Being In Love someone who has done it before...
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Sure, I will. :]Originally posted by BaByBoY:do let me know on ur decision ok???
i need to know ur reasons too...
hope u can clear out and find ur solace soon
Whether or not I succeed...whatever choice I make, will serve as a guide to others as well.
But yeah, I'm not going to rush this...I must be able to fully comprehend the situation, myself, her, consequences...yeah... -
okie...good luck n dun be too bothered
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Just wondering does ladies also so obsessive about whether the guy is a virgin or is it just a guy thing? Don't think I ever heard of a lady not able to love a guy because hes not a virgin anymore.
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Yeah, it'd be good to hear the girls' view on this
Anyone ladies willing to share their views? -
So you're one of them who can't take no-virgins for an answer...
Why? How?
Perhaps you should devote some time, go to a quiet spot.
Think, think about your past, how your childhood has affected your current position with virginity now.
Think about how important it really is.
The world is constantly changing, and do you really want to settle down when you find a non-virgin?
This may cost a host of problems in your life later, so i suggest you think it out for real.
Remember, love is not just about you, but about making the other party happy, unconditionally.
But in which direction are you going? Making the both of you sad because of something that you can't let go?
Guess i don't get it.~ -
Noone is perfect even when comes to Love & Relationship..Originally posted by AlexJS:Hi,
I decided to join this forum hoping to find people who could guide me to a decision or at least make me clear of what's in store for me for whatever choices there are...
I got to know this girl thru playing an online game, as her bf was like my guild leader. When I first got to know her, they were still together, so I just didn't bother to hit on her or tried to get close to her out of respect to my friend.
Later on, some stuff happened, and they broke up. I took the chance and decided to hit on her. And yeah, slowly, we started chatting thru MSN, had webcam/audio sessions etc.
I was getting to know her better and she was doing the same with me...Both of us being very honest with each other, telling stuff and all. I was truly falling head over heels with her each day, and she likes me as well. I would be so happy to talk to her each day, listen to her problems, call her "dear" etc... With
the utmost sincerity in my heart...
Yeah, I guess I forgot to mention... She's a Chinese girl who immigrated to Perth since young, so she's pretty much an Australian now, grew up with the culture there and all...heck, accent is there as well. So yeah, this is a long distance relationship...
Anyways,...the MAIN point of this long story is that... one night, we were chatting, and I decided to be really nice and devote my full attention and seriousness in answering her questions and listening to her.
Afterawhile, she decided to tell me something that left me quite stunned. Well, being the noob here (she's sort of like my first gf, I've never been in a relationship before) I didn't know whether it was right.
Basically she told me that she had sex with her former bf (my former guild leader, he was her first), and naturally that means she's no longer a virgin and well, her first time has been taken by that guy.
I felt quite angry and upset about it. After that night, I've been trying to tell myself that it's no big deal and all. Sometimes, I managed to stay cool and normal for the day, but at other times, I get relapses of anger and feel upset...the thoughts keep haunting me... She even told me that people there pretty much lose it during their teens...
Right now, I just can't seem to shower her with that sincere love, affection and attention like I used to... I've thought of dropping her to end this internal hell within me, but yet, I tell myself the reason I'm feeling this way is because I love her... But yet, the pain can be so unbearable at times...
I'm not some holy, faithful Catholic that goes to mass every Sunday. On the contrary, I rarely say a prayer
So, this is nothing to do with religion, but either my personal beliefs or my newbishness to being cool with such things...
Can you guys tell me what should I do? Whether or not I'm being an idiot making a big deal over something small?
Is a psychology barrier.. if you can break it thru.. you won't be pondering over these matters.. But also don't try to force yourself to do something which you think you won't be able to make it.. Don't lie to yourself and her! It hurts.. Since you both ain't even officially together.. then is time for you to seriously think about this matter..
Whether you can or cannot accept is your decision.. She has made a choice of telling.. i bet she has also prepared something bad to come out.. Either she will have you.. or she'll be left with nothing.. She's brave enough to tell you what has happened.. And not until the day you both were together...
Imagine she tells you this after not long you both are an item.. Will you feel betrayed.. A knife piercing thru your heart.. Ouch! that's gonna hurt!
Either you have it all or nothing.. is all up to your decision.. whether you can break thru these barrier yourself anot.. There's noone can help.. Only you can help yourself.. In any case.. is her virginity really that important to you?? If in this world there's no more virgin.. and you really found someone who you think can spend your life with till death.. Would you still stand on your pride and ego.. not to take her and live your life alone..
Cheers..
