Being In Love someone who has done it before...
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Hi,
I decided to join this forum hoping to find people who could guide me to a decision or at least make me clear of what's in store for me for whatever choices there are...
I got to know this girl thru playing an online game, as her bf was like my guild leader. When I first got to know her, they were still together, so I just didn't bother to hit on her or tried to get close to her out of respect to my friend.
Later on, some stuff happened, and they broke up. I took the chance and decided to hit on her. And yeah, slowly, we started chatting thru MSN, had webcam/audio sessions etc.
I was getting to know her better and she was doing the same with me...Both of us being very honest with each other, telling stuff and all. I was truly falling head over heels with her each day, and she likes me as well. I would be so happy to talk to her each day, listen to her problems, call her "dear" etc... With
the utmost sincerity in my heart...
Yeah, I guess I forgot to mention... She's a Chinese girl who immigrated to Perth since young, so she's pretty much an Australian now, grew up with the culture there and all...heck, accent is there as well. So yeah, this is a long distance relationship...
Anyways,...the MAIN point of this long story is that... one night, we were chatting, and I decided to be really nice and devote my full attention and seriousness in answering her questions and listening to her.
Afterawhile, she decided to tell me something that left me quite stunned. Well, being the noob here (she's sort of like my first gf, I've never been in a relationship before) I didn't know whether it was right.
Basically she told me that she had sex with her former bf (my former guild leader, he was her first), and naturally that means she's no longer a virgin and well, her first time has been taken by that guy.
I felt quite angry and upset about it. After that night, I've been trying to tell myself that it's no big deal and all. Sometimes, I managed to stay cool and normal for the day, but at other times, I get relapses of anger and feel upset...the thoughts keep haunting me... She even told me that people there pretty much lose it during their teens...
Right now, I just can't seem to shower her with that sincere love, affection and attention like I used to... I've thought of dropping her to end this internal hell within me, but yet, I tell myself the reason I'm feeling this way is because I love her... But yet, the pain can be so unbearable at times...
I'm not some holy, faithful Catholic that goes to mass every Sunday. On the contrary, I rarely say a prayer
So, this is nothing to do with religion, but either my personal beliefs or my newbishness to being cool with such things...
Can you guys tell me what should I do? Whether or not I'm being an idiot making a big deal over something small? -
this is really no big deal...but i can tell that u dun really love her as u claimed to be...if u do rite...then u wouldnt mind so much as to whether she is a virgin ornot...the fact that u do mind shows that u still do not understand what is true love....to love unconditionally...lol...maybe too early for u to understand...take ur time la
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hey she tells u the truth. she is 10x better then those who have bedded many others and tell u that she is a virgin and accidentally broke her hymen while riding bicycle. if u really like her, treasure her and dun bother about a thin piece of skin that u cant even see.
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Maybe you are right...but I can't help but feel that I might be like this for the rest of my lifeOriginally posted by bratpig:this is really no big deal...but i can tell that u dun really love her as u claimed to be...if u do rite...then u wouldnt mind so much as to whether she is a virgin ornot...the fact that u do mind shows that u still do not understand what is true love....to love unconditionally...lol...maybe too early for u to understand...take ur time la
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it is no big deal. unless oyu make it so. and then itll be just in your head.
when two people are toegther, and they love eachother, and make love - its just between them.
each couples time will be their own special time. pervious, or future partners will have no bearing on this.
often, the first time is the worst time, painful or most disappointing time.
certainly very rarely the 'best time of my life' experience!
look at it this way: at least the bad time or the painful time is not with you..!
and remember, practice makes perfect. this includes sex. learning is great - perhaps you can learn from her - the best way to please her etc - if it was her first time too - well..theres the potential for exploring together but it can also be not so ..interesting too.. depends on you both - not just her or not just you. its a two person thing.
if you love her, this will mean nothing, for the time you two have, will be your own.. -
True... But I kinda feel noobish compared her to nowOriginally posted by dibilo:hey she tells u the truth. she is 10x better then those who have bedded many others and tell u that she is a virgin and accidentally broke her hymen while riding bicycle. if u really like her, treasure her and dun bother about a thin piece of skin that u cant even see. Maybe I'm just jealous... Or am I subconciously mixing religion in, thinking that the first time should be reserved for that special someone who will be with u for the rest of your life?
I hope more people can give me opinions... flame me if u will, but i take all of your opinions seriously and appreciate them
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love her or love her virginity?
you make a choice.
In sg, most teens have alrd lost their virginity. Moreover, she is an Aussie.
Is that so important to you? What can you do? Lost means lost.
I dun understand why men still go overseas to look for virgin wives. What's the big deal? While men can fool around, they expect to marry virgin wives. Selfish!
