what shld i do now?
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dear folks,
what shld i do, man?
i am a married woman with a kid and my significant other is working overseas.
recently, i got very close to my neighbour who works in the sam industry as me but not in the same company
occasionally, we wld go out and he wld give me a lift home
dun know if it was out of boredom that my significant other is not in singapore, a few wks back, when we went out for drinks with his friends, i drank about two glasses of red wine and was kinda depressed
when i was alone with him, i just collapsed into his arms and he kissed me and after that, we sort of like hugged each other and went for a walk in the neighbour hood
i know that he is a divorcee who have had alot of gfs
maybe it was in a matter of drunken stupor that he kissed me and after that, he sort of hugged me and caressed me but we din sleep together and he is like more than ten years older than me (and infact even older than my youngest uncle)
i dun know wat made me so stupid, i know that if i wasnt high and drunk, this wld not have happened but when i was really intoxicated by drinks, i never thought of this and he even frenched kissed me, that time i was really high and just continued wat we were doing
wat shld i do now? i dun think i wld ever get a divorce and i dun think i wld have a future with him as financially and in terms of capability, my significant other is doing so much better and can provide me with everything
and also i dun know how to face him as i havent seen him since then as i was outstation for work and just got back
wat shld i do now? bearing in mind he does not know my significant other as he had only started staying recently in the same estate and also i am at a loss, i know i wld never do such a thing when i am sober
wat shld i do now, shld i pretend nothing happened or do you think i can continue a normal frenship with him?
i am not a promiscous person, in my whole life, i think i only kissed two men, my significant other being one and the other one being him
why did he kiss me then when he knows that i am married, i was confused and happy at the same time, why didnt he push me away, i also not sure if he has feelings for me or not and now i dare not even call him to chit chat like wat we did
i did tell him that maybe i was lonely and facing family problems but when he kissed me, i lost all my resistance and showed my vulnerability to him already
wat shld i do?
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I think you know what ya want?
PICK YOURSELF UP and AVOID MAKING THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN. -
yr ah lao working hard overseas and there u r doing Stupid things...
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Hello there, and welcome to Sgforums.
From your post, i see a lonely wife, with no outlet to vent her frustrations, release her emotions, and no source of comfort to seek in.
It is very easy, and dare i say normal? for a lonely housewife to succumb to hugging and kissing a 'stranger'.
But beware. I feel that this guy Knows what he is doing, and has seek upon you as prey.
You are feeling confused, and that's very normal. But settle your thoughts.
All you had was a kiss and a hug. Nothing much more. And you stopped after you became sober.
It would be wise, not to keep in contact with him, or to stay a bit further away from him, lest he has the chance to do more things with you the next time.
Perhaps you could talk to your husband, and work out something, so that you can meet up with him for a few days? Just to enjoy his company~
Do not be too bothered by this, and try to live life as normal if you can~ -
Originally posted by Devil1976:I think you know what ya want?
PICK YOURSELF UP and AVOID MAKING THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN.
wa.......... -
aaron,
thanks for your comforting answer, dunknow why i did that,
i am not a lonely housewife, i am a working woman who happened to be doing the same job as my neighbour but we are in different companies
n dare i say this, my salary is considered a high flier one, and i bring back alot of income
i nvr wanted my significant other to work overseas and have tried to quit my job to go overseas but this is a job which i built up over many years and i bring home a six figure income every year (this is not joking, is real)
maybe i come from a middle income family where money is very important, i always wanted my family to be able to enjoy wat i din have when i was a child
i hv always tried to persuade my significant other to come back but he is also doing very well in his job earning many times my pay
but wat to do, actually nothing wld have happened, but i din know why after drinking just two stupid glasses of red wine wld make me have the courage to go and collapse like that
in normal days when we see each other, we always maintain an arm's length from each other and never even have any body contact but
that day, i dun know why one thing led to another and i completely and totally lost myself into this, i am really very lost and vulnerable
if i totally avoid him, it wld be very obvious that wat happened that day seems very important to me (but dun think its important to him as after his divorce, he had cohabited before with other women)
i really wonder wat the hell is wrong with me, you know, my husband is well to do, has a very good job, quite good looking, young and capable and is good in other areas like sports and i dun know why i cld be stupid to do tis with a man who is so old, not rich and has nothing that my husband has, i really am a worthless piece of shit, only good in earning money and nothing else
i wonder if its my fault or whose, if i hadnt collapsed after drinking, this wld never have happened, and i really wonder if he has any liking for me, really at a loss for words -
hey, i see no reason why you should make such negative comments about yourself... you are a great woman who is so independent! you are a great mother who loves your children. you are a great wife who adores your husband!
