tormented.. i need advice.
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I think he is just treating u as a sex buddy
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Originally posted by frenchKiss:i knew him abt 2 yrs ago.
he is 8 yrs younger and we chatted for almost 6 mths before we met up. before i even saw him, i knew i loved him. i love his personality and the way he treated me tenderly.
we met finally and he was not handsome but i felt deeply for him. for almost a year, we were madly in love though we had to keep it underground due to the age gap. i am his first woman.
however, his family soon found out and threatened him in order to stop him from seeing me. we struggled for almost 3 months till we broke up and within a month, he went out with another girl, someone younger than him.
i didn't stop loving him, didn't stop thinking of him. in the 5 months that we were not together, i didn't contact him because i wanted him to be happy with the new girl. i thought maybe he found happiness but i would cry myself to sleep and woke up from dreams of him in tears every single day and night.
5 months later, he contacted me and told me he broke up with the girl. he was so determined to stop seeing her that i was surprised. i tried to resist meeting him but failed. we became intimate again but this time, he said he didn't want a girlfriend.
lost and confused, i kept my distance from him again after a month of being intimate with him. every day was a torment. every day was another wide-eyed nightmare but i forced myself to forget him. though, i didn't succeed. i would sms him from time to time and he would keep those replies brief and distant.
recently, we met up and as expected, we became intimate again. i am confused if it's lust or love though i know that he fills my mind every waking moment. although we keep things casual, he had reacted angrily and violently when i started seeing another guy of late. however, he claimed that he was just worried that i am on a rebound and would be cheated.
the last time we were in bed, he was so tender and loving. though as usual, he would keep a distance once it was over. but he would sms me from time to time abt my work, family and my health.
i am tormented.
any advice? thanks in advance.
You are tormented because the man you love is a different man now. Why do I say that? He looked the same thing, but his love has evolved and mutate into something else.
You are so emotionally vulnerable... vulnerable because this relationship is an underground relationship. I have known people having underground relationship before and its farking (lack of better term) tormenting. Nobody to express your hurt... had to put on an emotional mask... had to set up emotional defence... had to learn the art of trying-to-lead your normal life... etc. (The destructive nature of Neptune acting upon a relationship like these).
You are his first woman - namely, his first love. In the beginning, it was for Love, no doubt, but he knew you wasn't meant to be after a difficult struggle. Later, it wasn't so. Why am I so certain? No man would be intimate with one, yet opting for emotional distance. This is the ultimate sign of a man consumed by lust. I have seen much relationships and no exception ever came out from this theory.
Then, you start questioning yourself... why would he contact you occasionally and everything if it WASN'T for love? This is the second step to the above theory: to make constant psychological and emotional chain on you so that he is able to have access to what he desire. And the third sign would be: to cut your route off from moving on and to remain in this state for as long as he could hold you. (To show much displease when you tried dating other man or signs that you are moving away) And you thought he still loves you....
... don't be foolish girl.
You will still be crying every night if you continue to hang in the air. On the other hand, you think he will be crying? For gawd sake, HELL NO! He is leading his own good life and whenever the needs arises, you pop into the picture. This isn't born from love - it's twisted. Like how fungus grow on tree... draining its vitality for it's growth.
P.S: There are times in Love when we must recognise what was gone, had vanished forever. These are known as memories and we kept them. We shouldn't be led astray by these memories and try to lead new phrases of our life fueled by these vanished-past.
Cheers -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
You are tormented because [b]the man you love is a different man now. Why do I say that? He looked the same thing, but his love has evolved and mutate into something else.
You are so emotionally vulnerable... vulnerable because this relationship is an underground relationship. I have known people having underground relationship before and its farking (lack of better term) tormenting. Nobody to express your hurt... had to put on an emotional mask... had to set up emotional defence... had to learn the art of trying-to-lead your normal life... etc. (The destructive nature of Neptune acting upon a relationship like these).
You are his first woman - namely, his first love. In the beginning, it was for Love, no doubt, but he knew you wasn't meant to be after a difficult struggle. Later, it wasn't so. Why am I so certain? No man would be intimate with one, yet opting for emotional distance. This is the ultimate sign of a man consumed by lust. I have seen much relationships and no exception ever came out from this theory.
Then, you start questioning yourself... why would he contact you occasionally and everything if it WASN'T for love? This is the second step to the above theory: to make constant psychological and emotional chain on you so that he is able to have access to what he desire. And the third sign would be: to cut your route off from moving on and to remain in this state for as long as he could hold you. (To show much displease when you tried dating other man or signs that you are moving away) And you thought he still loves you....
... don't be foolish girl.
