My Sad Story...
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3 years ago, i got to know this girl, "J". she was my friend de friend. During that past 3 years, we have been a very good friend, joke and tease with one another, and we often go out with a group of friend and majority i with her.
And in the late last year, i beginning to develop feelings for her and tell her that i like her and wondering should we give it a try on the relationship. And she agrees immediately after the message i send her. And now, it has been already 2 weeks i've been with her liao, and i dont feel her love 4 me, i ask her friend about her and they all say she like dont know how 2 express herself wan, and is more 2 a shy type. But that couldnt be wad, for already 3 years of friend and still shy? And each time i message her with lots of sentence like, "what are you doing now", "have you taken your dinner", "what time your lecture begin tml", "what time you sleeping tonight" and she always answer me the last sentence and only a short phrase like, "i sleep tonight at 11pm." that's all. the feelin is like very sianz. You guys have any idea on my problems? I really likes her but i'm afraid to hurt her in the meantime by confronting her. And everytime i send her sms, she can replied me with a snail crawling from north to west. Sigh~~ -
I think i get the gist of what you're saying.
Remember, a transition from friendship to lovers may take some time to adjust.
But from what you're saying, its been 3 weeks and she's still like that?
Its time to sit down and have a chat, ask her if there's something bothering her, what's holding her back, what can you do, is there anything you can do to help, etc.
Surely that should be the first thing to do..? -
Yes...what you say sounds reasonable. But the feelin she gave me is totally no diff from beening a single lor...Originally posted by _Aaron_:I think i get the gist of what you're saying.
Remember, a transition from friendship to lovers may take some time to adjust.
But from what you're saying, its been 3 weeks and she's still like that?
Its time to sit down and have a chat, ask her if there's something bothering her, what's holding her back, what can you do, is there anything you can do to help, etc.
Surely that should be the first thing to do..? -
Well, i had a experiance once like that, except that the girl replies on sms was darn fast. I must admit that It's quite a hard task to confront a girl, but it has to be done. But plz don't ask her question some how like this " How come everytime i sms you, your reply so slow de? " , this will sure make the opposite party feel worst. That will create a feeling of mistrust.Originally posted by James1:3 years ago, i got to know this girl, "J". she was my friend de friend. During that past 3 years, we have been a very good friend, joke and tease with one another, and we often go out with a group of friend and majority i with her.
And in the late last year, i beginning to develop feelings for her and tell her that i like her and wondering should we give it a try on the relationship. And she agrees immediately after the message i send her. And now, it has been already 2 weeks i've been with her liao, and i dont feel her love 4 me, i ask her friend about her and they all say she like dont know how 2 express herself wan, and is more 2 a shy type. But that couldnt be wad, for already 3 years of friend and still shy? And each time i message her with lots of sentence like, "what are you doing now", "have you taken your dinner", "what time your lecture begin tml", "what time you sleeping tonight" and she always answer me the last sentence and only a short phrase like, "i sleep tonight at 11pm." that's all. the feelin is like very sianz. You guys have any idea on my problems? I really likes her but i'm afraid to hurt her in the meantime by confronting her. And everytime i send her sms, she can replied me with a snail crawling from north to west. Sigh~~
Since its been 2 weeks already, have a dinner date with her and just ask her how she feels about this relationship. Some times girls are just too shy to express themselves, even to their steady. They tend to worry over non-existence problems. Of course this is 2 sided, but girls tend to worry more.
So Maybe you should talk about this soon, not let it drag too long.
Gd luck man...
Regards
Sekundes AkA XEk -
Is this the first time for the both of u???
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sorry to tell u this...this so called r/s will be off pretty soon
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That's why the two of you should talk. Find out the cause of it, and eliminate it so that the two of you can progress...Originally posted by James1:Yes...what you say sounds reasonable. But the feelin she gave me is totally no diff from beening a single lor...
A relationship stagnant at this stage will only deteoriate. Arrange for a meeting with her at a comfortable place to talk to, and of course make sure the both of you are not rushing for anything.
And if its possible, try not to sms so much but to call instead. You decide how much to call, but don't over do it.
Good luck..~ -
She's now the 3rd time with me and the same goes to me, but both of us have been a single for quite some times....Originally posted by Patrik:Is this the first time for the both of u??? -
Yes...yes...i quite agree with u. Just would wants to let nature take its cost and i would rather allow the girl break up with me than i go and break someone up. Its simply no good 2 hurt others..Originally posted by amuletgurl:sorry to tell u this...this so called r/s will be off pretty soon -
Thanks for u guys comment and counsel me. But one thing i would like 2 add is, each time i send her home from attachment, i wants to bid her a good bye kiss and yet she just dodge away. Was she unready or what? and i heard that girls mood tends to change easily but i'm afraid it might be a feelin.
