what shld i do now?
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i think your neighbour wanted to prey on you. you better be careful.
If u feel lonely, u can meet up with ur gal friends, or come to sgforums
There are many intelligent forumittes around here.
I love to come here to read although i just joined this post not long ago, i used to be very active in this mindef website thingy...hope that i can join you all here more often by posting my half cents worth of advice
the advice that i got here is really good, i get to see the different sides of a story and many opinions and i really respect and value every opinion written here
i think someone wrote that maybe my husband and me have been separated for too long until we lost the sparks of love, maybe we have also been married for too long and when he is here, we do all the things we do together
BUT YET, when he goes back, i also feel relieved that i can go back to my old way of life.
Really lost after my miscarriage which i had to suffer alone, i really felt the world crashing down on me and my body was mentally and physically very tired after this and i can still remember that i used to sit and stare blankly at the swimming pool and i avoided all my friends until now especially those frens who were expecting or had just given birth.
the worse blow to me was when my best fren also got pregnant and we would have given birth at the same time but i had the miscarriage and lost everything
and that was not even worse, there is one b-i-t-c-h in the office who was pregnant before me although her kid was younger than mine and she really behave like a sick assss hole and even taunted me saying that at my level of pregnancy, even miscarriage was okay (not like her if she had a miscarriage, it wld be bad becuz her stomach was showing)
wat type of logic is this, i really felt very upset that i lost the kid and she can say such a thing
i have really been thru alot this year, coupled with my parents nagging me and my father always berating me for not being more hardworking in my job, on one hand he can tell me that family life is important and in the next breath he says i shld work harder
all these pressures really drove me up the wall and i really felt that i was at my wits' end already
smtimes i feel that i really cannot take it anymore
all these things that i am saying are all real only i am using is a anonymous front...really sick of everythg happening around me
hope that i can recover and that my frens can take time to comfort me, although outwardly i seem to be a very kai2 lang2 person but really in reality, i dun easily tell people my problems, i only tell the surface but not everything -
Tackle your problems one by one, and know that we care~
Have you made a decision on anything yet? Let us know =) -
Originally posted by _Aaron_:Tackle your problems one by one, and know that we care~
Have you made a decision on anything yet? Let us know =)
Thanks, aaron,
I have not made any decision but just sticking on for a while, i am trying my best to avoid tis neighbour ie by not calling him to chit chat whilst at work (as we are doing the same job but in different companies)
we used to talk to each other on the phone to discuss our job
as for tackling my problems one by one
1. miscarriage - my body has not totally recovered fully, it takes time and the doctor has said that my body is very weak, very difficult to conceive and that is the reason why i did not relocate to where my husband is as the level of medical care there is not so good and tis is also the reason that my husband told me not to go over there
2. my father berating me - i heck care, i feel like telling my father if he can do my job and do better, let him go and do it
3. trying to spend more time with my friends outside , partly the reason that i succumb to pressure was when my best fren gave birth and i felt left out and that another fren was studying for her Masters. But my best fren did talk to me and counsel me, the other fren does not know about tis but will try to spend more time with her.
4. spend more money shopping, to relieve my boredom, i shop out of frustration but always spend within my limits'
5. try to call my husband more often but often the conversation wld turn to me saying "so when u want to come back" and we wld end up arguing (sigh...)
hope to hear more of your valued opinions, really appreciate everyone here -
Hmm, maybe take a few days off to rest would help your weakened body might help your state of mind. After all, our body is deeply connected with our brain, and if one of it is sick, the other will as well.
If you always get into an arguement with him when you call him... maybe you could fly over and surprise him at work..
This could have a few set-backs though, like interfering with his busy schedule... but if done right, it works wonders.
The rest sounds good to me ~ -
It is good of u to realise that u will not jeapodise yr marriage by turning to another man cos u are lonely.
My advise is to have a serious talk with yr hubby.
If he is going to be stationed overseas for long period, better to quit & join him.
The long separation is not good for a r/s.
I'm sure yr hubby is lonely too.
Money is not everything.
U can learn to survive on one income.
U will also have more time to spend on yr kid & hopefully with less work stress, can conceive again.
I know of a lot of women who sacrifice their high paying job for family.
But end of the day, it is worth it cos u bond better with yr kid & spouse.
