how generous can u be?
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hi kiekie of cos i dun mind u sharing a story!Originally posted by kiekie:hi lyn, if u dun mind i wud like to share wif u a story.
There's this loving couple in the eyes of everyone. One nite, they both went to a fren's birthday party. The guy had juz bought a new hp and his gf was so engrossed in one of the games.
Then there was a msg for the guy.
Being curious, the gf check it out b4 informing her bf as she tot it muz be 1 of his frenz who was on his way to the event.
To her surprise, the msg reads "hi, i miss u, i m on my way already, will call u when i come back okay?"
So the inquisitive gf replied the msg, asking "where r u going?"
The reply from the other party was "Genting loh, y u so forgetful? i thought i told u the other day?"
Guess how the gf feels after reading these??
anyway i guess the gf fren must haf felt utterly disappointed and hurt.. but i'm not very sure wat u trying to express wif this story.. heehee dun mind explaining? =) -
The gf was upset and distraughted as she nv tot tat her bf wud nv stray behind her back. She showed her bf the msgs and was expecting some kind of explanations from him, but guy indulged himself in drinking...
In the end, the gf had to send her drunk bf home and even attend to him for the whole nite( changed his clothes and cleaned up his vommitings)
The next morning, the gf tried to question her bf abt the msg but he pretended as if nothing had happened and denied knowing the sender of the msgs. Knowing tat he will defintely flare up after much questionings, the gf put her words into serious consideration.
She asked: "if u nv meant to hurt me then y did u lie to me in the 1st place? if u fear tat i wud be angry then y did u put urself into such a spot? Dun u feel tat it was silly of u to do so? If u had told me the truth earlier, we cud ve save all these mistrusts. "
Eventually, the guy felt bad and guilty and admitted tat the sender was actuali his ex. He merely called his ex up for a chat and kept her informed of his new hp number. (Of coz things didn't seemed as simple as they were.)
However, the gf chose to believe him even thou she knew tat wasn't all. But if she had dwelled on, tat wud be disasterous. (All guys hav their egos and not all can tolerate being questioned day n nite.)
Eventually, they built back their r/s based on trust, love and communications.
And now they r happily engaged.
The moral of this story is u have to learn to be forgiving.
To forgive a person is doing urself a good deed, in fact u learnt alot thru it.
If u love him, try to forgive him and dun brood over wat's done... its all the past.
Give him a chance to rebuild ur trust, but 1stly u have to build up ur self-confidence; to believe in him. (it may be tough, but u have to if u want to save ur r/s) -
I don't see why they should be angry if you're the one who finds out about what the other party has done?Originally posted by ~Lyn~:hi all.. was thinking whether it's common for the other party to expect u be very generous in the above mention situation? like if u do learnt abt them doing all these behind ur back and ask them frankly abt it, will they be mad? and if given a choice to noe the truth and not noe the truth of the situation, which one will u choose?
Given a choice, I'll rather choose to KNOW. -
Hard to say. Truly, the outcome is debatable.Originally posted by kiekie:The gf was upset and distraughted as she nv tot tat her bf wud nv stray behind her back. She showed her bf the msgs and was expecting some kind of explanations from him, but guy indulged himself in drinking...
In the end, the gf had to send her drunk bf home and even attend to him for the whole nite( changed his clothes and cleaned up his vommitings)
The next morning, the gf tried to question her bf abt the msg but he pretended as if nothing had happened and denied knowing the sender of the msgs. Knowing tat he will defintely flare up after much questionings, the gf put her words into serious consideration.
She asked: "if u nv meant to hurt me then y did u lie to me in the 1st place? if u fear tat i wud be angry then y did u put urself into such a spot? Dun u feel tat it was silly of u to do so? If u had told me the truth earlier, we cud ve save all these mistrusts. "
Eventually, the guy felt bad and guilty and admitted tat the sender was actuali his ex. He merely called his ex up for a chat and kept her informed of his new hp number. (Of coz things didn't seemed as simple as they were.)