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erm..can i make a wild guess? "J" is "J.Y" ? hahaha...reply me if i guess correctly...Originally posted by James1:Thanks for u guys comment and counsel me. But one thing i would like 2 add is, each time i send her home from attachment, i wants to bid her a good bye kiss and yet she just dodge away. Was she unready or what? and i heard that girls mood tends to change easily but i'm afraid it might be a feelin.
if i am thinking of the same "J" u were talking abt...kiss for her is too...erm..too early? she still have her first kiss i bet? unless i didn't update...i didnt kiss her anyway...LOL...she is slow type..really shy...i guess...
All this are based on the fact that i ASSUMED that "J" is the same girl i know and u know...and is my ex...ooops...
reply me...
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Not surprising that a girl can really be that shy and quiet even tho after knowing you for three years.
I have a fren who is very very quiet..know her for almost 3 years already and she really dun talk much. She will just sit there, listen to us talking, laugh..very quiet. Even tho she wants to comfort a fren, she duno how to, she will sms although she get a chance to see that person. But then, she is really a nice girl, a capricon.
Perhaps your gf is more matured? As in...not so affectionate..maybe she feels for you but she dun show? You can test her out de..see whether she cares or whatever.. -
Hi, from where I am reading your problem, i can be pretty certain that your gf is not ready for a relationship.. At least not for now.. How she has been a friend to you back than.. Does not mean that she will be doing the same thing to you now.. There are some girls out there.. Whom take relationship and friendships as a totally 180 degree different thingy...Originally posted by James1:3 years ago, i got to know this girl, "J". she was my friend de friend. During that past 3 years, we have been a very good friend, joke and tease with one another, and we often go out with a group of friend and majority i with her.
And in the late last year, i beginning to develop feelings for her and tell her that i like her and wondering should we give it a try on the relationship. And she agrees immediately after the message i send her. And now, it has been already 2 weeks i've been with her liao, and i dont feel her love 4 me, i ask her friend about her and they all say she like dont know how 2 express herself wan, and is more 2 a shy type. But that couldnt be wad, for already 3 years of friend and still shy? And each time i message her with lots of sentence like, "what are you doing now", "have you taken your dinner", "what time your lecture begin tml", "what time you sleeping tonight" and she always answer me the last sentence and only a short phrase like, "i sleep tonight at 11pm." that's all. the feelin is like very sianz. You guys have any idea on my problems? I really likes her but i'm afraid to hurt her in the meantime by confronting her. And everytime i send her sms, she can replied me with a snail crawling from north to west. Sigh~~
As her friend for 3 years.. I think you should know whats her character is like.. Like how she treats her friends and how she treats someone who is closer to her.. For her, maybe you should take longer time to give her the confidence that you really like her.. She may be hurt in some r/s back than.. She don't wish the same thing to repeat..
Take your time ya.. Don't rush..
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Originally posted by LyCaN:
perhaps u could spell it out in full. What u say sounds really happening to me right now. perhaps the girl i am mentioning maybe she. So wondering if u could spell it out. haha, thnx. waiting 4 ur reply....
erm..can i make a wild guess? "J" is "J.Y" ? hahaha...reply me if i guess correctly...
if i am thinking of the same "J" u were talking abt...kiss for her is too...erm..too early? she still have her first kiss i bet? unless i didn't update...i didnt kiss her anyway...LOL...she is slow type..really shy...i guess...
All this are based on the fact that i [b]ASSUMED that "J" is the same girl i know and u know...and is my ex...ooops...
reply me...[/b] -
my story sadder leh
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i see, so i guess u muz be a real headache of havin such frien rite? and i certainly agrees to ur sayin, but i was wondering is she really feels 4 me and yet dont show. how can i test her? would u mind share some of ur method. Apparently, i'm not well experience of bgr. and maybe i could gain in some of urs.Originally posted by LilO gIrL:Not surprising that a girl can really be that shy and quiet even tho after knowing you for three years.
I have a fren who is very very quiet..know her for almost 3 years already and she really dun talk much. She will just sit there, listen to us talking, laugh..very quiet. Even tho she wants to comfort a fren, she duno how to, she will sms although she get a chance to see that person. But then, she is really a nice girl, a capricon.
Perhaps your gf is more matured? As in...not so affectionate..maybe she feels for you but she dun show? You can test her out de..see whether she cares or whatever.. -
Initially ya..being an impatient and short-tempered person, I did have some conflict with her..especially when she had the kind intention to tell my buddy that I was upset and my buddy tot that i was angry with her..we almost ended our frenship.Originally posted by James1:i see, so i guess u muz be a real headache of havin such frien rite? and i certainly agrees to ur sayin, but i was wondering is she really feels 4 me and yet dont show. how can i test her? would u mind share some of ur method. Apparently, i'm not well experience of bgr. and maybe i could gain in some of urs.
