What does guys means when they say they need time?
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As above... What is the meaning of cooling period? How long does a guy need to cool down...? Is 1 month considered long?
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Want to give us some history of the topic?
Its hard to analyse things based on a single sentence ~ -
Hmm, i have the same problem but maybe our history is different.
Anyway, if he didn't specify, cooling period is infinite
You can also view as a way to cool down, forget each other or silent break off
But maybe he has other underlying problems he need to resolve before
working on relationship. There are 101 reasons and nobody knows....
I can only rely on if you are destined to be together, you will be together
one day. -
plainly, it means he want a breakup, but wanna have a "cooling period" to reduce the impact.....
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I had a lot of restrictions when i'm with him. And he's always going out without bringing me along. He's got at least 2 or 3 bach nights a week. And i got to stay home when he's out. We had tons of quarrels until 1 day, my friends told him off. He couldn't take it and broke up with me. I love him too much and pleaded for another chance to be together. And he suggested a cooling period.
Now, it's been 3 days to a month. He's still not given me an answer. During these time, we've met up twice, and we're behaving like any other normal couples. I asked him why, he told me he also cannot control himself by not holding my hand when we meet up. He says he need time, to think about alot of things.
All my friends told me 2 weeks is sufficient for whatever anger to be cooled. But then? During these time, he still restrict me on what I'm doing. He wants me to prove to him that I can change before we get back together. Wants me to tell him where i'm going too. His reason is, if the places, things and friends that i mix with is clean and "guan1 ming2 zheng4 da4", I shouldn't be afraid to let him know.
When we quarrelled about his outings last time, he also suggested a breakup. Now, he's been going out everyday without telling me too! It's only when i call him, then i discovered it from his backgrounds. I can tell that he needs time to 'make up' for the chances lost for going out when he's with me.
When i prompted the question on how long he wants me to wait, he replied by saying :"If you are that impatient, then you can don't wait..." I told him I felt insecured by his outings everyday now. What if he got to know a new girl and I'm still waiting for him in the dark? He assured me that he needs time, not to know new girls and that he would not have a new gf in this 1 year to come. He's sick of all these BGR problems... -
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If what you're saying are all true, he's probably just too SELFISH... Just LET HIM GO....Originally posted by Ayla:I had a lot of restrictions when i'm with him. And he's always going out without bringing me along. He's got at least 2 or 3 bach nights a week. And i got to stay home when he's out. We had tons of quarrels until 1 day, my friends told him off. He couldn't take it and broke up with me. I love him too much and pleaded for another chance to be together. And he suggested a cooling period.
Now, it's been 3 days to a month. He's still not given me an answer. During these time, we've met up twice, and we're behaving like any other normal couples. I asked him why, he told me he also cannot control himself by not holding my hand when we meet up. He says he need time, to think about alot of things.
All my friends told me 2 weeks is sufficient for whatever anger to be cooled. But then? During these time, he still restrict me on what I'm doing. He wants me to prove to him that I can change before we get back together. Wants me to tell him where i'm going too. His reason is, if the places, things and friends that i mix with is clean and "guan1 ming2 zheng4 da4", I shouldn't be afraid to let him know.
When we quarrelled about his outings last time, he also suggested a breakup. Now, he's been going out everyday without telling me too! It's only when i call him, then i discovered it from his backgrounds. I can tell that he needs time to 'make up' for the chances lost for going out when he's with me.
When i prompted the question on how long he wants me to wait, he replied by saying :"If you are that impatient, then you can don't wait..." I told him I felt insecured by his outings everyday now. What if he got to know a new girl and I'm still waiting for him in the dark? He assured me that he needs time, not to know new girls and that he would not have a new gf in this 1 year to come. He's sick of all these BGR problems... -
My advice is to drop him.
He is not ready for r/s.
He wants his fun but wants to restrict & control u.
A r/s has to be fair, both sides have to give other space to do yr own thing.
No one has the right to tell u what to do, who to see etc. -
You're kidding, right?Originally posted by Ayla:I had a lot of restrictions when i'm with him. And he's always going out without bringing me along. He's got at least 2 or 3 bach nights a week. And i got to stay home when he's out. We had tons of quarrels until 1 day, my friends told him off. He couldn't take it and broke up with me. I love him too much and pleaded for another chance to be together. And he suggested a cooling period.