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hi aaron!
i`ll; like to hear ur view on this?
if u were in his shoes
how will u take action to make this turn out well?
and to sunrise,
hehe
prob i`ll be a monk???
haha
seriously if the world were to be left w non-virgins then it`ll already be a norm..
but looking at the current situation for the present day,
there do exist virgin gals and i believe they do deserve better partners..
now the question bears on tradition and new age thinking
yes i admit the gal is really brave enuff to tell him abt the situation
but that doesn`t mean she`s cleared of her past doings
Cheers -
I am. I know it's not just about me. That's why I'm in a turmoil over this, because I don't want her to be unhappy for the rest of her life.Originally posted by _Aaron_:So you're one of them who can't take no-virgins for an answer...
Why? How?
Perhaps you should devote some time, go to a quiet spot.
Think, think about your past, how your childhood has affected your current position with virginity now.
Think about how important it really is.
The world is constantly changing, and do you really want to settle down when you find a non-virgin?
This may cost a host of problems in your life later, so i suggest you think it out for real.
Remember, love is not just about you, but about making the other party happy, unconditionally.
But in which direction are you going? Making the both of you sad because of something that you can't let go?
Guess i don't get it.~ -
you mean you are still trying to find a 'virgin-wife'
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hmmm..Originally posted by Ayla:you mean you are still trying to find a 'virgin-wife'
impossible???? -
True... I guess it will definitely hurt a long more if she told me about this later... at least right now...I've time to get over it and all that...Originally posted by SunRisE:Noone is perfect even when comes to Love & Relationship..
Is a psychology barrier.. if you can break it thru.. you won't be pondering over these matters.. But also don't try to force yourself to do something which you think you won't be able to make it.. Don't lie to yourself and her! It hurts.. Since you both ain't even officially together.. then is time for you to seriously think about this matter..
Whether you can or cannot accept is your decision.. She has made a choice of telling.. i bet she has also prepared something bad to come out.. Either she will have you.. or she'll be left with nothing.. She's brave enough to tell you what has happened.. And not until the day you both were together...
Imagine she tells you this after not long you both are an item.. Will you feel betrayed.. A knife piercing thru your heart.. Ouch! that's gonna hurt!
Either you have it all or nothing.. is all up to your decision.. whether you can break thru these barrier yourself anot.. There's noone can help.. Only you can help yourself.. In any case.. is her virginity really that important to you?? If in this world there's no more virgin.. and you really found someone who you think can spend your life with till death.. Would you still stand on your pride and ego.. not to take her and live your life alone..
Cheers.. -
well, it's not as if she had committed a crime?Originally posted by BaByBoY:hi aaron!
i`ll; like to hear ur view on this?
if u were in his shoes
how will u take action to make this turn out well?
and to sunrise,
hehe
prob i`ll be a monk???
haha
seriously if the world were to be left w non-virgins then it`ll already be a norm..
but looking at the current situation for the present day,
there do exist virgin gals and i believe they do deserve better partners..
now the question bears on tradition and new age thinking
yes i admit the gal is really brave enuff to tell him abt the situation
but that doesn`t mean she`s cleared of her past doings
Cheers
well, there are better girls.
but it doesn't mean that if she is not a virgin, she is bad.
What if she was raped?
I think it's a matter of whether she comes clean with u and how much can u accept. -
hahaOriginally posted by LilO gIrL:well, it's not as if she had committed a crime?
well, there are better girls.
but it doesn't mean that if she is not a virgin, she is bad.
What if she was raped?
I think it's a matter of whether she comes clean with u and how much can u accept.
still rather early for me to say anything
but i`m just not that prepared for one in this case
if i ever get a gf and love her
mabbe i`ll forgo my earlier views
ppl change w times
tt`s wat makes them so unique
til now, i cant
cheers -
Originally posted by BaByBoY:hi aaron!
i`ll; like to hear ur view on this?
if u were in his shoes
how will u take action to make this turn out well?
Since i don't have this problem in the first place...
I'm going to do what i did with other problems that plague me.
Look back into the past, and search out the insecurity that made me so "ego" now. Try to solve it and overcome it, so that the painful memory will become a precious one...
Then i can, and will lead life with one less worry in my life, be it major or minor.
Its a bit different when it comes to love, but i believe it can be done.
That's what i would do... of course, when you finally think it through, the realisation will come to you in a snap, and you'll feel so much better, like a burden has been lifted off you, and you know why you're doing things.
Don't rush it though.
seriously if the world were to be left w non-virgins then it`ll already be a norm..
but looking at the current situation for the present day,
there do exist virgin gals and i believe they do deserve better partners..
now the question bears on tradition and new age thinking
There will always be girls who need better partners,
People who need love
Hungry who need food
People who don't need to die.
