I love you before I met u
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I always wonder how could anyone love a person without even meeting the party?
And the most ridiculous thing is when he likes a gal in the virtual world....he actually found a gal later whom is almost a dream gal to him but he is giving her up becos his love for the "virtual gal" has no place for the gal in real life...
Do u think it is logical? I mean...this guy is even willing to give up eveything in Sg just to be with this virtual gal...and with all career oportunities even to a promotion to a managerial post does not seems to touch him a single bit to make him stay in SG...Is he nuts or what?
He says,"In life there are a lot uncertainties, if u dun try..there will be regrets...I dun want to regret becos I have not try....."..and he did not want to have regrets in his life...
Can anyone tell me what is this??I can't seems to find the rationale behind this...!And I dun think I can understand...
But I got some quotes of life and love from him...
"Do u have to meet someone to experience love and happiness?"
"How can u love another person if ur heart for love has been filled?"
"It doesn't matter how the gal beside me how perfect is she...if she is not the one I love"
"Regret is the psydo name for poison and there is no antidote for it once it is activated...u will suffer the effects of it for the rest of ur life"
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Writing is a weapon that is more powerful than a man's fist.
[This message has been edited by Rinoa Heartilly (edited 21 March 2000).] -
haha, sometimes you regret more after trying it.
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Rinoa,
I seem to recall that you've mentioned this before. Isn't the virtual girl ... *da dum* ... you???
fess-up.
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It doesn't mean that love always has to obey Mariah Carey ... MayaJ -
Barclays
Yah and that is my very first thread and it is the same guy..the only twist is that he has actually found someone in Sg whom likes him and is the gal for him...but becos of his 'love' for me..he feels he can' accept this gal to be the one for him...
Gosh.. what has the world come to??
Little Man
U can tell him about that...and he seems so sure that he knows what he is doing after all my hints and persuasion not to come and give up everything he has in Sg...though he is used to move round the world but still he has all his frens and career in SG...Maybe u guys can tell me what this guy is thinking...
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Writing is a weapon that is more powerful than a man's fist.
[This message has been edited by Rinoa Heartilly (edited 21 March 2000).] -
WEll, If few years back i might done such a thing to a gal i have never seen b4..Giving up everything...But not after seeing life much more clearer and knowing what you want in life...i think otherwise....
WEll, the reason why he wanna give up everything might be becoz...
1 ) He already got the money and don't have to worry abt living expenses in life... Not like most of the pples out there working to support family ..We got more more problem to worry abt rather than love problem. If we can't even feed ourselves where the hell we got the time to thing abt love thingy
2 ) Status is not important if u already got the money. Rite?
3 ) There;s alredy nothing much for him to look forward to other than LOVE. He might be without goal in life..Nothing for him to pursuit in life. Life to him is just like passing each day. The lost of motivation to fight on. Even if he really has a goal...he need someone to fulfil with him. maybe the gal he never meet b4....hmm..
4 ) WEll abt the dream gal thingy..maybe the one is not really his dream gal. Or maybe someone who is too perfect to him. (since u say his dreamgal). It might instead scare him off. There's such a possibility.
5 ) I agreed with him abt the thing u never try and u might regret. I think tht;s nothing wrong with such thinking. Someone did ask me b4..."since u will regret if u do something after tht, why don't u don't do it in the first place"....i replied telling her tht" I knoe i will regret after doing it, but if i don't do it i will regret even more". In life, thing u need to do u will know u JUST GOT TO DO it.. Maybe tht's god message to some pples..Who knoes ?
6 ) Well, i think love is really a too big a word to use. Like is a more approciate one. Not really possible for me to love someone easily unless we went thru thick and thin. But i do admit tht u can like someone who u didn't meet b4..tht's possible.
Well, in conclusion, i think tht this person must be well to do..nothing to really worry abt in life...one who takes thing rather easily to a certain extend...
hmm..one thing making me wondering..
Wht will he do if one day the person he loves leave him and nothing much came out of it...
Or if he is without his wealth, will he still do it? I really doubt so...u?
[This message has been edited by patie (edited 21 March 2000).] -
Patie
Answers to ur question..
Yes..I have told him that what if we meet and nothing comes out of it...and he said .."The intention to come is just to see U...what happen later it does not matter...and I have made up my mind.."(Hmm what can I say?)
And to the question if he would still come without the finances..I think the answer is no...like I have always say according to Maslow hierachy of needs...self actualization is the last stage of the needs in the hierachy but he puts extreme strong emphasis on security,love and safety..
But think about it...with a Master degree in one of the best unis in US..(industrial egrg in Purdue University ...rated best in the US in industrial Egrg)...he can easily find a job almost everywhere...and yes...he might be maybe 'rich'..but he need not find 'love'...in such a foreign land and venture into the unknown....
