An end of a relationship that lasted eleven years Â…
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I'm quite sure IÂ’m kind of tipsy now after a few bottles of forbidden fruit, and I think that's why I'm actually able to make myself share this with all.
I had never felt so lost before in my life! I always thought that god has been real kind to me - giving me entirely the best thing in life, and letting me meet my fiancée. Yes, we have been together for seven years, and she is definitely the first woman in my life. However, such generosity from god almighty is finally reaching a junction!
Just half a year ago, I propose to her after finally sorting out my thoughts. I realised that she is the woman of my life, and I sincerely want to provide her with all the happiness she ever wanted. I can still remember the sweetness of the proposal when she accepted it. I really felt like I’m nothing less than the most successful guy in the world – not because of anything, but simply because both my fiancée and me are deciding to move together, whether in the better or worse. I do not know what is happening now, and definitely do not know why just after half a year, things are starting to go astray. We have since gone separate ways for the past two months after some form of confusion – something I seriously do not know (or maybe I do!). Perhaps the pressure of commitment has really weighed both of us down. There seems to be so many reasons why we are no longer together, but then again, it seems altogether too vague at the same time.
Just to reminisce a bit, I started to take notice of her when I was in secondary 2. However, I had never made known my feelings towards her until I was secondary 4. At that time, sadly, a friend of mine backstabbed me, and as a result, my fiancée and my friend got together. However, this did not stop me from wanting to be with her. She has always been in my mind, and I was ready to wait for the best to happen to me. I guess finally my effort was paid off after about one year when they break up. I decided that it is best that I do something about it, and try to win her heart. Sadly, at that time, she never took fancy of me at all. We remain as friends for the remaining months to come, and I never gave up hope at all.
As a friend then, I was always very encouraging towards whatever she is doing, and always supported her decision. At the same time, I never forget to constantly show my care and concern to her, and making her feel appreciated. For at least six months, I would page (pager was still popular then) her every night to say “goodnight”, and will also send her letter at least once a week to tell her about myself. At that time, she still did not feel anything for me. But that did not stop me from wanting to grab my own happiness. I was very lucky to have friends that were very supportive then, and they always try to do whatever possible to help me. I guess my effort finally paid off when after half a year, hints from my friends suggest that my fiancée is finally taking notice of me, and will worry at times as well.
Finally, I mustered enough courage to ask her if she was willing to be my girlfriend then, but was rejected. I was sad, and was already quite disillusioned then, having put in so much effort already! Heaven has been kind to me! The following day after the rejection, we were supposed to go for a cruise together with many other friends. I actually do not want to go, but was finally persuaded to go by my friend. On the boat, there were once again many chances created for us by our friends. I thought I should just give myself one more tries then, and decided to ask her again. In a very dramatic scenario (I like this to me personal), she agreed to be my girlfriend. I guess the rest is history Â… (It took me four years to achieve this amazing feat!)
For the past seven years, there were many ups and downs, and of course we braved through all these storms. Things have never been better when just half a year ago, I finally decided to propose to her. That happy moment has been one of the best memories till date! We were very happy, and definitely blissful. I want to take up that responsibility towards her, and definitely want to be the best husband to her in the world – again this is history too …
She has always been a girl that desire to be loved, and definitely need me to take care of her. She has never been a person who is able to decide what she wants, and constantly needing me to plan for her. Of course I enjoy that process of taking responsibility. (I’m a very traditional man!). I admit that because of that, I’m also a bit of MCP. It was working fine all these while until … Just about 3 years ago, having realised that she is having difficulty in getting the right career, I decided to give her a helping hand. I introduce her to a friend of mine who is a financial advisor, and robe her into the finance industry. One for my fiancée strength is that she is a very determine and focus person (but seriously not decisive enough yet to make her own independent decisions), and she will go all out to satisfy her thirst for success.
ItÂ’s been since two months after separation, and I really was thinking that did I bring this to myself! She has totally changed since she tasted success in the industry. Although IÂ’m always there to support her in many areas, I believe she is now starting to believe that she is able to think for herself (and start to make independent decisions). IÂ’m not sure really, but I do believe that she is trying too hard to prove her worth to me! From the very first day she stepped into this industry, I have always been providing her with all the support she needed, be it financially or morally. In a way, she is now thinking that she is staying with me because she feels indebted to me. I was really shocked to know that! I didnÂ’t know that what I had been doing for the relationship has become something she felt complied.