But after some time, I find blessed to have such a fren..someone so understanding and thoughtful to address to your needs at times..
test her? hmm...it's still too early to do anything rush ba..and you might be disappointed if her response is the same. Perhaps you can try telling her that you are sick...you miss her etc? See how she reacts?
But, dun be surprised if her reply is 'ok, drink more water. rest well, take care.' haha... -
i see, glad that u cherish her as a true friendship. but sometimes friendship must tolerate one another otherwise, worser than conflicts may yet 2 come. Just as i thought of what she'll respond will be exactly as wad u say. by saying, drink more water and rest well doesn't show much care rite? its ok, i'll tried it out and tells u the good news k?Originally posted by LilO gIrL:Initially ya..being an impatient and short-tempered person, I did have some conflict with her..especially when she had the kind intention to tell my buddy that I was upset and my buddy tot that i was angry with her..we almost ended our frenship.
But after some time, I find blessed to have such a fren..someone so understanding and thoughtful to address to your needs at times..
test her? hmm...it's still too early to do anything rush ba..and you might be disappointed if her response is the same. Perhaps you can try telling her that you are sick...you miss her etc? See how she reacts?
But, dun be surprised if her reply is 'ok, drink more water. rest well, take care.' haha... -
it doesnt mean that she dun show much care..it might be that she duno how to express herself..Originally posted by James1:i see, glad that u cherish her as a true friendship. but sometimes friendship must tolerate one another otherwise, worser than conflicts may yet 2 come. Just as i thought of what she'll respond will be exactly as wad u say. by saying, drink more water and rest well doesn't show much care rite? its ok, i'll tried it out and tells u the good news k?
im very touched when i know from that fren that she say a prayer before she goes to sleep everynight..she thanked god for bringing her frens..the few of us..she is christian but im not..so that's also a reason why we dun really talk much ba..last time i tried to talk to her about christianity..she can really talk a lot when talk about that..but then i went to her church and had a very bad experience..so no more touching on that topic..
try talking to your gf about things that she is interested in. -
Originally posted by James1:
Judging from this reply, i think what one of the forumites say is write.
Thanks for u guys comment and counsel me. But one thing i would like 2 add is, each time i send her home from attachment, [b]i wants to bid her a good bye kiss and yet she just dodge away. Was she unready or what? and i heard that girls mood tends to change easily but i'm afraid it might be a feelin.[/b]
She may not be ready for the relationship.
Perhaps she entered tihs relationship because she doesn't want to lose this friendship, or perhaps not.
I advise you take it slowly with her, and chat up asap.. i think there are many issues inside of her that you should know. Be prepared for the worst though.. -
Originally posted by _Aaron_:
i think this point is out as because i have been already her 3 years of friend and also include a god bro & sis relationbship b4 and then couples. I'm a emotional guy, i could be hurt easily, and from what you nice people comments abt is more on to confront and sit down to have a nice chat wif her. I really afraid she might think that i dont trust her or giving her no freedom or wad. All right, i would prepare to face both positive & negative at all cost.
Judging from this reply, i think what one of the forumites say is write.
She may not be ready for the relationship.
[b]Perhaps she entered tihs relationship because she doesn't want to lose this friendship, or perhaps not.
I advise you take it slowly with her, and chat up asap.. i think there are many issues inside of her that you should know. Be prepared for the worst though..
[/b] -
Take it slowly, dude. Reading through your posts, I can only say that either you are taking it too fast or she is reacting too slowly. Whatever it is, refrain from SMS-ing her because you will never be able to convey your true feelings either way. Try to chat with her on the phone, at least for 15 mins every night. Just ask her how her day went, etc etc.
Good luck, dude. Even if a relationship is destined to be doomed, there will always be an opportunity for you to make it not happen. It all depends on what you do to make it work. -
U shouldn't send her 1 sentence SMS, trying telling her abt what u are doing/ feeling, maximise yr SMS, make yr messages interesting, better still call her & chit chat to get her to open up.
Act romantic when u meet up- hold her hands or put yr arms around her.
U have to take the initiative since she is shy. -
Haha, don't think the words to use is ACT ROMANTIC. You HAVE TO BE romantic or at least try to spice up the mood of your date. "gerrykoh" is right, you have to take the initiative since she is terribly shy.Originally posted by gerrykoh:U shouldn't send her 1 sentence SMS, trying telling her abt what u are doing/ feeling, maximise yr SMS, make yr messages interesting, better still call her & chit chat to get her to open up.
Act romantic when u meet up- hold her hands or put yr arms around her.
U have to take the initiative since she is shy. -
Hmmm. there was something about asking open-ended questions.Originally posted by gerrykoh:U shouldn't send her 1 sentence SMS, trying telling her abt what u are doing/ feeling, maximise yr SMS, make yr messages interesting, better still call her & chit chat to get her to open up.
Act romantic when u meet up- hold her hands or put yr arms around her.
U have to take the initiative since she is shy.