But we don't spin their threads of life. What can we do?
For me, i try to be a bit kinder to everyone.
The world is messed up already,
I just try to make it a little better...
What about you?
Cheers -
you're still ard?Originally posted by BaByBoY:haha
still rather early for me to say anything
but i`m just not that prepared for one in this case
if i ever get a gf and love her
mabbe i`ll forgo my earlier views
ppl change w times
tt`s wat makes them so unique
til now, i cant
cheers
seems to be that the thought has alrd run deep in ur mind leh..hard to change. -
Originally posted by _Aaron_:Since i don't have this problem in the first place...
I'm going to do what i did with other problems that plague me.
Look back into the past, and search out the insecurity that made me so "ego" now. Try to solve it and overcome it, so that the painful memory will become a precious one...
Then i can, and will lead life with one less worry in my life, be it major or minor.
Its a bit different when it comes to love, but i believe it can be done.
That's what i would do... of course, when you finally think it through, the realisation will come to you in a snap, and you'll feel so much better, like a burden has been lifted off you, and you know why you're doing things.
Don't rush it though.
haha
a great way to think abt probs
same as you..
i`ll follow the same steps into making such an impt decision
There will always be girls who need better partners,
People who need love
Hungry who need food
People who don't need to die.
But we don't spin their threads of life. What can we do?
For me, i try to be a bit kinder to everyone.
The world is messed up already,
I just try to make it a little better...
What about you?
Of cuz i`ll try to do the same as you..
i`ll always try to be kinder to everyone i met
but as such not at the expense of our own happiness...
i do believe that in alex`s case
it`s not really abt the gal or how much her virginity mean to anyone else
if u can see it, the probn he`s facing is that he cannot let go of his own mental barrier
he can try to be kind to the gal, but to say abt it at the expense of his own happiness??? i tink it`s not worth it..
definately i believe he can make the gal happy by accepting her..
but yet to say, can he make himself happy by forcng an acceptance for what his heart cannot condone??
kindness to others haf a limit, being kind to oneself is a gateway to be nice to others, it must be fulfilled before happiness can be spread from oneself to another, and not making happiness from others so that it can be spread to you.
Cheers -
BBB got ink huh? put it so nicely.Originally posted by BaByBoY:kindness to others haf a limit, being kind to oneself is a gateway to be nice to others, it must be fulfilled before happiness can be spread from oneself to another, and not making happiness from others so that it can be spread to you. -
It is not her that is making u angry. Its u urself that is making urself angry over the matter. Coz u compared the her u perceived in ur mind against ur beliefs and values and the discrepancies make u angry. Its time u revise ur beliefs and values, looking at them what is alr obsolete and so discard them. If u still think that a virgin is impt, then look for one.Originally posted by AlexJS:Hi,
I decided to join this forum hoping to find people who could guide me to a decision or at least make me clear of what's in store for me for whatever choices there are...
I got to know this girl thru playing an online game, as her bf was like my guild leader. When I first got to know her, they were still together, so I just didn't bother to hit on her or tried to get close to her out of respect to my friend.
Later on, some stuff happened, and they broke up. I took the chance and decided to hit on her. And yeah, slowly, we started chatting thru MSN, had webcam/audio sessions etc.
I was getting to know her better and she was doing the same with me...Both of us being very honest with each other, telling stuff and all. I was truly falling head over heels with her each day, and she likes me as well. I would be so happy to talk to her each day, listen to her problems, call her "dear" etc... With
the utmost sincerity in my heart...
Yeah, I guess I forgot to mention... She's a Chinese girl who immigrated to Perth since young, so she's pretty much an Australian now, grew up with the culture there and all...heck, accent is there as well. So yeah, this is a long distance relationship...
Anyways,...the MAIN point of this long story is that... one night, we were chatting, and I decided to be really nice and devote my full attention and seriousness in answering her questions and listening to her.
Afterawhile, she decided to tell me something that left me quite stunned. Well, being the noob here (she's sort of like my first gf, I've never been in a relationship before) I didn't know whether it was right.
Basically she told me that she had sex with her former bf (my former guild leader, he was her first), and naturally that means she's no longer a virgin and well, her first time has been taken by that guy.
I felt quite angry and upset about it. After that night, I've been trying to tell myself that it's no big deal and all. Sometimes, I managed to stay cool and normal for the day, but at other times, I get relapses of anger and feel upset...the thoughts keep haunting me... She even told me that people there pretty much lose it during their teens...