It's just a mistake you have done. dun probe into it anymore... since you mentioned that he is the not your kind... make that known to him... perhaps he does not even care cos he is just playing around too!!!
Relax! -
Not a problem. Glad to be of help.Originally posted by armygirl:aaron,
thanks for your comforting answer, dunknow why i did that,
i am not a lonely housewife, i am a working woman who happened to be doing the same job as my neighbour but we are in different companies
n dare i say this, my salary is considered a high flier one, and i bring back alot of income
i nvr wanted my significant other to work overseas and have tried to quit my job to go overseas but this is a job which i built up over many years and i bring home a six figure income every year (this is not joking, is real)
maybe i come from a middle income family where money is very important, i always wanted my family to be able to enjoy wat i din have when i was a child
i hv always tried to persuade my significant other to come back but he is also doing very well in his job earning many times my pay
but wat to do, actually nothing wld have happened, but i din know why after drinking just two stupid glasses of red wine wld make me have the courage to go and collapse like that
in normal days when we see each other, we always maintain an arm's length from each other and never even have any body contact but
that day, i dun know why one thing led to another and i completely and totally lost myself into this, i am really very lost and vulnerable
if i totally avoid him, it wld be very obvious that wat happened that day seems very important to me (but dun think its important to him as after his divorce, he had cohabited before with other women)
i really wonder wat the hell is wrong with me, you know, my husband is well to do, has a very good job, quite good looking, young and capable and is good in other areas like sports and i dun know why i cld be stupid to do tis with a man who is so old, not rich and has nothing that my husband has, i really am a worthless piece of shit, only good in earning money and nothing else
i wonder if its my fault or whose, if i hadnt collapsed after drinking, this wld never have happened, and i really wonder if he has any liking for me, really at a loss for words
V gal is right. You are a great woman who is very independant, a great mother who loves your children, a great wife who adores her husband.
How long was it since you and your husband last met each other, and had a hugging/intimate session?
You are a woman, and as independant and as much as you love your husband, you are still easily susceptable to the most normal woman urges. Woman are to be hugged and loved. And you have not had both for some time am i right?
Independant women may look strong, but sometimes you too have your moments of weaknesses. You don't show it, until it eventually overwhelms you, and sometimes you do something silly.
In this case, i'm glad that you did not engage in any sexual activity, for that would have made it much worse.
Looking it at objectively, an outsider can tell you that you haven't done anything much. Its just a hug and a kiss(albeit a french one). He's playing an emotional game with you. But don't ... i repeat.
Don't let it bother you.
Its over. Don't think about it any more.
You said you don't want to avoid him altogether. Then continue treating him as a friend, just let him know your stand that you are Married, and that you will be faithful to your husband.
Once again, i suggest meeting up with your husband, to take a short holiday or something. Seeing as you both earn such exorbitant salaries, I donÂ’t see why you canÂ’t take a no-pay leave of 1-2 weeks to enjoy and renew your marriage.