Now, it's been 3 days to a month. He's still not given me an answer. During these time, we've met up twice, and we're behaving like any other normal couples. I asked him why, he told me he also cannot control himself by not holding my hand when we meet up. He says he need time, to think about alot of things.
All my friends told me 2 weeks is sufficient for whatever anger to be cooled. But then? During these time, he still restrict me on what I'm doing. He wants me to prove to him that I can change before we get back together. Wants me to tell him where i'm going too. His reason is, if the places, things and friends that i mix with is clean and "guan1 ming2 zheng4 da4", I shouldn't be afraid to let him know.
When we quarrelled about his outings last time, he also suggested a breakup. Now, he's been going out everyday without telling me too! It's only when i call him, then i discovered it from his backgrounds. I can tell that he needs time to 'make up' for the chances lost for going out when he's with me.
When i prompted the question on how long he wants me to wait, he replied by saying :"If you are that impatient, then you can don't wait..." I told him I felt insecured by his outings everyday now. What if he got to know a new girl and I'm still waiting for him in the dark? He assured me that he needs time, not to know new girls and that he would not have a new gf in this 1 year to come. He's sick of all these BGR problems...
Dump the deadbeat, or list "doormat" as your occupation. -
why not u in turn give him and urself a date?? for example last day of 2004. if he still doesn't come back to you. then u shd move on.
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I am not aunt agony, but from what you describe, I felt that perhaps the guy you are with is still very young ( below 25 ?), i think in some ways had not gone thru much storm in a relationship lor.Originally posted by Ayla:I had a lot of restrictions when i'm with him. And he's always going out without bringing me along. He's got at least 2 or 3 bach nights a week. And i got to stay home when he's out. We had tons of quarrels until 1 day, my friends told him off. He couldn't take it and broke up with me. I love him too much and pleaded for another chance to be together. And he suggested a cooling period.
Now, it's been 3 days to a month. He's still not given me an answer. During these time, we've met up twice, and we're behaving like any other normal couples. I asked him why, he told me he also cannot control himself by not holding my hand when we meet up. He says he need time, to think about alot of things.
All my friends told me 2 weeks is sufficient for whatever anger to be cooled. But then? During these time, he still restrict me on what I'm doing. He wants me to prove to him that I can change before we get back together. Wants me to tell him where i'm going too. His reason is, if the places, things and friends that i mix with is clean and "guan1 ming2 zheng4 da4", I shouldn't be afraid to let him know.
When we quarrelled about his outings last time, he also suggested a breakup. Now, he's been going out everyday without telling me too! It's only when i call him, then i discovered it from his backgrounds. I can tell that he needs time to 'make up' for the chances lost for going out when he's with me.
When i prompted the question on how long he wants me to wait, he replied by saying :"If you are that impatient, then you can don't wait..." I told him I felt insecured by his outings everyday now. What if he got to know a new girl and I'm still waiting for him in the dark? He assured me that he needs time, not to know new girls and that he would not have a new gf in this 1 year to come. He's sick of all these BGR problems...
I had a "cooling off" period with my 1st GF. Now she's happily married with another guy. I hope u got the hint where I am driving at.
Don't mean to be the bearer of bad news : but I think some how he may had lost the torch that he carried for you in these times. Married couples lost their flames of love after some years becoz of family life and stress the up keep each other, and some of them are smart enough to go for therapy when they realized that their relationship is going down hill. They do it becoz BOTH are committed to making a marriage work..
But a a wooing couple like yourself and your dearest, you may need to give him time to understand what he really wants in life. Some young guys thought they had it all and girls are easy in the pub. So they take their closest person that love them so much for granted.
You can either psycho yourself to continue to be with him or you can begin to open your life and start seing other people. Some times what a person need is just some new perspective.
A baby elephant had it's legs chained a tree trunk, he tried to pull pull pull, but still cannot escape, as times goes by, the elephant grew up big and strong and yet he's still chained to the tree. what the elephant does not know is that he can break the chain now becoz it had grown much stronger in these years. ....sadly it didn't ..... the elepgnat had been taught that he couldn't... it didn't learn a new pattern , chained to the trees all these years and it does not even know what it is capable of.
The elephant thinks that there's no escape.
he should be treated this way and no other way.
Think about it, is your BF suppose to treat you in this way.