That is something I dun understand...cos majority of the ppl won't do that....cos I know I won't -
Rinoa,
you may like to be careful with this man .... think he a bit extreme ...
What if things really dun turn out the way he wanted after both of you met ? Does it really doesn't matter to him ? His persistence may be fed by his sacrifices more than the love he has for you. Such a relationship will not last and will usually has an ugly ending.
There is this saying by a Taiwanese writer, Zhang Siao Xian :
ren(2) yao(4) de(2) dao(4) mou(2) zhong(3) dong(1) xi(1) shi(2)
shen(3) me(4) dou(1) bu(4) jie(4) yi(4)
dan(4) shi(4) de(2) dao(4) zhi(1) hou(4)
shen(3) me(4) dou(1) you(2) dian(3) jie(4) yi(4)
which means:
When you wanted something, nothing really matters
Once you have it, everything matters (as in everything about that person bothers you) -
Rinoa:
well sometimes pple can be very funny indeed..pple always feel that things that they can't achieve is always the best, pple want to challenge for those impossible things, when they achieve that they feel very satisfied...
the reason why he wanted to give up everything for a virtually unknown of u is because he can explore lotsa unknown things about u, u must make him feel that u're a mistery!!!!! just like some pple wanted to give up a stable job and be a technoprenuer -
rinoa xl : let him come lah...u can;t stop him anyway. Something gotta happen just let it happen... AS i always liek to say....shui yuan ba...
"xing1 xing1 ying2 ying2 fo2 dong4,,,di4 ping2 xian4 ran4 wo3 huan1 huan1 tui1 song4......" -
hi Rinoa:
I just find that its kinda impeteous(spelling??) for this guy to make such a decision.I think he spends more time with you then his dream girl. so it might happen this way.. happens to one of my frens though..thats why I know.. in my friend's case, most of us talk to him and he finally went back to his gf.
anyway, love really make wonders..
cheerz
FNU
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Yesterday is history
Tomorrow will be a mystery -
To all
What if he already told u that he does not expect anything back?In fact, he has even told me that he knew that there may be no conclusion to his coming...but he is still adamant to come..no matter what...
Little Man
First thing first...U say that he is an extremist which I understand..but I want to know why he would want to risk to do all that...? As u can say since he might have known that the conclusion might be a no...why would he risk it..since there is a real available gal beside him..and moreover, she is nice to him, smart, capable and prety..what a guy could further ask more...but his quotes get me dumb founded.."No matter how perfect the gal is next to me...she is not the one I love"
oh .what more can I say?...Love is indeed a Karma...at least for me...and love is self-manifestation of one true self for him
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Writing is a weapon that is more powerful than a man's fist. -
hi Rinoa..i dunno about this guy..but I am afraid his love for you is too deep and if you allow him to come and meet and if you happen not to like him, I am afraid he MAY turn into a psycho and stalk you and mabbe it will affect your studies...Originally posted by Rinoa Heartilly:To all
What if he already told u that he does not expect anything back?In fact, he has even told me that he knew that there may be no conclusion to his coming...but he is still adamant to come..no matter what...
best if dun tell him your address there and your phone number...
think twice...
cheerz FNU
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Yesterday is history
Tomorrow will be a mystery -
Sometimes, things or people that you know little about or no longer have the chance to know more about can have much more attraction than anything else.
Sounds like what he has fallen for is an online personality, which as most will know, very different from real life. Threads have been posted about this, and I'm certain many would have experienced that before.
Perhaps you could tell him your point of view. He said he wanted to pursue this course of action even though he knows nothing will come out of it. Since you can't appeal to his logic, appeal to his guilt then. Be truthful to him (if it is your case,) how difficult it is for you if he did that. Whatever that he wants to do is just part of the picture. He is forgetting, and quite audaciously if I may say so, about the predicament he is putting you in. -
There are 2 possibilities :Originally posted by Rinoa Heartilly:First thing first...U say that he is an extremist which I understand..but I want to know why he would want to risk to do all that...? As u can say since he might have known that the conclusion might be a no...why would he risk it..since there is a real available gal beside him..and moreover, she is nice to him, smart, capable and prety..what a guy could further ask more...but his quotes get me dumb founded.."No matter how perfect the gal is next to me...she is not the one I love"
a. That "perfect" girl beside him does not
really exist. It was a lie told to make
you think that he really loves you. Of
course, this is an unfair allegation.
But if he is an extremist, i dun see any
reasons why he won't do that.
b. That girl exists but he really has no
feelings for her. Well, this is very
normal in everyday life. I see so many
perfect wives around me but we just dun
"click". Too bad. If this is the case,
then it is no big deal for him to "give
up" on this girl cos even if you dun
exist, he will not give this girl a
chance.