You will still be crying every night if you continue to hang in the air. On the other hand, you think he will be crying? For gawd sake, HELL NO! He is leading his own good life and whenever the needs arises, you pop into the picture. This isn't born from love - it's twisted. Like how fungus grow on tree... draining its vitality for it's growth.
P.S: There are times in Love when we must recognise what was gone, had vanished forever. These are known as memories and we kept them. We shouldn't be led astray by these memories and try to lead new phrases of our life fueled by these vanished-past.
Cheers[/b]
Truth hurts..but cannot deny..What yun highlighted are indeed very true.. -
What are both your ages?
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Yunhaier.. your words really hurt but i know that it has been a thorough analysis of what's going on. I printed out your post and had been reading it over and over again till what you said stay in my heart and mind.
You are right that he is a different man now. His feelings for me are probably twisted and have mutated. He is no longer the simple guy whom I first met. Maybe he didn't scheme his way to hold me captive emotionally to get sex, but the outcome is similar. He did get what he wanted from me. I was simply too weak to resist him. Being 8 yrs older didn't stop me from being indulgent emotionally.
I agreed too that I was so vulnerable as I had been drained and given too much to maintain any r/s with him for too long on my own. There was no emotional support from anyone. On this, I want to thank everyone here who had replied and advised. You don't know the tremendous help you have given to me.
today, i told him via sms that i won't contact him unless necessary. he replied cordially and told me that he would keep in touch with me. since lunch, i had not heard from him.
i will take baby steps for now. seeing the 'real' him through the posts here has really helped me to stop thinking too fondly of him. Yunhaier's advice is right - memories are to be kept and not lived on. The past is vanished and won't return. What is now is different and has changed from what it was at first.
Devil1976, I am 8 yrs older than him. That's all I will say. Age really is nothing in affairs of the heart, otherwise, I should have been wiser. Thanks. -
BBMak - Love is Leaving
Love is Leaving
There were times I knew
But I found it hard to say
You were special in my life
Never thought you'd go away
I'll be strong
I'll get by
Without you in my life
I can see through your lies
Did you ever love me
I never found your love
(Chorus)
You and I know
Love is leaving
And you don't want me anymore
Why should I even try
You and I know
Love is leaving
Now you're the last thing on my mind
Someone else I will find
A memory I've left behind
If I ever made you cry
Any reason I can't find
It was lonely by your side
Like a fool I stood by you
I'll be strong
I'll get by
Without you in my life
I can see through your lies
Did you ever love me
I never found your love
Chorus
Is there something I could do
Is there something I should say
Is there someone else to keep me from the night
Chorus -
Do you have this song? can send me?Originally posted by aRcTiC_sTaR:BBMak - Love is Leaving
Love is Leaving
There were times I knew
But I found it hard to say
You were special in my life
Never thought you'd go away
I'll be strong
I'll get by
Without you in my life
I can see through your lies
Did you ever love me
I never found your love
(Chorus)
You and I know
Love is leaving
And you don't want me anymore
Why should I even try
You and I know
Love is leaving
Now you're the last thing on my mind
Someone else I will find
A memory I've left behind
If I ever made you cry
Any reason I can't find
It was lonely by your side
Like a fool I stood by you
I'll be strong
I'll get by
Without you in my life
I can see through your lies
Did you ever love me
I never found your love
Chorus
Is there something I could do
Is there something I should say
Is there someone else to keep me from the night
Chorus -
Tomorrow can? Gonna sleep le got early lessons tomorrow.
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sure. anytime, thanks!Originally posted by aRcTiC_sTaR:Tomorrow can? Gonna sleep le got early lessons tomorrow. -
I know you're 8 years older than him, but I was actually asking for your exact ages...Originally posted by frenchKiss:Devil1976, I am 8 yrs older than him. That's all I will say. Age really is nothing in affairs of the heart, otherwise, I should have been wiser. Thanks.
Nonetheless... Since you've already made up your decision, I shall speak less of the affairs...
By the way... Emotional supports don't have to come solely from a partner... They can also come from friends and family members... -
I get my emotional support here though. Don't forget thatOriginally posted by Devil1976:I know you're 8 years older than him, but I was actually asking for your exact ages...
Nonetheless... Since you've already made up your decision, I shall speak less of the affairs...
By the way... Emotional supports don't have to come solely from a partner... They can also come from friends and family members...
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Originally posted by _Aaron_:I get my emotional support here though. Don't forget that
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Hi Frenchkiss,
U have to answer this question: what do u want in a relationship?
Happiness, companionship, love, etc...right?
Now, if u are in a relationship which doesnt give u these things, or even worse, makes u suffer, then why do u want to continue? Why do u torment urself?
Just think clearly....what is the direction of ur relationship with him, what does the future hold, can u two be happy together, etc. Get some time alone and think.