Trust me, it'll be good for you, for both of you. -
aaron,
thanks again.. before i had tis encounter, i had already arranged to go to meet my significant other when he went for a business trip to HK, we did go but i just feel that the sparks between us is not there
my husband is sharp to the point, he wont be so romantic to caress me or comfort me and he hates women to be very "deh"
i also dare not say anything to my neighbour as i am afraid that he wld say "i also dun like you, you talk so much for wat"
the worse thing is we stay in the same block and hopefully i dun run into him anymore than normal and luckily he is staying in a rented unit and hopefully he moves out soon
i think i need just a shoulder to cry on and comfort me, i hv been thru alot this year, a miscarriage, ups and downs in my personal life and working life
its very stressful to have a high flying job (I dun get such a high pay for doing nothing), have to take care of my kid, have to cope with my parents breathing down my neck and berating me for all kinds of things)
i think that time i was really emotionally very drained and physically and mentallly very tired and thats why i could fall into another man's arms...
i really hope that i can get over tis, when i close my eyes, i only remember his arms around me comforting me and i dun ever want to think that he was out to prey on me because its was me in the first place who had all these problems, really if i din collapse into his arms, nothing wld have happened, i also dun noe who is to be blamed
but i really hope my significant other will come back soon but he does not want, wat can i do, i really need someone to hold me in his arms and comfort me
other things i really dun need at all, not to boast and even i am doing the same job as my neighbour, i am much more capable and earning more
but wonder why such a person like me can be stupid and goondu enough to do such a thing? -
Originally posted by armygirl:
but wonder why such a person like me can be stupid and goondu enough to do such a thing?
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guess what? we all do dumb things one day or another.....
to be physically (or even intellectually) attracted to another person is quite a natural thing, especially when one is lonely (need not even be an overseas spouse).
As the saying goes "the choice is yours". If your marriage is so important to you, the choice is simply to treat this neighbour only as a friend. Note that he may come-on to you again seeing that he has gain a foothold into your emotions. If you do not wish to complicate things further, just do the hi and bye thing. Otherwise, explain to him your stand and be adament about it. Note also that at this point, he may try to dissuade and erode you arguments. So you have to be mentally prepared for his emotional assault.
The issue with your hubby may be even more difficult. If you are one who can keep secrets, than that's fine. If not, you may have an emotional need to come clean with him, of course the danger here is that he may react negatively.
A secondary issue that you have to be concern about if it remains a secret is that your new "friend" may use the incident as a emotional blackmail on your hubby.
BTW, I am a 42 year old married man with children. I know the pitfalls of temptations and many times, I am just short of committing a sin. -
Originally posted by armygirl:aaron,
thanks again.. before i had tis encounter, i had already arranged to go to meet my significant other when he went for a business trip to HK, we did go but i just feel that the sparks between us is not there
Uh-oh... i see a potential danger here... Looks like your marriage is coming to some difficulties... Perhaps it would be wise at this point to ask yourself a direct question. Do you want your high-paying Job(Money), or do you want a successful relationship(Marriage). It does seem like the first one is stopping you from successfully continuing the latter...
Maybe you should sit down and think about it.
my husband is sharp to the point, he wont be so romantic to caress me or comfort me and he hates women to be very "deh"
I'm not the romantic person either, but if my wife asks me for a hug, i would gladly do it. If she asks me to take a short vacation to renew our marriage... i would too.
Remember that all we seek in life is Love and Happiness. Money can buy things that makes us happy, but not happiness. Money can buy things for our loved ones, but not love itself.
i also dare not say anything to my neighbour as i am afraid that he wld say "i also dun like you, you talk so much for wat"
the worse thing is we stay in the same block and hopefully i dun run into him anymore than normal and luckily he is staying in a rented unit and hopefully he moves out soon
Perhaps this is the least of your problems for now...
i think i need just a shoulder to cry on and comfort me, i hv been thru alot this year, a miscarriage, ups and downs in my personal life and working life
its very stressful to have a high flying job (I dun get such a high pay for doing nothing), have to take care of my kid, have to cope with my parents breathing down my neck and berating me for all kinds of things)
I know. You're tired. That's one of the cons of having being Both Independent, and having a high paying job at the same time. If you really can't meet him anytime soon, You yourself, should take some time off to cool down.