Also u can try work part-time when yr kid is bigger -
Difficult to work part time next time becuz my current job is a sales job and it was my husband who encouraged me to join this line,previously i was in the army (hence this nickname which my present colleagues gave me)Originally posted by gerrykoh:It is good of u to realise that u will not jeapodise yr marriage by turning to another man cos u are lonely.
My advise is to have a serious talk with yr hubby.
If he is going to be stationed overseas for long period, better to quit & join him.
The long separation is not good for a r/s.
I'm sure yr hubby is lonely too.
Money is not everything.
U can learn to survive on one income.
U will also have more time to spend on yr kid & hopefully with less work stress, can conceive again.
I know of a lot of women who sacrifice their high paying job for family.
But end of the day, it is worth it cos u bond better with yr kid & spouse.
Also u can try work part-time when yr kid is bigger
and money is not everything but my hsb is also apprehensive that i join him becuz he is afraid that i wld give him problems over there, trust me, where he is working now is so dead quiet that even his colleagues' wives told me not to go
even one of his colleague's wife who is a hsewife also cannot tahan staying there and rather stay in her own hometown without seeing her husband often
wat maybe i can do is to vist my husband more often
my husband has always promised that once he manages to start his own business, he wont be there for long and travelling between two countries
he knows that i am doing very well in my job and also he fears smtimes that when he loses his job before he starts his business, we wld both so called lose everything...so now everything is in a standstill
and i am also receiving medical treatment which my husband wants me to continue so i also cannot leave, so really everythg in a mess so called -
Originally posted by armygirl:dear folks,
what shld i do, man?
i am a married woman with a kid and my significant other is working overseas.
recently, i got very close to my neighbour who works in the sam industry as me but not in the same company
occasionally, we wld go out and he wld give me a lift home
dun know if it was out of boredom that my significant other is not in singapore, a few wks back, when we went out for drinks with his friends, i drank about two glasses of red wine and was kinda depressed
when i was alone with him, i just collapsed into his arms and he kissed me and after that, we sort of like hugged each other and went for a walk in the neighbour hood
i know that he is a divorcee who have had alot of gfs
maybe it was in a matter of drunken stupor that he kissed me and after that, he sort of hugged me and caressed me but we din sleep together and he is like more than ten years older than me (and infact even older than my youngest uncle)
i dun know wat made me so stupid, i know that if i wasnt high and drunk, this wld not have happened but when i was really intoxicated by drinks, i never thought of this and he even frenched kissed me, that time i was really high and just continued wat we were doing
wat shld i do now? i dun think i wld ever get a divorce and i dun think i wld have a future with him as financially and in terms of capability, my significant other is doing so much better and can provide me with everything
and also i dun know how to face him as i havent seen him since then as i was outstation for work and just got back
wat shld i do now? bearing in mind he does not know my significant other as he had only started staying recently in the same estate and also i am at a loss, i know i wld never do such a thing when i am sober
wat shld i do now, shld i pretend nothing happened or do you think i can continue a normal frenship with him?
i am not a promiscous person, in my whole life, i think i only kissed two men, my significant other being one and the other one being him
why did he kiss me then when he knows that i am married, i was confused and happy at the same time, why didnt he push me away, i also not sure if he has feelings for me or not and now i dare not even call him to chit chat like wat we did
i did tell him that maybe i was lonely and facing family problems but when he kissed me, i lost all my resistance and showed my vulnerability to him already
wat shld i do?
Almost guaranteed, in life, we will never our candies in every aspects of our life. It's impossible, for time and experience could only allow us certain important lessons, critical for our soul, mental and emotional growth. What was given, we unconsciously sacrifice other aspects. This natural process is to keep in tune with the treacherous flow of life. Understanding this, you would have realise that what you have 'been there done that' is probably your path of career and wealth. It brings you stress, no doubt, but comparing to any peers of your age, they could hardly stand anywhere close.
You are not lacking anything emotionally; just that your life focus less on the aspects of primary relationship, which you did not have the chance (or have given it up) to set any good growth. Art of Seduction/lust hardly fails when alcohol is present because suppression and social norms vanished into thin air.
(Please ignore: You probably have strong Saturn/Mars in 10th house/sign of Capricorn or similar influence in your birthchart which creates an prominent astrological effect of depression, deep fatherly influence, disciplinary life (army), which also transformed into great business ability).
CloUdiSm states: Relationship moves in phrases and not how hard you make it. The appearance of that man, signify a phrase which will definitely hit hard on your marriage. He doesn't represent a man who can substitute your current one and you know it, instead, he deeply reflects on what you are missing; the voids in your life which you could not fill through money, your current marriage and life. He could probably provide the elements that is missing in your husband - the romance, the touch, the everything else. This is the complementary effect.