Anyway you two are not even together. What right have you got to be angry? You can only be angry with yourself. It is not that she is attached to you and yet she slept with another guy. -
I see...Originally posted by LilO gIrL:love her or love her virginity?
you make a choice.
In sg, most teens have alrd lost their virginity. Moreover, she is an Aussie.
Is that so important to you? What can you do? Lost means lost.
I dun understand why men still go overseas to look for virgin wives. What's the big deal? While men can fool around, they expect to marry virgin wives. Selfish!
Anyway you two are not even together. What right have you got to be angry? You can only be angry with yourself. It is not that she is attached to you and yet she slept with another guy.
True dat...
True again...
And once again...you are right...
She didn't play me out, and that took place years ago... and yeah, she isn't exactly my gf just yet... hmm thanks for your opinion -
sometimes, the more expectations u have, the more disappointed you will get.Originally posted by AlexJS:I see...
True dat...
True again...
And once again...you are right...
She didn't play me out, and that took place years ago... and yeah, she isn't exactly my gf just yet... hmm thanks for your opinion
For a start..she si not your gf yet..and you can't change the past..and it's advisable that you accept her past coz what's done cannot be undone.
If not, I believe you will find it very difficult to be with her. -
Probably she treated you only as a friend?
Based on how long she knows you, You are deemed 'safe'? Didn't suspect anything? She would not have guess you 'hit onto her'?
And that's why she's brutally honest with you?
The degree that you precieve friendship is different from hers'?
Considering her background.
Do you want to shag her or some other girl to even out the score?
No, right?
If it continues to bother you, go look elsewhere. -
Yeah, I guess... We are all humans anyway, nobody's perfect...Originally posted by LilO gIrL:sometimes, the more expectations u have, the more disappointed you will get.
For a start..she si not your gf yet..and you can't change the past..and it's advisable that you accept her past coz what's done cannot be undone.
If not, I believe you will find it very difficult to be with her.
Also, I can't exactly love her just yet, afterall, we have yet to meet and all. But in the meantime, I do like her. And that's why I wanna fight this mentality, even if not for her sake, but at least for mine.
If what u said is true about sg teens, if I decide to find another gf later on, who knows, I might encounter this again... That's why, I kinda need support here, guidance, water buckets, to help me wake up, and fight off this mentality...
pls do continue to provide me with ur opinions and thanks to those who have given me theirs so far.
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No...there was once when I didn't explain something clearly, like my feelings to her when I first started. She thought that I didn't like her anymore and that I was gonna drop her. She was really upset and later, she told me that she had cried as well. So i know that she does like me as well...Originally posted by Magnus:Probably she treated you only as a friend?
Based on how long she knows you, You are deemed 'safe'? Didn't suspect anything? She would not have guess you 'hit onto her'?
And that's why she's brutally honest with you?
The degree that you precieve friendship is different from hers'?
Considering her background.
Do you want to shag her or some other girl to even out the score?
No, right?
If it continues to bother you, go look elsewhere.
And no, that's not I want...making use of another girl to even out the score...where's the good as well as right in that?
Erm, as for the rest of what you had said, I'm afraid i don't really get it -
If you can't accept her past, please don't start a relationship with her cos it will only hurt her if she knows that you mind and have problems facing it.
And you yourself will not be happy pounding on this past of her.
Think about it, if really can't accept, just treat and care for her as a good friend. -
I know this... that's why I'm trying to sort things out with myself, and to make a decision.Originally posted by Blueskyz:If you can't accept her past, please don't start a relationship with her cos it will only hurt her if she knows that you mind and have problems facing it.
And you yourself will not be happy pounding on this past of her.
Think about it, if really can't accept, just treat and care for her as a good friend.
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I was then married (& still is) and in a similar situation due to some misunderstanding. Although my lady friend was sad, she did not cry.Originally posted by AlexJS:No...there was once when I didn't explain something clearly, like my feelings to her when I first started. She thought that I didn't like her anymore and that I was gonna drop her. She was really upset and later, she told me that she had cried as well. So i know that she does like me as well...
Erm, as for the rest of what you had said, I'm afraid i don't really get it 
Probably afriad of losing the friendship or a few notches down.
Sometimes we do get emotional but is not always about real love.
It can happen to normal friendships too.
That time 'I don't get it' as well. -
If it bothers you, it bothers you. Don't lie to yourself.
Either you let her go or just accept that she is not a virgin. And if you accept it, then make sure you really do. If you can't, just let go. -
Anyway, as you grow older, you may find that being a virgin is not a big deal. It seems to be a bigger deal when one is younger.
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I have my stand with alexjs...
Thou i know the chances are rare these days..
finding a virgin gf is like looking for a needle in an ocean????
Dear Alex,
I do understqand that it`s not about ur love for ur GF
but rather the feeling that she`s been `touched` that bothers u?
and u felt shortchanged when u mention that you`re still a virgin??