All of a sudden, many things started happening between us. For a start, she no longer care about me, and the career is all that matters. Suddenly, the commitment towards our relationship is questionable! She is feeling very pressurised when is with me, and she cannot find comfort at all when with me. From the sole supporting pillar, I suddenly felt more and more like a hindrance to her career. Did I mould her to what is now, or did my way of doing things make it a pressure to her? I can say for sure that without me, there will be no career for her! But am I betting on this too much? Does mixing around with different people or successful people make her realised that IÂ’m actually not the right person for her?
I have to admit that at time, I did feel threaten by her booming career and success. No doubt I made her what she is now, it doesn’t really carry much weight thou! I understand that relationship should not be measured this way, but I really cannot understand the sudden change in her! Yes, she did tell me how she suddenly felt towards me for the past months, but why didn’t she say anything? I can still remember the promise we made half a year ago when we were engaged – does that not carry any more weight now?
I seriously very affected by what has happened, and have been trying to find an answer to it! My life has totally change suddenly after seven years, and I do not know where I will be moving on from here! I sincerely want to know from her what is going on, and what exactly is the problem! I cannot accept the fact that just half a year ago, we were so happy together – literally not able to live without each another everyday and night. This change is just so sudden! I’m not prepared to give her up, and I know that by giving up like this, not just will I not know what happened, I will also never forgive myself if something serious is happening to her life, and I’m not there for her when she needed me most …
“Love is not about having, it’s about giving …” -
There are so many women, dont worry... You are so faithful..What's your horoscope and hers?
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woah. some things are just not meant to be.
don't take it too hard.
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Don't forget we are constantly changing & growing up during the courtship period. Your fiancee is having a stressful time adjusting to new job & its demands. She may not spend as much time with u cos a finance job means long hours. Be more understanding & not pressurise her.
Have a talk with her. U need to romance her & remind her to cherish the times u shared. After so long, maybe u have taken each other for granted.
It is good that she is more independent & do not have to rely on u all the time. Maybe u have to adjust yr mindset & accept the changes. Be supportive of her success. -
As quoted in Bar:
This may sound a bit of a coincidence, but i've actually read this before in a book.(The major points of it are the same.)
Guy meets Girl.
Guy woos Girl.
Eventually proposed.
Guy introduces Girl to Job.
Girl grows Independent.
Girl thinks Guy made her that way, and is indebted to him.
Girl suddenly feels stressful when around Guy.
No. There's nothing you did wrong. Its circumstances that made your relationship into what it is now.
Perhaps, if i were to dive into her mind, i would find that she has separated her life into 2 parts. Pre-Success, and Post-Success.
She's enjoying her post-success life right now, and you're not in it. In fact, you're very dormant in her Pre-Success life.
She doesn't want to be reminded of it everyday, when she looks at you. And she may be feeling a bit guilty that she's throwing away her love, for her success. That's why she's feeling stressed.
In the book, the guy eventually let her go, but that's because he didn't really love her in the first place.
Maybe you would like to reverse that scenario in real life. But how..?
______________
Judging from your 2nd long entry. It does seem like there's little hope of her coming back to you, and that she has moved on.
You're right, the Post-Success her wants to make all the decisions now. What can you do? Nothing. Nothing but to stand by her and perhaps her finally realising that you've always been by her side. And perhaps, after she eventually sees the light, she'll come back to you (This may or may not happen at all. The chances of it happening should be apparant to you.)
Now that you're in financial difficulty, i suggest you prioritise and get out of the dumps. Only when you're back on track, do you go back to her. Don't sms her so often anymore, let her have her own life, since her current life doesn't have you in it...
Once again, get your life back on track first, before thinking about her.
... We need Yunhaier~~ Someone summon her.~ -
A girl? I thought she was always a guyOriginally posted by _Aaron_:... We need Yunhaier~~ Someone summon her.~
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The question you have to ask her if she still loves you... but before you do that... you can try courting her again one last time.Originally posted by ettitus:.............I seriously very affected by what has happened, and have been trying to find an answer to it! My life has totally change suddenly after seven years, and I do not know where I will be moving on from here! I sincerely want to know from her what is going on, and what exactly is the problem! I cannot accept the fact that just half a year ago, we were so happy together – literally not able to live without each another everyday and night. This change is just so sudden! I’m not prepared to give her up, and I know that by giving up like this, not just will I not know what happened, I will also never forgive myself if something serious is happening to her life, and I’m not there for her when she needed me most …
Send flowers to her work place...