No one can work forever, and you sound like you need a break.
i think that time i was really emotionally very drained and physically and mentallly very tired and thats why i could fall into another man's arms...
i really hope that i can get over tis, when i close my eyes, i only remember his arms around me comforting me and i dun ever want to think that he was out to prey on me because its was me in the first place who had all these problems, really if i din collapse into his arms, nothing wld have happened, i also dun noe who is to be blamed
In some situations, strange as though it may seem, both sides should not be blamed, for it was circumstances that led to things happening the way it did.
Its over, just forget it and carry on with life.
but i really hope my significant other will come back soon but he does not want, wat can i do, i really need someone to hold me in his arms and comfort me
I'm sure you do have a close friend at least, who you can meet and share your woes with. He/She would gladly give you the comfort and hug you need, if you but ask.
other things i really dun need at all, not to boast and even i am doing the same job as my neighbour, i am much more capable and earning more
Your neighbour is not the root of your problem. You, and the marriage is.
but wonder why such a person like me can be stupid and goondu enough to do such a thing?
Humans are weak. Especially women.
God made women weak so that the men can comfort them, and in turn, love each other. You're not goondu, just weak, as you should be, and that is not a worthy enough cause for blame. -
Originally posted by _Aaron_:Humans are weak. Especially women.
God made women weak so that the men can comfort them, and in turn, love each other. You're not goondu, just weak, as you should be, and that is not a worthy enough cause for blame.
respectfully, I disagree with that statement. Also I do not think it is the time to debate on whether which is the stronger sex. While I may agree that all else being equal, men is PHYSICALLY stronger than women. However with the issues of emotions, especially lust, I think men is equally susceptible to temptation, and dare I say even MORE so than women.
We are here, hopefully, trying to help an individual, so let's not start a debate on which is the superior sex.
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chin eng,
thanks and hopefully he does not use this as a hold over me..i did tell my significant other about him but of cse not the details (i dun want to die so soon)
actually i met this neighbour at my significant other's fren's(also my fren) wedding, my husband cldnt make it and that was where i met him, we saw each other on the road but din meet for lunch or anything
it was only when i ran into him at my estate then i realised that he lived upstairs after renting a unit
hopefully he does not use it as a hold over me as nothing sexual happened but it was bad enough but i also dun want to say anything to him that suggests that between me and him cannot be possible as in the first place, he didnt even say that he wanted to be with me
after a marriage to his childhood sweetheart, they divorced and he was feeling very bad and blue, although it happened more than ten years ago, he still does not want to get married to anyone and i dun think we can end up together as i dun think i want to divorce my husband, neither does this "fren" want to have anything permanent to do with me, get wat i mean
i wonder whether all men are like that, my husband has told me that he himself has very strong will although i did find out about three years ago that there was a former fellow ex colleague of his who had the hots for him. i didnt know about her existence until i happened to chance upon her email to him when i was overseas visiting him
he has always said that he got strong will, this incident with his ex colleague i can forget as this woman denied she wanted anythg further to do with him although her email sounded other wise......this woman was older than him , somemore
chin eng, can you tell me are there any chances that men would be able to resist charms of women overseas bearing in mind that some women can turn on their charms like water and even my current colleagues told me that they doubt that my husband wldnt stray
many people have said that my husband is very good looking and why did he pick me to be his wife as i am rather plain looking....after hearing all these remarks,i also damn fed up -
i think your neighbour wanted to prey on you. you better be careful.
If u feel lonely, u can meet up with ur gal friends, or come to sgforums
There are many intelligent forumittes around here.
