Need a listening ear
-
Hello guys.
Its my first post here. Been reading the forums for a long time and so I thought I'd voice out the issues that are going on in my life at this moment.
I'm almost 26 years old, male. Currently, my mum is struck with terminal liver cancer and she has not much time left. Doc estimated that she has not more than 2 years remaining. Initially, it was a hard fact to swallow, but eventually I've come to accept this fact.
I gave up my day job to look after my mum who constantly needs medical attention/checkups/chemotherapy. Thus, unemployed at this point of time. But thinking of finding any suitable job in the hotel trade I can work during the night as my dad and sis will be home by then to look after my mum. I need financial independance.
Recently, we hired a maid to take care of domestic chores. Sadly, 2 months after she came onboard, she ran away from home and stayed in the Philippines Embassy halfway house. My family decided not to hire another maid as it just seem we have no 'fate' with them, cos prior to this runaway maid, we had another one who just could not learn how to do chores properly. Btw, we did not abuse any of them in any way. They probably could not adapt to the lifestyle here.
To make matters worse, my dad has changed lots over the years. Instead of the caring husband and father we used to have, he's now a tyrant who has another woman outside. My mum is really heartbroken and I can only console her, lend her my ears. To be fair, my dad still take care of my mum by ferrying her to and from the hospital. But I really hate him for having another woman, especially when my mum is in this state of health.
I know for sure, when my mum's time is up, I will not stay with him for we cant really get along at times.
People ask me what my desired career path is. I know its the 3D animation and visual effects. Sadly, there isnt a good specialised degree I can pick up here. So, I've decided to look for a school overseas, either in States or U.K to obtain that degree. But I think this wont materialise till I save enough money.
As much as I'd like to remain optimistic about things, I realised I am human after all. Sometimes, I really hope for someone to be there for me to listen and just give me a great big hug. There was one point my energy seemed to wane terribly. But I figured that there's always a silver lining in the clouds, light at the end of the tunnel, gold at the other end of the rainbow.
I'm single and never got attached so probably I dunno how it feels to be someone's champion. But hopefully, when all these problems I have now are solved and when I get my career ontrack, God will let me meet the love of my life.
Well, just sharing my thoughts and feelings. Least I know you all are listening
-
Cheer up. At least life can't get any worse than this.
-
hey.. keep at it...
be strong for your dear mom.. and may she be strong too...
hey.. hopefully the surge in interest after singapore signed the FTA with south korea will have stuff which shows the way to your desired path... as south korea does these things well... and there's a market there for what you would like to do...
it can't rain all the time...
be well
-
Dun worry! What could get worse? Look on the brighter side of life!
-
Always look on the bright side of life~
Always look on the bright side of life~
Always look on the bright side of life~
Always look on the bright side of life~
Always look on the bright side of life~
Always look on the bright side of life~ -
Agree with ya matey. I know one thing's for sure. I am gonna walk out a stronger person !Originally posted by bratpig:Cheer up. At least life can't get any worse than this.
-
You're a brave man Alleycat.
Not many people could have taken the route you take.
And definately not many people i know could still stay optimistic.
I saw your reference to God at the end.
Are you a christian? If you are, then you should have a church,
And they would pray for you. Your cell members will also guide you through this event in your life.
Take heart, you've done well so far, and you'll be a very strong person when this finally ends... -
i'm sure you will. keep us update on any good news. we'll pray for u and your motherOriginally posted by Alleycat:Agree with ya matey. I know one thing's for sure. I am gonna walk out a stronger person ! -
Be strong....
I went through something like that too two years back.....my mum got diagnosed with breast cancer and I have two little siblings (they were four that time), the family couldnt cope so I quit my job and left singapore to go back to take care of her...it was a very tough decision giving up everything that is yours and losing your financial security....times were tough for everyone but things have slowly become better... I havent exactly found the silver lining yet but I can tell you things do get better with time.....
do take care....be strong...and we're all here to support you... -
I am not a Christian but am slowly getting acquainted with God by intending to go church. Honestly, I found more peace this way.Originally posted by _Aaron_:You're a brave man Alleycat.
Not many people could have taken the route you take.
And definately not many people i know could still stay optimistic.
I saw your reference to God at the end.
Are you a christian? If you are, then you should have a church,
And they would pray for you. Your cell members will also guide you through this event in your life.
Take heart, you've done well so far, and you'll be a very strong person when this finally ends... -
Thanks so much all for listening.. I knew I made the right choice to voice out my problems. And also, I hope other readers who are facing some crisis at any point of their lives to hang in there and NEVER give up hope.Originally posted by care bear:Be strong....
