Being In Love someone who has done it before...
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Hey dudeOriginally posted by AlexJS:Nah, it's ok. I totally understand what you are saying. It's true that my thinking has been rather shallow, probably due to the noobishness in me.
Yeah, you are right about that... I have to stop looking at such small things and look at the bigger, more important picture. And to know what matters most :]
I've been thinking about it for the whole day, and I kinda realised that maybe, I'm like this because I've yet to experience the simple joys of going out with her...watching a movie with her..having lunch with her etc... and some other thoughts
And that's why... I have decided to stop being an idiot, and not let such a thing come between us. Heck, I will go look through all our previous chat logs and think back about why I like her in the first place.
Thanks all for your support, be it words of advice or flaming hahah
It's gonna be a long journey, but at least I realise what's truly important...
no one aint saying u`re shallow
it`s ur life dude
wat`s impt now is u`ve sort out wat u wanted outta life
there`s no absolute right or wrongs in r/s
u choose ur own decision and make do w the responsibilities
if u choose to be w her
make sure u`re strong enuff to face the future challenges together
and if this really turn out real bad cuz of this event,u`ve gotta face the music
and ya there`s no reason to love someone
its a feeling and it`s magical
make careful decisions and take responsibility
wat impt to you may not be to others
cuz ultimately u`re the one tt`s goin to face her
not the rest, advices are for us to make
decisions are for you to...
til then gd luck
and fear not of ppl calling you shallow
cuz u aint and i know it.
Cheers -
Originally posted by BaByBoY:
I understand. Thanks man
Hey dude
no one aint saying u`re shallow
it`s ur life dude
wat`s impt now is u`ve sort out wat u wanted outta life
there`s no absolute right or wrongs in r/s
u choose ur own decision and make do w the responsibilities
if u choose to be w her
make sure u`re strong enuff to face the future challenges together
and if this really turn out real bad cuz of this event,u`ve gotta face the music
and ya there`s no reason to love someone
its a feeling and it`s magical
make careful decisions and take responsibility
wat impt to you may not be to others
cuz [b]ultimately u`re the one tt`s goin to face her
not the rest, advices are for us to make
decisions are for you to...
til then gd luck
and fear not of ppl calling you shallow
cuz u aint and i know it.
Cheers
[/b] -
Glad to be of service.Originally posted by AlexJS:Nah, it's ok. I totally understand what you are saying. It's true that my thinking has been rather shallow, probably due to the noobishness in me.
Yeah, you are right about that... I have to stop looking at such small things and look at the bigger, more important picture. And to know what matters most :]
I've been thinking about it for the whole day, and I kinda realised that maybe, I'm like this because I've yet to experience the simple joys of going out with her...watching a movie with her..having lunch with her etc... and some other thoughts
And that's why... I have decided to stop being an idiot, and not let such a thing come between us. Heck, I will go look through all our previous chat logs and think back about why I like her in the first place.
Thanks all for your support, be it words of advice or flaming hahah
It's gonna be a long journey, but at least I realise what's truly important... -
If you want the PLAIN FACT from me. You're NOT FIT for her.Originally posted by AlexJS:Yeah, I guess... We are all humans anyway, nobody's perfect...
Also, I can't exactly love her just yet, afterall, we have yet to meet and all. But in the meantime, I do like her. And that's why I wanna fight this mentality, even if not for her sake, but at least for mine.
If what u said is true about sg teens, if I decide to find another gf later on, who knows, I might encounter this again... That's why, I kinda need support here, guidance, water buckets, to help me wake up, and fight off this mentality...
pls do continue to provide me with ur opinions and thanks to those who have given me theirs so far.
If you can get the advices the others gave to you DRILLED DEEP INTO YOUR HEAD, LEARN FROM IT.
ELSE, LEAVE HER ALONE. You're TOO SELFISH. -
This may be a bit late, but ..Originally posted by BaByBoY:
Yea, i don't think he's shallow, indeed he has that mental barrier that he needs to break.
That's why he should look back into his life, and find out what's causing it. There Must be an event that happened in his past, that has put that barricade in his mind, and making them both miserable.
Once he overcomes it, and finds out why he's in this relationship in the first place... i think he'll be happy. -
hahaOriginally posted by Devil1976:If you want the PLAIN FACT from me. You're NOT FIT for her.