Ask her out on a nice date...
Or maybe a holiday getaway?
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I feel for you seriously... at least she was honest enough to tell you straight that she feels indebted to you. Sometimes peer pressure could have forced her to accept someone she didn't love in the first place(speculation), but its always better to find out now then later when both of you are married and have a family on your own... think of the consequences then.
On the other hand, she could be momentarily dazzled by the high life of a successful career... when the excitement settles down like the end of a night of wild partying... She MIGHT realize that she needs someone to share her success and life and love wholeheartedly. Would that person be you even if you stood by her all these while? Seriously I don't know... If you can't stand not knowing the future then please by all means move on... its going to be difficult I know but perhaps it'll be for the best.
"but sometimes there's a bird that I have to release..."
Michael Learns To Rock -
Wahlau....Brother Ettitus ... pat pat...
How old r u now actually?
Life continues...and u never know what will happen next... Just dun give up wat you believe. And try to improve yourselves. You didnt make any mistake but doesn't mean u need to stop improving. Heheheh sorry very very sleepy n ow so im bit sluggish on my grammar. Take care bro -
I have done all the necessary things - flowers, presents, etc ... But this is not a normal case of a disagreement anymore. She don't even want to see me at all, let alone asking her out. I think its all my fault that she doesn't want to see me. I have been trying to hard to probe into this problem to the extent that she might not be able to take it. We always have such problems with communication - I want to clear the air, but she prefers to just let it go. Just about 3 days prior to breaking up, we actually got back together for a night. But somehow or rather, things didn't work out the way it should be ...Originally posted by :The question you have to ask her if she still loves you... but before you do that... you can try courting her again one last time.
Send flowers to her work place...
Ask her out on a nice date...
Or maybe a holiday getaway?
Anyway, she initiated the break-up (or is it a cooling off period?). Although on the surface, it seems like she is wrong, I somehow think there is something I must know that I do not know! She gave no real reasons. I was simply told to shift all the wrongdoings to her, and that she is sorry that she is doing this to me! I know that she has mixed feelings about this relationship because of many issues - she owes me too much now, be it both money and relationship. She doesn't want to feel indebted to me now that she is gaining independence. However, the real deal here is the changed her! Her career in the finance sector has changed her tremendously! Frequent brainwash session by superiors and peers, motivation talks, has spurn her into her desire for success and becoming like them. The change has been drastic!
She seems to have forgotten all the vows we made to one another half a year ago, and has since developed a very self-centred character. Her job as a financial consultant has cost me dearly as she changed. Of course, I think there are also the flaws in me that resulted in this outcome! For instance, she always feels that I'm trying to boss her around because I'm the one that made her what she is. However, I had tried explaining to her not once, but always, that I'm simply trying to assist her and be responsible towards her. Maybe she felt that I was too domineering, and take she has no free play with my presence. She is in a managerial position now, and I can see that she is thirsty for power and wants to assume responsibility. What I thought was best for her became something she hate! I guess itÂ’s my fault after all for not identifying the change in her earlier!
However, all these to me are just secondary. The one thing that is really upsetting me is the fact that she actually hated my sight! Straight after our break-up, I tried salvaging it as soon as possible. Although she insisted that we must not meet, but I really just cannot let go. I just can't help getting worried if she comes home too late (She normally work till 1am to 2am now due to the year end). I will get so worried if she is still not back, and will be running all around Singapore just to find her. I couldn't call her, and it seems altogether true that I'm quietly standing by her now. But 11 years prove to be something not easy to overcome! Just one day without her with me spiritually, I'm losing myself! As such, although I promised her that I would not look her up, I just can't keep to it! I think she hated me for that, and hurting remarks can really come from her after which. This is really upsetting me a great deal. Its simply too extreme! From someone that I can share my joy and sadness, she suddenly does not even want anything to do with me! That hurt me a lot! Moreover, when we were together, we often will care for one another, and always think in the best of the others interest. However, she does not even care whether what is happening to me now.