Letting go someone you love is tough on you, but hanging on to some one who doesn't love you any more is tough on BOTH of you.
Just my two cents.
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Thanks all for your help... I've always tell myself to let go, yet at the end of the day, I'm still clinging on... I felt so useless, but isn't that the way when you love someone too much? His birthday is coming soon, I hope for a reconciliation on that day because he said he will try to spend his birthday with me. But on the other hand, I know the chances are quite slim as he always put his friends in the 1st priority. I'll give it 1 more try in X'mas. If I fail, then, I'll let go of this r/s...
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I understand it's very very hard. It took me 6 mths of denial, the moreOriginally posted by Ayla:Thanks all for your help... I've always tell myself to let go, yet at the end of the day, I'm still clinging on... I felt so useless, but isn't that the way when you love someone too much? His birthday is coming soon, I hope for a reconciliation on that day because he said he will try to spend his birthday with me. But on the other hand, I know the chances are quite slim as he always put his friends in the 1st priority. I'll give it 1 more try in X'mas. If I fail, then, I'll let go of this r/s...
you want to get back, the more he will feel pressurised and refuse you.
Yes. letting him go is the best solution. If he is yours, he is yours one day. I have a friend whose bf left her for "cooling period" , 2 yrs later,
he came back. I have also heard someone waited 17 yrs. If you really love
him, you will wait unconditionally. -
remember... dun waste ur time on someone that's not willing to spend time with you.
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Sounds like a control freak, who wants his 'gf or wife' to stay at home while he goes out and have fun.Originally posted by Ayla:I had a lot of restrictions when i'm with him. And he's always going out without bringing me along. He's got at least 2 or 3 bach nights a week. And i got to stay home when he's out. We had tons of quarrels until 1 day, my friends told him off. He couldn't take it and broke up with me. I love him too much and pleaded for another chance to be together. And he suggested a cooling period.
Now, it's been 3 days to a month. He's still not given me an answer. During these time, we've met up twice, and we're behaving like any other normal couples. I asked him why, he told me he also cannot control himself by not holding my hand when we meet up. He says he need time, to think about alot of things.
All my friends told me 2 weeks is sufficient for whatever anger to be cooled. But then? During these time, he still restrict me on what I'm doing. He wants me to prove to him that I can change before we get back together. Wants me to tell him where i'm going too. His reason is, if the places, things and friends that i mix with is clean and "guan1 ming2 zheng4 da4", I shouldn't be afraid to let him know.
When we quarrelled about his outings last time, he also suggested a breakup. Now, he's been going out everyday without telling me too! It's only when i call him, then i discovered it from his backgrounds. I can tell that he needs time to 'make up' for the chances lost for going out when he's with me.
When i prompted the question on how long he wants me to wait, he replied by saying :"If you are that impatient, then you can don't wait..." I told him I felt insecured by his outings everyday now. What if he got to know a new girl and I'm still waiting for him in the dark? He assured me that he needs time, not to know new girls and that he would not have a new gf in this 1 year to come. He's sick of all these BGR problems...
You may love him dearly, but i don't think he feels the same for you. He ranks his friends above you, and treat you as a 'second choice'. He is obviously not ready for a relationship.
This may sound cruel, but it would do you good to forget him and get another boyfriend.
More likely he needs time to grow up.~ -
Originally posted by alien_04:I understand it's very very hard. It took me 6 mths of denial, the more
you want to get back, the more he will feel pressurised and refuse you.
Yes. letting him go is the best solution. If he is yours, he is yours one day. I have a friend whose bf left her for "cooling period" , 2 yrs later,
he came back. I have also heard someone waited 17 yrs. If you really love
him, you will wait unconditionally.
and !
To Alya, u say u going to c him this x-mas right?If your heart still plan to continue by all means just go and c wat the outcome...But if u really feel its time to let go... just c him on x-mas , give him a present... give him a kiss and say bye bye to him ...if he ask any reason dun bother to tell him. Don't waste more time on him. -
forgive me from saying so, but I think your friend couldn't find a better one that's why they went back to their old ones......Originally posted by alien_04:I understand it's very very hard. It took me 6 mths of denial, the more
you want to get back, the more he will feel pressurised and refuse you.