If you can get the advices the others gave to you DRILLED DEEP INTO YOUR HEAD, LEARN FROM IT.
ELSE, LEAVE HER ALONE. You're TOO SELFISH.
rather harsh words for a troubled mind uh??
All`s fair in LOVE and WAR
we simply do know know enuff of the person to pass such a judgement on him..
selfish or not, it`s his life and ultimately he`ll be the one goin to face the gal
if i`ve not made my stand clear enuff..
here is it again..
the prob doesn`t really lie if the gals a virgin or not..
it prob is whether alex`s able to accept such a person..
and how could making impt decisions for oneself be termed as selfish??
and btw, LOVE`s too complex to decide for whoever`s fit for who..
let alone a person who don`t even know them..
Keep the view coming
Cheers -
Hahhahaa.. if you think this is the best for you.. then i got nothing to say..Originally posted by BaByBoY:hi aaron!
i`ll; like to hear ur view on this?
if u were in his shoes
how will u take action to make this turn out well?
and to sunrise,
hehe
prob i`ll be a monk???
haha
seriously if the world were to be left w non-virgins then it`ll already be a norm..
but looking at the current situation for the present day,
there do exist virgin gals and i believe they do deserve better partners..
now the question bears on tradition and new age thinking
yes i admit the gal is really brave enuff to tell him abt the situation
but that doesn`t mean she`s cleared of her past doings
Cheers -
If you can get over this.. you can.. if you can't then don't force yourself.. Kindly jus let her know the reason for behaving or reacting in such a way.. Cos you thought that she might be the girl you are looking for.. but now ........Originally posted by AlexJS:True... I guess it will definitely hurt a long more if she told me about this later... at least right now...I've time to get over it and all that...
Cheers..
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Originally posted by BaByBoY:
I'll rather be the BAD GUY today. Enough advices have been spoken by the others. BESIDES... He ASKED for HARSH WORDS... That means EVEN HE HIMSELF KNOWS there's something wrong with his own mentality... I'm not trying to PULL him over from his own string of thoughts... He WANTS to be CONVINCED.
haha
rather harsh words for a troubled mind uh??
[b]All`s fair in LOVE and WAR
we simply do know know enuff of the person to pass such a judgement on him..
selfish or not, it`s his life and ultimately he`ll be the one goin to face the gal
if i`ve not made my stand clear enuff..
here is it again..
the prob doesn`t really lie if the gals a virgin or not..
it prob is whether alex`s able to accept such a person..
and how could making impt decisions for oneself be termed as selfish??
and btw, LOVE`s too complex to decide for whoever`s fit for who..
let alone a person who don`t even know them..
Keep the view coming
Cheers[/b]
Yeah. I AGREE you and him (or just about anybody else) has the RIGHTS to stick to their OWN BELIEFS, REQUIREMENTS and MENTALITY.
Just don't be OVERWHELMED when REALITY WASH you OVER. That's that. All I wanna say. -
Hard...Originally posted by BaByBoY:hmmm..
impossible????
very hard...
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Like one other forumite has mentioned in the other thread..Originally posted by Ayla:Hard...
very hard...
It's kinda sad when a person chooses you based on such a superficial criteria... Of course I'm not saying it can't be done.
It'll good if the person rejects you because of that... The sad thing would only be that you actually come together with such a person... Then again, if you're of the same class. Why not?
And if you're looking for a virgin wife, quit complaining when the girls are looking for bigger d|cks, more handsome guys and filthy rich husbands & bfs....
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Haha..Originally posted by Devil1976:I'll rather be the BAD GUY today. Enough advices have been spoken by the others. BESIDES... He ASKED for HARSH WORDS... That means EVEN HE HIMSELF KNOWS there's something wrong with his own mentality... I'm not trying to PULL him over from his own string of thoughts... He WANTS to be CONVINCED.
Yeah. I AGREE you and him (or just about anybody else) has the RIGHTS to stick to their OWN BELIEFS, REQUIREMENTS and MENTALITY.
Just don't be OVERWHELMED when REALITY WASH you OVER. That's that. All I wanna say.
perhaps he just need time to accept the gal uh?
i guess the news came to him as too much of a blow,
like a sudden injection of unwanted news..
however i tink not of him as having a fault w his mentality
but rather as taken aback by some unexpected info
well.. i guess the world had already planned it in such a way,
one day, there`s sure to be some one that`ll accept one another
regardless of what happened in the past
That is the most noble of love, to accept them for what they are.
and just a point
There`s no need to be too gruesome abt the gals havin lost their V..