Why he wanna risk ? There may be a few reasons :
a. His life has been dull hence he is
looking for something exciting,
something crazy, something even he
himself can't believe he'll do.
b. He is sick of his way of life and wanted
a change, he hopes that you are the
change in his life (and this can be
dangerous for you)
c. There are no big risks involved. If
things dun turn out the way he wanted,
he has a back up plan. With his
qualification, he can easily find a job,
so no risk here. Forgoing everything in
Singapore ? Maybe those things are not
important to him. That "perfect" girl ?
Maybe she'll wait for him ? Maybe she
does not exist at all ? Maybe he won't
except her even if you dun exist ?
d. He is truly, madly in love with you. But
i dunno how cos i dun really believe in
"virtual love". You must have an OVERALL
feeling for a person in order to love
her/him. His looks/gestures/voice/way he
speaks etc etc are all important cos
they give you an OVERALL feeling of this
person. But of cos there are cases where
things do work out.
My opinion is, if you really think that things will work out well, give him a chance, if not, end the relationship before things get out of hand. By allowing him to visit you, you are already giving him hope. And if this hope bubble burst in the end, will he just face the reality and return home ? Or will he resort to extreme methods to "win your heart" ?
Whether he should see you or not, i think should be a mutual decision and not a single sided one. If you think that both of you should not meet, then by all means reject him.
If i am a girl, i will feel afraid of him. Cos his feelings are "too strong". It may be romantic though, but i really dunno wat he is capable of doing if things dun turn out the way he wishes.
>>As u can say since he might have known that the conclusion might be a no...why would he risk it..
Like what i had said in my previous post, NOTHING MATTERS when you are trying to get something, especially for man. We are more goal driven. We just wanted to "win", sometimes, at all costs. -
Little Man
He is a Canadian PR and he plan to live there and find a job here in Canada...as much as one might think he is crazy...fret not..I have asked my sis to see him and talk to him...and I have been communicating with him for half a year...and he has even agreed to come even before he knew how I look like...U know I hope he is really lying so I feel better....but...after knowing him for 6 months and according to my sis..he is really an extremely nice person.."Others before self" seems to be his motto in life...
I am as skeptical as u do....but there is nothing I can do now...or is there?
[This message has been edited by Rinoa Heartilly (edited 21 March 2000).] -
Rinoa,
6 months is not long. Yes, your sister may have met him and think that he is a very nice person. But we all know we can't judge a person by just "meeting up with him". I believe you are old enough to know that right ? (I dun know your age)
Another thing is, what is the reasons for him to visit you ? To start a relatonship ? A friendly visit ? Or wat ? I think you have to make things clear to him. If it is just a friendly visit, then i think it is ok. If he expects an answer from you during that visit, then a bit difficult lah.
The frenship can advance from a "virtual frenship" to a "reality frenship" but i personally think u should not jump into a BGR.
I know i have been very discouraging here, but i just hope that u will be careful, he may be a nice person, but when a person gets too emotional, he losses control of himself and disasters may result. -
Rinoa,
Is this guy in Cananda or in Singapore? If he is over here, then just tell him to wait for you to come back then meet up with u. Who knows, maybe things may have subside a bit on his side.
On the other hand, if he is in Cananda, my geography is bad, can u meet him halfway...instead of u meeting him at ur place. There u will be obligated to be with him as you would think that he had travelled far and all that.
I don't really think a rational person, or sensible practical person would do what he is doing. No offense. But giving up something that is perfect in ur own eyes and going for something that is unknown? I don't think I will ever do that....but that is me.... -
Little Man
Well..he already said he din not even expect anything from me...and that is why there is nothing I can say to prevent him from coming...and..he just want to come and see me as a fren..and becos I dunno him well..that is why I am so skeptical...
As u can see most ppl would not even risk to such an extent..so I was wondering why he is doing that...?
Guy25
Well he is in SG..and he is flying to Canada in June...I know it sounds very dramtical but I dunno why among all ppl this has to happen to me....I am never worried about anything in life...but the fear of hurting someone is my greatest enemy.
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Writing is a weapon that is more powerful than a man's fist. -
Rinoa..Angel of the Morning..now Goddess of Love.
How could any man resist you. You can't totally blamed that guy..afterall..you are one hell of a LOVE magnet. He just came too close to you, that you subconciously pulled him closer and closer to you. Hahaha...no pun intends here.
)
Honestly, I tot you are being train to diffuse situation like this? It's easy to convince others ...but difficult when it happened to yourself. Treat him as if he is your first patient lor...a case for your studies. Maybe a topic for your Final Year's thesis.
Wow! I'm getting too close to you . I'm feeling the sweet vibrations in you now. Gotta go ..less I become one like him.