Much older, divorcee and still playing the field, etc - a clear sign of someone who is on poor ground for committed relationship. Do not be clouded by your emotional vulnerability and think that this man MAY be someone you could consider - you will probably invite unwanted hurts that could leave burning scars that never heals.
In your case, forget about reading too much into the intimacy you had with him. Like mentioned before, loneliness drives you on. There are no rules in the game of love - even if you are married, it doesn't matter. I urge you to come clean with yourself, understand the loopholes in your emotions and acknowledge them. Find ways to repair what you didn't knew that was damaged previously, even if it could mean some form of sacrifice on your part. You know yourself best - time change, people change. Our needs change when life continues to walk. You may find that the sparks in missing in your marriage - have anyone truely done anything to reverse it? Will anyone be willing to fight and uphold the marriage?
***
C|oUdiSm states that a woman with successful career drains her much more than a man in the same position. Why? Because this woman used much of her masculine energy in the day, having to command her workers, decision to make and all the other thingy that requires the intense output from her to keep her 'there'. When the day pass and night falls, the drained woman comes home and automatically, feminine energy revert and she would definitely desire much love, attention and everything else that a woman deserve in a relationship for security, protection and comfort.
But does she gets it? No... because kids are a problem and other aspects of life are generating additional burden. This woman is unable to recharge the feminine energy and is forced to maintain the masculine energy she had in the day for the night. As time goes on, this creates a deep emotional rift and creates a common scenario like yours above.
P.S: Handle each worries one at a time and discover what's truely important to you at this stage and what you are looking for now. You may realize you could have the solution to ease this weight for there are thingy we don't actually have to spare much focus on. Learn to release your own tension and save yourself first.
Cheers -
hehe, I just saw this thread.
Armygirl, have u tried going to the sinseh aka chinese physician. They should be able to prescribe the right tonic that you can take to recover your health. -
ppl resist changes but embraces their old ways. It is probably that u have already gotten used to life without him around. But then doesn't means that you shouldn't get used to him when he is back.Originally posted by armygirl:i think someone wrote that maybe my husband and me have been separated for too long until we lost the sparks of love, maybe we have also been married for too long and when he is here, we do all the things we do together
BUT YET, when he goes back, i also feel relieved that i can go back to my old way of life.
If the separation is pretty long, u may need to consider some alternatives whereby both of u can be together.
Appreciate their nagging cos u still have them around.Originally posted by armygirl:i have really been thru alot this year, coupled with my parents nagging me and my father always berating me for not being more hardworking in my job, on one hand he can tell me that family life is important and in the next breath he says i shld work harder
I am the opposite.Originally posted by armygirl:
hope that i can recover and that my frens can take time to comfort me, although outwardly i seem to be a very kai2 lang2 person but really in reality, i dun easily tell people my problems, i only tell the surface but not everything
-
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Almost guaranteed, in life, we will never our candies in every aspects of our life. It's impossible, for time and experience could only allow us certain important lessons, critical for our soul, mental and emotional growth. What was given, we unconsciously sacrifice other aspects. This natural process is to keep in tune with the treacherous flow of life. Understanding this, you would have realise that what you have 'been there done that' is probably your path of career and wealth. It brings you stress, no doubt, but comparing to any peers of your age, they could hardly stand anywhere close.
i truly understand that you are right in analysing wat i am lacking in my current relationship, my job is a sales-commission job and we have to face the stresses of unreasonable clients, bad economic environment which wld affect our salary and i dun have someone whom i can talk to as my friends are in salaried jobs and cannot understand how a person with high income can face such problems, they think "you got money wat, wats the problem" wat i need is someone whom i can talk to by the pool side and have a good time..of cse, the person can be anyone but he just happened to be there at the right time but too bad he is the wrong person
You are not lacking anything emotionally; just that your life focus less on the aspects of primary relationship, which you did not have the chance (or have given it up) to set any good growth. Art of Seduction/lust hardly fails when alcohol is present because suppression and social norms vanished into thin air.
(Please ignore: You probably have strong Saturn/Mars in 10th house/sign of Capricorn or similar influence in your birthchart which creates an prominent astrological effect of depression, deep fatherly influence, disciplinary life (army), which also transformed into great business ability).
