tormented.. i need advice.
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i knew him abt 2 yrs ago.
he is 8 yrs younger and we chatted for almost 6 mths before we met up. before i even saw him, i knew i loved him. i love his personality and the way he treated me tenderly.
we met finally and he was not handsome but i felt deeply for him. for almost a year, we were madly in love though we had to keep it underground due to the age gap. i am his first woman.
however, his family soon found out and threatened him in order to stop him from seeing me. we struggled for almost 3 months till we broke up and within a month, he went out with another girl, someone younger than him.
i didn't stop loving him, didn't stop thinking of him. in the 5 months that we were not together, i didn't contact him because i wanted him to be happy with the new girl. i thought maybe he found happiness but i would cry myself to sleep and woke up from dreams of him in tears every single day and night.
5 months later, he contacted me and told me he broke up with the girl. he was so determined to stop seeing her that i was surprised. i tried to resist meeting him but failed. we became intimate again but this time, he said he didn't want a girlfriend.
lost and confused, i kept my distance from him again after a month of being intimate with him. every day was a torment. every day was another wide-eyed nightmare but i forced myself to forget him. though, i didn't succeed. i would sms him from time to time and he would keep those replies brief and distant.
recently, we met up and as expected, we became intimate again. i am confused if it's lust or love though i know that he fills my mind every waking moment. although we keep things casual, he had reacted angrily and violently when i started seeing another guy of late. however, he claimed that he was just worried that i am on a rebound and would be cheated.
the last time we were in bed, he was so tender and loving. though as usual, he would keep a distance once it was over. but he would sms me from time to time abt my work, family and my health.
i am tormented.
any advice? thanks in advance. -
i think he's taking advantage of u cos he noes u love him dearly.. he din want a relationship cos he's afraid of objection from his family... he's still young and tend to think more of present than future.. since u are so tormented why not move on... i believe u will find ur mr right..
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Hmm... quite vague
Pardon me but Guys usually won't reject a free fuck u know~
IF he'll ever or he intends to get together with u again, he would already have done something~
However, it could also be due to the fact that u never ask for anything, and he is happy with the way things are~
And btw, not being with another gal doesn't mean tt he have to be with u or he has the slightest intention to~ They could have broken up for so many other reasons~
And again, being jealous tt u'r seeing another guy also doesn't mean tt he needs u so badly~ It might not be jealousy anyway, sometimes ppl just dun like to lose their toy, it hurts the ego and guys r usually more or less ego maniacs as much as they r perverts~
Ok, tt was the harsh part~
I wonder if u 2 did tok bout how to proceed on from where u r~
Let him know exactly wat u feel and wat u want (at this point of time)-
Guys will forever be guys~ Dun expect him to know exactly wat u r thinking~
Things may be obvious, or one may guess but ultimately wat u really think or want can only be communicated by u~
Furthermore, he may not or dunno wat to do at this point of time~
If u really wish to be together with him so much, theres still no 2 ways bout it but to bring it up to him though u may not want to seem pushy~
At the end of the day,
I would still say~
Mei You Jie Guo De Ai Qing
Bu Bi Chou Chang~ -
You should know what's the difference between lust and love.. To him it might be just only lust.. to you.. you said you love him.. He went with another girl.. and broke up saying he will not see the girl anymore.. what's the reason behind it?? The girl is of his age.. slightly younger.. but why did he choose you over her?? Is there something that the other girl couln't satisfies his needs and wants.. but you can??Originally posted by frenchKiss:i knew him abt 2 yrs ago.
he is 8 yrs younger and we chatted for almost 6 mths before we met up. before i even saw him, i knew i loved him. i love his personality and the way he treated me tenderly.
we met finally and he was not handsome but i felt deeply for him. for almost a year, we were madly in love though we had to keep it underground due to the age gap. i am his first woman.
however, his family soon found out and threatened him in order to stop him from seeing me. we struggled for almost 3 months till we broke up and within a month, he went out with another girl, someone younger than him.
i didn't stop loving him, didn't stop thinking of him. in the 5 months that we were not together, i didn't contact him because i wanted him to be happy with the new girl. i thought maybe he found happiness but i would cry myself to sleep and woke up from dreams of him in tears every single day and night.
5 months later, he contacted me and told me he broke up with the girl. he was so determined to stop seeing her that i was surprised. i tried to resist meeting him but failed. we became intimate again but this time, he said he didn't want a girlfriend.
lost and confused, i kept my distance from him again after a month of being intimate with him. every day was a torment. every day was another wide-eyed nightmare but i forced myself to forget him. though, i didn't succeed. i would sms him from time to time and he would keep those replies brief and distant.
recently, we met up and as expected, we became intimate again. i am confused if it's lust or love though i know that he fills my mind every waking moment. although we keep things casual, he had reacted angrily and violently when i started seeing another guy of late. however, he claimed that he was just worried that i am on a rebound and would be cheated.
the last time we were in bed, he was so tender and loving. though as usual, he would keep a distance once it was over. but he would sms me from time to time abt my work, family and my health.
i am tormented.
any advice? thanks in advance.