Right now, I just can't seem to shower her with that sincere love, affection and attention like I used to... I've thought of dropping her to end this internal hell within me, but yet, I tell myself the reason I'm feeling this way is because I love her... But yet, the pain can be so unbearable at times...
I'm not some holy, faithful Catholic that goes to mass every Sunday. On the contrary, I rarely say a prayer So, this is nothing to do with religion, but either my personal beliefs or my newbishness to being cool with such things...
Can you guys tell me what should I do? Whether or not I'm being an idiot making a big deal over something small?
The actual her, and the her perceived by u may be different coz u will interpret her with ur thinking.
Good luck. -
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AlexJS, I can understand ur situation. I am also a guy who places significant importance on a girl's virginity.
My view is, if u cant change ur perceptions and cant compromise and not willing to accept her as she is less than ideal in ur view now, then just treat her as a good friend. U can try finding a life partner who is a virgin. So u have to change gear, from treating her as a GF, to treating her as a good friend now.
If u can compromise, then u may continue treating her as a GF.
So the question is, can u change ur perceptions? How valuable is this girl for u to change ur perceptions? If u cant, treat her as a good friend. It's still a form of love, but not like that kind of love. -
Thanks for the advice
Erm, it's not that I place such a high importance on it. Read the previous post by BabyBoy to get what I'm saying. I'm just kinda confused on how to feel about this. -
wait till the day she tells u that she hopes for a guy that has longer/shorter hair than u have, longer shorter neck than u have, longer/thicker/shorter/thinner dick than u have, prefer circumcised/uncircumcised(opposite of what u have), prefer bigger/smaller head than u have, likes a guy with rounder and firmer butt than u have etc etc.
than u would realise how bloody shallow ur thinking is.
granted to err is human. and its a she.. the gender thats more likely governed by emotions than a guy in general.. so if she gave herself to the guy she loved and believed at that time the one who would be with her till the end, tell me how is that a bad thing. at least u would noe that she would be willing to give her all to u when she loves u..
maybe to u she made a mistake of slping with that jerk.. try telling me u have never made a mistake in ur life b4.. becoz u most probably did.. and more than once.. ppl still forgave and life moves on right? and ur family still loves u whatever mistakes u have done b4 right?
but if u still think that a piece of membrane is all there is to a relationship. its ur life. a life that a lot of ppl r gonna pity.
too add on.. its the 21st century now... maybe u should try and get ur head from the 19th century teachings ur great grandmother tot u about..
sorry if it sounds harsh.. -
Nah, it's ok. I totally understand what you are saying. It's true that my thinking has been rather shallow, probably due to the noobishness in me.Originally posted by nOrmalbOi:wait till the day she tells u that she hopes for a guy that has longer/shorter hair than u have, longer shorter neck than u have, longer/thicker/shorter/thinner dick than u have, prefer circumcised/uncircumcised(opposite of what u have), prefer bigger/smaller head than u have, likes a guy with rounder and firmer butt than u have etc etc.
than u would realise how bloody shallow ur thinking is.
granted to err is human. and its a she.. the gender thats more likely governed by emotions than a guy in general.. so if she gave herself to the guy she loved and believed at that time the one who would be with her till the end, tell me how is that a bad thing. at least u would noe that she would be willing to give her all to u when she loves u..
maybe to u she made a mistake of slping with that jerk.. try telling me u have never made a mistake in ur life b4.. becoz u most probably did.. and more than once.. ppl still forgave and life moves on right? and ur family still loves u whatever mistakes u have done b4 right?
but if u still think that a piece of membrane is all there is to a relationship. its ur life. a life that a lot of ppl r gonna pity.
too add on.. its the 21st century now... maybe u should try and get ur head from the 19th century teachings ur great grandmother tot u about..
sorry if it sounds harsh..
Yeah, you are right about that... I have to stop looking at such small things and look at the bigger, more important picture. And to know what matters most :]
I've been thinking about it for the whole day, and I kinda realised that maybe, I'm like this because I've yet to experience the simple joys of going out with her...watching a movie with her..having lunch with her etc... and some other thoughts
And that's why... I have decided to stop being an idiot, and not let such a thing come between us. Heck, I will go look through all our previous chat logs and think back about why I like her in the first place.
Thanks all for your support, be it words of advice or flaming hahah
It's gonna be a long journey, but at least I realise what's truly important... -
at least she told you the truth....
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hey......i understand how you feel.........i also experience that before.......when my gf told me she petted with her ex before...........i felt damn lousy........and the reason is because she was so close physically with someone else before.............maybe if you all understand what it means?
for the few weeks after she told me that....i will be constantly thinking about it......and very sad
...............i tell myself not to mind and think about it....but i still do