I am not too sure but i am a sagitarius by virtue of my birth date, i got very depressed over my miscarriage and till now, still very depressed, made so much effort to get pregnant and yet god can take the kid away from me, even the best doctor cannot tell me why my body broke down after this incident
CloUdiSm states: [b]Relationship moves in phrases and not how hard you make it. The appearance of that man, signify a phrase which will definitely hit hard on your marriage. He doesn't represent a man who can substitute your current one and you know it, instead, he deeply reflects on what you are missing; the voids in your life which you could not fill through money, your current marriage and life. He could probably provide the elements that is missing in your husband - the romance, the touch, the everything else. This is the complementary effect.
Even my mum knows him as he lives above but she does not know wat happened lah and had warned me not to get too close to him, but i really cannot stop it, we share the same job nature, can discuss so many things together after work, we email each other (although now stopped already after this incident ) and also sms each other plus we used to even run into each other in the gym, how to avoid being closer to this person
i even have some colleagues who got to know him when they were in the same company and they hinted that he got a divorce when the wife got a third party (dun know real or not) but tis colleague told me that since then, he had changed a lot of gfs
wonder why he is attractive when he is not say very rich, not say good looking, by all means, my hsb has everything he does not have but maybe physically my hsb is not here and my hsb is the type who wants to earn more money, very ambitious type and he also not romantic type
maybe wat i am lacking is company and a shoulder to cry on and nothing else
Much older, divorcee and still playing the field, etc - a clear sign of someone who is on poor ground for committed relationship. Do not be clouded by your emotional vulnerability and think that this man MAY be someone you could consider - you will probably invite unwanted hurts that could leave burning scars that never heals.
In your case, forget about reading too much into the intimacy you had with him. Like mentioned before, loneliness drives you on. There are no rules in the game of love - even if you are married, it doesn't matter. I urge you to come clean with yourself, understand the loopholes in your emotions and acknowledge them. Find ways to repair what you didn't knew that was damaged previously, even if it could mean some form of sacrifice on your part. You know yourself best - time change, people change. Our needs change when life continues to walk. You may find that the sparks in missing in your marriage - have anyone truely done anything to reverse it? Will anyone be willing to fight and uphold the marriage?
***
C|oUdiSm states that a woman with successful career drains her much more than a man in the same position. Why? Because this woman used much of her masculine energy in the day, having to command her workers, decision to make and all the other thingy that requires the intense output from her to keep her 'there'. When the day pass and night falls, the drained woman comes home and automatically, feminine energy revert and she would definitely desire much love, attention and everything else that a woman deserve in a relationship for security, protection and comfort.
But does she gets it? No... because kids are a problem and other aspects of life are generating additional burden. This woman is unable to recharge the feminine energy and is forced to maintain the masculine energy she had in the day for the night. As time goes on, this creates a deep emotional rift and creates a common scenario like yours above.
P.S: Handle each worries one at a time and discover what's truely important to you at this stage and what you are looking for now. You may realize you could have the solution to ease this weight for there are thingy we don't actually have to spare much focus on. Learn to release your own tension and save yourself first.
Cheers[/b] -
[color=blue]Originally posted by SnowFlag:hehe, I just saw this thread.
Armygirl, have u tried going to the sinseh aka chinese physician. They should be able to prescribe the right tonic that you can take to recover your health.
Thanks I have been to the chinese sinseh, have tried their medication but so far seems not much help,maybe chinese medicine takes a longer time to take effect..thanks for your advice[/color] -
Originally posted by armygirl: A miscarriage-lost child is truely traumatic. The memories hounds your for life, but remember - if there is anything you could do to prevent it, you would. All part of greater power to decide if this child would be staying or not. Life and death is unpredictable - hope you can ride through this depression involving your lost-child for there is nothing anyone could do. Don't let it hold you back emotionally. We all have to move, despite the painful memories.
Originally posted by armygirl:
maybe wat i am lacking is company and a shoulder to cry on and nothing else A good company would require minimal amount of time available, small effort and all the other ingredients to cook up some stress-releasing fun and your environment doesn't allow you much of the above mention. Yes indeed you are having the problem highlighted by yourself. You know it, but is kinda helpless over possible solution. Remember the times when we are young and we are so contented whenever we could lay our hands on any toys (both old and new), eat your favourite donuts, etc - but when as we age, our expectation and desire increases. Our needs gradually increase and so is our complication - it would probably hit a climax and we long to return to the simple past, where we had everything, but in its very basic form.
