living quite a rich life. But somehow I suspect that that is not something taht you realised as yet. What you feel as of now is that those popular guys seems to have tons of friends... well to a certain extent you can have the same too but the issue here really is, you have a rich close net work of friends but you cannot meet them all the time. so what do you do for teh rest of the time??? Th is where your admiration of your popular firends come in, when they are not with their close firends, they are with their acquitances. Which kinds of like are fill-ins which makes them able to enjoy the "spare" time better!
But again, you have to know yourself, your personality type. if you are the introverted type, you can through time change yourself to some degree but dont kill yourself doing it.
Loneliness do cause people to get depress, espeically during holidays where there is no formalised structure nor a regular meeting of familar faces. It is not unsual for your mood to dip somewhat from time to time during this period.
So what can you do, cultivate interests and join in interest group activities. That is a good way to start. Next learn to listen. Dont offer any answers espeically solutions. communications is more than just the offering of solutions. focus on the human elements in the conversations. on the joy the excitment, the details, the sorrow etc. Dont be too fast to talk either, pick up many topics, current topics of interest, know why you are interested in that topic and offer your views, learn as much as you can... then talk to your friends. surely some of them will share similar interests and you can have interesting conversations. Make it fun and dont judge. after the converstaion, if they had fun with you, they will more likely reply to your sms and want to meet you again bec they remembered in their mind that they had fun with you. from there on, bond with them not just on topics but just banter and banter.. bit by bit familiarity will make you many more good friends.
Hope this helps somewhat. I have made some assumptions here hope they are relevant.
Take care.
Oh about self confidence, it is something that you build first by liking yourself. YOu can learn to like yourself even when you are not in the best state or circumstances. liking yourself is more tahn circumstantial. Its just simply an acceptance of who you are. So get to know yourself better, read personality books and do some sort of profiling, learn to accept the good and the bad of yourself - all of us have to do this sometime in our life time not just you - and once you are comfortable being under your own skin, you will feel strangely stronger and more confident - then you will not be so vulnerable to what others think and consequently living out a self fulfilling prophesy of acting in a way that you think others expects you to act and not being yourself and thereby erroding your identity and selfworth
So learn more about yourself, accept yourself, be comfortable with yourself, and that way, confidence will grow and you will start speaking and living a life that is different from what it is.
Oh about the way you thnk and talk, it is not a problem but learn to express your tots in other more "user-friendly" ways. pick up similar speaking style and words from friends who can convey similar ideas without going into a analytical debate etc... just pay attention to how others use words and how how they talk. there is lots to learn form that. -
YES!!!Originally posted by A Beautiful Mind:I guess what he means is does havin more frens means u are a better person.
I had this tod before..
Havin more frens does not necessarily means u are a better person.
But having few frens definitely makes u doubt urself, ur self-worth etc
right? -
Well today was great. Hooked up with W and YX to play board games and paint miniatures. Talked about possible biz ideas as well as new parodies to film. Also linked up with a new acquaintance (E, who is a friend of a friend from a class i took last year), 4 of us hanged out and yx seemed to get along with E, there were no uncomfortable silences, occasionally we all talk to each other and all of us discussed cool biz topics and brainstormed. Plus we all had laughs. E left early after exchanging numbers with the other 2 blokes, then 3 of us walked all evening from orchard to chinatown, i left for home afterwhich and the 2 of em went back.
I feel better and appreciated as a person. YX and W are my only 2 closest friends here. They themselves seem to have also few real friends, yet they do not seem to suffer emotionally as i do sometimes.
Yet i feel there is still something wrong with me. Occasionally i do get self doubts coz of, as some of u eloquently put it, other people in society appear to be having more fun and more of a social network via their copius quantities of friends, in contrast to mine own.
I get dragged down sometimes because there is nearly no one on my msn who actually says hi to me at ALL, except for white friends who are rarely online... it seems to be always me trying to make the 1st moves to others, and in doing so i appear desperate, making myself more of a nuisance to others.
Perhaps my problem is i cannot accept myself? That i must satisfy others constantly in the hope that they will accept me better? Perhaps i don't even know who i am? When i think about who am i.. i tend to hesitate before i answer.
Or perhaps i overly focus on what i cannot have? Rather than further cherish what i do have? From my 2 great crewmember friends apart, perhaps my problem is longing for the friendship of others when i cannot have it? Could that be a possibility?
I am one who is pessimistic, cynical, entertaining with my parodies and jokes, honest and perhaps too candid by local standards, short (although medium of height told by some), fat (although ppl say i am alright); inferiority complex. I speak eloquently and rarely radiate energy on me own, unless its picked up from others, or am inspired to release energy.