Like the existance of bad apples, there`s sure to be some gd ones in the city.
Anyway, if given a choice, who will not give preference to ppl who are still virgin?? Touch your heart, and feel it.
It`s a PREFERENCE just like choosing a drink on a vending machine. -
Hi dude,Originally posted by AlexJS:Hi,
I decided to join this forum hoping to find people who could guide me to a decision or at least make me clear of what's in store for me for whatever choices there are...
I got to know this girl thru playing an online game, as her bf was like my guild leader. When I first got to know her, they were still together, so I just didn't bother to hit on her or tried to get close to her out of respect to my friend.
Later on, some stuff happened, and they broke up. I took the chance and decided to hit on her. And yeah, slowly, we started chatting thru MSN, had webcam/audio sessions etc.
I was getting to know her better and she was doing the same with me...Both of us being very honest with each other, telling stuff and all. I was truly falling head over heels with her each day, and she likes me as well. I would be so happy to talk to her each day, listen to her problems, call her "dear" etc... With
the utmost sincerity in my heart...
Yeah, I guess I forgot to mention... She's a Chinese girl who immigrated to Perth since young, so she's pretty much an Australian now, grew up with the culture there and all...heck, accent is there as well. So yeah, this is a long distance relationship...
Anyways,...the MAIN point of this long story is that... one night, we were chatting, and I decided to be really nice and devote my full attention and seriousness in answering her questions and listening to her.
Afterawhile, she decided to tell me something that left me quite stunned. Well, being the noob here (she's sort of like my first gf, I've never been in a relationship before) I didn't know whether it was right.
Basically she told me that she had sex with her former bf (my former guild leader, he was her first), and naturally that means she's no longer a virgin and well, her first time has been taken by that guy.
I felt quite angry and upset about it. After that night, I've been trying to tell myself that it's no big deal and all. Sometimes, I managed to stay cool and normal for the day, but at other times, I get relapses of anger and feel upset...the thoughts keep haunting me... She even told me that people there pretty much lose it during their teens...
Right now, I just can't seem to shower her with that sincere love, affection and attention like I used to... I've thought of dropping her to end this internal hell within me, but yet, I tell myself the reason I'm feeling this way is because I love her... But yet, the pain can be so unbearable at times...
I'm not some holy, faithful Catholic that goes to mass every Sunday. On the contrary, I rarely say a prayer
So, this is nothing to do with religion, but either my personal beliefs or my newbishness to being cool with such things...
Can you guys tell me what should I do? Whether or not I'm being an idiot making a big deal over something small?
Let me give you an example of myself. I was..and I mean 'was'..an ultra traditional guy..I always 'wanted' a gal who is a virgin..so that I will be her 'first guy' to be 'so-called physically intimate' with.
I used to ask my friends.."Hey..will you ever accept a wife/gf who is a non-virgin??" Most of them replied "Yes". Whenever I hear this, I will always laugh it off and said "Yeah sure! Haha..now you can say this..few years down the road..when you are making love half-way wif her..then you remember..this woman has already been touched/intercourse/kissed/banged etc etc..by a guy/few guys before me...When the fresh puppy love dies down..over the years..when you are tired of the relationship..you will regret.."
And then I will also think of the fact that one day..the guy standing next to you and wife/gf will be her ex who has already seen/touched everything that has of her body.. etc etc.....
So when my 2nd gf (current one) told me she has never had sex but has been 'touched' before by her ex....I was initially in a fit of storm. I was so frustrated..so angry..so jealous..so uncertain..that I initially wanted to break up just because of this........anyway, I decided not to..and carry on with her daily.......though I dun desire really that she will be my future wife..no matter how much we love each other...
Now..here's my turning pt......after months together.....I realised that those 'ultra traditional' thoughts of mine..................were JUST PLAIN SELFISH AND COMPLETE IDIOTIC of me!! I start to realise that as the days passed..i dun seem to mind all these anymore...i asked myself why?? why??
Simple.................because there is this thing called 'REAL LOVE'....I finally get to realise....when someone loves the person so much...all those so called 'virginity issues'....are just plain BULLSHIT...