Quiet company for a shoulder to cry, even if it was for a short span of time, is indeed a basic emotional form.
Do take care?
Cheers -
hi armygirl,Originally posted by armygirl:dear folks,
what shld i do, man?
i am a married woman with a kid and my significant other is working overseas.
recently, i got very close to my neighbour who works in the sam industry as me but not in the same company
occasionally, we wld go out and he wld give me a lift home
dun know if it was out of boredom that my significant other is not in singapore, a few wks back, when we went out for drinks with his friends, i drank about two glasses of red wine and was kinda depressed
when i was alone with him, i just collapsed into his arms and he kissed me and after that, we sort of like hugged each other and went for a walk in the neighbour hood
i know that he is a divorcee who have had alot of gfs
maybe it was in a matter of drunken stupor that he kissed me and after that, he sort of hugged me and caressed me but we din sleep together and he is like more than ten years older than me (and infact even older than my youngest uncle)
i dun know wat made me so stupid, i know that if i wasnt high and drunk, this wld not have happened but when i was really intoxicated by drinks, i never thought of this and he even frenched kissed me, that time i was really high and just continued wat we were doing
wat shld i do now? i dun think i wld ever get a divorce and i dun think i wld have a future with him as financially and in terms of capability, my significant other is doing so much better and can provide me with everything
and also i dun know how to face him as i havent seen him since then as i was outstation for work and just got back
wat shld i do now? bearing in mind he does not know my significant other as he had only started staying recently in the same estate and also i am at a loss, i know i wld never do such a thing when i am sober
wat shld i do now, shld i pretend nothing happened or do you think i can continue a normal frenship with him?
i am not a promiscous person, in my whole life, i think i only kissed two men, my significant other being one and the other one being him
why did he kiss me then when he knows that i am married, i was confused and happy at the same time, why didnt he push me away, i also not sure if he has feelings for me or not and now i dare not even call him to chit chat like wat we did
i did tell him that maybe i was lonely and facing family problems but when he kissed me, i lost all my resistance and showed my vulnerability to him already
wat shld i do?
i am surprised to see you here. you were the first to contribute at my thread.
i dun really have new advice for you, but from what i am going through now, i can say: Please trasure your marriage.
Your hubby has not done anything unfaithful to you, and thru some of the reasons that he gave, i.e. want you to stay here to get better medical treatment; means he cares for you. the only grouse is that seems unable to be romantic and gives you the kind of attention that you probably craves for. I know, because my wife used to come home from work and release a tirade against everyone at work. Guess it is in the physiological make-up of women to complain and get a listening ear... not wrong, just that women do it more ostentatiously... No flames here pls, just my thought..
Since your hubby is so away, the only way for you is to fly over to him for a short stay and tell him how you are feeling.. just dun mention anything abt the incident... He will nag and think you are a bother, but somehow, you will have to get your pt across... you could perhaps email him before you fly over...
Men are like that... we are always consumed about earning more money and power... cos it is just ingrained into us ... by women,society and tradition... I am the same, just that now, my priorities have changed... more like live, family then money...
I have friends who have miscarriaged before... and it does a lot of damage, physically, emotionall and physiologically... I can understand why you had committed the moment of folly... perhaps you really wanted someone to care, listen to you and tell you that everything will be alrite... and this neighbour of yours came along... i am a man myself, and what he did is really a game to him... and you are the prey...
There is really a dearth of people in Singapore who really can understand and empathise, especially for marriage problems... and even more difficult to seek them out to that one can lend support to each other...
Continue to post... all the formers here are great people... i am sure u will benefit from doing so.