*There's no strings to binds your hands..when my love can't binds your Heart. And there is no need to take a Stand..for it was I who chose to start.* -
Hi rinoa,
i think u should just let him come. i'm sure he had thought of what he's might be losing b4 making that decision rite? to me, he doesn't seem to be risking much by going over to look for u...worse come to worse, he can just return to singapore, find another job, look for another girl.
of coz, this is provided that u think u like him as well and wants to give both of u a chance. why not give urself a chance?? -
Tommy
Thanks for ur comments...but do I know u?*ahem*
Sparkle
The problem is he is quitting his job and come here to live and find a job here....and I din say I like but I din say I dislike him cos I treat him like a fren..a very good fren...
I have lost frenships becos of stuffs like these and I dun want to go thru the trauma ever again...
I mean..most ppl can never understand that rejection to me seems so hard..and I have done it so many times and I still dun get the gist of it...I tried to do it subtly and they dun catch the hint...when I am being too harsh...I lose the frenship..so tell me what I should do?
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Writing is a weapon that is more powerful than a man's fist. -
He said he did not expect anything from you .... but like what i had said in my 2 previous posts, SOMETIMES when we are after something, NOTHING really matters. He can say he doesn't mind this and doesn't mind that blah blah blah, but is that realy true ? He may be too emotional here.Originally posted by Rinoa Heartilly:Well..he already said he din not even expect anything from me...and that is why there is nothing I can say to prevent him from coming...and..he just want to come and see me as a fren..and becos I dunno him well..that is why I am so skeptical...
Well, if you really dun wish him to come, you can always say that you are not ready to meet him yet. If he loves you, he'll respect that.
Just wondering, does he has your address ?? -
Rinoa,
just to share something with you ... this happened to a close fren of mine recently.
This fren of mine was after a ger in singapore, he is in UK. Initially, he wanted to get a driving license in UK (cos it is easier) but later he decided to fly back to singapore to celebrate this ger's 21st birthday, cos of love.
This ger's bd happened to be near the Millennium hence the airfare was ridiculously ex but he insisted. And becos of that he had to give up his driving license.
Dat ger asked him not to come back cos too ex but he insisted and said that he *did not expect anything in return*. So he went back.
He was in singapore for a week.
When he returned from singapore, he told me that week was terrible. That ger was late for his appointment, though only 10 minutes late but he felt so unwanted cos he flew 10+ hours to meet her, and she did not even bother to be on time.
Moreover, that ger's family wanted to celebrate her birthday for her at a restaurant. So this guy had to celebrate with her on some other day. He again felt very sad cos of that, cos he had FLEW ALL THE WAY BACK to celebrate her birthday and yet this ger did not reserve the actual day for him.
Note : he once said he *did not expect anything from her* Sometimes, things which we assumed that will happen are already our expectations. My fren assumed that she would be on time, assumed that she would reserve the actual day for him blah blah blah, these were aredi his expectations. And yet he said he *did not expect anything*
Now, that ger is attached to another guy in Singapore. This fren told me how he had regretted spending so much money and effort on this ger. He could have gotten his driving license and spend more time with his family instead of with that ger when he was in singapore for that 1 week.
Got my point ? This fren of mine merely sacrificed his driving license which he can by all means get when he returns to singapore but yet ... he was so regretful.
Does your canadian fren has any experience in relationship ? as in any ex gf ? how old is he ? -
Little Man
He have my add cos we communicate thru letter too...sorta penpal too...but I am moving soon..in June before I come back for hols...and he is coming in June....so I will only meet him for a few days before I come back to SG,,,
U know now...I will just wait to see him..and see what I will do then..I have
frens in Van..so it should not be a problem...
And I just hate to hurt anyone again..I know I will but I hate it so much,,,to do it again...
I wonder if I will get my retribution one day by having me to like a guy and got rejected horribly
He is 26..Indo chinese...and he has got a gf before...and an engineer in SG
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Writing is a weapon that is more powerful than a man's fist.
[This message has been edited by Rinoa Heartilly (edited 21 March 2000).] -
Rinoa,
All the best to you then !!
Who knows, maybe he is indeed the right one for you ?
Just be careful, it may be a good idea to ask a fren along when you are meeting up with him (but dun ask someone who is prettier than u to go with you ! hehe)
About the rejection thingy .... er .... i was rejected a couple of times actually, most guys will experience that (or was it just me ?!!??). And I do appreciate gers who will reject me early, before i get too emotionally attached to her.
Anybody will feel hurt after being rejected even if it is by someone you don't really like ! It's a matter of pride.
A good way of rejecting someone is to sit down and analyse your character and his character rationally and logically and prove to him that both of you are not compatible. Dun malu him, dun make him feel that he is useless and unwanted. Dun say you dun deserve him blah blah blah too, it just doesn't work. And dun ever say that he is a great guy.
Good luck !