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Post your pic up and we shall evaluate for youOriginally posted by armygirl:chin eng,
thanks and hopefully he does not use this as a hold over me..i did tell my significant other about him but of cse not the details (i dun want to die so soon)
actually i met this neighbour at my significant other's fren's(also my fren) wedding, my husband cldnt make it and that was where i met him, we saw each other on the road but din meet for lunch or anything
it was only when i ran into him at my estate then i realised that he lived upstairs after renting a unit
hopefully he does not use it as a hold over me as nothing sexual happened but it was bad enough but i also dun want to say anything to him that suggests that between me and him cannot be possible as in the first place, he didnt even say that he wanted to be with me
after a marriage to his childhood sweetheart, they divorced and he was feeling very bad and blue, although it happened more than ten years ago, he still does not want to get married to anyone and i dun think we can end up together as i dun think i want to divorce my husband, neither does this "fren" want to have anything permanent to do with me, get wat i mean
i wonder whether all men are like that, my husband has told me that he himself has very strong will although i did find out about three years ago that there was a former fellow ex colleague of his who had the hots for him. i didnt know about her existence until i happened to chance upon her email to him when i was overseas visiting him
he has always said that he got strong will, this incident with his ex colleague i can forget as this woman denied she wanted anythg further to do with him although her email sounded other wise......this woman was older than him , somemore
chin eng, can you tell me are there any chances that men would be able to resist charms of women overseas bearing in mind that some women can turn on their charms like water and even my current colleagues told me that they doubt that my husband wldnt stray
many people have said that my husband is very good looking and why did he pick me to be his wife as i am rather plain looking....after hearing all these remarks,i also damn fed up
(WHO'S NEXT TO BE PLAIN AND FED UP?!
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I'm not trying to say we're the superior sex... i just think/feel/read/see that women are weak emotionally...Originally posted by Chin Eng: respectfully, I disagree with that statement. Also I do not think it is the time to debate on whether which is the stronger sex. While I may agree that all else being equal, men is PHYSICALLY stronger than women. However with the issues of emotions, especially lust, I think men is equally susceptible to temptation, and dare I say even MORE so than women.
We are here, hopefully, trying to help an individual, so let's not start a debate on which is the superior sex.
Hmm. i'm not even talking about temptation in the first place.~ But yea, lets focus on helping~ -
It is hard to explain love. When a guy likes a girl, he won't mind whether she is plain looking or not. Of course, there are still guys who goes for looks.Originally posted by armygirl:many people have said that my husband is very good looking and why did he pick me to be his wife as i am rather plain looking....after hearing all these remarks,i also damn fed up -
Obviously, he is just another a$$hole who wanted to screw a lonely married woman.
Luckily nothing serious happen. Forget about him, there shouldn't be any more friendship between you and him, don't even think about further (e.g. whether he like you etc etc).
Those a$$hole they know that women are vulnerable when they are weak, he just want to screw around. Well, how can you trust such people who take your advantage when he knows you are vulnerable? Is that how “friend” being treated?
I think you need a break. High paid job is really that important?
Perhaps you just need someone care for you, and you just need a shoulder that you can lean on. -
& then post his encounters in Sammyboy forum.. plenty of such threads there "ONS with married woman" "Any lonely married women contacts" etc etc
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Originally posted by A Beautiful Mind:& then post his encounters in Sammyboy forum.. plenty of such threads there "ONS with married woman" "Any lonely married women contacts" etc etc Oh is it?
Maybe already posted!?!??!!
So, keep yourself away from him. Luckily your conscious is clear. -
hi armygirl
The issue of whether a man "can resist the charm" of other women or not is not an easy question. It all depends on the man.
Like it or not, we are all governed by a creed, whether it is a religious, moralistic or just personal conviction is totally immaterial.
I know of many men who travel overseas on a regular basis and remain faithful to their wives. Myself being one of them. Here, I like to clarify that it is not that I did not meet charming women at work, it is that I did not become unfaithful in the process. This is a question that my wife has to constantly deal with, with her colleagues. Her answer to her colleagues is that marriage is based on trust.