It seems to me.. that he jua wanna make it out with you.. and then again.. he told you he doesn't want to have a gf... but why are you still with him?? He knows that you love him alot.. he knows that he can take control over you.. He knows you will do anything for him.. He got all your weakness... You can simply give him wat he asked for..
I dunno whether he do really care for you.. or be true to you.. though he might send messages asking about you.. and blah blah.. he can do this jus for the sake of kepping you by his side.. making you think that he cared for you.. He doesnt wan you to go out with others.. As he is afraid that one day you might jus leave him.. and he got nothing form then on.. Age is not a matter.. but if he's really sincere enough you wont have to face such problems.. if Love is accounted for!
You know and old enough to differentiate all these.. For sure.. you know you will get cheated.. but you still bang your head against it.. Why?? Jus becos you both can satifies each other?? that's all?? jus be cos you wanted to be in a r/s.. and then he came along..?? Are you sure this is wat you want?? Will you still be happy afterall??
I suggest you settle your feelings and emotions down first.. then seriously think about this so-called relationship you had with him..
Cheers..
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hi...
feel sorry for u... hm... well, personally i feel tt, since it's not the first time, u should by now know clearly wad's happening, just tt u're trying to hide urself from the truth?
or if u dun agree with wad i said, i believe u should keep his hands of you. no kissing, no holding hands, no hugging, and of coz no bed k... if he realli loves u, he would understand ur insecurity which would be y u feel uncomfortable in getting intimate with him. dun u think so? then, if he realli loves u, he will try to win u back, ur trust and all, before u're comfotable with getting intimate with him again. if he insist on getting intimate without having a official relationship, den u better pull back becoz u dun wan to get ur fingers burnt again... i'm sure it will hurt u.. like the first 2 times rite? -
He broke off with the girl b'cos he have to start from ZERO.
When he needs someone, you were there for him, always.
Do you know where both aof you are heading?
Do you envisage both of you walking up the altar together?
Despite social norms and family pressure? -
Thanks for your advice people... i really appreciate them very much.
This is the first time I receive feedback about my situaiton as my r/s with him had been underground and with the way things are going, it doesn't make sense if i talk to my friends about him.
he did try not to be intimate with me as he said he was worried if he would hurt me more after we had sex. it was partly my fault to deny my feelings towards him when we talked so that i would still see him. whenever we met up, the chemistry would be so strong that we always couldn't resist each other. it wasn't entirely his fault.
he told me if i ever allow another man to have sex with me, he would never meet me or ever touch me again. i asked him why but he said i do not need to know the answer.
as with Magnus, is it true that i should stop being there so that he may realise that he needs me?
or, he never really needed me..
Sunrise, i do not know if this is lust or love but when we made out, i felt like i was giving myself to someone who really owns me.. sorry to sound so silly.. -
i believe he is just using you for lust... and not love.
Do take some time to think of your "r/s" with him.
u could be forgotten once he found another victim. -
it's lust.
get out before it gets worse. seek support from frens and even here, there are people here to listen and just yak. it will not be a easy road but after the pain, sun will shine again.
take care
don -
I think you should be sensible enough to differentiate between love and lust.Originally posted by frenchKiss:i knew him abt 2 yrs ago.
he is 8 yrs younger and we chatted for almost 6 mths before we met up. before i even saw him, i knew i loved him. i love his personality and the way he treated me tenderly.
we met finally and he was not handsome but i felt deeply for him. for almost a year, we were madly in love though we had to keep it underground due to the age gap. i am his first woman.
however, his family soon found out and threatened him in order to stop him from seeing me. we struggled for almost 3 months till we broke up and within a month, he went out with another girl, someone younger than him.
i didn't stop loving him, didn't stop thinking of him. in the 5 months that we were not together, i didn't contact him because i wanted him to be happy with the new girl. i thought maybe he found happiness but i would cry myself to sleep and woke up from dreams of him in tears every single day and night.