However, the gf chose to believe him even thou she knew tat wasn't all. But if she had dwelled on, tat wud be disasterous. (All guys hav their egos and not all can tolerate being questioned day n nite.)
Eventually, they built back their r/s based on trust, love and communications.
And now they r happily engaged.
The moral of this story is u have to learn to be forgiving.
To forgive a person is doing urself a good deed, in fact u learnt alot thru it.
If u love him, try to forgive him and dun brood over wat's done... its all the past.
Give him a chance to rebuild ur trust, but 1stly u have to build up ur self-confidence; to believe in him. (it may be tough, but u have to if u want to save ur r/s) -
Depends on what kinda flirting?Originally posted by ~Lyn~:hi juz wondering how generous can one be in terms of relationship.. can one stand ur gf/bf flirting wif other guys/gals, contacting their ex behind ur back or sometimes get to meet up wif them? wat would u do when trap in this situation? how do u feel? had heard of quite a lot of such cases so wanted to hear diff opinions .. -
[quote]Originally posted by kiekie:
The gf was upset and distraughted as she nv tot tat her bf wud nv stray behind her back. She showed her bf the msgs and was expecting some kind of explanations from him, but guy indulged himself in drinking...
In the end, the gf had to send her drunk bf home and even attend to him for the whole nite( changed his clothes and cleaned up his vommitings)
The next morning, the gf tried to question her bf abt the msg but he pretended as if nothing had happened and denied knowing the sender of the msgs. Knowing tat he will defintely flare up after much questionings, the gf put her words into serious consideration.
She asked: "if u nv meant to hurt me then y did u lie to me in the 1st place? if u fear tat i wud be angry then y did u put urself into such a spot? Dun u feel tat it was silly of u to do so? If u had told me the truth earlier, we cud ve save all these mistrusts. "
Eventually, the guy felt bad and guilty and admitted tat the sender was actuali his ex. He merely called his ex up for a chat and kept her informed of his new hp number. (Of coz things didn't seemed as simple as they were.)
However, the gf chose to believe him even thou she knew tat wasn't all. But if she had dwelled on, tat wud be disasterous. (All guys hav their egos and not all can tolerate being questioned day n nite.)
Eventually, they built back their r/s based on trust, love and communications.[/color]
And now they r happily engaged.
The moral of this story is u have to learn to be forgiving.
To forgive a person is doing urself a good deed, in fact u learnt alot thru it.
If u love him, try to forgive him and dun brood over wat's done... its all the past.
Give him a chance to rebuild ur trust, but 1stly u have to build up ur self-confidence; to believe in him. (it may be tough, but u have to if u want to save ur r/s)
[/quote
it take two hands to clap.. glad they had a happy ending.. willing to forgive is a thing but the other party haf to be willing to be truthful which tends to be tricky for some.. but i agree r/s is built on trust, love and lots of communication.. thanks for the story! -
if ur guy doesn't feel tat he was in the wrong.. then u have to decide:Originally posted by Devil1976:Hard to say. Truly, the outcome is debatable.
1)can u tolerate him flirting behind u and get to know new girl frenz?
2)how long can u tahan; be it 1 hour, 1day, 1 wk, 1 yr or 10yrs?
dun bottled up ur feelings, unless u want to end up like a volcano eruption.
Best way is to sort things out wif him... before he let u suffered another blow.
Mayb he really doesn't mean to hurt u...we nv know. -
like chatting wif girls/guys on net followed by exchanging nos or like taking initiative to know girls/guys and exchange nos after which.. juz plainly like "fishing for girls/guys" kind and not purely looking at girls/guys..juz some examples...Originally posted by Devil1976:Depends on what kinda flirting? -
[/b][/quote
it take two hands to clap.. glad they had a happy ending.. willing to forgive is a thing but the other party haf to be willing to be truthful which tends to be tricky for some.. but i agree r/s is built on trust, love and lots of communication.. thanks for the story![/b][/quote]
Again, this story may be sounds lame to some of u, but i m the girlfriend.