Currently, I quit my job and am studying now. While I was working, I was always able to support her financially. There is no such thing as my money. I regarded everything as ours the moment we were engaged. We even bought a car together because the car can assist her career. She does not have the cash, so I do not even mind paying cash upfront just to have a car for us. I can say that actually I disagree to the purchase, but thinking that we will be needing a car anyway, I agree to it. I'm even willing to compromise my plans just to make sure her work. Like I say, itÂ’s ours, and not mine or hers only! However, despite all the thing I done, I do not seem to be seeing any help in the relationship. I'm currently having some difficulties financially, but she definitely cannot assist me - She is heavily in debt to me anyway. Although I understand that love cannot be measured by such actions, but surely she should be able to feel my sincerity towards her right? Why is she so cold towards to me? Don't I even deserve at least credits for all these?
Having been together for eleven years, I'm sure that she is never a materialistic girl. I can feel that all these while! It is only for the past few months that things happened. However, I have to admit that she is never an effective decision maker. Perhaps in her position now, she yearns for a chance to make decisions, and to have a say in this relationship. To me now, I just hope that she is really in her post-success status, and do not really know what she wants. Of course on my part, I will continue to improve myself – to give her that respect that she wants, and to be that gentleman she wanted ... -
well sh*t happens and all we can do is try our best and get ourselves out of it. trust me, although you still have alot of feeling for her now, it'll fade in no time and soon you'll be regarding her as just a normal fren. it'll help also if u call up ur guy frens and spend more time wif them. drink, joke, gossip, watch EPL, have fun! remb, gfs come and go, but ur buddies will be with u forever! hope she repays the money she owes u quick.
cheer up bro, it aint the end of the world! -
I feel sad for you..
perhaps this is the '7 years itch'..being together too long will make one start thinking, whether they are attached because they are too used to have the other half by their side or is it really love.
If she can really let go of this long r/s, then I guess there's no more hope..but if she loves you, perhaps let each other part for a while, and see whether she/you are the one you/she wants to spend the rest of your lives with.
but then whatever's meant to be yours, it will be. so..life still has to go on.
no matter what, best wishes. -
SighZ... Makes me think back on my secondary school love too... A bittersweet romance...
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Ettitus,
From what i have read, it's safe for me to say that she has never love you.
You were never the man of her dreams.
During her earlier years, she do not know what she wants.
She accepted you based on peer pressure, your relentless pursue and later, emotional debt.
She was 'powerless' then.
You have assissted her her with a new career, new direction and she grows with the new found power while you lagged behind.
Now, you are seem as a hindrance to her success & development.
Eleven years is a long time..
Take care. -
i dun think it'll work so easily. think they have pretty deep problems that cannot be solved in just one day or one gesture.Originally posted by :The question you have to ask her if she still loves you... but before you do that... you can try courting her again one last time.
Send flowers to her work place...
Ask her out on a nice date...
Or maybe a holiday getaway? -
that's what i think too. when one waits so patiently for the other and the other finally be with him, does that mean she loves him or she is simply moved by him?Originally posted by Magnus:Ettitus,
From what i have read, it's safe for me to say that she has never love you.
You were never the man of her dreams.
During her earlier years, she do not know what she wants.
She accepted you based on peer pressure, your relentless pursue and later, emotional debt.
She was 'powerless' then.
You have assissted her her with a new career, new direction and she grows with the new found power while you lagged behind.
Now, you are seem as a hindrance to her success & development.
Eleven years is a long time..
Take care. -
pal you already said so yourself. what i think is she didnt love you, but she was happy to be loved by you. maybe now she feels confident enough of seeking her own love, someone whom she loves, and hence she told you to just shift all the blame to her. another thing which you have pointed out is that she changed. the success forced her to finally think clearly, and think for herself.Originally posted by ettitus:She has always been a girl that desire to be loved, and definitely need me to take care of her.
the mature mind seeks love and be loved. the immature mind seeks only to be loved. maybe she has finally understood that she wants to love as well.
and the "soil" around her, with all the motivational crap, are the ones with her wavelength now..
just be careful that you know the difference between deep love and blind love. don't get hurt anymore. -
Ettitus,
Want my opinion? Anyway, got to scold you already. Can you be a man and stop being used! If you cannot leave the heartless woman behind, you are doom!
Stop giving excuses of not leaving her. I strongly feel that she doesn't love you since the beginning. -
Yes it isn't a gesture... its courting a girl all over again as if you were a stranger and she's the most beautiful girl in the world...Originally posted by foxwalk:i dun think it'll work so easily. think they have pretty deep problems that cannot be solved in just one day or one gesture.
But honestly, if none the above worked, the girl just doesn't love you anymore... -
I dunch think you can say that...Originally posted by elflinda:Ettitus,
Want my opinion? Anyway, got to scold you already. Can you be a man and stop being used! If you cannot leave the heartless woman behind, you are doom!