I also know of many married men who visit local KTV joint and get serviced. So in reality, it does not matter where one is to be tempted or charmed.
It also depends on where you go to. Some countries are more notorious than others for charming ladies. Therefore in such countries, it is more likely for a man with weaker principles to succumbed to temptations.
At the end of the day, it would go back to the man in question. There are really two issues at hand. The first being whether the man will stray after being bombarded by such comely ladies. The second, which is more important, what is the level of his love to his wife. It is entirely possible that a man remain faithful from the standpoint that he did not have another woman in his life, but at the same time, lost the love for his wife due an extended period of absence. Meaning, they have grown apart as there is very little communication and interaction.
I do not know how long your husband has been away and how long more he will be away. My advice is, if the remaining commitment for him is long, quit your job and be with him in that country.
You have to decide what is more important in your life, your marriage or your job. He too must play a part in allowing you to go to him in his country of work and recognise your needs and concerns. -
Hi Armygirl,
What you experience is common amoung people whose spouse work overseas for long duration at at time. It is called Loneliness.
The first thing that you need to do is to forgive yourself for that incident which you recognised yourself as a mistake. As you said YOu are confused in that you dont know why you did it and yet you feel kinda happy that you were kissed. part of the reason is down to being lonely. when you were slightly high, you let down your guard and you got slightly carried away. There are other reasons such as the amount of stress that you went through and so on but for now it is important that you forgive yourself since nothing else happened.
though it is not a nice thing that happened but the fact is its over and you are waking up to this fact that you do have needs and have a vulnerable side. You are not a robot you do recognised that you are flesh and blood. So You can forgive yourself and be strong in the knowledge that it will not happen in the future bec you are clear about who you are and what it is that you DONT WANT.
Both of you seems to get along pretty well. That may not be surprising since apart from probably sharing an easy personality that allows both of you to get along, both of you also have in common work (a big part of our lives revolves around it) and similar social circles(??). Further there is something else you have in common with him, he is divorced and without a wife and you are lonely without your husband.
Many affairs start that way, when a man/woman starts confiding in another who hapens to be in a similar situation. Bec they share several things in common at that point in time, they are able to feel more actuely what the other person is going through and as such an intimate bond is created which may, if the parties are not careful, lead to physical stuff which is not what you want.
It is great to hear that you have your other area of life going for you that can keep you occupied and meet your emotional needs like hanging out with friends etc but you do need to make some sort of arrangement with your husband that will work for you... sometimes it means one party leaving the job for the sake of the other or one leave the country to follow the other!
You mentioned other issues in your postings that you need to take a closer look into. You have been through a lot and not having your spouse there makes it harder. As to the lack of spark between you and your spouse, it is common when a person is away for a long period. It takes time to build up. First you miss that person like crazy when he goes away but over time you learn to cope without him and that is why the spark is lacking somewhat.
As to your neighbour, since you dont work with him, if it makes you comfortable, avoid him. But you dont really need to talk or explain anything to him at this point.
Anyway, take care. -
AgreedOriginally posted by Chin Eng:I do not know how long your husband has been away and how long more he will be away. My advice is, if the remaining commitment for him is long, quit your job and be with him in that country.
You have to decide what is more important in your life, your marriage or your job. He too must play a part in allowing you to go to him in his country of work and recognise your needs and concerns. -
Move on and stick with ur husband. Write him more and make him write u more. U will feel better and cherished, and it will make u quiver with anticipation of the next fuck with him when he gets back, making it all the more potent and loveable.
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hmm, i feel tat u r drunk at tat time, ur mind is not clear enuf, however, i tink tis is jus a mistake u made..dun tink too muchtat incident anymore, as u know u r married wif kids, then concentrate on ur family, forget abt him...