If the conclusion of ur thinkings is that the relationship is not sustainable, then just break off, move on.
I know u love him alot. But if the two of u cant get together, then just forget it. Move on. It's not worth it. Get busy with work, hobby, go out with friends, meet new people, know more guys. Slowly you will forget him. Dont spend so much time thinking about him. Whenever u start thinking about him, distract urself with something else.
All the best. -
Yoo hoo... Still want the song?Originally posted by LilO gIrL:sure. anytime, thanks! -
Originally posted by frenchKiss:
Yunhaier.. your words really hurt but i know that it has been a thorough analysis of what's going on. I printed out your post and had been reading it over and over again till what you said stay in my heart and mind.
You are right that he is a different man now. His feelings for me are probably twisted and have mutated. He is no longer the simple guy whom I first met. Maybe he didn't scheme his way to hold me captive emotionally to get sex, but the outcome is similar. He did get what he wanted from me. I was simply too weak to resist him. Being 8 yrs older didn't stop me from being indulgent emotionally.
I agreed too that I was so vulnerable as I had been drained and given too much to maintain any r/s with him for too long on my own. There was no emotional support from anyone. [b]On this, I want to thank everyone here who had replied and advised. You don't know the tremendous help you have given to me.
today, i told him via sms that i won't contact him unless necessary. he replied cordially and told me that he would keep in touch with me. since lunch, i had not heard from him.
i will take baby steps for now. seeing the 'real' him through the posts here has really helped me to stop thinking too fondly of him. Yunhaier's advice is right - memories are to be kept and not lived on. The past is vanished and won't return. What is now is different and has changed from what it was at first.
Devil1976, I am 8 yrs older than him. That's all I will say. Age really is nothing in affairs of the heart, otherwise, I should have been wiser. Thanks.[/b] Advice are usually words people never wanted to hear.
And relationship is often the element that causes that.
P.S: Remain strong... you will be alright. *pat pat*
Cheers -
yes yes! thanks! will pm u.Originally posted by aRcTiC_sTaR:Yoo hoo... Still want the song? -
i didn't succeed in forgetting him.
we met up very frequently recently and of course, as in the past, we just couldn't stop being intimate...
i remember what was shared here.. that it's just lust and he's just using me to satisfy his sexual needs. however, it really didn't feel like it was just lust. he was so tender and loving. many would say men are just that in bed but there were many moments of quient intense looks in between when we almost cried together again, naked.
i denied my feelings for him to him. always saying i do not feel for him at all. i know it relieves him and i am just happy talking to him.. i just don't want him to worry or feel guilty again. though the fact is, my heart still beats so fast and i still get goosebumps whenever i see him in my mind... it had been almost 700+++ days since i first gave my heart away to him. feelings don't just go away? has anyone felt so deeply that absence only sharpens how you feel? sometimes, it's so overwhelming that i'm grateful i have found him but tortured that i can't be with him this life.
now, no matter what, i just feel so contented every day that we are back in close contact though we promise each other that we'll only be friends... it'd enough for me. i love to see his smile in his sms...
i know i am silly, almost stupid, but i love him. him, only. -
First thing first.. both parties ages? If both r adults tt's fine.. 8 yrs is not a prob.. prob arises if u r an adult n he's an adolescent..
i'm assuming both of u guys r adults.. personally.. i wouldnt mind older women.. i think they have their own form of allure n beauty.. n wouldnt can wat my parents will say or react.. it's my future n happiness.. not theirs.. u should let him know tt.. i know it's hard on him since it will affect his family ties but it's up to him to explain n convince his family.. n assert he's rights n individuality as an adult..
as for u.. u should give up so easily.. esp if u r convince both of u r true to each other.. age diff r juz numbers.. not an obstacle.. talk to him.. juz be patient n give him some time to sort things out with his side..
watever happens.. good luck.. -
Tired of loving this way - Collin Raye & Bobbie Eakes
I'm tired of watching me hurt you
I'm tired of being the teardrops on your face
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
I know your every weakness
I can find one in everything you say
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way.
I'm not what you really need
I'm not the one in your dreams
I can see it in your eyes
This ain't the way it should feel
I don't know how we got here
Love's no longer blind
If that's just how it is
Can we go on like this
Oh baby what do you say
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
I'll set your heart free
And if you're mine you'll come flying back someday
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
Well, I'm taking you with me
Like a room in my heart you'll have your place
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm not what you really need
I'm not the one in your dreams
I can see it in your eyes
This ain't the way it should feel
I don't know how we got here
Love's no longer blind
If that's just how it is
Can we go on like this
Oh baby what do you say
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
Advice has been given to u by lots of ppl.. i shan't say anything more.. A gift from me... May be able to help you a bit.. Good Luck