If u love him, u muz be prepared to go along and take the risk..may it be a failure or success. (i noe it sounds silly, but sometimes human r juz like tat)
As u said it takes 2 hands to clap, willing to forgive is a thing but the other party haf to be willing to be truthful which tends to be tricky for some This is the risk u have to take. Do u think he's worth u doing all these?
Sometimes, pple might be blind by love, u give unconditionally when it comes to love ones and in the end, u might be the one who suffers the most.
Aren't life the way it should be? If it shouldn't, then u muz think of ways to make it better. -
Yeah... Guess it's all very variable and subjective?Originally posted by kiekie:if ur guy doesn't feel tat he was in the wrong.. then u have to decide:
1)can u tolerate him flirting behind u and get to know new girl frenz?
2)how long can u tahan; be it 1 hour, 1day, 1 wk, 1 yr or 10yrs?
dun bottled up ur feelings, unless u want to end up like a volcano eruption.
Best way is to sort things out wif him... before he let u suffered another blow.
Mayb he really doesn't mean to hurt u...we nv know. -
Personally, I don't think exchange of contact no. or even initiating to do it must certainly means something? Surely, I won't deny the possibility of some people having that intention, but still it can be quite subjective?Originally posted by ~Lyn~:like chatting wif girls/guys on net followed by exchanging nos or like taking initiative to know girls/guys and exchange nos after which.. juz plainly like "fishing for girls/guys" kind and not purely looking at girls/guys..juz some examples...
Take my gf for example? She's just being ultra-friendly most of the time. She take contact from my friends and the people I know (or don't really know??
)... Females.. Guys...
She even know a WHOLE BUNCH of GUYS from the internet... I've never really interfered in her activities, and I seriously won't intend to do for now. She even used to meet up with guys (yes, even 1-1 basis). Just that she's currently too busy with me (guess this 'strategy' works huh..?)
"
The POINT is that I know she can TRUST ME ALOT... I DELIVERS the SAME... I don't even check out who those guys are and the content of their talks... Sometimes she'll just tell me about them.. Sometimes I casually ask...
Personally, I feel that mild flirting can be quite 'healthy' as long as you know how to control it...
If there really is a REASON and NEED for her to 'FISH' for another guy, maybe it's time for me to REFLECT on MYSELF or OUR RELATIONSHIP..??
Though no doubt sometimes it can be her character also... But that would be a totally different issue altogether again...? -
Personally, I'm the kind of person who cannot tolerate my bf contacting his exes. But then again, it all depends on the depth of love for him. My bf and I always quarrels over his ex. She has been calling him, sms-ing him and I don't even know whether they'd met up behind my back. You all may say that I don't have trust in him. But I believe that a gal would never be so persistent for a year even when she knows that he's with me now, unless he gave her the impression that they're still possible!
She would call him in the wee hours of the night (e.g 3am or 4am) just to ask what is he doing or how is he. On several occasions, I was so flared up till I snatch the phone and asked what she want. She just apologised profusely and hung up. On another occasion, (also around 3am) when I picked up the call, she asked me who am I instead. When i revealed my name, she asked for my bf. But my bf doesn't want to answer her call. So, she hung up the phone. I mean, I understand there are such b|tches who don't know how to be considerate. But on the other hand, if the guy never gives any false impression, would the gal still continue to be a b|tch?
As for flirting with other gals, he addresses those gals as "Gal" when he reply to their sms. I am helpless about that because that is a general address. Maybe he is really good in covering up for himself when he goes out. So far, I've not known of his any affairs outside. Back then, when you love someone too much, you tend to be ignorant of his whatever doings outside. That is not very healthy. I'm still trying to help myself to wake up... -
My current gf does contact and meet up with her ex.Originally posted by ~Lyn~:hi juz wondering how generous can one be in terms of relationship.. can one stand ur gf/bf flirting wif other guys/gals, contacting their ex behind ur back or sometimes get to meet up wif them? wat would u do when trap in this situation? how do u feel? had heard of quite a lot of such cases so wanted to hear diff opinions ..