It doesnt matter the fact that my gf is a virgin in the first place. Even if not, I wouldnt mind now. Why? Because life is so short..nobody knows when we will leave this world some day......to find a person who is able to love you..who is willing to share all times together with you..then even if we were to leave this world one day..it will be without regrets....
I was totally wrong and ignorant in the past...we learn from our mistakes..don't live to regret it. There are still so many things in this world that we can look forward to or bother with....why care about a thin piece of skin??
Trust me dude..now you tink of this becos you have not really gone into a relationship with her yet.......that's why there are uncertainty within you....
When it really happens....and your love for each other grew.....you will begin to see the same things...all these are just superficial... -
prudes...
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Cool man,
you`ve found true love
treasure her dude
i see if everyone can be like you then the world will be so nice -
love sucks. life sucks. die people die.Originally posted by BaByBoY:Cool man,
you`ve found true love
treasure her dude
i see if everyone can be like you then the world will be so nice -
For me...?Originally posted by BaByBoY:Haha..
perhaps he just need time to accept the gal uh?
i guess the news came to him as too much of a blow,
like a sudden injection of unwanted news..
however i tink not of him as having a fault w his mentality
but rather as taken aback by some unexpected info
well.. i guess the world had already planned it in such a way,
one day, there`s sure to be some one that`ll accept one another
regardless of what happened in the past
That is the most noble of love, to accept them for what they are.
and just a point
There`s no need to be too gruesome abt the gals havin lost their V..
Like the existance of bad apples, there`s sure to be some gd ones in the city.
Anyway, if given a choice, who will not give preference to ppl who are still virgin?? Touch your heart, and feel it.It`s a PREFERENCE just like choosing a drink on a vending machine.
NAY.... -
No need to get all excited lah... Just in case you've not notice yet....Originally posted by HENG@:love sucks. life sucks. die people die.
They are DYING... -
Hmm..One of my buddies told me..Originally posted by BaByBoY:Anyway, if given a choice, who will not give preference to ppl who are still virgin?? Touch your heart, and feel it.
It`s a PREFERENCE just like choosing a drink on a vending machine.
If the guy is still a V, well, maybe he has absolute 'right' to expect that his gf is a V.
But if he no longer a V, perhaps he should not demand his gf to be a V?
And..I have come across guys who won't mind if their gf is not a V..
Really, it's really up to u to choose.
And..do u mean girls who lost their V are bad apples? I dun agree..
I still think that if they (guys and girls) do this bcos of Love, that's fine.
But if it's casual sex, ONS etc..then that's unacceptable.
As long as she dun do it with others when she is attached to you...she's still considered faithful to you, isn't it?
Well, like you said, it's your preference. Guess there's no right or wrong.
It all depends on whether you can accept it or not..and whether you mind.
But if you really really love a person, to the verge of marrying her..then to find out that she is not a V..would you just give up like that? Perhaps it really depends on how you feel towards her and the situation.. -
I reviewed the first post and decided to jump in with my two cents. (I have not checked other responses yet. And in the event that I post something similar if not identical to someone else previously, I take no responsibility for which I am about to say. Whatsoever.)
I think she's having fun with you. And I think you should just try having fun with her. She's telling you things, being honest because she wants to set the record level with you. In that way, you'll be under no illusions that all she wants with you is your companionship, coupled with sex, if its do-able.
You should therefore, brood no further, and committ yourself to a fb relationship. Take it any further and you are fried, toasted and next morning's breakfast.
In the grand scheme of things, the first girl you sleep with would not be doing it the first time with you. Somewhere, someone can probably post some figures. But let's just put it at 10-15%. I have no idea where I pluck this figure from but if you wish to call me out on that, by all means. I have no evidence to show for.
Therefore, I shall not digress. Please do not fancy virginity to be some gift, purely on the basis that you retain yours, waiting to offer it to the "right" person. In fact, I would very much rather be broken in by someone who's experience in this matters surpass at least 4 events. I say, now's a valuable chance for you to do just that.
So there, stick it! Do the fb thing. And if anyone needs to know what fb is, it refers to a f-buddy. Or if you are more prudish, you can use bonk buddy. sama sama lah.