I went through something like that too two years back.....my mum got diagnosed with breast cancer and I have two little siblings (they were four that time), the family couldnt cope so I quit my job and left singapore to go back to take care of her...it was a very tough decision giving up everything that is yours and losing your financial security....times were tough for everyone but things have slowly become better... I havent exactly found the silver lining yet but I can tell you things do get better with time.....
do take care....be strong...and we're all here to support you... -
Always look on the bright side of life
i feel sorry for you wish u all the best -
hey alleycat.. be strong , your mum will be happy to know that you are a strong boy.. everythings will be alright.. we will pray for you and your mum
-
really admire ur strong character. dun think everyone of us here can be as strong as u .
but u gotta bear in mind that u have to live through all these.
you've made through halfway yourself,
and we'll see you through the other half of the difficult journey =) tk care!
SgForums is always with you!
-
The key word is 'compare'.Yes,human beings are satisfied easily when comparing.
Compared to those poor africa children who are dying of food and water,u are so much fortunate.
Compared to those poor Iraqi children who does not even have parents when they are born out,u are so much better.
Just keep in mind these and go all the way.U can do it and i await your anime video with great eagerness.
-
Think all the MLM guys will start sending him pm about how he can improve about his life. send me a pm and let me see whether I can help.
-
Be strong. Your mum and sis needs you.
It's good that you are still a bit hopeful.
All the best to you. -
Hey, take care.
Jus to let u know...my grandma-in-law was diagnosed with liver cancer just after her 80th birthday during May 2004. She was in her final stage and guess she was lucky, she didn't suffer any pain at all except for high fever. Unfortunately, we lost her pretty fast. Doc gave her 6 mths max....but she died in July, just before my mother-in-law's birthday.
Take good care....and don't ever give up hope. You can still make it..if u hope. -
*hugs*Originally posted by Alleycat:Hello guys.
Its my first post here. Been reading the forums for a long time and so I thought I'd voice out the issues that are going on in my life at this moment.
I'm almost 26 years old, male. Currently, my mum is struck with terminal liver cancer and she has not much time left. Doc estimated that she has not more than 2 years remaining. Initially, it was a hard fact to swallow, but eventually I've come to accept this fact.
I gave up my day job to look after my mum who constantly needs medical attention/checkups/chemotherapy. Thus, unemployed at this point of time. But thinking of finding any suitable job in the hotel trade I can work during the night as my dad and sis will be home by then to look after my mum. I need financial independance.
Recently, we hired a maid to take care of domestic chores. Sadly, 2 months after she came onboard, she ran away from home and stayed in the Philippines Embassy halfway house. My family decided not to hire another maid as it just seem we have no 'fate' with them, cos prior to this runaway maid, we had another one who just could not learn how to do chores properly. Btw, we did not abuse any of them in any way. They probably could not adapt to the lifestyle here.
To make matters worse, my dad has changed lots over the years. Instead of the caring husband and father we used to have, he's now a tyrant who has another woman outside. My mum is really heartbroken and I can only console her, lend her my ears. To be fair, my dad still take care of my mum by ferrying her to and from the hospital. But I really hate him for having another woman, especially when my mum is in this state of health.
I know for sure, when my mum's time is up, I will not stay with him for we cant really get along at times.
People ask me what my desired career path is. I know its the 3D animation and visual effects. Sadly, there isnt a good specialised degree I can pick up here. So, I've decided to look for a school overseas, either in States or U.K to obtain that degree. But I think this wont materialise till I save enough money.
As much as I'd like to remain optimistic about things, I realised I am human after all. Sometimes, I really hope for someone to be there for me to listen and just give me a great big hug. There was one point my energy seemed to wane terribly. But I figured that there's always a silver lining in the clouds, light at the end of the tunnel, gold at the other end of the rainbow.
I'm single and never got attached so probably I dunno how it feels to be someone's champion. But hopefully, when all these problems I have now are solved and when I get my career ontrack, God will let me meet the love of my life.
Well, just sharing my thoughts and feelings. Least I know you all are listening
hi Alleycat, sorry to hear you are having such a bad time. dont feel bad all the time k? and concentrate on your goal in life.
good luck -
same here am not a Christian or watever bt all i knw tt there's only one God up there, we all pray for you and for her, always look on the bright side of life..Originally posted by Alleycat:I am not a Christian but am slowly getting acquainted with God by intending to go church. Honestly, I found more peace this way. -
cheer up dude.....sorry not much help here
-
Hello. I've read your post and right now, I just want to let you know that you are a champion. It's not easy for someone in your case who needs to look after your mom who's terribly ill and striving to be financially independent at the same time. Despite all these, you remain optimistic and persistent. I wish I could be there with you now to give you a hug and also, share your sentiments, because, I totally understand how you feel.Originally posted by Alleycat:Hello guys.
Its my first post here. Been reading the forums for a long time and so I thought I'd voice out the issues that are going on in my life at this moment.