5 months later, he contacted me and told me he broke up with the girl. he was so determined to stop seeing her that i was surprised. i tried to resist meeting him but failed. we became intimate again but this time, he said he didn't want a girlfriend.
lost and confused, i kept my distance from him again after a month of being intimate with him. every day was a torment. every day was another wide-eyed nightmare but i forced myself to forget him. though, i didn't succeed. i would sms him from time to time and he would keep those replies brief and distant.
recently, we met up and as expected, we became intimate again. i am confused if it's lust or love though i know that he fills my mind every waking moment. although we keep things casual, he had reacted angrily and violently when i started seeing another guy of late. however, he claimed that he was just worried that i am on a rebound and would be cheated.
the last time we were in bed, he was so tender and loving. though as usual, he would keep a distance once it was over. but he would sms me from time to time abt my work, family and my health.
i am tormented.
any advice? thanks in advance.
What has he given you? It's an underground r/s between u and him. Then what about him and that girl? Was their r/s open? How did his family threaten him? He told you? Or his family looked you up? No doubt about that? Think again, why do both of you end up in bed everytime you met? And after getting intimate with you, he stayed a distance. It seems that he is only after free sex. Besides that, I wonder does he get money from you..He dun allow you to be intimate with other guys..why? coz he is selfish..Have you ever wondered who else has he slept with? Or is there other underground r/s that you never know?
My advice for you is to forget him. I know it is not possible..but please have a life of your own, engage in healthy activities, make frens..and stay away from him, avoid all contacts with him and never be soft hearted again. If he ever ask to have sex again, ask him..what can he give you? Since he dun want attachment..it means he dun want to be responsible. Words are dirt cheap. He can act as tho he loves you, he can be loving and tender to you in bed, but after those intimate moments, how does he treat you?
Don't be silly. Most people are blinded by love. But is this an one-sided love?
Do you still want to carry on sleeping with him and torture yourself this way? You deserve someone who truly loves you and able to commit to a r/s.
Wish you all the best. -
nvm.. removed...
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Don't do that.Originally posted by frenchKiss:.. is it true that i should stop being there so that he may realise that he needs me?
or, he never really needed me..
Needs & yearnings varies according to the time, weather, place, situation etc..
Have a talk with him. Ask him whether is there future for both of you.
Ask him the questions that I ask you. Or rather, if you can answer them by yourself? -
thanks! come to think of it, his mother never called me up though if she had wanted to, she could have checked his hp for my number. yes, he told me how his family threatened him and objected to our r/s. now that you mentioned this, i'm having my doubts...Originally posted by LilO gIrL:Then what about him and that girl? Was their r/s open? How did his family threaten him? He told you? Or his family looked you up? No doubt about that? Think again, why do both of you end up in bed everytime you met? And after getting intimate with you, he stayed a distance. It seems that he is only after free sex. Besides that, I wonder does he get money from you..He dun allow you to be intimate with other guys..why? coz he is selfish..Have you ever wondered who else has he slept with? Or is there other underground r/s that you never know?
his r/s with the girl is open. he brought her to visit his relatives within a week after they met.
he didn't get any money from me but i always paid for the expenses most of the time. he would chip in when he could.
i don't know if he has other underground r/s but when he showed me his hp in exchange for mine to check the smses.. i don't see any from other girls.
just now, he seemed angry via sms when i told him i may go out with the other guy. 2-3 sms later, he sounded cordial in a polite way again.
Magnus, he said there's no future for us. he always said that i'm pretty enough to find someone else but when i do mention someone else, he will be angry at me and tell me not to spite him. He also told me that he will never do anything that will upset his family. i know i am being silly but the more filial he is, the more i can't bring myself to blame him.
i do not know how i can openly discuss with him without sounding pushy like how GTO suggested.. neither do i know how to turn away from him completely.
once i close my eyes, i see his ...
...and when my eyes are open, i search for someone like him on the streets.. or anything that reminds me of him. -
thanks the_don.. i feel better already now that i took the first step to write abt all these things.Originally posted by the_don:it's lust. get out before it gets worse. seek support from frens and even here, there are people here to listen and just yak. it will not be a easy road but after the pain, sun will shine again. take care .. don
i had not told a human soul before this. i know i may end up losing my mind and life should i go on keeping so much to myself.
till today, every single moment i had spent with him still etched in my mind very vividly. sometimes, it's ironic how what we don't say or utter a single word about, just stay deep and strong in our souls.
i still remember the night, while we were still madly in love, that he told me how he thought i was just like a wife to him. every time, he hugged me, i felt like i was home again.
anyway, the advices here really help and i am very grateful to anyone who responds here. sometimes, i don't know why i am so tortured by someone so much younger than i am......... -
I hope after getting all these advices, you would be able to think more clearly. People always say pang guang zhe qing, dang ju zhe mi..Originally posted by frenchKiss:thanks! come to think of it, his mother never called me up though if she had wanted to, she could have checked his hp for my number. yes, he told me how his family threatened him and objected to our r/s. now that you mentioned this, i'm having my doubts...
his r/s with the girl is open. he brought her to visit his relatives within a week after they met.
he didn't get any money from me but i always paid for the expenses most of the time. he would chip in when he could.
i don't know if he has other underground r/s but when he showed me his hp in exchange for mine to check the smses.. i don't see any from other girls.
just now, he seemed angry via sms when i told him i may go out with the other guy. 2-3 sms later, he sounded cordial in a polite way again.