Take care. -
since u want ur kids to have the best, u probably should avoid this guy. having an affair with another guy can up your chances of a divorce, which is not good for your kids. and if your kids end up being in a broken family, money won't mean that much to them without happiness.Originally posted by armygirl:aaron,
thanks for your comforting answer, dunknow why i did that,
i am not a lonely housewife, i am a working woman who happened to be doing the same job as my neighbour but we are in different companies
n dare i say this, my salary is considered a high flier one, and i bring back alot of income
i nvr wanted my significant other to work overseas and have tried to quit my job to go overseas but this is a job which i built up over many years and i bring home a six figure income every year (this is not joking, is real)
maybe i come from a middle income family where money is very important, i always wanted my family to be able to enjoy wat i din have when i was a child
i hv always tried to persuade my significant other to come back but he is also doing very well in his job earning many times my pay
but wat to do, actually nothing wld have happened, but i din know why after drinking just two stupid glasses of red wine wld make me have the courage to go and collapse like that
in normal days when we see each other, we always maintain an arm's length from each other and never even have any body contact but
that day, i dun know why one thing led to another and i completely and totally lost myself into this, i am really very lost and vulnerable
if i totally avoid him, it wld be very obvious that wat happened that day seems very important to me (but dun think its important to him as after his divorce, he had cohabited before with other women)
i really wonder wat the hell is wrong with me, you know, my husband is well to do, has a very good job, quite good looking, young and capable and is good in other areas like sports and i dun know why i cld be stupid to do tis with a man who is so old, not rich and has nothing that my husband has, i really am a worthless piece of shit, only good in earning money and nothing else
i wonder if its my fault or whose, if i hadnt collapsed after drinking, this wld never have happened, and i really wonder if he has any liking for me, really at a loss for words -
Thanks RegularJoe, how are things between you and your wife?Originally posted by regularjoe:hi armygirl,
i am surprised to see you here. you were the first to contribute at my thread.
i dun really have new advice for you, but from what i am going through now, i can say: Please trasure your marriage.
Your hubby has not done anything unfaithful to you, and thru some of the reasons that he gave, i.e. want you to stay here to get better medical treatment; means he cares for you. the only grouse is that seems unable to be romantic and gives you the kind of attention that you probably craves for. I know, because my wife used to come home from work and release a tirade against everyone at work. Guess it is in the physiological make-up of women to complain and get a listening ear... not wrong, just that women do it more ostentatiously... No flames here pls, just my thought..
Since your hubby is so away, the only way for you is to fly over to him for a short stay and tell him how you are feeling.. just dun mention anything abt the incident... He will nag and think you are a bother, but somehow, you will have to get your pt across... you could perhaps email him before you fly over...
Men are like that... we are always consumed about earning more money and power... cos it is just ingrained into us ... by women,society and tradition... I am the same, just that now, my priorities have changed... more like live, family then money...
I have friends who have miscarriaged before... and it does a lot of damage, physically, emotionall and physiologically... I can understand why you had committed the moment of folly... perhaps you really wanted someone to care, listen to you and tell you that everything will be alrite... and this neighbour of yours came along... i am a man myself, and what he did is really a game to him... and you are the prey...
There is really a dearth of people in Singapore who really can understand and empathise, especially for marriage problems... and even more difficult to seek them out to that one can lend support to each other...
Continue to post... all the formers here are great people... i am sure u will benefit from doing so.
Take care.
I really feel no sparks between my hsb and me, he only wants to make money, make money and do nothing but make money
and its not that i am not making great money here, why shld i give up my job so that i can go and suffer there whereas here i am having a good income here, for the sake of family?not sure if my kid can cope over at a new place, really sick of life
really very fed up of everything, maybe its the seven year itch, tis is exactly the seventh year of marriage for me
really hope i can pick myself up -
sigh... I'm into my 7th year too... not marriage, but of knowing my wife..Originally posted by armygirl:Thanks RegularJoe, how are things between you and your wife?
I really feel no sparks between my hsb and me, he only wants to make money, make money and do nothing but make money
and its not that i am not making great money here, why shld i give up my job so that i can go and suffer there whereas here i am having a good income here, for the sake of family?not sure if my kid can cope over at a new place, really sick of life
really very fed up of everything, maybe its the seven year itch, tis is exactly the seventh year of marriage for me
really hope i can pick myself up
Yup, I guess you have to pick yourself up... and don't take the easy way out and go for instant gratification... after that, you will have to suffer the consequences...
if possible, find somebody who are undergoing or have undergone this stage before... think this is more like mid life crisis... they should be able to empathise and give concrete advice based on their experiences... for instance, i met a internet forumer recently who is also undergoing some marital problems and we had a gd chat... and it was a refreshing change talking to him because he understood the problems that I was going through.. unlike well meaning people who keep advising you to do this and that just because it is morally right to do so... i feel it is not so much as what we want to know that should be done but we want to be heard and understood... at least this applies to me...
and really, at the end of the day, it boils down to communication with each other, not to salvage or end the marriage... but to rediscover the connection that once brought a couple together...
just sharing my thoughts...
Be strong and take care...
Regularjoe -
What matter most now is tat you truly love your signifigant so just try to forget what had happen on that day just lead your normal life lor...