Yes. letting him go is the best solution. If he is yours, he is yours one day. I have a friend whose bf left her for "cooling period" , 2 yrs later,
he came back. I have also heard someone waited 17 yrs. If you really love
him, you will wait unconditionally.
and after 17 years ...... tsk tsk tsk ... i think both have a problem at finding the right ones for themselves .....
I guess when one had no choice, or the NEW choice says no to him/her ... thye jolly well have to wait ......
Guys are more of an ass hole .... does anyone really believe that the BF after 2 year came back for love .... maybe sex more likely ..... and there some many touching stories to tell a love strike girl ...... better still ...there's even a song written for it , sang by william SU ... "jiu ai hai shi jui hao" < Old flame is still the best> -
X 2.Originally posted by Estee:remember... dun waste ur time on someone that's not willing to spend time with you.
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They need time, because their first excuse just didn't get you, they need the time to come up with a better excuse.
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Originally posted by temptation:forgive me from saying so, but I think your friend couldn't find a better one that's why they went back to their old ones......
and after 17 years ...... tsk tsk tsk ... i think both have a problem at finding the right ones for themselves .....
I guess when one had no choice, or the NEW choice says no to him/her ... thye jolly well have to wait ......
Guys are more of an ass hole .... does anyone really believe that the BF after 2 year came back for love .... maybe sex more likely ..... and there some many touching stories to tell a love strike girl ...... better still ...there's even a song written for it , sang by william SU ... "jiu ai hai shi jui hao" < Old flame is still the best> -
no way, man? this guy is a 1st class joke. but you can still use him as a spare tyre next time. don't worry about him because you don't need someone who refuses to solve problems without facing them at the front with the subject as in you. there are many many guys in S'poreOriginally posted by Ayla:I had a lot of restrictions when i'm with him. And he's always going out without bringing me along. He's got at least 2 or 3 bach nights a week. And i got to stay home when he's out. We had tons of quarrels until 1 day, my friends told him off. He couldn't take it and broke up with me. I love him too much and pleaded for another chance to be together. And he suggested a cooling period.
Now, it's been 3 days to a month. He's still not given me an answer. During these time, we've met up twice, and we're behaving like any other normal couples. I asked him why, he told me he also cannot control himself by not holding my hand when we meet up. He says he need time, to think about alot of things.
All my friends told me 2 weeks is sufficient for whatever anger to be cooled. But then? During these time, he still restrict me on what I'm doing. He wants me to prove to him that I can change before we get back together. Wants me to tell him where i'm going too. His reason is, if the places, things and friends that i mix with is clean and "guan1 ming2 zheng4 da4", I shouldn't be afraid to let him know.
When we quarrelled about his outings last time, he also suggested a breakup. Now, he's been going out everyday without telling me too! It's only when i call him, then i discovered it from his backgrounds. I can tell that he needs time to 'make up' for the chances lost for going out when he's with me.
When i prompted the question on how long he wants me to wait, he replied by saying :"If you are that impatient, then you can don't wait..." I told him I felt insecured by his outings everyday now. What if he got to know a new girl and I'm still waiting for him in the dark? He assured me that he needs time, not to know new girls and that he would not have a new gf in this 1 year to come. He's sick of all these BGR problems... -
Actually i also thought that the actual meaning of cooling period is just a better phrase to use for breakup... But if that is the case, why would he still bother to sms me, control where I'm doing and going, holds my hand, kiss me and hugs me when we meet? I really don't understand. I asked him but he says it's hard not to show affections for me when we meet because he still loves me too. Then what is the problems? Could it be that he needs time to get over his pride which had been hurt by my friends when they told him off?
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some call it the silent break... slowly slowly avoid then no more... no need to say so much.
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guys are only too fond of doing those physical intimate things. it doesn't mean he loves you just because he can do those things after saying what you want to hear. he loves his pride more or you? the people who can help you now are his good friends. find out more what's really going onOriginally posted by Ayla:Actually i also thought that the actual meaning of cooling period is just a better phrase to use for breakup... But if that is the case, why would he still bother to sms me, control where I'm doing and going, holds my hand, kiss me and hugs me when we meet? I really don't understand. I asked him but he says it's hard not to show affections for me when we meet because he still loves me too. Then what is the problems? Could it be that he needs time to get over his pride which had been hurt by my friends when they told him off? -
he just wants to be in charge of your life...think whether u want this to continue, and let yourself suffer, or just move on