But to me, if i hear what people just talk about her or rumours.
I wouldn't believe it unless i have caught her in the act myself.
If there are always doubts, there wouldn't be trust or acceptance between the both parties involved then what is the point of having a r/s in the first place. -
I am ok with her flirting and going out with other guys.
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Well... Sometimes being overly sensitive is not healthy too...?Originally posted by Ayla:Personally, I'm the kind of person who cannot tolerate my bf contacting his exes. But then again, it all depends on the depth of love for him. My bf and I always quarrels over his ex. She has been calling him, sms-ing him and I don't even know whether they'd met up behind my back. You all may say that I don't have trust in him. But I believe that a gal would never be so persistent for a year even when she knows that he's with me now, unless he gave her the impression that they're still possible!
She would call him in the wee hours of the night (e.g 3am or 4am) just to ask what is he doing or how is he. On several occasions, I was so flared up till I snatch the phone and asked what she want. She just apologised profusely and hung up. On another occasion, (also around 3am) when I picked up the call, she asked me who am I instead. When i revealed my name, she asked for my bf. But my bf doesn't want to answer her call. So, she hung up the phone. I mean, I understand there are such b|tches who don't know how to be considerate. But on the other hand, if the guy never gives any false impression, would the gal still continue to be a b|tch?
In some cases. Yes.
As for flirting with other gals, he addresses those gals as "Gal" when he reply to their sms. I am helpless about that because that is a general address. Maybe he is really good in covering up for himself when he goes out. So far, I've not known of his any affairs outside. Back then, when you love someone too much, you tend to be ignorant of his whatever doings outside. That is not very healthy. I'm still trying to help myself to wake up... -
Erm, or maybe should i say it's Instinct?Originally posted by Devil1976:Well... Sometimes being overly sensitive is not healthy too...? -
be selfishOriginally posted by ~Lyn~:hi juz wondering how generous can one be in terms of relationship.. can one stand ur gf/bf flirting wif other guys/gals, contacting their ex behind ur back or sometimes get to meet up wif them? wat would u do when trap in this situation? how do u feel? had heard of quite a lot of such cases so wanted to hear diff opinions .. -
aiya. personally i think there is no right recipe for a relationship. everything is play by ear
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Ya right... 'Instinct' sometimes can cause more troubles than it deserves....Originally posted by Ayla:Erm, or maybe should i say it's Instinct? 
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So common already well it depends totally in the individual, if carry on wif that kind of life then is totally up to you and if you don't want to carry on then it is totally up to you, but it's best to stop and think on the bright side and move on, it hurts alot but just move on... well it's still depends on some pple.... you know what I meanOriginally posted by ~Lyn~:hi juz wondering how generous can one be in terms of relationship.. can one stand ur gf/bf flirting wif other guys/gals, contacting their ex behind ur back or sometimes get to meet up wif them? wat would u do when trap in this situation? how do u feel? had heard of quite a lot of such cases so wanted to hear diff opinions .. -
I guess it is ok once in a while for yr gf/ bf to talk to their ex if they parted as friends but if it happens too often, then it is time to question their motives.
Same thing applies to gf/bf flirting cos it means they are not serious abt the
r/s. If u really care abt someone, u will be mindful abt. causing hurt through your actions. U need to be truthful to one another -
that's nt called generiosity... "stupidity" wld be a better term.Originally posted by ~Lyn~:hi juz wondering how generous can one be in terms of relationship.. can one stand ur gf/bf flirting wif other guys/gals, contacting their ex behind ur back or sometimes get to meet up wif them? wat would u do when trap in this situation? how do u feel? had heard of quite a lot of such cases so wanted to hear diff opinions ..