-
Hmm... seems like a nie yuan hv birth...
well...in ur concious mind.. u noe wat is right wat is wrong...
but it might b wat ur sub concious desire...
maybe deep in u .. u r craving for .. that affection...
hmm...
dun noe y.. i jus dun feel.. thing will jus stop here.. n more of it will develop..
do keep us up date -
some men just wanna score with married or attached women. Some studies have shown that some men will get a huge ego boost by being able to seduce an attached woman or a married one. Thinking that they are able to make a woman weak and easy to manipulate.
Well, having said so.. like all the sensible advises, embrace yourself and face the consequences if any. Whatever it is, don't repeat the same mistake. Pretend nothing had really happened since both of you are drank.
Just to point out. Boredom is a REAL killer... Pick up a hobby and make more friends.. If it is due to sexual tension, well, get a device or something. So long you don't end up being unfaithful.. nothing really matters. -
Hi zacken99, army girl here, btw, wat is a nie yuan hv birthOriginally posted by zacken99:Hmm... seems like a nie yuan hv birth...
well...in ur concious mind.. u noe wat is right wat is wrong...
but it might b wat ur sub concious desire...
maybe deep in u .. u r craving for .. that affection...
hmm...
dun noe y.. i jus dun feel.. thing will jus stop here.. n more of it will develop..
do keep us up date
yes, i think wat i lack is someone comforting me and holding me, of cse, when you have a pair of strong arms holding you always makes a girl feel better and a warm and caring voice talking to you.....
after seven years of marriage, indeed now i come to understand wat is meant by the seven year itch, its time to wake up my ideas, although i dun want to think about it, but when i got nothing to do in my free time, i wld think about it and worse when i go home or downstairs, half hoping that i wld see him and half remembering wat happened in the compound of my estate, the feeling is like terrible.... -
Originally posted by aH_v:some men just wanna score with married or attached women. Some studies have shown that some men will get a huge ego boost by being able to seduce an attached woman or a married one. Thinking that they are able to make a woman weak and easy to manipulate.
Well, having said so.. like all the sensible advises, embrace yourself and face the consequences if any. Whatever it is, don't repeat the same mistake. Pretend nothing had really happened since both of you are drank.
Just to point out. Boredom is a REAL killer... Pick up a hobby and make more friends.. If it is due to sexual tension, well, get a device or something. So long you don't end up being unfaithful.. nothing really matters.
Maybe you are right that some men like to score with married women, they feel that they are superior to the married woman's husband even though it may not actually be true
the problem is after that incident which happened about three wks ago, i didnt see him anymore although he did sms me about two wks ago (just a normal forwarding of those chinese sms- not personal sms)
when i came back to work, i saw that he had called me on the monday when i was overseas, maybe he wanted to give me a lift home. I didnt return call to him when i was back and din have any contact with him and have not seen him face to face also although i did see him playing tennis when i was upstairs looking down at the tennis court. but other than that, i didnt talk to him face to face....dun noe how things will end up now... -
Be brave. Bordom can really be a tool to causing serious problems if not deal correctly.
Do get in-touch with your friends again and forget this.
Temptation and curiosity are terrible feelings to have -
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[/color]Originally posted by chaykwaytiao:Be brave. Bordom can really be a tool to causing serious problems if not deal correctly.
Do get in-touch with your friends again and forget this.
Temptation and curiosity are terrible feelings to have
Yes, true, i have also been trying to talk more with my husband but when i find that in moments of quietness and before i sleep, i wld still think of wat happened..maybe its loneliness which is getting me down.... -
i guess u think too much, thats yr social life, but u or he just accidentally make a mistake....
dun worry too much and make yr self stress... =)
Juz dun drink more if u r nt a gd drinker....
HEY GIMMI A TIGER! -
[/color][/color]Originally posted by ben8:[color=darkblue]i guess u think too much, thats yr social life, but u or he just accidentally make a mistake.... dun worry too much and make yr self stress... =)
Juz dun drink more if u r nt a gd drinker....
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Dun know leh, but i still think of him smtimes....just now he called me and asked me to help him to book the bbq pit as i have an extra booking which i wanted to give up..but i tried not to talk so much to him, just told him watever was needed and put down the phone..
very mixed feelings on this, by right i shld not feel this way but dun know why my heart feels otherwise, like got bitter sweet feelings like that....[/color]HEY GIMMI A TIGER!