It once pondered me wat will happen to me one day if i`m landed on the same situation..
For me, i guess i will not be able to take it,
thus most prob i`ll take a silent retreat and find another
while u do not make attempts to go back to her cuz u won want to be involved again..
To me, probably i won say she`s a loose woman, but i`m a rather traditional person.. if she`s done it , she`s done it..
no way to hide abt it.. now u`ve to make responsible decisions
will you like to take care of ther and live on w a thorn in your heart forever??
or will you bury her past and let live, looking only into the future?
and ultimately, the choice is up to u to decide..
Love comes in a package
If you accept her, you`ve to accept her past
Cheers my fren -
I see...Originally posted by Magnus:I was then married (& still is) and in a similar situation due to some misunderstanding. Although my lady friend was sad, she did not cry.
Probably afriad of losing the friendship or a few notches down.
Sometimes we do get emotional but is not always about real love.
It can happen to normal friendships too.
That time 'I don't get it' as well. -
i cant make a decision for you..Originally posted by AlexJS:I know this... that's why I'm trying to sort things out with myself, and to make a decision.
but i have ways in which might you may find an answer to you paradox..
Try to find a place as quiet as possible,
then you sort out ur feelings there..
ask yourself how much have u already devoted urself into the r/s
how much does her virginity mean to you
how can u handle it if her ex-bf wanna smirk at u by saying how great she was in bed??
how can u face ur children next time if they happen to ask the sensitive qn??
how much love will u be able to give her to bury her past away?
for i know guys are very egoistic, me included
definately i cannot accept a guy telling me how gd my wife is on the bed..
sort it out my fren..
if you`ve no problems abt all those question i asked then u have truely accepted her...
or u may choose option 2
which is to give urself some time to accept her..
all things takes time
take ur time to lve her and accept her...
u may end up hurting her worse
but at least a chance is given, depends on how u look at it
gd luck my fren -
Originally posted by BaByBoY:
Yes...that's pretty much my main concern
I have my stand with alexjs...
Thou i know the chances are rare these days..
finding a virgin gf is like looking for a needle in an ocean????
Dear Alex,
I do understqand that it`s not about ur love for ur GF
but rather the feeling that she`s been `touched` that bothers u?
and u felt shortchanged when u mention that you`re still a virgin??
It once pondered me wat will happen to me one day if i`m landed on the same situation..
For me, i guess i will not be able to take it,
thus most prob i`ll take a silent retreat and find another
while u do not make attempts to go back to her cuz u won want to be involved again..
To me, probably i won say she`s a loose woman, but i`m a rather traditional person.. if she`s done it , she`s done it..
no way to hide abt it.. now u`ve to make responsible decisions
will you like to take care of ther and live on w a thorn in your heart forever??
or will you bury her past and let live, looking only into the future?
and ultimately, the choice is up to u to decide..
[b]Love comes in a package
If you accept her, you`ve to accept her past
Cheers my fren[/b]
Yeah...that's true...it's either all or nothing...
But I feel...there must be some way...of clearing this from my mind...
There's gotta be a good way of being able to "look only into the future"...
I definitely must give this some thought...
Btw, it's nice to know that someone actually hit the nail on what I'm truly concerned about... -
Thanks for your advice...I definitely devote thought into these two options and everything...Originally posted by BaByBoY:i cant make a decision for you..
but i have ways in which might you may find an answer to you paradox..
Try to find a place as quiet as possible,
then you sort out ur feelings there..
ask yourself how much have u already devoted urself into the r/s
how much does her virginity mean to you
how can u handle it if her ex-bf wanna smirk at u by saying how great she was in bed??
how can u face ur children next time if they happen to ask the sensitive qn??
how much love will u be able to give her to bury her past away?
for i know guys are very egoistic, me included
definately i cannot accept a guy telling me how gd my wife is on the bed..
sort it out my fren..
if you`ve no problems abt all those question i asked then u have truely accepted her...
or u may choose option 2
which is to give urself some time to accept her..
all things takes time
take ur time to lve her and accept her...
u may end up hurting her worse
but at least a chance is given, depends on how u look at it
gd luck my fren -
do let me know on ur decision ok???
i need to know ur reasons too...
hope u can clear out and find ur solace soon -
sorry for being harsh at first...erm...juz curious har...if she were a virgin rite...then would u have sex with her? if u do rite...then what rights do u have to be bothered with people who are not virgin
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Well, I'm able to wait till marriage, and besides, I have yet to even start dating her to go think about this. But it's my word against the world.Originally posted by bratpig:sorry for being harsh at first...erm...juz curious har...if she were a virgin rite...then would u have sex with her? if u do rite...then what rights do u have to be bothered with people who are not virgin
But I sort of get your point for your 2nd question... but it's a liiiiittle better, if the couple lasted long all the way till marriage...kinda depends on the situation i guess...