OTOH, if you let her, she can and will break your heart. Cest la vie. -
well, depend what kind of love lor.. what he feels now is like... someone taking ur possession and broke it or smth.Originally posted by bratpig:this is really no big deal...but i can tell that u dun really love her as u claimed to be...if u do rite...then u wouldnt mind so much as to whether she is a virgin ornot...the fact that u do mind shows that u still do not understand what is true love....to love unconditionally...lol...maybe too early for u to understand...take ur time la
maybe his love isn't totally faultless, but it's still a form of love. and it should be given it's respect
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I agree with BaByBoy...
Who (usually V themselves) wouldn't PREFER their current GF to be a V? Unless you are talking about someone who wants someone as experienced themselves.
Different people have different values and beliefs...there is no right or wrong. In other countries, women are stoned for having affairs...while over here...its perfectly usual to hear of it....although they are not punished that severly by their acts.
If 2 persons of different belief and values came together..its really up to them to overcome it. If they couldn't work out...then too bad.Originally posted by BaByBoY:Haha..
perhaps he just need time to accept the gal uh?
i guess the news came to him as too much of a blow,
like a sudden injection of unwanted news..
however i tink not of him as having a fault w his mentality
but rather as taken aback by some unexpected info
well.. i guess the world had already planned it in such a way,
one day, there`s sure to be some one that`ll accept one another
regardless of what happened in the past
That is the most noble of love, to accept them for what they are.
and just a point
There`s no need to be too gruesome abt the gals havin lost their V..
Like the existance of bad apples, there`s sure to be some gd ones in the city.
Anyway, if given a choice, who will not give preference to ppl who are still virgin?? Touch your heart, and feel it.
It`s a PREFERENCE just like choosing a drink on a vending machine. -
AlexJS,
This is a distance relationship, right?
If the two of u cant get close together in the near future, don't u think the relationship may get tiring?
I say, if u cant imagine the two of u getting together in the near future, and turn this distance relationship into a full conventional relationship, and now that she is having this "done it" thing....u may want to consider moving on and find another girl....treat her as a good friend only from now... -
i seriously hope i turn out like uOriginally posted by Chrysalis_Guy:Hi dude,
Let me give you an example of myself. I was..and I mean 'was'..an ultra traditional guy..I always 'wanted' a gal who is a virgin..so that I will be her 'first guy' to be 'so-called physically intimate' with.
I used to ask my friends.."Hey..will you ever accept a wife/gf who is a non-virgin??" Most of them replied "Yes". Whenever I hear this, I will always laugh it off and said "Yeah sure! Haha..now you can say this..few years down the road..when you are making love half-way wif her..then you remember..this woman has already been touched/intercourse/kissed/banged etc etc..by a guy/few guys before me...When the fresh puppy love dies down..over the years..when you are tired of the relationship..you will regret.."
And then I will also think of the fact that one day..the guy standing next to you and wife/gf will be her ex who has already seen/touched everything that has of her body.. etc etc.....
So when my 2nd gf (current one) told me she has never had sex but has been 'touched' before by her ex....I was initially in a fit of storm. I was so frustrated..so angry..so jealous..so uncertain..that I initially wanted to break up just because of this........anyway, I decided not to..and carry on with her daily.......though I dun desire really that she will be my future wife..no matter how much we love each other...
Now..here's my turning pt......after months together.....I realised that those 'ultra traditional' thoughts of mine..................were JUST PLAIN SELFISH AND COMPLETE IDIOTIC of me!! I start to realise that as the days passed..i dun seem to mind all these anymore...i asked myself why?? why??
Simple.................because there is this thing called 'REAL LOVE'....I finally get to realise....when someone loves the person so much...all those so called 'virginity issues'....are just plain BULLSHIT...
It doesnt matter the fact that my gf is a virgin in the first place. Even if not, I wouldnt mind now. Why? Because life is so short..nobody knows when we will leave this world some day......to find a person who is able to love you..who is willing to share all times together with you..then even if we were to leave this world one day..it will be without regrets....
I was totally wrong and ignorant in the past...we learn from our mistakes..don't live to regret it. There are still so many things in this world that we can look forward to or bother with....why care about a thin piece of skin??
Trust me dude..now you tink of this becos you have not really gone into a relationship with her yet.......that's why there are uncertainty within you....
When it really happens....and your love for each other grew.....you will begin to see the same things...all these are just superficial... -
true. everyone is dying. it's just a matter of how fast or slow!Originally posted by Devil1976:No need to get all excited lah... Just in case you've not notice yet....
They are DYING... 