Originally posted by Li Ka Shing:
There are so many people, including those in this forum, who think "snatching" other people's GF is not good. I understand this, but Im wondering why there seem to be no or few people who think otherwise.
I believe that when people are dating, there is a bond, there is a commitment, but the bond is not official and not unbreakable. I do believe when people get married, then the bond is supposed to be official and unbreakable. Therefore I will not woo a married woman. However, when the girl is still dating, she is still in the process of searching and finding a life mate. She has not found her life mate. She has not decided who her life mate is. She will make this decision when she gets married and settle down. Therefore when the girl is still dating, I have the view that every other guys still have the right to woo her and she still have the right to change her mind and leave her current boyfriend for a better suitor, because she is still in the process of searching and finding a life partner. She has not committed to her current boyfriend like a commitment of a wife to a husband in a marriage.
So, with this view, that is why I believe there is nothing ethically or morally wrong to woo a girl with a BF. I have thought about it over and over again, and still dont think it is morally or ethically wrong. The only thing I feel rather uncomfortable is the hurt that the guy may feel when the girl leave him. However, I dont understand why I should let this knowledge of his feeling of hurt, stop me from wooing the girl. It's all fair and square. If the girl thinks Im a better suitor than him, than so be it. If not, then Im the one who lose, so be it too. It''s like a competition. For example, in a race. I race with another guy. I win the race and reach the finish line first. As the winner, I feel happy. As the loser, the other guy feel sad. Should his feeling of being sad make my win unethical or morally wrong? Should I run slowly to let him win and let him feel happy instead? Is there anything wrong by winning a race? If I'm the one who lose, does that mean the winner owe me something?
Similarly, I think as long as the couple is not married yet, a competition is fair and square. If I win, nothing is morally wrong or unethical. If I lose, I also won't feel like I somehow get cheated. It's a competition after all.
Some people say, what if the girl does the same thing and leave you for another man? My view is, it's OK. As long as we are not married, then other guys still have the right to woo her and she has the right to choose the best suitor as she sees fit. After marriage, then of course, both parties, should stop looking at other people and should stop other people from wooing you. A marriage is a commitment to settle down and be together forever, unlike dating.
So there are several things in my mind: the difference between marriage and dating, and fair competition.
Unfortunately, human emotions cannot be explained logically
We feel what we feel.
Its easy to say things theoritically, but put yourself in the same situation and things will not be so clear cut anymore.
I guess in the end it all comes down to whether you want to look at things from a logical point of view or put yourself in the person's shoes and look at it in a more 'human' way.
Personally IMO, human beings are always prone to temptation, we desire for things that we cannot attain, or presently do not have. From a logical point of view, you woo the girl you like as all its fair. But ask yourself, would you like it if someone did the same to you.
Do to others what you want others to do to you.