He belongs to the category that is possessive. But does he deserve you? -
Without a doubt, both of you do love each other.
But we cannot lives on that alone. There are lots of factors to consider.
If he can't give u a future, let it go.
He should let you go too, if he really loves you.
But I think under the current circumstances, you will not let go.
There's no point continuing if there's no end in sight.
It is also difficult when one partner is indecisive and do not have a strong conviction to ride it out. -
Magnus.. thanks again.. you've spoken something my mind tells me to do..Originally posted by Magnus:Without a doubt, both of you do love each other.
But we cannot lives on that alone. There are lots of factors to consider.
He should let you go too, if he really loves you.
But I think under the current circumstances, you will not let go.
There's no point continuing if there's no end in sight.
It is also difficult when one partner is indecisive and do not have a strong conviction to ride it out.
however, how do you know that he still loves me? my heart tells me he does, my mind craves for evidences.. -
i don't deserve him.. sometimes i wish to death that i hadn't been born earlier than him..Originally posted by LilO gIrL:I hope after getting all these advices, you would be able to think more clearly. People always say pang guang zhe qing, dang ju zhe mi..
He belongs to the category that is possessive. But does he deserve you?
i've seen things clearer through your responses and just today, whenever i want to sms him, the words here shot through my head..
... but frankly, i wish he'd take me as his completely and perhaps, bravely.. though younger, i listen to him most of the time and he will nag at me abt my work and health...
sometimes, when i think of how one day he won't be by my side scolding me, controlling me and nagging me anymore at all, tears will flow uncontrollably.. -
silly...
if he loves u, age is not a problem. -
after we broke up.. whenever we meet, he won't look at me in my eyes at all ..Originally posted by LilO gIrL:silly... if he loves u, age is not a problem.
but every part of him & what he does is still so loving to me.. he will make me sit down comfortably before buying food for me.. he will make sure i'm not thirsty or tired still.. he will sms me to check if i'm home, showered and safe in bed..
sometimes, i feel so miserable how i can feel his love so strongly but won't ever know if he really does love me still..
our age is a big problem to his family and he loves his parents alot. -
hmm..if an ex dun even care a bit about u, then u can forget about him..Originally posted by frenchKiss:after we broke up.. whenever we meet, he won't look at me at all in my eyes..
but every part of him & what he does is still so loving to me.. he will make me sit down confortably before buying food for me.. he will make sure i'm not thirsty or tired still.. he will sms me to check if i'm home, showered and safe in bed..
sometimes, i feel so miserable how i can feel his love so strongly but won't ever know if he really does..
our age is a big problem to his family and he loves his parents alot.
how about him telling u that he dun want a gf? if he really loves u..why did he go for another?
perhaps telling yourself that he loves u will make u feel better..
but that is not going to do you any good on the long run.. -
The evidences are all in your postings.Originally posted by frenchKiss:Magnus.. thanks again.. you've spoken something my mind tells me to do..
however, how do you know that he still loves me? my heart tells me he does, my mind craves for evidences..
We do allow our hearts to love as much as we would wanted to.
But, we have have to face reality.
Sometimes, somethings are just not meant to be, even if there's love.
We cannot live on love alone. -
tonight, i didn't send him any more sms after dinner... usually wish him goodnight and sometimes, he says sweet dreams to me too..
but i know i must start somewhere.. right? your advices have affirmed what my mind, reality, logic & reasons tell me to do.
however, we do have plans to meet up soon though i am almost afraid as much as i am excited to see him again.. or shall i disappear & go missing for a while?
i wonder if he will miss me enough to want me should i harden my heart and leave him completely one day.. though i can't do it now so quickly.. -
Without an end in sight, it will go nowhere.
How much time you are allowed to waste?
Be pragmatic. Let your head overrule your heart, for a change.
Tell him what you want and ask if he can commit.
And if he still can't. You can 'shi xin' or give up. -
x2.Originally posted by Magnus:Without an end in sight, it will go nowhere.
How much time you are allowed to waste?
Be pragmatic. Let your head overrule your heart, for a change.
Tell him what you want and ask if he can commit.
And if he still can't. You can 'shi xin' or give up.
No porint dragging on if it's going nowhere..