I'm almost 26 years old, male. Currently, my mum is struck with terminal liver cancer and she has not much time left. Doc estimated that she has not more than 2 years remaining. Initially, it was a hard fact to swallow, but eventually I've come to accept this fact.
I gave up my day job to look after my mum who constantly needs medical attention/checkups/chemotherapy. Thus, unemployed at this point of time. But thinking of finding any suitable job in the hotel trade I can work during the night as my dad and sis will be home by then to look after my mum. I need financial independance.
Recently, we hired a maid to take care of domestic chores. Sadly, 2 months after she came onboard, she ran away from home and stayed in the Philippines Embassy halfway house. My family decided not to hire another maid as it just seem we have no 'fate' with them, cos prior to this runaway maid, we had another one who just could not learn how to do chores properly. Btw, we did not abuse any of them in any way. They probably could not adapt to the lifestyle here.
To make matters worse, my dad has changed lots over the years. Instead of the caring husband and father we used to have, he's now a tyrant who has another woman outside. My mum is really heartbroken and I can only console her, lend her my ears. To be fair, my dad still take care of my mum by ferrying her to and from the hospital. But I really hate him for having another woman, especially when my mum is in this state of health.
I know for sure, when my mum's time is up, I will not stay with him for we cant really get along at times.
People ask me what my desired career path is. I know its the 3D animation and visual effects. Sadly, there isnt a good specialised degree I can pick up here. So, I've decided to look for a school overseas, either in States or U.K to obtain that degree. But I think this wont materialise till I save enough money.
As much as I'd like to remain optimistic about things, I realised I am human after all. Sometimes, I really hope for someone to be there for me to listen and just give me a great big hug. There was one point my energy seemed to wane terribly. But I figured that there's always a silver lining in the clouds, light at the end of the tunnel, gold at the other end of the rainbow.
I'm single and never got attached so probably I dunno how it feels to be someone's champion. But hopefully, when all these problems I have now are solved and when I get my career ontrack, God will let me meet the love of my life.
Well, just sharing my thoughts and feelings. Least I know you all are listening
Ask you something. What does a terminally ill patient needs most?
Yes. Love. What I suggest is, that you continue to look after your mom. No matter what, do all you can to shower all your love on her. She may be heartbroken that your dad has another woman, nevertheless, the most important thing that she needs at this period of time, is your love and care. She needs you. So, you have to be strong.
Chemotherapy is a very painful process one has to go through. You must understand. A chemotherapy patient will suffer pains everywhere each after the treatments. To them, whatever that bothers them externally is no longer so important. What they really need is their love ones' support, time, energy, care and most preciously, love.
I am very proud of you for choosing to be strong especially at this period of time when your mom needs you most. Continue to be optimistic and never cease to pray for your mom's health. Although I'm just an online personnel, you'll have my support.
And one more thing, you don't have to worry. After all these, God will promise you a love of your life. You are loving, caring, and sensible.
I'll be praying for you.
yours sincerely,
S.H.I.N. -
yup, Alleycat u are indeed a strong person.... feel free to update us on ur situation or jus to release ur burden
take care -
I have to applause you for your courage and determination...
Do not fret coz you got us here. Release your sorrows here and all of us would be most willing to listen to you... So sorry that we couldn't help much other than that...
Always remember this, "Tough time don't last, tough men does." -
I am so touched to have received a really enormous amount of support online !
Thank you so much people !
Though I am going through a really tough time now, but seeing the generous amount of well wishes lifts my spirit.
Frankly, when I was still holding on to my day job, it was a battle of different persona within me. Imagine going to the toilet to cry my heart out almost everyday for 10 minutes when I knew of my mum's illness. Perhaps its redundant for me to squeeze all my tears out, but it really helps. Especially when I am in a work field where I have to deal with clients. I cannot let emotions block my 'pleasant personality' which I have to show my clients. Indeed, ignoring all those culture where people say 'men dont cry', crying really does help.
As such, I have no more tears left, but I am still feeling slightly depressed. And I know that I need to find ways and means to overcome this. Ironically, I used to study Social Psychology as part of my diploma module. So what I am experiencing now is somewhat of a 'live experiment' if u will.. haha. Thus, I am exercising, sweating out in gyms and at home, trying to help around in housework, talking to my mum and sis.
Now, my mum wants me to go find a day job I'd love to do. But I am torn between heeding her request and staying home to look after her. Especially right now when the maid has fled. Anyway, I have applied for some full-time jobs, as I felt no harm going for interview and see how things go.
As for the maid issue, the agent has met up with her at the Embassy. Currently there is a minor dispute as who should fork out the cash to pay for her air ticket home. Agent was saying we should pay, but my argument is that we paid him 4 months advance in fees and she has only served 2 months, so he should be the one paying. Should the agent refuse to give in, I'll be most willing to bring him to small claims court.
Will update u all soon..