Stop giving excuses of not leaving her. I strongly feel that she doesn't love you since the beginning.
I prefer to call it a change of heart... -
Ettitus from what you have said, it really goes to show that this girl has no heart for you... the least she could do is be amiable about the breakup, but she is being quite harsh on you which isn't fair.Originally posted by ahmike:Wahlau....Brother Ettitus ... pat pat...
How old r u now actually?
Life continues...and u never know what will happen next... Just dun give up wat you believe. And try to improve yourselves. You didnt make any mistake but doesn't mean u need to stop improving. Heheheh sorry very very sleepy n ow so im bit sluggish on my grammar. Take care bro
Just move on with your life...
Oh btw, you should ask for your money $$$ back and arrange a schedule of payment for her to repay you in 1 years time. Or since she's supposely so successful she can return it to you by this xmas since she should get like 6 - 12 mths bonus. And you can use that money and treat yourself!
Find someone more worthy of your love... -
I USED to THINK that way... Not when people starts to TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED and TREAT YOU LIKE A FOOL...Originally posted by ettitus:“Love is not about having, it’s about giving …” -
ermm. isnt that too petty.. and ettitus doesnt seem like the petty type.Originally posted by :Ettitus from what you have said, it really goes to show that this girl has no heart for you... the least she could do is be amiable about the breakup, but she is being quite harsh on you which isn't fair.
Just move on with your life...
Oh btw, you should ask for your money $$$ back and arrange a schedule of payment for her to repay you in 1 years time. Or since she's supposely so successful she can return it to you by this xmas since she should get like 6 - 12 mths bonus. And you can use that money and treat yourself!
Find someone more worthy of your love... -
I really thank you all for concerning, and all the advise. I can see that most of the people here are more pro towards me. But I'm not any saint either. The reason why all here is with me is because I'm the one sharing this with you. As much as I want to defend her (which I really think its appropriate), it simply made me look like a better man. I prefer to look at it two ways - although I'm sure that at the current moment, she has let me down. But for the past seven years, I had also committed mistakes. I'm no saint.Originally posted by foxwalk:ermm. isnt that too petty.. and ettitus doesnt seem like the petty type.
I'm sure I'm not some petty type, and despite trying to take back everything, I'm just unable to. Its that feeling that's stopping me! Something I need to correct you guys. She is a girl who is full of pride, and will not succumb to what I do to her. I do not want to be seen as a bastard in her eye that is using stances like this to force her into coming back - it will not work.
Perhaps most of you think that she only wants to be loved. But we are talking about seven years here. I felt very loved too, and definitely appreciate her love towards me as well. I'm very sure it is not a one way thing from me, but dual way! The changed her is due to her career, no doubt about it. All I'm interested now is to do whatever I can to let her know that she can enjoy both the career and the relationship, and nothing will be compromise if she really knows what she wants. Not having that maturity and capability to achieve it now does not deter her chances to own later.
If you truly love someone, leaving is not an option. Put it this way, if one of these days, your loved one got raped. She might want to leave you because she feels "insulted", and no longer suit this world. But are you going to leave her just because she is trying all means and ways to leave you? Just an illustration thou.
Maybe I may not be right, but what if there are really something I must know but do not know! She chose this option because she is confused! I'm not taking chances, and all I want is to find out the real problem. Perhaps one of these days, when I finally realised that the love is over, then maybe leaving is an option ... -
Originally posted by ettitus:I'm quite sure IÂ’m kind of tipsy now after a few bottles of forbidden fruit, and I think that's why I'm actually able to make myself share this with all..... (edited due to long post)...
ItÂ’s been since two months after separation, and I really was thinking that did I bring this to myself! She has totally changed since she tasted success in the industry. Although IÂ’m always there to support her in many areas, I believe she is now starting to believe that she is able to think for herself (and start to make independent decisions). IÂ’m not sure really, but I do believe that she is trying too hard to prove her worth to me! From the very first day she stepped into this industry, I have always been providing her with all the support she needed, be it financially or morally. In a way, she is now thinking that she is staying with me because she feels indebted to me. I was really shocked to know that! I didnÂ’t know that what I had been doing for the relationship has become something she felt complied.