But ultimately i am unsure what is wrong with me. Perhaps what is wrong with me is i keep thining something is wrong with me??! I get stressed up easily and sometimes i argue with my mum, i guess this makes me ugly because i get angry and i look furious.. which eventually culminates in Acne, coupled together with horrible sg humidity results in further blemishes.
i don't know how else to continue writing. this is all for now. -
I have so many friendsOriginally posted by the.raven:I also got few friends, but they are all real friends and the best part is when I need some help, they're not around, they disappear lah...so it's not easy to find one very good friend for ourselves 
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Have you tried keeping a pet? Perhaps you should try buying a cat or dog. You will see why sometimes humans prefer cats/dogs instead of another human. Humans are complex. Cats/dogs are simple, you show them love, they reciprocate and show you love in return. No need to spend so much time trying to impress people and earn more friends. Cats/dos will like you no matter your size/shape as long as you show them love. So get a pet. you wont regret it.
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Well.. I'm WORTHLESS... So it doesn't really bother me much...Originally posted by A Beautiful Mind:I guess what he means is does havin more frens means u are a better person.
I had this tod before..
Havin more frens does not necessarily means u are a better person.
But having few frens definitely makes u doubt urself, ur self-worth etc
right?
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Ssssshhhhh.... let ya in on a secret. The number of friends i have... I can count on one hand too. I remember.. Christmas 2000 and NYE 2001.. not to mention Easter 4 day long weekend. I had no friends to call at all. Actually it was more like i felt so much pride i couldn't make that call. I ended up having coffee by myself .. looking out of the big glass windows of that National art gallery of Victoria.. I was so down.. i was listening to "Stan" on repeat mode. Good grief.. that song still gets to me. But ya know what. In 2001 .. Christmas instead of feeling sorry for myself, i invited myself to people's parties. I got out got tons of videos... went shopping.Originally posted by men_@_arms:i know the As are over but why am i feeling depressed? jesus help me.
Its like i feel LONELY and insecure, i feel lesser of a person than other people because they seem to have more fun, more friends and more blogs and shit than me. While the number of friends i have i can count with my hand u know?
The trouble is. its harder to break into other circles and know other people and is vexing.
Maybe i am expecting too much from all people. Maybe i am really disturbed.. Maybe i've got something seriously wrong with the way i see things?
I lack deep connections with people, connections that i see inherent wth everyone else in their interactions with others..
And it further disturbs me to answer the question "WHY do i lack these simple things", because it makes me think even more about what i fucked up loser/evil/dipshit i am.. anf frankly it makes me suicidal.
help.
Babe, no matter what you do, people are gonna have more 'friends', testimonials on their friendster and more blogs and more blog rings than ya. The point is, how many of them can call someone up at 5 in the morning in tears and get someone to meet up with them? I may have a handful of friends, but i know i can always call someone in the middle of the night and get in touch with someone. Listen babe, u're only a loser if u let urself think u are one. -
At least u stil hav that gal who likes u riteOriginally posted by Devil1976:Well.. I'm WORTHLESS... So it doesn't really bother me much... -
YEAH... HOW VERY TRUE...Originally posted by A Beautiful Mind:At least u stil hav that gal who likes u rite 
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Cannot be helped.We live in SG ya. If you are rich, have high paying job and high education. Suddenly you no need to make friends one, they will come to you. Problem is if you don't have all these.Originally posted by men_@_arms:i know the As are over but why am i feeling depressed? jesus help me.
Its like i feel LONELY and insecure, i feel lesser of a person than other people because they seem to have more fun, more friends and more blogs and shit than me. While the number of friends i have i can count with my hand u know?
The trouble is. its harder to break into other circles and know other people and is vexing.
Maybe i am expecting too much from all people. Maybe i am really disturbed.. Maybe i've got something seriously wrong with the way i see things?
I lack deep connections with people, connections that i see inherent wth everyone else in their interactions with others..
And it further disturbs me to answer the question "WHY do i lack these simple things", because it makes me think even more about what i fucked up loser/evil/dipshit i am.. anf frankly it makes me suicidal.
help. -
Alrighty. i am taking moves to get myself better. Next week gonna have the entire art society over for dinner at my place for pot luck, a few of them were quite enthusiastic, and that makes me feel better for some reason heh.
Called a girl up and asked if wanna hang out sometime, she said she had church camp and would let me know when she free. Same thing with another girl who said would let me know her schedule at some stage.. Although my cynical side says, its just a polite way of telling one to fuck off.. i like to believe this is aNYTHING but negative. Also called up another friend, gonna watch a movie next week when he's free. And a friend will be returning from oz next week, will call her and meet up. Oh and tomorrow is graduation nite thing, even though i feel it will suck with me being alone, i'll still go and hang out there positively. Then saturday and sunday is filming week with my crew and our parodies.
I guess i must keep myself active.