All of a sudden, many things started happening between us. For a start, she no longer care about me, and the career is all that matters. Suddenly, the commitment towards our relationship is questionable! She is feeling very pressurised when is with me, and she cannot find comfort at all when with me. From the sole supporting pillar, I suddenly felt more and more like a hindrance to her career. Did I mould her to what is now, or did my way of doing things make it a pressure to her? I can say for sure that without me, there will be no career for her! But am I betting on this too much? Does mixing around with different people or successful people make her realised that IÂ’m actually not the right person for her?
I have to admit that at time, I did feel threaten by her booming career and success. No doubt I made her what she is now, it doesn’t really carry much weight thou! I understand that relationship should not be measured this way, but I really cannot understand the sudden change in her! Yes, she did tell me how she suddenly felt towards me for the past months, but why didn’t she say anything? I can still remember the promise we made half a year ago when we were engaged – does that not carry any more weight now?
I seriously very affected by what has happened, and have been trying to find an answer to it! My life has totally change suddenly after seven years, and I do not know where I will be moving on from here! I sincerely want to know from her what is going on, and what exactly is the problem! I cannot accept the fact that just half a year ago, we were so happy together – literally not able to live without each another everyday and night. This change is just so sudden! I’m not prepared to give her up, and I know that by giving up like this, not just will I not know what happened, I will also never forgive myself if something serious is happening to her life, and I’m not there for her when she needed me most …
“Love is not about having, it’s about giving …”
The course of truth love is never easy and never will be; lots of emotions overflowing your post like tear droplets on letter. A once great relationship that seemed to have gone astray - I understand your current feeling. And however, it's cool to think the way you did - to emphasise on the giving aspect without a hestitating thought - remarkable. And if you happen to notice: a bulk of your post focus on what you thought YOUR relationship was about and of course the problem, accompained with tons of emotional words that was rainning throughout your post. Seven years relationship; not easy - to add, it was a 'hard-gain' relationship. And of course when you succeeded in your attempt, it would take more than your life to release your grip on the relationship.
MCP attitude is common in such cases, but considering your case, it wouldn't be a catalysis big enough for a break, unless you are saying another person is involved in the picture for any reason.
*** Have you ever thought that what you thought, did and wanted for the relationship may not be in line with what she desired ultimately? Your idea behind the drive to run the relationship had always been for the eventual good of the relationship, but HOWEVER, was it what she is looking for and was it... a mutual decision as well? As your have written, she had a problem in making decision and your relationship came up only when she was constantly 'pushed and nudged' into the relationship with you [Through the persevering quality love had fuel you AND the peers' assistance], a hard question would be 'Was it for Love or pressure?'
This is critical in your problem, if no other major unseen/unknown factor is taken into consideration. Love may have grown when the relationship blossom and the sticky part steps in, she may experience problem in differentiating the emotions that are running in and what she thought love was and desired. In very simple term: she may consider the option of opting out of the relationship prior before this career thingy ever took off. Her inability to make decision and understand if that is what she wanted and not simply because of what you DID and she accepted it passively, the way you move the dimension of the relationship, post a serious issue. (I believe I would have 75% confidence if your seven years relationship did not encounter thingy:
- Strong love competitor/someone else she fancy (Unless her passive nature decide security over adventure - Esp so if she is a Taurus)
- Is victim of a 'Routine Relationship'
- Other possible catalysis that is relatively grave enough to activate her OUT of her passive and indecisive nature.
You see, till now, don't you realise that her career is but a smoke screen? Think about this: technically speaking, what has her successful career has to do with the failure of this relationship? Nothing. In fact, it is likely to be her actual running thoughts and emotions that empowers her to make the decision. Have you ever thought of the possibility that she could be just leading the relationship for the sake of leading it? And you may argue that 'we are engaged' and my reply would be still... why not?
Remember how she phrase her thoughts on how she felt indebted to you and can't move on? It simply strengthen my points above - the reason of hanging in the relationship for reasons other than Love. Communication has never been good - you may not understand the rational behind your relationship from her side of her story. And she hated the sight of you after the break? Of course! She had thoughts of moving on, but she didn't know how to and when she managed to let go of something she does want know (added with tons of moral-generated gulit), YOU reminded her of herself... her indecisive past.Perhaps in her position now, she yearns for a chance to make decisions, and to have a say in this relationship.
P.S: Love is not about looking at each other; its about looking in the same direction. Having a girl of your dream is definitely a dream come true, but it must be the same on her side to be a real ... dream come true.
Cheers